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| [[File:Window bomb-300x82.gif|center|500px]]
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| [[File:Typical Mac.jpg|thumb|right|Your typical iMac]]
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| '''Mac OS''', (also known as '''[[Old meme|System Software]]''', '''[[TL;DR|Macintosh Operating System]]''', '''BSD 2: [[Electric Boogaloo]]''', '''[[Retarded|Whack OS]]''', or '''Crap OS''') is [[Apple]]'s abomination of an operating system that was created for the sole purpose of making the first OS with a GUI. Originally shipping with Apple's crappy computers known as "Crapintosh", the Macintosh OS is technically a bait-and-switch scheme to promote overpriced Mac hardware. Unlike Windows, Macintosh OS will refuse to install on a non-Apple machine. You can only install it on "Mac" hardware. (Ironically, Windows ''can'' be installed on an Intel-based Mac.) Also, Apple is also known to have an outstanding [[furry|cat fetish]] (Panther, Tiger, Leopard, Snow Leopard, [[Lion]]...).
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| ==Classic Mac OS==
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| [[File:Sad mac.png|thumb|right|Typical screen on Classic Mac OS]]
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| In 1985, Macintosh System Software 1 was introduced with the [[Shit|Macintosh 128k]], which to this day still rapes people with the "This program has unexpectedly quit for no fucking reason. All information was lost. Haha." message. The machine that it was installed in was overpriced, had no color, had no hard drive, and its only appeal was that it made everyone want to join an [[1984|Orwellian totalitarian regime]]. No one bought it. Jobs therefore blamed the Pepsi salesmen for not doing their jobs. Subsequently, Jobs was kicked out of Apple.
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| The Mac OS was also just as useless as the Macintosh. The interface was only in [[fail|black and white]], only ran one application at a time, and often crashed for no reason. A Mac OS user was prone to getting a "[[emo|Sad Mac]]" screen within a few <s>months</s> weeks, proving how useless the Mac OS was. The Mac OS, whenever there is a new release, requires more resources and specs per release, and therefore, a person's mac would become obsolete within 3 years. As a result, a Macfag is forced to buy [[at least 100]] macs in their lifetime.
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| After years of ignoring all the bitching and whining from their faithful Macfags, Apple decided to fix all the problems that the System Software had. System 4 introduced multitasking, but was still useless because Apple's crappy low-spec machines could not handle multitasking well. Mac OS was finally in color starting with System 6, and the crappy machines that were also introduced upon its release. Apple later renamed the System Software to Mac OS (Starting with System 7.5) because Macfags, like the complete retards they are, wanted to give the OS a name in order to avoid confusion with other OSes.
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| To milk their Macfags out of more money, Apple decided to make the transition from 68K chips to PowerPC chips, thus rendering all existing Mac OS apps useless and forcing all Macfags to buy new software one of Apple's overpriced $2000 PowerPC-based computers with less specs than that of a PC. Despite these "[[lies|improvements]]", The Mac OS still had no protective memory and was still prone to crashing during startup.
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| Apple's failed attempt at adding protective memory and preemptive multitasking to the Mac OS was started with Project [[Nigger|Copland]], which was a completely rewritten version of the Mac OS. It was never completed due to [[over 9000]] drawbacks and delays. Apple's last resort for creating a new and improved Mac OS was buying NeXT, rehiring Steve Jobs, and using NeXTSTEP to create Darwin and Mac OS X.
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| ==Mac OS X==
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| [[File:Panic 1.jpg|thumb|right|Typical boot screen on Mac OS X]]
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| [[File:Linux_osx_shot.JPG|thumb|right|Linux users typically try to fake "The actual thing" to look [[Gay|hip]] and [[fucktarded|cool]].]]
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| [[Image:ILife_-_something_happened.png|thumb|[[LOL WUT|You'll have to use your intuition to figure out what]]. Mac OS X: computing made simple]]
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| [[Image:Illustrator_fail.jpg|thumb|[[FAIL]]!]]
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| [[File:Mac kernel panic.jpg|thumb|right|[[Bullshit|Macs have been proven to be very stable]].]]
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| [[Image:Ubuntu_macbook.jpg|thumb|[[You are doing it wrong]]!]]
