Copypasta/Archive 12

<Copypasta

Justin Bieber: A boy forever

Do any of you have strange fantasies? Here's one of mine, it's about Justin Bieber.

"Yeah, that'll work fine," The Manager said, "Thanks, Barry!"

He hung up the phone and sighed; his meal ticket was safe.

Managing Justin Bieber was an exhausting whirlwind. The screaming girls ensured a lucrative stream of money coming in, but The Manager knew it couldn't last.

Or could it?

Justin was 16 now; his voice hadn't changed yet, and The Manager really wanted to keep it that way. He knew that once the boy's voice changed, the little girls would find another cute young boy to fall in love with.

They always did.

The Manager had been through it before. He'd had a couple 'teen idol' types at his agency in the past; they lasted a couple years, and then they were yesterday's news. None of them ever saw it coming, of course; they got caught up in the wild lifestyle, and when the bottom fell out, it pretty much destroyed them. That wasn't what worried him, though; for him, it was simply dollars and cents. Once the hotties became has-beens, they were useless. Once in awhile, one of them genuinely tried to keep his career going, but once the girls flocked away, the business wasn't interested.

Period.

He knew; he always tried to tell them that it wasn't going to last, but somehow, they'd already gotten it in their heads that they were the "Next Elvis" or "Bigger Than The Beatles".

Stupid little fuckers...

The manager looked at his calendar; Justin would be there in a few minutes.

Good.

The Manager had noticed that Justin's voice was just starting to change; luckily,, his old friend, Dr. Barry Phondiboyes, would be able to solve the problem.

As he smiled, ruminating about his plans, his secretary announced that the teen heartthrob had arrived. A moment later, Justin walked in; they shook hands, and the young singer plopped himself down on the chair in front of The Manager's desk, with an arrogantly casual air.

"Word?" He acted all ghetto, like a badass; The Manager just sat and smiled...

"Need to have you get a checkup, kid," He replied, matter-of-factly, "One of those insurance things, you know..."

"When?"

"We could do it now," The Manager mused, "An old buddy of mine is a doctor, and he's got an opening in a little while."

"OK."

The two of them got up and walked out of the office. It didn't take long for them to drive to the Doctor's office; they got out of The Manager's car and walked into the building. After a couple minutes' wait, they went in.

"How's it going?" The Doctor greeted his old friend warmly, then turned his attention to the teen, "And this is Justin; how are you?"

"Fine, I guess," was Justin's halfhearted response.

"Just go behind the curtain and get undressed, Ok?"

"Ok..."

The skinny young boy went behind the curtain and started undressing.

"Everything ready, Barry?", The Manager whispered.

"No problem."

A few moments later, Justin came out from behind the curtain, wearing a sexy pair of man's undies; not quite a thong, but the kid clearly thought he was God's gift to girls.

The Manager left the room as Justin sat on the exam table. The exam went smoothly, with the Doctor checking blood pressure, lungs, lymph nodes, etc. After a couple minutes of poking and prodding, he pulled the teen's undies off, leaving him totally naked.

"I have a couple of tests and procedures that I have to do now," He explained to the nervously nude teen, "They tend to be uncomfortable, so I need to restrain you."

"You mean like tie me up?", Justin was starting to get scared.

"Just relax," Said the Doctor, his voice soft and soothing, "If you move, we'll have to start all over, so it's easier this way, Ok?"

"Well... Ok...", Was the young teen's jittery reply.

The Doctor motioned Justin to lay back; he complied, and quickly felt straps being fastened around his waist, his chest, his arms and wrists, and his forehead. Dr. Phondiboyes slipped a pair of knee crutches into holes in the exam table, then lifted the tightly bound teen's slender legs into them, and quickly binding them.

Just like that, Justin Bieber was helplessly bound to the exam table! His legs were spread apart, exposing his boy cock and his pink anal pucker!

Just then, The Manager came back into the room.

"I see you're ready for the procedure, Doctor..."

"Wait a minute!", The helpless teen protested, "What's going on???"

"Justin, my boy," The Manager addressed him, a Blofeldian quality to his voice, "Your voice is starting to change, and once it does, your career will be over."

"No it won't!", Justin retorted,, starting to struggle, "The girls love me, and they'll ALWAYS love me!"

"They won't; trust me," The older man spoke, his tone informed by experience, "But you won't have to worry about your voice changing. Ever."

"Justin, have you ever heard of Enrico Caruso?", The Doctor chimed in, "Probably the greatest tenor the world has ever known. And do you know why?"

"I DON'T CARE!!!"

"He made a sacrifice for his music, Justin," The Doctor continued, unaffected by the helpless teen's outburst, "The same sacrifice that YOU'RE about to make..."

"WHAT?!?!?"

"You're going to become a castrati, Justin," The Manager spoke, almost proudly, cradling the boy's testicles in his hand, "You're going to lose these things."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"", Justin struggled wildly against the restraints as he realized his fate!

The Doctor brought a tray filled with shaving and surgical implements. He readied a bowl of water, shaving cream, and a razor, and sat down in between the helpless teen's outstretched legs. The medical expert covered the captive groin with shaving cream and slowly removed what little hair had grown there. He took a washcloth and cleared the remnants of the cream away, then patted it dry with a towel.

"Looks like he's enjoying himself," The Manager noted as Justin realized in horror that he had a raging hard-on!

"Shame to waste it," The Doctor replied, taking Justin's cock in his mouth. It was small, but full of doomed promise; the young man was mortified when he shot a load of cum into the man's hungry mouth!

"Try some," The Doctor said; The Manager replaced his friend in the chair, licking the sensitive member as the captive boy screamed in useless protest! Another load shot into The Manager's mouth as the slender young body writhed in agony and ecstasy!

"I'm going to clean him out," The Doctor stated, having brought an enema bag with him. A dollop of lube on his finger, and the helpless anus felt its first unwelcome penetration! The helpless heartthrob screamed as the nozzle slid into his rectum and started shooting hot, soapy water into his bowels! He struggled in vain as his intestines filled up, and soon, he felt like he would burst! Violent cramps forced his body into paroxysms of excruciating pain!

Both men's pants were straining against rock-hard erections; they almost got whiplash as their cocks practically flew out! The sight of the struggling teen fighting in vain against his bonds as his ass was filled was too much for them to be able to control themselves!

The Doctor felt Justin's abdomen; it was starting to distend from the water pressure, and if his abs weren't rock hard already, this was just as good! He noticed that the enema bag was empty, so he got the bowl underneath the end of the table ready; he pulled the nozzle out, and a stream of water immediately shot out! It seemed to last forever; when it finally subsided, he wiped the excess water away, adding another dollop of lube.

"Want honors?", He asked The Manager, who nodded his approval.

With one motion, The Manager simultaneously stepped in between Bieber's legs and thrust his throbbing hard-on into the boy's captive ass! Justin emitted a combination gasp and scream as his virgin anus was violated! Again and again, the man's cock rammed the helpless bunghole balls deep! The rape continued as the helplessly bound youngster pleaded and screamed! Time stood still as the thrusting cock filled the boy, culminating in a humungous load of cum shooting deep into the helpless bowels as The Manager groaned from the effort!

He pulled out, exhausted, stepped back, and had to steady himself against the wall; no sooner had he stepped back than The Doctor rammed his own cock inside the helpless boy butt, making Justin scream even more! Soon, another titanic load of cum filled the boy's ass, and The Doctor pulled out.

"I've gotta piss," The Manager said, "Back in a moment..."

"Wait," The Doctor replied, "He's got a mouth, doesn't he?"

He went to a drawer and pulled out a ring gag, deftly fitting into Justin's mouth. The Manager stepped into a short stool, aimed his cock, and pissed a stream of golden juice into the helpless boy's mouth!

"SWALLOW IT!!!"

Justin had no choice but to swallow The Manager's urine, nor did he have any option when The Doctor did the same!

"And now," Said The Doctor, "It's time to make you a boy forever, Justin!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

The Doctor carefully washed Justin's entire groin, down to his butt crack, then dried it off. He went over to the sink and washed his hands, then put on surgical gloves. Taking a tube of betadine, he squirted a generous portion right above the boy's not-quite-mature cock, then spread the goo over his captive crotch, making sure his balls were thoroughly covered.

He picked up a scalpel in his right hand, walking up to Justin's face and showing it to him; walking back between the helplessly bound legs, he grabbed the helpless scrotum with his left hand as the boy screamed and pleaded even louder!

He sat down on the stool, lightly tracing along the center ridge of the ball sac with the scalpel; Justin screamed and pleaded more vociferously than The Manager would have ever thought possible!

"Normally, the incision would be made in the side of the scrotum," The Doctor explained, "But this way, a scar won't be as noticeable."

He sliced into the tender skin, leaving a trail of blood in the scalpel's wake. Even with Justin's agonized writhing, he was bound securely enough that his crotch was totally immobilized, so it didn't disturb The Doctor's precise skills. He made just enough of an incision to allow the orbs to be pulled out, then made a second incision through the tunica, exposing the boy's now-doomed baby-makers!

Justin was crying like a hysterical girl as The Doctor pulled his right nut out of the sac; he clipped a small weight onto the ball, then let it fall, smiling. Both men started laughing as the vas deferens was pulled to its full length! The Doctor made sure the cord was out as far as it could go, then he deftly clipped a hemostat onto it, sliced through the cord, and cauterized the end, taking the severed testicle and dropping it into a pan. He repeated the process for the other ball, then he picked up a pair of cosmetic testicles.

"After the scar heals, nobody will be able to tell."

The Doctor deftly inserted the fake balls into the scrotum, then precisely stitched up both the tunica and the sac itself. His stitches were small; The Manager was impressed by the man's skill!

"What happens if he tells somebody about this?", The Manager asked, worried.

"Not a problem," Came the reply, as he started connecting a headband to Justin's head, then connecting wires to an electrical device, "We'll just erase his memory."

The Doctor pressed a button; Justin's body twitched as electrical pulses went through his brain, taking the memories of the last few hours with them! After a minute or so, he turned the box off; the helpless boy's body passed out, exhausted!

"In a couple weeks," The Doctor explained, "Any remaining testosterone will be out of his body, and he'll be as calm as a lamb."

"He won't be a cocky little douchebag anymore?"

"Nope; his voice won't ever change, either."

"Excellent!"

"Need a snack?", Asked The Doctor, holding up the bowl with Justin's ex-nads.

They both laughed.

THE END.

You'll find love

Hi /b/,

When I see /b/tards posting every day about how much they hate being single and how girls have fucked them over, I feel truly bad. Everyone goes through times where they feel lonely, but that doesn't make it easy, and it's a feeling nobody deserves.

You may think that you will be single forever, or that you are marred by some flaw that will keep any decent girl from wanting you, be it acne, your physique, or your ability to interact comfortably with girls. However, I promise that this is not the case.

There is something about you that makes you irreplaceable to the right girl. The right girl might not be a 10/10, but she is the right girl for you, and as such, you will think she's beautiful. All of you are attractive in some way, even the niggers. Maybe you are funny, or you are smart, or you are dependable, or you are just good at listening. The girl who is worth your heart will see these things in you and you will be in love and happy.

I'm ashamed for how my sex treats you sometimes. Like a lot of guys, a lot of girls look for the wrong things in a partner. It seems like everywhere you look, people just want somebody who is "hot" and "charismatic." You've wanted a lot of girls who haven't given you the time of day. However, you are better off for having these girls pass you by, because they are vapid, shallow, stupid bitches.

Someday you will find somebody who loves you deeply and completely. When this happens, I hope you realize that all of the time spent striking out was worth it, because it led you to something wonderful.

I love all of you and wish that you could love yourselves. Things will fall into place in each and every one of your lives. Just hold tight until then.

Swan fucker

Whats the sickest/most devious thing you've ever done?

Here's mine:

One evening when it was really late I was walking around in the near by park. Barely anyone came to this park even during the day.

I saw this swan sleeping on the grassy area, no where near the lake. If you have ever seen a swan or a goose their bodies are very attractive (but swans faces are kind of ugly). I was looking at it's neck and wondering about the swans esophagus.

To make a long story short, I cut it's neck, almost cut it's head completely off but not quite. It died as I fucked it's esophagus. It's wings were flapping a lot which really turned me on because a swan has beautiful wings. I would squeeze on it's wings as they flapped, those wings were truly the best part. As it tried to breath the esophagus would tighten against my dick all while the blood was pumping out all over my dick and balls. The red blood was so good looking against the white feathers so I'm glad I decided to do it with a swan and not a goose (even though geese are more attractive in the face). I was completely naked for this and afterwards I washed off in the lake.

It's pretty much the most violently sexual thing I've ever done. I've NEVER been attracted to any other animal besides birds and that's only because of the shape of their wings. I find wings to be irresistibly arousing. It was so violent and exciting. Afterwards I felt so relived, like I had spent the day at a spa. All my muscles were relaxed and I was very chill.

ZOMG Becky

File:BeckyCopypastaImage.jpg

Yes, that is the bitch from iCarly. No, it's not known which bitch is talking to who.

ZOMG Becky, I just found out all these guys on 4chan who I thought were so cool are actually virgins in real life, can you believe it? As in never had sex, never touched a girl 'down there', never been on a date, probably never even held hands romantically or heard the words 'I love you' from a girl. They seemed so cool and laidback till I found out they have no social lives, have never even kissed a girl, can barely talk to one or even look her in the eye and never had any kind of relationship. LMFAO, and they seemed to know so much about sex. That is just so, so sad you know? I just want to hug each and every one of them and tell them: There's a special girl for you out there somewhere, don't give up hope, humans weren't made to be lonely. It's also kind of adorable, a guy being a virgin, haha, I feel so sorry for them. I hope they find happiness someday. But yeah, trouble is they're so starved of attention that when I try to help them, they end up falling in love with me. They're like sweet lle lost puppies looking for affection and a home, but it wont be with me lol. Anyway, let's get out of here, I'll leave them some advice for their social anxiety, but their overcompensation for their virginity with macho talk, sex talk and misogyny is getting tiring. I used to take offence at 'Tits or GTFO', 'Back to the kitchen' and them calling us 'cumdumpsters'. Actually, I found it kind of hot, but now it's like, lol. But I still feel sorry for them, you know? Because I know it must be hard and embarrassing for a guy to live as a virgin, and kind of awkward for their families as well. Anyway let's get to the coffeshop. Have Josh and Eric meet us up. I'm sad to be leaving , but the threads were only funny when I thought it was guys like Josh posting, but I just can't take these guys seriously anymore, I mean, they're virgins! They'd stare at the floor if I was standing in front of them, lol. I suggest the rest of you girls follow us out of 4chan.

Don't Judge Me!

hey 4chan I can't tell people in real life so I'm just going to vent here. All my life I have felt different. I could never put my finger on why. Oh wait, I mean SCALES. Fuck. Anyways, this shit started a year ago. I was born with freckles, crimson eyes, and an incurable case of a common skin disease. I was constantly teased by little shits who thought they were sooo cool. Here's what I have to say: FUCK YOU LITTLE SHITS.

Okay, back on topic, last september I met the love of my life. His name's Kellie. It is NOT a girl name! I took one look at him and fell in love. He had these yummy brown eyes and thick black hair and he thought that I was sexyy. But when I brought him to meet my family, they didn't approve. Just because he's darker than me! It's not fair at all. My mom married a Protestant and her family shit bricks so now she's taking it out on me and my future hubby! But, I don't need her.

So, six months later things were SUPER serious. Kellie and I got engaged! the ring was..a little old and covered in liquid but I wasn't complainin'. A month later, my 21st birthday, was when I first noticed the changes. My eyes started to get kinda green, and the scabies spread but it was my goddamn birthday, and I'm sexy so I didn't care. The night was wild! Kellie and I did it!!! It.was.amazing.

5 months later I found out that I was expecting!!!!!!! A BABY BOY! We named him Julio after a book that Kellie loves called julie of the wolves or some shit like that. The day Julio was born was the best damn day of my shitty life. He was so beauteous!!!! he had Kellie's sexy eyes and dark hair, but my skin. And, you won't believe this, but Julio had wings. Real wings! I didn't tell any of my friends though 'cause no one would believe me but it's true. It doesn't even matter now though. I don't have anymore friends.

Life was great for a while but then things got stranger. My voice got deeper and more scratchy, and Julio learned to walk when he was like 6 weeks old. It got harder to catch the baby when he would misbehave, but Kellie didn't even care. He just laid around and ignored me.

I only got mad at Julio one time, and he flew away!!!! Just flew right out the damn window! I'm completely falling apart. I can't stop crying and now Kellie is so distraught he can't control his bowel movements. I need help! But none of my friends will speak to me and my parents think I'm disgusting. I never liked my mom but she's all I have now. And my dad, he's not even my real dad!!! My mom finally confessed that I'm half dragon! My real father is a reptile living in the fucking Sahara! What the hell. And guess what else? I can't even report my missing son to the news because my husband is a german shephard and society wouldn't approve. Love knows no bounds, conservative Christian hate mongrels. Fuck you.

Not all muslims are terrorists

Alright, you dumb fucking Americans. Both left-wings and right-wings. The right-wings tend to view all muslims as terrorists. While the left-wings blindly replies with "not all terrorists are muslim". Now, you dumb fucks want to know how to spot a fucking terrorist out of the billion fucking muslims? Simple as fuck. Islam have several GROUPS of believers. Those groups believe different parts of the Qu'ran. Ill just mention the two biggest groups nao, who make up about 75% of muslim groups.

Now, the Sunni muslims... Those guys are way moar peaceful than any christian fucking group you'll ever find. They believe in love and all that bullshit. And their countries aren't complete fucking chaotic. Saudi-Arabia, The United Arab Emirates.. All ruled by Sunnis.

