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Krystal: Difference between revisions
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'''StarFox Command'''<br> | '''StarFox Command'''<br> | ||
The lulz begin when Fox kicks Krystal out of StarFox because he, Slippy, and Falco went all [[homosexual]] on each other so she decides to join StarWolf but they're even more faggoty than StarFox so she goes through this crappy [[emo]] phase and probably [[ | The lulz begin when Fox kicks Krystal out of StarFox because he, Slippy, and Falco went all [[homosexual]] on each other so she decides to join StarWolf but they're even more faggoty than StarFox so she goes through this crappy [[emo]] phase and probably [[Elliot Rodger|seeks retribution]] before killing herself. That's one potential ending though, but that leads on to the next point of that game sucking ass because they tried and failed to implement a multi-ending shit that's different for every decision you make. (As learned from [[Undertale]] this shit never works out) Depending on which ending you get, Krystal becomes one of several things... | ||
*A slut. | *A slut. | ||
*A slut. | *A slut. | ||
Revision as of 06:53, 18 September 2018
Krystal could refer to:
- The character on the game Starfox.
- A very popular meme, again of the game Starfox.
- Furries in general.
- A popular fast food chain in The South.
- A retarded name for someone IRL
- A mispronunciation of "Crystal" by retards
The Beginning Of the End
After succeeding with the redundant rehash of the original Starfox on SNES, Starfox 64, Nintendo decided that their bonerfest shoot 'em up fox needed a complete makeover, as well as a new style that would appeal to more Zelda nerds than ever before.
Their result...Starfox Adventures, a game that was marginally fun, albeit reeking of Zelda rip-off, like a fat-ass fucktard white dude posing as a sumo wrestler with shit seeping from his diaper. Giving Fox, the main character, the ability to use a magical staff while jacking off all over mutated dinosaurs wasn't enough for the great Rare. No, not at all. Little did Furries know that they would have something quite new to fap to besides besides the horrid art of MicahFennec. Possibly due to rumors of Fox being homosexual, Rare decided to throw in a rather scantily clad blue vixen named Krystal, who was obviously Nintendo's answer to Playstation's Aya Brea, another hot vidyagame female.
Apparently, due to scientific research involving past furry game creatures, Rare decided to make Krystal a pseudo-nonplayable character, the brief time spent with her lasting about the first fifteen minutes of the game. This was most likely due to the fact that parents were getting rather frustrated with having to take their children to psychiatric wards and hospitals (due to beatings from fag-fearing parents who occasionally secretly molested their childrens' hamsters) to alleviate the effects of past "supposedly harmless" characters and situations such as Donald Duck in a g-string. Not even the Great Mighty Poo foresaw what an underground sex symbol the blue vixen would become, ultimately leading to gamerfags locking themselves in their basements and worrying their parents when they noticed that their children were neglecting their Pikachus with the holes ripped in the ass.
Needless to say, furries and non-furries everywhere embraced this vixen with both heartfelt and not so heartfelt welcomes, such as an incident at a local Ft. Wayne, IN community college in which a kid's penis was proclaimed to be in critical condition and subsequently dead after a transvestite janitor found him locked in a bathroom stall with a shorted-out laptop. The incident incited a local plea to internet fags and the like to spread cheap artwork of the vixen over Google and such sites in hopes of defaming and utterly destroying the game's reputation. The ongoing horror of rule 34, sites such as Foxxfire, and Rosie O Donnell's panties only served to make the venture a rather arduous and pointless jaunt.
To date, a moderate percentage of furries, women over 78 with crusty vaginas, and 40,000 llamas have been lost to the whore....
In 2002, the readers of Nintendo Power voted Krystal as the most hawt Nintendo girl from 2002, proving once again that all Nintendo fans are ten year old aspies and/or furfags.
Krystal in the Games
StarFox Adventures
The game that was the beginning of the end for StarFox. Krystal is introduced as a blue, scantily clad, native speaking a fucktarded language. After finding her trapped in a crystal, Fox realized it was his only chance for some China, and began a love quest that somehow ended up being longer and more boring then your own (except Fox actually succeeds in the end).
StarFox Ass-ault
Krystal joins the StarFox team and helps them pwn space bugs with her psychic powers, or some shit.
StarFox Command
The lulz begin when Fox kicks Krystal out of StarFox because he, Slippy, and Falco went all homosexual on each other so she decides to join StarWolf but they're even more faggoty than StarFox so she goes through this crappy emo phase and probably seeks retribution before killing herself. That's one potential ending though, but that leads on to the next point of that game sucking ass because they tried and failed to implement a multi-ending shit that's different for every decision you make. (As learned from Undertale this shit never works out) Depending on which ending you get, Krystal becomes one of several things...
- A slut.
- A slut.
- A slut.
- Probably dead? Nobody honestly cares.
WHERE THE FUCK IS IT
You probably came to this page hoping to see someone post a nude drawing of Krystal like every other fag who visits this site. April Fools, jackass. Why don't you try our Partner? Maybe they can control the needs of a fat furry.
See Also
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Krystal is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |