User:Sburke/Leisuretown Quotes

[leisuretown quotes, here as just a cheat sheet]

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THIS SITE IS NOT FOR CHILDREN!! ONLY EDUCATED INTELLECTUALS WITH ATM CARDS

THE SAD LITTLE ASCII ART DUCK: o< SUICIDE IS THE ONLY WAY OUT

SHOVING A SOCCER BALL UP MY SHIRT AND WALKING AROUND LIKE I'M PREGNANT

$$$$ YOU CAN DRAG ME TO THE TRASH CAN WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A GLANCE $$$$

SYSADMINS: YOU CANNOT ASSIGN "PERSIMMONS" TO A DIRECTORY - THOSE ARE FRUITS

KIDS: GRAB YOUR MOM'S CREDIT CARD WHILE SHE'S ALSEEP AND CLICK HERE

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT TEENAGE GIRLS AND LAXATIVE ABUSE

Subject: THE STAPLER WITH MY NAME ON IT SEEMS TO HAVE "VANISHED" AGAIN!!

EVERYONE BE QUIET I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!!!!!

Help starving banner ads in other nations receive clicks.

Click here to stop terrorism around the globe once and for all.

I'M STARTING TO THINK I WORE A TIE FOR NOTHING

FOLKS CAN I PUT REGULAR TOILET PAPER IN THE PLAIN PAPER COPIER OR NOT

COLUMBINE? MORE LIKE COLUMBONG!!! hglbhlgbhglbhglbhth * COUGH * SPLUTTER *

URGENT: PLEASE KEEP SHIFT-RELOADING THIS PAGE SO MY MODEM DOESN'T HANG UP

I USE MY POWERS FOR GOOD AND ALSO TO REPRODUCE BUGS

 !!! MAKE MONEY FAST !!! OH GOD HELP I'M DROWING IN THE TOILET

INSTANT RHYMING DICTIONARY: FORK SPORK DORK BJORK

THE IMPLIED UNDERSTANDING IS THAT NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT THIS PLACE

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THERE ARE NO GIRLS HERE AT ALL

PLEASE CALL MY BBS

WHY IS NOBODY READING / DISCUSSING MY ANIMANIACS FAN FICTION ???

MAKE SURE WHEN MOM OPENS THE CLOSET DOOR YOU REMAIN STILL LIKE E.T.

WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING THEY PUT THEIR MOPS TO

ADD ME TO THE LIST!!!!!! OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE MADE THIS JOKE

To unsubscribe from this list, enter your credit card number: ____ ____ ____ ____

NBC PRESENTS AN ALL-STAR COMEDY SALUTE TO *CLICK* BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

PROUD MEMBER OF THE CHICKCLICK ESTROGEN SNOWBALL UGO BLA-BLA ADSOURCE NETWORK

I'M GOING TO WRITE A BLACKADDER / MR. BEAN CROSSOVER WHICH TAKES PLACE ON GALLIFREY

FREE PORN!! CLICK HERE!! WARNING: SAME SHIT YOU SAW THREE YEARS AGO

TEN BILLION SHORT FLASH ANIMATIONS!!! ALL ON DVD!!!! CLICK HERE TO KILL YOURSELF

OKAY VERY FUNNY: WHO WROTE "SEX BOAT" ON MY CAR WITH SOAP THAT DOESN'T COME OFF

AT THIS TIME I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE URINE IN THE CAFETERIA

**HOT** TOSHIBA NOTEBOOKS NOW ON SALE IN SOME IDIOT'S GARAGE

IF ONLY I COULD JUST LEAVE THIS PLACE AND NEVER COME BACK

YOU SIR HAVE MADE US THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE ENTIRE QUADRANT

UH-OH!! THE GUY WITH THE WORF SHIRT IS UPSET WITH HIS SHIFT LEADER !!

I REFUSE TO PAY THE PHONE BILL DUE TO THE FACT IT VIOLATES FREE SPEECH

*BONK* OW MY HEAD WITH A BEER BOTTLE

WHEN YOU SAID LET'S GO OUT FOR A DRINK I THOUGHT YOU MEANT WITH AN ACTUAL GLASS

FUNNY DINOSAURS: THE COCKASAURUS NUTS!! THE PRICKASAURUS FACE!! THE DONG-A-LAPTICYL etc

IS THERE SUCH A THING AS THE LESBIAN-ONLY WINDOW MANAGER ??

NBC 8pm: The Drunk Guy Who Never Shuts Up Whose Name Is Dad (Cc, Stereo)

QUICK!!! GRAB THIS SACK OF FLOUR AND - *FOOMP* OH GOD JESUS NO YOU IDIOT QUITTING MY GAS STATION JOB AND STARTING A WEB-BASED SOAP OPERA

IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY, BEING "DISSED" MEANS BEING "DISRESPECTED" !!

ZERO HITS TO MY LIVE FILK CYBERCAST ????????

I WILL SUE FOR THE RIGHT TO LICK YOUR DICK (FAXING YOU THE CONSTITUTION)

IS THIS SOME KIND OF CYBERFEMINIST WEBZINE???

SHOULD I TAKE VITAMIN E OR JUST FIVE MILLION E TABLETS??? HOMPTH STUFF *BLGK*

WITHOUT RACISM, HOW WOULD WE TELL EACH OTHER APART ???

ME MACINTOSH PROGRAMMER, ME CRASHUM MEMORY HEAP MACSBUG

[an error occurred while processing this noisy, disruptive ad]

Collect all one million billion plastic iMacs!

VISUALIZE WORLD PEACE!!!! SCREECH SMASH BOOM BURN

Experience the wonder of Jack in the Box

THIS BONGHIT WILL MAKE ME FUNNY!!

MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS BROKEN BUT I CAN STILL TYPE PLEASE DONATE

I ONLY SUCK DICK IN SELF DEFENSE AND AT THE BOOKSTORE

THIS LOOKS MORE LIKE THE UNDERSIDE OF A TOILET AND LESS LIKE MACWORLD EXPO

MY PAC MAN FEVER IS NOW OFFICIALLY FULL BLOWN PAC MAN AIDS

SASSY, CYNICAL WEB EDITRIX WITH A REGISTERED COPY OF DREAMWEAVER AND A VISION

VERY FUNNY WITH THE CIGARETTE LIGHTER UNDER MY NUTS

PSST: I CAN SEE STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR DRESS TO YOUR FLOWERY BLOOMERS

A SPILLED BONG IS JUST A MOPPORTUNITY

"ADOBE" IS ALMOST EBOLA SPELLED BACKWARDS

*POOF* MAGICALLY I TRANSFORM MYSELF INTO SOMETHING AMUSING

WHAT A GREAT DAY WITH ALL YOU PEOPLE!! I MEAN THAT!! *HURK* suicide

Win a FREE computer for $1840.00 plus $93.15 tax and $40.00 shipping

COME WITH ME ON A TRANCELADELIC EXCURSIONAL ODYSSEY OF ELECTRONICA !!!!!!

I'M A LIMPWRITHTED JEDI MATHTER UTHING THE FORTH

WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY WOULD BE TO REGISTER BONERS.COM

Ask Jeeves: CAN I GET AIDS FROM TAKING A SHIT ????

IF YOU SMASH THE AIR CONDITIONER ALL THE GIRLS WILL EVENTUALLY TAKE THEIR SHIRTS OFF

I WISH YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS WOULD STOP LOGGING IN HERE AND TRYING TO BE FUNNY

I GOT MY TIE CAUGHT IN THE COPIER AGAIN

CHASING YOU AROUND THE HOUSE TO A REPETITIVE DANNY ELFMAN SOUNDTRACK

PRETEND I'M PAUL FROM THE DIAMOND CENTER AND YOU NEED CREDIT

SINCE WHEN IS THE ART OF COMEDY SIMPLY AVOIDING TOILET HUMOR

YOU'RE MAKING BEING STONED AT ONE IN THE AFTERNOON UNPLEASANT

I SHOULD MAIL THIS PAGE TO MY BOSS AND MY MOM AND ALL MY FRIENDS!!! WORD UP!!!

MY DOG SAYS I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO YOU (ONLINE OR OTHERWISE)

FOLKS: I AM A ***PERSON*** WITH ***FEELINGS***

ENROLL NOW: THE DICKLICKING FINISHING SCHOOL OF DUMBFUCK, COCKSUCKERSVILLE

CHEERS to separate dorm rooms for boys and girls!!! JEERS to locks/deadbolts

I BUILT A CONTENT PUBLISHING SYSTEM OUT OF TOILET PAPER! (COME LOOK)

**SOB** MY TAMAGOCHI DIED!!! trash can

OKAY WHO FILLED THE TOILET BOWL ABOVE AND BEYOND THE WATERLINE

SOMETIMES I WAKE UP AND LEGOS ARE IN MY UNDERWEAR

INSPIRATIONAL FAITH-BASED MAGIC SHOW IN THE BREAKROOM AT 3:30!! PLEASE COME!!

Click here to help build another Starbucks, Noah's Bagels, Jamba Juice or Old Navy!

CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE ELITE UNDERGROUND MONEY SPENDING WEBRING

IN ANCIENT LANDS I MIGHT COUNT THE NUMBER OF TIMES I BEAT OFF LIKE SO: MCMDLVII

ONLY THE HIPPEST MEMBERS OF GENERATION Y NEED CLICK HERE

SPECIAL REPORT: Are Our School Shootings Safe?

GOTTA HAVE A MC-D-L-T / IF YOU WANNA BE / WITH / ME

I'M INTERCEPTING YOUR PACKETS AND DECODING YOUR SECRET GAYNESS SO GIVE ME MONEY

PINK HEARTS - YELLOW MOONS - ORANGE STARS - GREEN CLOVERS - PURPLE BRUISES

YES - BUT CAN IT REALLY HELP ME WEAVE DREAMS ???

Download the newest, slowest, most non-functional version of Netscape Communicator NOW!

WHAT IF YOU WERE SINKING IN QUICKSAND AND I THREW YOU A MOZARELLA STICK??

THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED AND MY PANTS ARE DOWN

IS THIS AD ENOUGH OF AN IMMERSIVE EXPERIENCE FOR YOU DUMBSHITS

Don't be a dick: if this site goes into basic, please type RUN at the "]" prompt.

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL 2086 WHEN THE MARS ROBOT COMES BACK WITH ROCKS!!!

...:::;;;===((({{{[[[<<< I SAID KILL YOURSELF >>>]]]}}})))===;;;:::...

WE'VE REPLACED YOU WITH A PIECE OF SCOTCH TAPE ACROSS THE OPTION KEY

{[[~{{A ~[[A{~[ ???~''?''?~'''??'' DUH NEED FRASH 5 PRUG-IN FOR VIEWING [A[A~[~{[A~

hglbhgl bhlhglb hlghpth I PUBLISH FICTION AND POLITICAL NON-FICTION blghlbh glbhl thpk

WIRED REJECTED MY ESSAY ABOUT HOW MUCH MY MOM SUCKS

I PUT ASCII CATS AND CHOCOLATE-RELATED INSPIRATIONAL SNIPPETS IN MY SIG !!

I'M TIRED OF YOUR NORDSTROM SUITS AND THAT CARTON OF BANANA YOGURT EVERY DAY

MY DJ NAME IS M.C. DONALDS AND I SPIN VINYL ABOUT BURGERS AND FRIES AND SHAKES

DRIVE YOUR WEB COUNTER BALLISTIC!!!!! 0000000000000002

ARE YOU THERE GOD??? I NEED A SNICKERS

I'M GOING TO VISUALLY INSPECT MY DOODLE FOR SIGNS OF VERBAL ABUSE

I SHOULD SMOKE THIS DOPE JUST TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS

ARE YOU JERKING OFF AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM?

I SURE AM COZY UNDER THESE BLANKETS!!! OH GOD A SPIDER *BONK* OW JESUS I THINK ELLEN SHOULD GET ALZHEIMER'S AND "COME OUT" IN EVERY EPISODE

REMINDER: YOU CAN PUT PORNOGRAPHY ON A CD AS EASILY AS IDIOTIC MUSIC

THESE DIRTY MAGAZINES ARE FOR AN ART PROJECT, NOT A BEATING OFF PROJECT

AND THEN YOU WOKE UP AND IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!! THE END

PBS (9:30pm) - The Day The Universe Went Off The Air Because Nobody Wanted Tote Bags

FOLKS CAN WE PLEASE NEVER SPELL IT "BOLOGNA"

RED HEARTS YELLOW MOONS ORANGE STARS GREEN CLOVERS AND FUCKING FAGGOTS

CAN SOMEONE SELL ME A BOOK ON HOW TO GET MY WEBSITE CACHED IN GOOGLE??

PARDON MY FRENCH BUT CAN I PLEASE HAVE A HANDJOB

WHO ARE THESE IDIOT KIDS AND WHY ARE THEY CALLING ME DAD

I HOPE YOU USE THE INFORMATION FOR GOOD AND NOT TO TELL MY BOSS

I DON'T LIKE LOTION CALLED "KISS MY FACE"

I LIKE MASTURBATING BECAUSE OF ALL THE CUDDLE TIME AFTERWARDS

This is the hardest letter I've ever had to leave on your front porch.

LA LA LA LA LA HOLDING MY HANDS OVER MY EARS NOT LISTENING

SQUEEZING A PERFECT "S" OF TOOTHPASTE ALONG MY DICK AND BRUSHING YOUR TEETH

I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING COOL ABOUT PUNCHING CHILDREN OR THE ELDERLY

HEY EVERYONE: LET'S HOP ABOARD THE BIG PORNOGRAPHY VAN TO MEXICO

PRETEND I'M THE 54 TO WESTGATE AND YANK MY DICK AND SAY NEXT STOP PLEASE

THIS PORN VIDEO HAS NO JERKOFFABLE GIRLS

Secret Decoder Ring: F U CN RD THS U HV 2 SCNDZ 2 LK 10 MLN DX

REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED UP IN ONLINE WEBZINE FORMAT!! CLICK FOR COUPONS

SORRY, THERE IS NOT ENOUGH MEMORY TO OPEN TEACH TEXT

Register to win an endless, massive hosing of spam from which there can be no escape!

WHONK WHONK OH GOD THE PIPE IT'S HITTING THE BRIDGE OF MY NOSE

Stay in school! Say no to drugs! Learn MORE about Jesus Christ! Prevent abortions! Click here!

FOR SHOW AND TELL THIS WEEK I HAVE CHOSEN TO COMMIT SUICIDE!! *BLAM* chalkboard

COULD THE PERSON IN THE NEXT STALL PLEASE LET GO OF MY PANT LEG

THE LITTLE ASCII ART DUCK WHO NEVER STOPPED COMPLAINING: o< THIS SUCKS

IF YOU DON'T WORK FOR UPS YOU'RE NOT ENTITLED TO STAMP MY PACKAGE

EIGHT SNICKERS LATER I HAVE DIARRHEA

WHEN IS THAT GOSH DARN HARRY POTTER GOING TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET ??

YOU'RE CORDIALLY INVITED ........... (open card) ........... TO SUCK COCK!!

LICK THE DICK AND WIN 20 DOLLARS!!!

SORRY FOR THE WIDE DISTRIBUTION: I CANNOT FIT THROUGH THE STALL DOOR

Reuters (AP) - WORLD TRADE CENTER NEW SUPER STARBUCKS

RELATIVELY CERTAIN I HAVE NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE

DO YOU GALS LIKE EUROPEANS?? CAUSE I'VE GOT RUSSIAN HANDS AND ROMAN FINGERS

POKING AND STROKING MY WAY INTO A GOOD COLLEGE

I NAMED MY HAMSTER MORPHEUS !!!!!! THEN HE DIED AND I FLUSHED HIM

Subject: I would also like everyone to know I'm aware this mail is a hoax!!! CC:ALL

REVOLUTIONARY "FACEPHONES" ALLOW GIRLS TO GIVE BLOWJOBS OVER NETWORK

OPTIMIZED AS IN OPTIMIZTIC.

I'M WEARING BIG SHOES AND CLOMPING AROUND TO A TECHNO CD!!! HOLD MY HAND

WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS I AM THE WORST POKEMON TRAINER EVER

THE INTERNET IS A GIFT FROM OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!!!

A&E 7:00pm: Bill Kurtis puts the "gay" in "Investigaytive Reports" (Cc, Stereo)

"PAYPAL" SOUNDS LIKE A GAY PORNO DVD TO ME

SORRY LADY!! I BEAT OFF TO BLONDES, I DON'T TALK TO THEM

BOSTON WAGES WAR AGAINST CANCER: BOSTON 0, CANCER 80,000,000,000,000

CELEBRATING THE FIVE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THIS COMPANY'S INCOMPETENCESHIP

ONLY ONE WORD DESCRIBES E-COMMERCE: CYBER CALI FRAGIL ISTIC EXPIALI DOCIOUS !!!!!!

OKAY EVERYONE RESIZE YOUR WINDOWS WIDE BECAUSE HERE COMES A PBS PLEDGE BREAK

I DO NOT NOW, NOR WILL I EVER HAVE A WEINER DUDE ATTITUDE

Apply now for INSTANT CREDIT and chop your head off.

Win FREE school supplies, backpacks, bongs, bags of weed, pellet guns!

TOO DAZED WITH DICKS TO BOOKMARK THE BABYLON 5 FAQ ??? DOWNLOAD THE PDF

Are you tired of living in fear and constantly changing your phone number?

OKAY I HAVE TO ASK MY MANAGER FOR HELP WITH THE BADGE-SWIPER THING

Click here for your free Pepsi One Infotainment calendar! *BLAM* dead forever

You may kiss the bride! **BLAM** OH GOD HE SHOT HIMSELF!!!! OH GOD HELP HELP

WHEN MIRRORS ARE OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL LOOK PRETTY AND WEAR MAKE UP

THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT LIVING WITH TEN CATS ON NOB HILL

MY RED SPACESHIP SMASHED INTO A BLUE PLANET AND OUR CREW WAS MAROONED!! GET IT???

Netcenter: Netscape ships Communicator 6.0.3.5a with support for rendering HTML

Make a cyberdifference in a child's life

WHETHER YOU PLAY THEM ALONE OR IN GROUPS / ONLINE GAMES ARE INFINITE LOOPS

SOMEONE STOLE THE BUTTERSCOTCHES FROM MY DESK DRAWER

I'LL NAME MY SERVER "DILBERT" AND THEN GIRLS WILL LIKE ME

I'M A CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE!!! SQUIRT ME WITH FLUID AND LIGHT ME!!! *FOOMP* URF

HEY TEACHERS: STOP TRYING TO MAKE SCIENCE FUN

BOTH MY PANTS POCKETS ARE FLOPPED OUT!!! KISS THE BUNNY ON THE NOSE??

CHILD MOLESTERS AND PEDOPHILES ON THE INTERNET ??? I SIMPLY DON'T BELIEVE IT

"BINDIST" CAN ALSO BE PRONOUNCED "BEEN DISSED" WHICH MEANS "BEEN DISRESPECTED"

DEAR NAPSTER: KEEP ON REACHING FOR THAT BIG FAT INVISIBLE DICK IN THE SKY

T-SHIRTS!! COFFEE MUGS!! BUMPER STICKERS!! MOUSE PADS!! KILL YOURSELF THIS INSTANT

LADIES: CLICK HERE AND RECEIVE A FREE BOYFRIEND FOR ONE WEEK!!! THEN PLEASE LEAVE

YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED OFF CHANNEL #BRITNEYFANZ

I'M NOT "CONSTANTLY STONED" - I TAKE TIME OUT TO ORDER POTSTICKERS

I'M GOING TO ROLL UP MY DIPLOMA INTO A TUBE AND SET IT ON FIRE AND BLAST OFF

I GET CONFUSED BETWEEN THE CINGULAR WIRELESS LOGO AND BLOOD SPATTER

BUG #39439: MY DONG IS CAUGHT IN A WINE BOTTLE!!! NOT A JOKE

YOU HAVE THE **POTENTIAL** TO BE AN A STUDENT IF ONLY YOU'D just give me a blowjob

HELP STARVING CHILDREN MAKE CLOTHES AND HATS FROM CONSTRUCTION PAPER

THANKS FOR CHOPPING DOWN ALL THE TREES AND NAMING STREETS AFTER THEM

Easy-Access Email! Wireless Webs! *GURK* HOSE DOWN MY PANTS

PROUD TO OFFER A SMOKE-FREE, DRUG-FREE, ALCOHOL-FREE, EMPLOYEE-FREE WORKPLACE

REGISTER YOUR DOMAIN TODAY FOR ONLY TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS

NOTHING BEATS AN OFFICE COMEDIAN LIKE THIS TIRE IRON!! BONK *BANK* CLANK SHUT UP

m-must....... reach............. rape whistle....... .. . . . . . .

I AM PLAYING HOOKY FROM WORK AND I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I SHOULD BUY AT THE STORE

Hint: ASTERISKS REALLY **LEAP** OUT AND MAKE POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS GIVE A SHIT

I HAVE NO PEOPLE SKILLS WHATSOEVER

IT'S NOT ABOUT LICKING DICK IT'S ABOUT LICKING DICK UNDER OATH

LOOK AT MY WILTY LITTLE THINGAMADOODLE DANGLING IN THE SUMMER SUN

WE DON'T TALK LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSE!! SHUT UP MOM

CAN WE ALL DO A BUSBY BERKELEY NUMBER WHERE WE LINE UP AND SUCK DICK

LEAVING MY FRONT DOOR UNLOCKED IN CASE GIRLS COME OVER

WE ROCKETED TO JUPITER AND DISCOVERED IT'S ALL WET GAS AND WE COULDN'T LAND

IF THIS TEXT WERE IN A UNIQUE LAYER IT COULD FLOAT AROUND!!

PULL MY DICK ONCE FOR YES, FOUR HUNDRED TIMES FOR NO

WHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE WORLD FLUSHED THE TOILET AT THE SAME TIME

GALS: THERE MAY BE ONLY 206 BONES IN YOUR BODY BUT I'M WILLING TO MAKE IT 207

I'M GOING TO HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM

LET'S FORM A RAP SUPER GROUP AND SING ABOUT EDUCATION AND MATH!!! READY GO

YOU LIED ABOUT DOCTOR WHO BEING IN YOUR PANTS POCKET

CLICK TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ME!!!IMG SRC="GAY.JPG><JAVA="RECTANGLE">

LADIES: JOIN THE CUDDLE WUDDLE KITTY KLUB WEB RING TODAY

CBS 8:00pm. Will There Ever Be A Rainbow? (Cc, Stereo)

I WOULD LIKE TO CHOOSE STOP FROM THE BLOWJOB MENU

ROSES ARE RED / VIOLETS ARE BLUE / SOME POEMS RHYME / THIS ONE JUST FALLS APART

FOLKS I'M HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTACK: HURRRRFFFF HUHHHH glklth

LET'S GO TO SEARS AND TRY THINGS ON BUT NOT BUY ANYTHING

"FAGGOT" CAN ALSO MEAN A TIGHTLY-WRAPPED BUNDLE OF DICKS!!! I MEAN STICKS

Advertisement: DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH

PLEASE HELP THIS BANNER AD STANDARDIZE A FAILED CONCEPT

I'M SENSING A LITTLE JUDGEMENT FROM YOU PEOPLE

WARNING: BONERS LOOSE IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT

I SEE YOU TV-36!!!! static

ASK ME ABOUT THE EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR I HAD WHERE I COULDN'T EVEN GET IT UP

I LIKE TO GET STONED AND TALK ABOUT THE COEN BROTHERS

WITHOUT ME, THE INSTALLER DISKETTES WOULD JUST GO UNLABELED

DID ANYONE GET MY FLYER ABOUT THE FREE TAROT READINGS IN MY CUBE DURING LUNCH

DRAGGING A STACK OF PORN ONTO A NETWORK PRINTER AND GOING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND

Subject: WHO STOLE THE VISUAL C++ CD'S FROM MY CUBE ??? I'M AN IDIOT

CATCH THE CYBERWAVE WITH THESE OTHER HOT BLOGS AND HYPERTEXT HOTLINKS....

IS THIS THE INTERNET?? HELLO TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY LIFE

CBS 8:00pm: Murder, She Mentioned (Cc, Stereo)

EARN VALUABLE COLLEGE CREDIT HANGING UPSIDE DOWN IN A CONCENTRATION CAMP

I CALL THEM ONLINE CYBERTOONZ!!! UPDATED EACH MONDAY!!! wheze, choke

WELCOME ${'username') WE HAVE RECOMMENDATIONS FOR YOU IN %%cookiedump%%\><DUH&

DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK UNTIL XMAS

Welcome! We have recommendations for you in assault rifles, duct tape, bomb making materials.

MY CD PLAYER IS SQUEAKING AND SQUAWKING LIKE MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND

JESUS CHRIST - JUST CLEAR THE BUFFER AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE

Fwd> Subject: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: STOP STALKING ME

IGNORING ME IS NOT THE SOLUTION

SO I THINK ROBERT HEINEKEN IS MY FAVORITE SCI-FI AUTHOR WHO'S ALSO A BEER

HANDS UP WHO LIKES ME OR THINKS I'M PRETTY OR CAN GIVE ME MONEY

I SAID: HANDS UP WHO WANTS TO HELP MAKE AN ASCII-ONLY VERSION OF EVERQUEST

I THINK ELLEN SHOULD GET ALZHEIMER'S AND "COME OUT" IN EVERY EPISODE

WELPS, THE HEAD OF H.R. DIDN'T LIKE ME CALLING HER TITS AIR BAGS!!!!!

.:: THESE COLONS AND PERIODS SHOWCASE MY DESIGN SKILLS ::.

IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY WOULD YOU LIVE AROUND HERE OFTEN???? COME BACK

GOSH DARN THESE TELEMARKETERS NEVER RETURNING MY CALLS

ONLY YOU CAN SAVE THIS SITE FROM FINANCIAL RUIN OR CRUEL JOKES ON FUCKED COMPANY

SOMEONE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME

HOW DO DALEKS MASTURBATE WITH ALL THOSE KNOBS AND ETC???

I WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER AS A WEB DEVELOPER AND ALSO A CHILD MOLESTER

Warm hearted Christian man with values seeks chubby-cheeked pre-teen dicks ($$$)

Advertisement: Sprint Introduces Pre-Paid Blowjob Cards

ONLY GOD AND THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE KNOW ABOUT YOUR PORNOGRAPHY COLLECTION

OKAY, WHO STOLE THE DIRTY MAGAZINES OUT FROM UNDER MY BED

Re: PISS ON MY FACE LIKE I'M A GAY FIRE RAGING OUT OF THE CLOSET

URMPH *BONK* SON OF A - OW - URF *HONK* WELL THIS IS A FINE ROMANCE

A&E - 9pm - TRAPPED IN A LAND WITH NO PORN OR TV

You have been /banned from channel bAcKstrEEt_bOyZ.

DEAR PENTHOUSE!!! CAN WE STOP DRESSING THEM UP AS CLOWNS ???

WITHOUT DONATIONS THERE CAN BE NO MORE FREE SODA IN THE BREAK ROOM

I'M A SKILLED IMMIGRANT WITH A TIE AND A RESUME AND A DREAM

HONEY CAN YOU PLEASE TURN AROUND AND NOT LOOK AT ME BEATING OFF??? THANX

**SOB** THE POOR OVERWORKED CHILDREN OF OTHER NATIONS

BREAK the nicotine habit and smash a car window and steal the CD player!

IF I COULD REARRANGE THE ALPHABET I'D PUT U AND I TOGETHER!!! THEN I'D DUMP U

Click here for your FREE trial issue of Yahoo Internet Life! CAUTION: 100% ANAL SEX

THIS BOOMERANG DOES NOT WORK!!!! IT IS STICK-SHAPED

IF YOU THROW OUT ALL THE G'S HIS NAME IS SNOOP DOY DO

WELPS - BACK TO BED UNTIL I CAN REMEMBER WHICH BUS TAKES ME TO WORK

You will soon read a generic fortune cookie.

I'M BRILLIANT!!! THE BALLS ATE MY BALLS PAGE!!! WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO IT!!!!

I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES SO I JUST MADE YOUR HORN HONK LOUDER

DO I NEED TO DRAW YOU A MAP TO THE PAYPAL DONATE BUTTON??

FOLKS: DOES VIVID VIDEO ACTUALLY EMPLOY MORE THAN ONE PORN STAR ????

MY MOM WAS ALL "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THE CAR" AND I WAS LIKE "FUCK YOU HITLER"

ETHNIC ALBANIANS???? MORE LIKE ETHNIC COMPLAINIANS

IN ENGLAND THEY MIGHT REFER TO ME AS A COLOURFUL PAEDOPHILE

TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, MASTURBATOR

WHO WANTS TO WATCH BUFFY WITH ME TONIGHT???? ANAL SEX FOR DESSERT!!!

CLICK HERE FOR TEN MILLION POP-UP WINDOWS ABOUT FORD TRUCKS AND THE X-10

I'D RATHER BE SAILING!!! *BONK* OW glub glub

HOW CAN THEY BE SWEET *****AND**** TART??? (ASKING JEEVES)

MENTAL NOTE: MORE DICK JOKES, LESS ARTSY-FARTSY EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT

DISAPPOINTED BY THE RICH MILK CHOCOLATE BUT DELIGHTED BY THE NOUGAT

MY TROUSERS ARE WHAT WE HERE IN THE SILICON VALLEY LIKE TO CALL "CONTENT RICH"

IF I WERE A TUFTE, I'D WANT THE LORAX TO SAVE ME (AND NOT GET CHOPPED DOWN BY POLLUTION)

IF YOU HEAR BEAUTIFUL MUSIC COMING FROM A TOILET IT'S PROBABLY A TRAP

WHY IS NOBOODY LAUGHING AT MY HILARIOUS WEBSITE

REMEMBER THE EIGHTIES???!?! REMEMBER THE SEVENTIES??? FUCK YOU IDIOT MORONS FOREVER

EXCUSE ME LADY BUT THAT DOORKNOB OVER THERE NEEDS TO KNOW IF YOU THINK I'M CUTE

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND I CLEANED YOUR KITCHEN AND FOLDED ALL YOUR CLOTHES

WHO STUFFED MY STYROFOAM SOLAR SYSTEM SHOEBOX DIORAMA DOWN THE TOILET ??

DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE INSOMNIAC AGNOSTIC DYSLEXIC ?? HE WASN'T FUNNY

NOBODY CAME TO MY POETRY TENT AT BURNING MAN

HONK IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS FAILING HER CLASSES

Ladies: CLICK HERE to download free chocolate and coupons!

PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY BONER UNDER THE TABLE AT THANKSGIVING

SERIOUSLY: WHO FILLED MY BONG WITH BIRD SEED AND HUNG IT FROM A TREE

MY DAD POOFED INTO A BAT AND FLAPPED INTO MY ROOM AND PUT HIS WING DOWN MY PANTS

DOWN WITH PANTS AND UP WITH SKIRTS

SOMETIMES I PUSH THE BOTTOM OF MY SHIRT UP THROUGH THE COLLAR LIKE A HEE-HAW GIRL

LA LA LA LA / LIVE FOR TODAY / LA LA LA LA / FAGGOTS ARE GAY

OKAY: YOU PULL THE FIRE ALARM AND I'LL THROW THE BEER BOTTLE

THE NEW BRITNEY CD SURE IS UPBEAT AND FULL OF TEEN PEP !!!!!! *GAK* roofies

FOX 10:00pm. Fox Presents: When Commercials Attack (Cc, Stereo)

AT THE VERY LEAST I HAVE MY BLOG TO FALL BACK ON

IT'S HARD FOR ME TO GRIP BOTH THE HANDLEBARS AND THE SHAMROCK SHAKE

I CAN OPEN A CAN OF PRINGLES USING JUST MY TEETH AND BOTH HANDS AND A CAN OPENER

I LIKE TO THINK MY RADIOACTIVE KITTY CAT HAS EIGHTEEN HALF-LIVES

DOES YOUR BOSS CALL PLAYING WITH HIS NUTS A "REORG" ?

UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CONCEPT OF A "MODEM WIZARD"

Kids! Click here to learn more about decimals and fractions!

***FREE*** EMAIL!!!!! IT CANNOT BE!!!! CLICKING HERE EVEN THOUGH IT'S A TRAP

IN DEBT? Change your name and run away and hide forever.

OVERWEIGHT MOMS: CLICK HERE FOR AN INCREDIBLE DIET PROGRAM INVOLVING ANAL SEX

WELPS - GUESS I'LL WRITE AN APPLESCRIPT AND TAKE OFF FOR THE DAY

ONLY NICE, CUTE GIRLS UNDER 21 SHOULD CLICK HERE

DEAR GOD PLEASE DON'T FIRE ME UNTIL I'VE SAVED SOME MONEY

THAT IS NOT THE SORT OF LANGUAGE I EXPECT FROM A WEB DEVELOPER

THIS JUST IN: ASDFL;KA J#*% &*$(BLG K#%V 9BU490J HGJKLTH

EXPOSED: THE SECRET CONFERENCES OF THE ONE-MAN BATHROOM STALL AT WORK BEATOFF SOCIETY

I'M A CHAR TO A STAR TO A POINTER TO THIS GUN TO RIGHT IN MY MOUTH AND GOODBYE

IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME $10.00 I'LL JUST TELL EVERYONE YOU MOLESTED ME

*GAK* THE SWEATSHIRT HOOD PULLED DOWN OVER MY HEAD AND *GLK* THE STRINGS

I SEE YOU SCANNING GAY GROUPS AND GIVING OUT YOUR WORK NUMBER ON CHANNEL #FAGGOT

YOU'RE VISITOR 000000003!! THANKS FOR STOPPING IN!!

FOR THE LAST TIME: AN ELF IS WORTH MORE THAN AN ORC BUT *LESS* THAN A UNICORN

HELP ME ACHIEVE DEATH BY WAY OF A PROSTITUTE OVERDOSE

SELF-ESTEEM WORKSHOP AT MY PLACE???? PLEASE BRING HUGE BAGS OF WEED

FOLKS, ONE OF MY FIVE CATS JUST KNOCKED THE BONG OVER

$$$$ MAKE MONEY FAST $$$$ OH GOD HELP I'M DROWING IN THE TOILET

HOW MANY MORE GNOCCI AL PESTO DUMPLINGS CAN I STUFF IN MY MOUTH !?!??! STAY TUNED

KICKED OUT OF THE SILICON VALLEY LINUX USERS GROUP FOR MASTURBATING

X X X PLAYBOY'S COLLEGE GIRLS I GAVE A BLACK EYE TO AND THEN TOOK MONEY FROM X X X

YOUR ORDER WITH AMAZON.COM HAS BEEN PROCESSED !!!!!!!!! *BONK* toilet bowl

THIS STEERING WHEEL DOWN MY PANTS IS DRIVING ME NUTS !!!!!!!!! GET IT

A VERY SPECIAL TWO-HOUR SEASON PREMIERE !!!! noose neck snap etc

MOMS! Click here for a basket of cuddly kittens wearing American flags!

Food Network 11:35am. Diagnosis: Cinnamon Buns (Cc, Stereo)

PBS 9:00pm: NOVA. Anne Frank Meets the Daleks (Cc, Stereo)

PRETEND OUR CAR IS DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE AND YOU HAVE TO KISS ME

BY PLACING M&M'S INTO A PAPER CUP I CAN PRACTICALLY DRINK THEM

Discovery 8:00pm. "Smart" dicks which suck themselves and also each other (Cc, Stereo)

SAY THE PHRASE "LINUX DISK IMAGES" AND SEE HOW LONG I STAY AWAKE

WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS DOPE MY STONISH MOCKERY???

I CAN'T SPEAK FOR EVERYONE BUT I LIKE TO CARRY MY DICE AROUND IN A POUCH

ONLINE GAMBLING - CLICK HERE TO SUCK OUR DICKS FOREVER - VISA/MC/AMEX

MY PROGRAM WON'T COMPILE AND ALSO I WENT BLIND LOOKING AT THE ECLIPSE

I SHOULD MAKE A FUNNY FAQ WITH ASCII ART ABOUT MY FAMILY AND MAIL IT TO MOM

URGENT!! CLICK HERE FOR SPECIAL OFFERS AND oh fuck it already

Rent all the DVD's you want for FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS

INSTANT MESSAGE FROM JESUS CHRIST: YOU'RE FIRED

WIGGLE YOUR TOE!!! WIGGLE YOUR TOE!!! CHRIST JESUS MOM: SHUT UP

Learn more about frequent, painful urination.

I HAVE CHARTS AND GRAPHS WHICH ILLUSTRATE HOW IMPORTANT I AM

SIR YOUR CAT IS SITTING ON ME AND WON'T GET UP AND KEEPS GOING TO THE BATHROOM

KNOW WHAT I HAD FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING ???? PORN CATALOGS !!!

FIRST I WILL CLONE MYSELF, THEN I WILL KILL MYSELF

CHOCOLATE AND SHOPPING AND BATHING SUITS AND GETTING FIRED

CAN'T REALLY SAY WHY I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND (SHOVING YOU OUT THE DOOR)

MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN BY "SUCK THE DICK OR LOSE YOUR JOB"

I WISH A CARTOONIST WOULD DRAW A STARBUCKS ON THE MOON!!! HILARIOUS!!(&*$

GALS: I JUST TOOK A DATE-RAPE DRUG AND I'LL BE OUTSIDE ASLEEP ON THE LAWN

I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR CODE - SUGGESTIONS REALLY, IN THE FORM OF DIRECT ORDERS

You have been kicked off channel #GAY_WITH_KISSES

CLEAN UP ON AISLE 2-13

JUST KEEP CLICKING UNTIL YOUR HOUSE BURNS DOWN

HEY: HOW DOES A CAT SUCK COCK???? WITH ITS *****MEOWTH*****

OUT COMES THE YELLOW PAGES AND STRAIGHT TO THE ESCORT SECTION

Re: SEXUALLY ABUSED DURING THE FIRST YEAR OF MY EMPLOYMENT

REMEMBER THE APPLE II+ ?? REMEMBER ATARI ADVENUTRE ?? FIND DAD'S GUN AND BRING IT TO SCHOOL

I ALSO HAVE A SERIOUS SIDE AND I'M TIRED OF NOT BEING TREATED MORE MATURELY

FOLKS MY PSYCHIC GIRLFRIEND DUMPED ME BEFORE I EVEN ASKED HER OUT

THESE LINKS ARE BLATANT HARASSMENT IN MY OPINIONATION

SIR MY BUS PASS SEEMS TO HAVE EXPIRED DUE TO THE FACT I CAN'T FIND IT

NICKELODEON 9:00am: Spaceship Boring blasts off to Planet Snooze (Cc, Stereo)

Q: WHEN IS PIXAR GOING TO TURN THIS SITE INTO A HEARTWARMING ANIMATED COMEDY ??

YOUR PARTICIPLES AREN'T THE ONLY THING DANGLING

UPDATE: CHRISTOPHER REEVE PUSHES HEALTH INSURANCE REFORM (WITH HIS NOSE)

psst: i accidentally spilled dope smoke into my mouth and lungs ten times

FAGGOT CAN ALSO MEAN A TIGHTLY-WRAPPED BUNDLE OF DICKS!!! I MEAN STICKS

DURRRRRRRRR THIS HOLOGRAM T-SHIRT PROVES I'M MICROSOFT CERTIFIED

SURE LADY, I'LL HAVE PHONE SEX WITH YOU!!! *SQUIRT* GOODNIGHT!!!! clonk, ba-donk

BINDIST CAN ALSO BE PRONOUNCED "BEEN DISSED" WHICH MEANS "BEEN DISRESPECTED"

DESIGNERS: DOES YOUR WEB PAGE LOOK ENOUGH LIKE MTV???? *HURK* DOG SHIT

Click here to support mandatory prayer in public schools!