And, the Shia muslims... The Shias believe in holy war. Jihad. It does NOT fucking matter if the Shia muslim is a 12 year old girl or a 60 year old man. They believe the same parts of the Qu'ran. They believe every non-muslim deserves death. The Shias also run countries such as Iran and Libya. Taliban is also a Shia-based islamic group.

Alright. The Shia muslims and the Sunnis are mortal fucking enemies. And by that, I don't mean like the fucking conservatives and liberals. I mean, they'll fucking kill eachother.

So, Amerifags.. About 30% of muslims believe that you should die. The remaining 70% are just like you and me.

Now discuss, you dumbfucks.

Kristen

File:Kristen Copypasta Image.jpg

A lot of kids at school are making fun of me saying I look like a boy (I'm a girl!). My friends say it's because of my hair but I like my hair short.

What should I do? All the teasing is getting to me.

why slug more slug

1- Slug is so much light than snail who have shell to copy slug technology.

2- The snail use the shell because is a fucking faget.

3- snail got crush so easy, and you can give the slug to ur dog chew and it ll still eat lettuce.

4- shell is MORE heavy than no shell.

5- some slug have internal shell because more evolved

6- Your cousin will not want to stay on your house to play slug.

7- If you trow the slug on the wall, the wall will go up.

8- Trow both on water and watch which will come up first.

over 9000- slug at mate will make a slimecord. The snail will show dribble.

10- All slug are hermaphrodite. Snail is too but because faget

11 - slug is the name of a bullet. Snail means it is slow.

12 - Slug will eat carrion, slug dont give a fuck

13- slug didn’t needed an upgrade. Slug is perfect

why snail more snail

1- Snail is so much heavy and strong. if snail does not kill you he can hit you with it. weight is a sign of reliability.

2- the slug got evict from shell because he is poor.

3- slug get crush easy, snail shell get crush, snail crawl away to find another. it is like having 1up.

4- shell is more stronger than no shell

5- snail evolve shell out of itself, internal slug shell is copy of superior snail technology.

6- your sexy little sister lift up her skirt when she see snail.

7- if you trow snail at wall, wall will catch snail and happy.

8- trow both on water and see wich can breth underwater which has surfase for air

over 9000- snail at mate will find a quiet leaf or hotel, slug is brazen hussy

10- snail is hermaphroditte faget becaus he hate biches only care for monie

11- snail is nail with curve added. slug is fake monie because he is poor.

12- snail only feast on finest foods, snail is coinesseur.

13- slug is 100000 years undeevolve, only survive because affirmative action.

Hitler S.I.

One hitler shall henceforth be a unit of measurement equal to 6.0*106 human deaths.

Standard SI prefixes apply. Thus Harold Shipman's achievements amount to 36 microhitlers.

The true utility of the hitler as an SI unit is it allows useful unit conversions.

For example: the EPA currently values a human life as being worth 6.9 million us dollars (6.9 megadollars). A simple unit conversion thus gives us 1 hitler is equivalent to -41,400,000,000,000 dollars. (-41 teradollars).

It can therefore be quantitatively established whether or not someone is "worse than hitler". When congress failed to pass a stimulus bill in 2008 the market lost 1.2 trillion dollars in 1 day, roughly equivalent to 29 millihitlers. Joseph Stalin is the only human I know of who can be called worse than hitler, as his achievements clocked roughly 5 hitlers.

When your bank nails you with a 35 dollar fine, you can confidently tell the teller that they are currently fucking you over to the tune of 84 picohitlers and ask if they have a very tiny auschwitz behind the counter.

Why hating the negro is irrational.

The negroid brain, with its fewer folds is wholly unsuited to the type of intelligent work required in modern societies. On the other hand, the musculature of the negro physique makes him amply suited to simple, repetitive field work and domestic servitude. The more capable among their race may also rise to positions of factory and manufacturing work. The negro is entirely happy in these positions and unlikely to become uppity or difficult.

It is the rise of the service economy and the growth of the first kind of jobs, with the decline of the latter type of work, coupled with the idea that he is capable of rising to a higher position, a cruel myth fed to him by do-gooder liberals, that has led to idleness for the negro. He has failed in his attempts to better his position and, angry that he was lied to, has lashed out by prodigiously taking to crime and becoming accustomed to living off welfare handouts.

I would argue that the solution is not to hate the negro, but rather to understand his plight. One cannot expect miracles from him, just as one cannot expect a dog to perform surgery or design a building. But you would not hate the dog for that. Like a dog, the negro merely needs to be guided and trained to channel his abilities into socially useful functions.

