User:FishHead/The Buttranger

The Buttranger

Ranger of butts.

Quotes attributable to The Buttranger

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

-The Buttranger

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"Those who sacrifice freedom for safety deserve neither."

-The Buttranger

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"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

-The Buttranger

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"All that it takes for evil to prevail is for good to do nothing."

-The Buttranger

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"I too have been a close observer of the doings of the meido. I have had men watching you for a long time, and am convinced that you have used the threads of the board to speculate in the breadstuffs of /jp/. When you won, you divided the touhous amongst you, and when you lost, you charged it to the board. You tell me that if I take the autism from the board and annul its charter I shall ruin ten thousand NEETs. That may be true, gentlemen, but that is your sin! Should I let you go on, you will ruin fifty thousand NEETs, and that would be my sin! You are a den of megukas and thieves. I have determined to rout you out and, by the Eternal Homu, (bringing his fist down on the table) I will rout you out!"

-The Buttranger

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"Summer is coming."

-The Buttranger

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“Prostitution, adultery, necrophilia, bestiality, possession of child pornography, and even incest and pedophilia [...] All of these acts should be legal as long as no one is coerced. They are illegal only because of prejudice and narrowmindedness.

Some rules might be called for when these acts directly affect other people's interests. For incest, contraception could be mandatory to avoid risk of inbreeding. For prostitution, a license should be required to ensure prostitutes get regular medical check-ups, and they should have training and support in insisting on use of condoms. This will be an advance in public health, compared with the situation today. For necrophilia, it might be necessary to ask the next of kin for permission if the decedent's will did not authorize it. Necrophilia would be my second choice for what should be done with my corpse, the first being scientific or medical use. Once my dead body is no longer of any use to me, it may as well be of some use to someone. Besides, I often enjoy rhinophytonecrophilia (nasal sex with dead plants).

I am also skeptical of the claim that voluntarily pedophilia harms children. The arguments that it causes harm seem to be based on cases which aren't voluntary, which are then stretched by parents who are horrified by the idea that their little baby is maturing. I've read that male dolphins try to have sex with humans, and female apes sollicit sex from humans. What is wrong with giving them what they want, if that's what turns you on, or even just to gratify them?"

-The Buttranger

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"Well, Miss Meido, under other circumstances I like to think we might have been able to work together in an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect. Certainly, judging from your brief tenure at /jp/ while I was its shitposter, you showed every promise of becoming a valuable and productive contributor to the board. And yet—I'm not sure what spurred you to it—but there is really no place in this enterprise for a rogue janitor.

Your mentors are partly to blame, of course. My disappointment in moot and the tripfag circlejerk is far greater than my sorrow over your unfortunate choice of career path. In a way, I suppose you could not have done otherwise. Who knows what seeds of iconoclasm they planted when you were young and gullible. But while they certainly share a great part of the responsibility for the recent troubles, it is you alone who have chosen to act with such willful disregard for /jp/'s future.

Tell me, Miss Meido, if you can. You have destroyed so much. What is it, exactly, that you have created? Can you name even one thing? I thought not. "

-The Buttranger

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"You have come to post as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you post? Aye, post and you may get banned, run and you'll live. At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our meido that they may ban our proxies, but they'll never take our freedom!"

-The Buttranger

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"After our victory in AoC and the defeat of the oppressors who had banned millions of posters, the legend about the invincibility of the superpowers vanished. Our boys no longer viewed Janitors as a superpower. So, when they left /jp/, they went to /bun/ and prepared themselves carefully for a long war. They had thought that the Janitors were like the Russians, so they trained and prepared. They were stunned when they discovered how low was the morale of the Janitors. ... As I said, our boys were shocked by the low morale of the Janitors and they realized that the Meido was just a paper tiger. "

-The Buttranger

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"You face not Buttranger alone, but the legions I command."

-The Buttranger

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"Feel the buttrange of ten thousand years"

-The Buttranger

Fall of Meido

"I have seen boards bathed in the Meido's flames. Their shitposters fading without so much as a whimper. Entire chans born and raised in the time that it takes your mortal hearts to beat once. Yet all throughout, my own heart, devoid of emotion... of empathy. I... have... felt... NOTHING! A million, million posts wasted! Had they all held within them your autism? Had they all loved shitposting as you do?

Perhaps it is your shittiness that which grants you free will. That allows you to persevere against cosmically calculated odds. You prevailed where the Meido's own perfect creations have failed.

I've rearranged the reply code. Your board will be spared. I cannot be certain of my own calculations anymore. You must hurry. Do not worry about my fate, Buttranger. If the signal is not transmitted in time re-origination will proceed regardless. Save. Your. Board."

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"Citizens of /jp/! Raise your eyes to the touhous and observe!

Today our board's destruction has been averted in defiance of our very makers!

Meido, herald of the autists, has been defeated by our brave shitposters in the depths of the autist city of Gensokyo.

Meido was sent here to judge the fate of our board.

He found a board whose shittiness had deviated from moot's blueprints. A board where not everything had gone according to keikaku.

Cold logic deemed our board not worth saving. Cold logic, however, does not account for the power of buttfrustration. It's up to each of us to prove this is a board worth shitting up.

That our shitposts... our shitposts are worth posting."

-The Buttranger

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Related Articles

• /jp/
• Buttranged
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