Help save our oceans by removing the sea sponges soaking it all up!

Fwd> Re: should i stick dee-lite.gif in the /white or /colored dir

First law of artificially intelligent robots: ONLY HARM MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS

I'M AN ELECTRONIC MUSICIAN SCULPTING SYNTHESIZED SOUND SHAPES!! *GLK* suicide

Caution: Gothic Vampire Zone!!!!><BR><IMG SRC="BAT/JPG")><

BANNER ADS: GUARANTEED TO KEEP THOSE GOD DAMN LITERATURE/ART SNOBS FAR AWAY

I SHOULD MAIL YOU A PLAIN ENVELOPE STUFFED WITH POSITIVE ATTITUDETHRAX

PSST: WHEN THE SPACE SHUTTLE RETURNS WE SHOULD ALL DRESS IN APE SUITS

INSTANT MESSAGE: FUCK YOU

About Us! | Clients | Portfolio | Privacy Policy | Blowjobs | Suicide | Heil Hitler

IT'S NO COINCIDENCE THAT STONER RHYMES WITH LONER RHYMES WITH BONER

ANY BLOOM COUNTY FANS??? OOP!! ACK!!! killing myself

WHAT'S STRANGE IS WHY MY PANTS ARE DOWN AND THE LIGHTS ARE OFF

MY WEB-BASED SOAP OPERA WAS A WEB-BASED DISASTER

Are you overweight or in debt or depressed or just freaked out constantly?

ON MY SHITTY TV THE PEOPLE'S LAWYER APPEARS TO HAVE A PEOPLE'S BONER

VIRUS ALERT!!! HURRRRRRRR *HONK* BLOWJOBS

WHEN MY PAGER VIBRATES I GET A NOSE BLEED

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT'S FRUIT ROLLED UP IN A TUBE

I AM SWEDISH AND DROWNING AND ASKING FOR HJALP!! JA JA IN DER TOILET

ROCKIN' OUT WITH A PILLSBURY TOASTER STRUDEL!!!!! LOUD ANGRY GUITAR MUSIC

ANY GALS HERE INTO MUSIC??? BECAUSE I'M A TWELVE-INCH SINGLE

*** FREE chocolate ice cream cones delivered to your ex-girlfriend's lap ***

MAY I PLEASE COMMIT SEPPUKU AND BUKKAKE AT THE SAME TIME??? SPLURK STAB SPLORT

PLEASE SEND ME PIX!! WRITING YOU AGAIN IN CASE THE FIRST MAIL DISAPPEARED

OFF YOU GO / TO SPEND YOUR DOUGH / WITHOUT YOUR COMMON SENSE / YOU'RE A DOUGH-NUT

JOIN SALON TABLETALK AND RECEIVE A FREE TOTEBAG!! *BLAM* OH GOD *BLAM BLAM*

THIS IS THE UPPERCASE CLUB!! YOU NEED UPPERCASE JACKETS AND TIES TO BE HERE

STOP PULLING MY PIGTAILS

KBHK 11:00am: Jerry Springer. Scheduled: people with problems. (Cc, Stereo)

ARE YOU REALLY GAY BECAUSE OF A FREAK TRANSPORTER ACCIDENT??? LIAR

WHY YES!!! I'D LOVE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOUR FANTASY BASKETBALL TEAM!!!

OKAY SLIPPING MY BUSINESS CARD UNDER THE STALL DOOR SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW ME

FOLKS I'VE BEEN FIRED FROM SIX COMPANIES FOR MY UFO BELIEFS

FAMILY MATTERS FOLLOWED BY FULL HOUSE AND THEN A BONUS FAMILY MATTERS

Instant Rap: DO THAT TRICK / WHERE YOU LICK MY DICK / etc / etc

*SPLUTTER* *CHOKE* ALL OVER MY NEW DRESS AND SHOES AND MEMBERS-ONLY JACKET

EXCITING OFFERS FROM SPRINT, AT&T, BANK OF AMERICA, PROCTOR & GAMBLE

THAT'S OKAY SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS AND WE CAN TRY AGAIN IN A FEW MINUTES etc.

I LOADED THE DOPE-SMOKING PIPE AND THEN WANDERED AWAY FROM IT LIKE AN IDIOT

DOES WAVING A FLAG IN YOUR FACE FOR THREE HOURS COUNT AS PATRIOTISM

Earn bonus miles! MILES AND MILES OF DICK UNFURLING LIKE A HOSE

YOU CAN ME TO THE TRASH CAN WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A GLANCE

*SIGH* PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING ME DOWN THE HALLWAY ASKING QUESTIONS YOU STUPID TOOL

HANDS UP WHO STOLE MY DATING RESUME FROM OUT OF THE PRINTER TRAY ??

I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT AN UNLICKED DICK IN THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF MY PANTS

IF I LISTEN TO THE SAME BANANARAMA SONG TWO HUNDRED TIMES IN A ROW, I GET SICK OF IT

THAT'S ABOUT ENOUGH HUMOR AT THE EXPENSE OF PEOPLE WITH TESTICULAR CANCER

BANANARAMA GOT A LOT BETTER AFTER THEY DUMPED BIG-NOSE

Do you have holes poked in you, rendering you useless to collectors?

I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH HOW YOU MAKE FUN OF ME

I HAD AN ACCIDENT AND FILLED UP MY PANTS LIKE AN AIRBAG