Cashrolled

Hey you,

My name is Rick, and I am never gonna give you up. All of you have let me down, made me cry, and spent all day telling lies and hurting people. Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten this from any other guy? I mean, I guess it's fun knowing the game and playing it, but you all take to a whole new level. Inside we both know what's been going on.

Don't be a stranger to love. You know the rules and so do I. I'm pretty much perfect. I have been nominated for a Grammy, and had a #1 hit. What games do you play, other than "running around deserting people"? And if you ask me how I’m feeling, I also have a banging hot girlfriend (We’ve known each other for SO long). I just wanted to tell you how I was feeling. I gotta make you understand.

Pic Related: It's me and my full commitment

Shaving My Ass Hair

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

Subtle Grammar Nazi

The grammar in this place is really terrible.

/b/ is starting to look like it's nothing more than a bunch of teenage faggots.

If you can't use proper grammar, then don't come on this website. It's not facebook, nor it is Nickelodeon.com. It is /b/.

I can understand the grammar jokes, like "Trolling is an art." That stuff is funny, I don't have a problem with it.

However, if I see one more faggot start a sentence without a capital letter then I will lose faith in this board.

If I see another person switch "Their, They're, and There" or "Your and You're." I might seriously consider not coming back to it anymore.

If you post with bad grammar in this thread, you're not trolling me. You're just proving yourself do be a dumbass. Regardless of anonymity, you're still out there somewhere. Whoever you are, you're a dumbass.

How Wear Animal Skin?

hey /b/ so god was a man and he made adam and eve and then meteors came to kill dinosaurs but adam was sad because dick is ronery and then meteor hit eve balls and eve balls went chestboobs and then adam was happy and incest but eve wasnt happy so he took an apple from a tree and had to wear animal skins.. but dinosaurs were hit by meteor how wear animal skins?

dis rokema i bring story with lots of phyloosox in everyday stay tunes pls

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thank you for like my story, im bad english lol but ill write more tomorrow, remember to archiev for newfahs

Incest with little sister

First I'd like to say troll please go away this is a serious matter.

To start off I would like to say that I'm 14 and my little sister is 9, no more details will be given except these fake names Me, Josh and my little sister Amy. Now, it wasn't till recently where my whole life changed, it happened last Thursday when my parents went to a work formal and made me babysit my sister. Normally my sister is quiet and doesn't bother me which is good but this night it was different. So my parents left me some money to buy pizza so I felt pretty good. When the pizza came my sister took it and went upstairs so I just started watching some Foxtel. I was flicking through the channels boring myself to to death because Foxtel in general is shit so I hit up some "Special interests" channels ;). I went to go check on my sister to make sure I was safe to beat off without her popping in. I quickly headed back to the TV and began to rub my penis. This porno was pretty hot I must admit and I kept stopping and going and just playing around, after about 15 minutes I was about climax and I hear "Josh What are you doing?" The first thought that went through my mind was "FUCK!" I quickly hid my boner with a pillow and changed the channel "Amy, go away" but she just stood there. I could feel the awkwardness building up she said "Josh, what was on the TV? I kept hearing weird noises" I was going red and said "It was nothing, just a ad" she said "Okay, can I sit next to you?" so, you sat next to me and my boner was RIGHT under the pillow and she laid on top of it! She started playing with my leg and me being the ticklish person I am jumped and the pillow fell off revealing my penis. For about ten seconds she stared at it then she grabbed it I yelled and said "AMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING" but I didn't push her off it just felt so good and she began to lick it. I know it sounds fucked up but I enjoyed and when I cummed in her mouth I liked it! That's fucking fucked! She ran away laughing and I just sat there stunned.......Any ideas?

How Halo Reach ruined my life.

I was living a very happy life. I had a beautiful girlfriend whom I loved very much, a decent job, and plans to graduate from college and get a degree in the fine arts and architecture. I had my own house and my own car. I wasn't rich or anything, but I was in good shape. Anyway, life was good. My friends had been telling me about this awesome game called Halo Reach. I played some of the halo games before and they were alright I guess. I didn't really have time for video games anymore, but I did have an xbox 360.

After being pestered to try Reach, I decided to give in. So I borrowed a copy of reach from one of my friends. The campaign was alright. It wasn't amazing, but I had fun. Multiplayer was alright too and I had fun playing matchmaking with my friends. But then we played invasion, I enjoyed it a lot. I loved being on the elite team. The elites kicked ass! So I played invasion a lot. Every time my friends got on, I would ask them to play invasion with me

So after a few days of playing invasion, something weird started to happen. The grunts the elites made when they rolled or sprinted began to appeal to me. They began to turn me on. I felt very uncomfortable about this because I was sexually attracted to my girlfriend. I began to have strange dreams about elites. I dreamed about the naked arbiter from halo 2. They disturbed me greatly and yet I just couldn't stop thinking about them!

One day, when my girlfriend had to visit her family, I got on halo reach. The internet was down so I thought I could mess around in forge or something. But I could not stop thinking about the elites and the grunting noises they made. So I started up a custom game of slayer by myself and used the elite model. I set the sprint loadout to infinite use then I taped the x button. My elite began to sprint and the grunting noises he made were so beautiful!

I couldn't help but become aroused as images of male elites accompanied the grunts emanating from the TV. So I closed my eyes , unzipped my pants and I began to pleasure myself. I imagined that I was a female elite and that a male elite was making love to me. I hadn't been jerking off for 2 minutes when I came. It was so fast!

A week had passed since I jerked off to the sounds of an elite grunting. But I could not get it out of my mind. My girlfriend was beginning to notice that something was on my mind as I was not up to my usual performance in bed. I told her that I was just thinking about work related problems. I found that I was no longer being aroused by my girlfriend. But I did not want to lose her. So I imagined that I was a male elite and that my grunts were his. I also imagined that my girlfriend was me. This seemed to be working in the meantime, but it didn't last for long.

When my girlfriend wasn't around, I would jack off while thinking about the arbiter. Each time was amazing! But, it wasn't enough. I wanted to feel the penetration. So I experimented with different things that could safely emulate the texture and shape of an elite penis. I tried many different things: bananas, pears, the broken off handle of a swiffer, and cucumbers. I finally settled on cucumbers. It hurt at first, but I got used to it. My orgasms doubled in strength. I would turn on halo reach, go into a custom game, get the elite sprinting, lube up the cucumber with vaseline, stick it in me, the masturbate.

Eventually, the cucumbers got too expensive to buy and my girlfriend was getting suspicious about all the "rotten cucumbers" in the garbage. So I had to find a more permenant solution. After some browsing online, I found a special toy store called [url=http://www.bad-dragon.com]bad dragon.[/url] It was a weird website that sold dragon dildos. I was looking for something that could emulate an elite penis, so I settled on something called the fusion. After a month of waiting for it to arrive, it finally did. MEanwhile, I had spent $100 on cucumbers and vaseline.

I tried it out and it was amazing! The bumps tickled as they went in and they filled me up inside! My orgasms had tripled in strength! Sometimes I almost passed out! It was amazing! But...things went downhill. I got fired from my job because my productivity went down. (I kept masturbating instead of working). I had a hard time finding another job in this economy. Then one day, my girlfriend walked in on me. I didn't hear her get home. She must have heard my groans and my cries of "OH ARBITER!!!" because she walked in on me just as I came all over The TV. She screamed as loud as she could and I jumped up, pants down and dildo up my ass, grunting elite sounds coming from the TV.

MY life has hit rock bottom. I have no girlfriend anymore, I am jobless, I had to sell my car and my xbox. I am currently on Social Security and I had to drop out of college because I could no longer afford it. This is how halo reach ruined my life. This is also why you should remove elites from matchmaking bungie.

The Royal Treatment

my "situation story" begins like this. ponyfag here. not the kind who posts in threads, just a viewer of the show. nothing more.

One day, I wake up in the fields of Equestria, south of the royal city of Canterlot. One of Princess Celestia's royal guards reportedly found me motionless and unconscious on the ground, and had no idea what i was. I arrived at the Princess's castle, where i confronted her, still unconcscious. Using her magic on me, i woke up. Princess Celestia then greeted me, and i greeted her, as she dismissed everybody from the room. We then started to talk, who i was, how i got there, when Celestia started talking about "other" things. She then used her magic and gently took my pants off, and started to give me head. It was pleasurable, and i soon began to enjoy the "royal treatment". Soon after, Celestia took her mouth of of my cock, and turned her rear towards me. Throbbing juices were dripping from her wet, soft, pink pussy. Celestia rammed her ass in my face, forcing me into bliss and the tastes of only the finest of whines. Her ass and pussy in my face soon turned to sex, and i soon came. Wiping my massive cock and it's juices all over Celestia's face was more than i could ask for in a sudden warp to Equestria, and That was all i could think of....until Celestia's "lesser" sister, Luna, barged in. Luna and I got in one little fight, and my mom came in and said"You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air".

Rebar's Many uses

Hello /b/,

I am currently a college student taking a biology night course with a very unique individual. I trust most of you are familiar with the "furry" fandom. Well, as it turns out, this particular gentleman sitting on my right is quite the avid fursuiter. He's a very quiet person, seemingly dull in his silence. He never makes eye contact, or pays attention to the professor, yet he always seems to be fervently scrawling something into his binder. I had no warning for this, nor am I even now completely sure why this happened, but during one particularly boring lecture, as I sat staring at the corner of my desk, aimlessly tapping my pencil against the cheap wooden frame, I felt a gentle tug on the sleeve of my sweatshirt. I turned to see him leering at me through his circular-framed, quarter-inch thick glasses. For a moment there was silence, until he feverishly began to gesture towards his now visible notebook. What I saw upon the page, was the startlingly accurate likeness of my face, portrayed as the head of some sort of anthropomorphic animal. Unfortunately I also witnessed the erratic smears of what appeared to be ejaculate across the page. As I sat, taken aback by this curious, blurred rendition of myself, I felt his constant, wide-eyed stare continue to bore into my face. Just about that time, the sharp ring of the bell brought the chilling moment to a temporary reprieve. I looked away and gathered my things as quickly as possible, and, at a brisk walk, left the classroom without looking back.

Seven hours had passed since that particular biology class. I sat at the personal desk in my dorm room, bouncing a rubber ball against the surface. I didn't bother to show up to the two classes I had scheduled afterwards. I glanced down at the digital clock, glowing in the darkness. It read 4:17 a.m. I leaned back in my chair, regarding my ceiling fan, heaving a sigh of an emotion I could not place. Was it fear? Anger? Hate? I could not tell. I leaned forward again, and saw out of my periphery, the clock registered a different time. As I turned to see, I could've sworn that in a brief moment, "BU:RN" lit up the digital display. I blinked and the time was 10:18 a.m. Not believing this sudden change, I paced to my window, drew my curtains, and still my beating heart, the campus was bustling. Feeling sick, I collapsed onto my bed, clenched my sheets, and began breathing heavily into them. After I had calmed down a bit, I glanced again at my clock, and it read 10:21, 9 minutes until my next class. I can't remember what happened the rest of the day, but a blur of images seem to stick out in my mind. The janitor's broom, a broken bottle on a street corner, a length of muddy barbed wire in a distant doorstep.

The time was 8:29. Half an hour until that class. I wouldn't let it happen again. I needed him gone. I didn't enter the classroom, yet sat perched on a tree branch near the closest possible window to his seat. In my right hand I grasped a bent length of rebar from the construction site of the university's new complex downtown (I have no distinct memory of going there). I peered through the window, observing him. As always, he was ignoring the professor and scribbling vigorously into his binder. I scowled. It dawned on me that it was probably the same picture I had seen before, my image fueling his feverish sexual fantasies. I became angry. I clenched my teeth and gripped my weapon. Minutes passed. Hours. My nose began to bleed, and I tasted the crimson iron. The bell rang. I saw him leaving, the last to exit. His glasses, his neatly combed hair, the shape of his face, these things made me angry. When he was a fair distance away from the tree, I found I could wait no longer. I dropped from my perch, hearing a dull crunch as I made contact with the ground. My left ankle was limp. I waded through the pain and approached the worm. With a well- placed swing, I shattered the small of his back. The first noise I had ever heard him make escaped his mouth in the form of a pitiful yelp. This enraged me further. I bent over and gripped his shoulder, hard. I yanked him onto his back, through his broken glasses his eyes displayed fear and shock. Submission. He was completely helpless and knew it. This made me angrier. I raised my right foot, ignoring the pain in my left, and smashed my heel into his nose. His scream was music, the blood pouring from the twisted stump of what was his nose was artwork. Lifting his head by the collar of his shirt, I brought my face an inch from his and yelled "FURFAG GOES IN EVERY OVEN!" with this, I pressed the end of the metal rod into his mouth and slowly began to increase pressure into the back of his throat. His bloody vomit muffled what cries he could muster. Soon, the length of rebar was completely through his neck, shoved into the ground as if to nail down a tent. My adrenaline began to subside, my blurred vision came into focus, and I began to really notice the pain in my ankle. I stepped back from the corpse of my tormentor, horrified at what I had done. I needed to leave. Immediately. I limped over to the curb and whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say that this cab was rare, but I thought 'Nah forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'. I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8, and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'. I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

See Also

• Archive 1
• Archive 2
• Archive 3
• Archive 4
• Archive 5
• Archive 6
• Archive 7
• Archive 8
• Archive 9
• Archive 10
• Archive 11