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| Mac OS X is ripped off from the [[BSD]] and Mach kernels (both of which are free and open-sourced). Mac software consists entirely of stolen [[Windows]] software from the 1970s, redesigned to be even [[moar]] [[homosexual]] and retarded, and about 50 times as expensive. Somehow, this poorly-coded, rehashed software takes up as much hard drive space as one hundred installations of [[WoW]] (also the reason your 120Gb iPod Classic can only hold roughly 110Gb from the day you get it). To make matters worse, Steve Jobs decided to name every release's codename after [[kittens|cats]] in order to make Mac OS X appealing to [[furfags]], therefore resulting in furfags making up 20% of the Macfag population. For this, you can [[troll|thank]] Steve Jobs for his [[epic fail|landmark contribution to the world of computers and digital technology]].
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| ===Public Beta===
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| To address all of the Problems that the original Mac OS had, Apple accidentally Mac OS 9 and replaced it with a new, twice as worthless, and completely rebuilt Mac OS, which was constructed from stolen BSD code and coding from NeXTSTEP. Apple decided to let their fellow Macfags give it a try and released the beta to macfags for $30 a pop. The beta turned out to be very shitastic and unstable. Despite intended to [[Lie|never crash]], to have [[shit|better]] visuals than the classic Mac OS, and to have protective memory, the Public Beta constantly suffered from thousands of bugs and Kernel Panics (the OS X equivalent of the BSoD) for every time it booted, was extremely slow, did not support any printers, Carbon was incomplete and was incapable of running Classic apps. All these problems caused massive bawww among the beta testers, and the problems were ignored by Apple upon the release of Mac OS X 10.0.
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| Mac OS X included a "[[sarcasm|great feature]]" that stores all your passwords in a nifty program to let you organize and view them all. This of course means that anybody you let use your computer can see you have logins for [[homosexual|biggayassfuckings.com]], [[lemonparty|oldmensuck.org]] and [[pedophile|hotpreteensluts.net]], thus confirming their suspicions that you're a [[sick fuck]]. Also enjoy having your facebook raped in the ass every week and having your name officially changed to Dick McSuckerton.
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| ===10.0 [[kittens|Cheetah]]===
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| Despite the name "cheetah", it was a very laggy and slow OS, printers were still unsupported, was incapable of playing [[porn|DVD movies]], still suffered from kernel panics, and could not sync to [[iPod]]s. Only 3 people bought it and anyone who bought Cheetah was entitled to a free upgrade to Puma.
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| ===10.1 [[Cougar|Puma]] and 10.2 [[Jack off|Jaguar]]===
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| Puma was made to milk even more money from macfags and was labeled as "[[Bullshit|an improvement to Cheetah]]". [[Shit nobody cares about|It included more printer drivers and a DVD player]], but in reality, it was only a minor improvement, still had bugs, and was just as slow as Cheetah.
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| ===10.3 [[niggers|Black Panthers]]===
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| Nothing significant was introduced. The only improvements were a redesigned [[LSD|Aqua interface]], Expose (which crashed all your apps when attempting to switch to another), and the introduction of [[Safari XPS Attack|Safari]].
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| ===10.4 [[Goatse|Tiger]]===
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| Massive [[rage]] ensued from Apple when news of Mac OS X Tiger was leaked on the Internets, including screenshots of Tiger. Apple tried to [[Delete fucking everything|sue everyone]] in an attempt to cover up the leak.
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| Apple later announced that it would port its OS to the x86 architecture, thus causing macfags who previously bought a new PowerPC system to slit their own wrists.
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| The [[GNAA]] trolled over 9000 macfags and OSX86-fags when they "released" a "leaked copy of Tiger for x86" via torrents. However, that "leaked copy" turned out to be an ISO containing the word '''GNAA''' in ASCII and repeated over 9000 times. The ISO, when booted, showed [[Hello.jpg]] rather than an installation screen, [[Nobody|thus crushing the dreams of those who wanted to run OSX on their PCs]] (thus causing many to become [[An hero]]es.)
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| ===10.5 [[Furry|Leopard]] and 10.6 [[Russia|Snow Leopard]]===
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| Leopard and Snow Leopard included over 9000 shitastic and useless features. For example:
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| *Leopard/Snow Leopard have redesigned [[LSD|aesthetics]], but people have still failed to give a shit.
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| *Leopard/Snow Leopard magically (and intuitively) turns all your Bluetooth devices like wireless keyboards and mice into useless intuitive paperweights. It does this by intuitively ignoring the built-in Bluetooth modules and intuitively pretending you don't have Bluetooth installed. It also negates any hopes you had of synchronization with your [[iPhone]].
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| *Leopard/Snow Leopard will intuitively deactivate all your USB peripherals like digital cameras and intuitively restore their factory setting to whatever year you bought it. Alternately, Snow Leopard will intuitively fail to recognize anything you plug in.
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| *Leopard/Snow Leopard will intuitively reset all of your system preferences every time a minor patch comes down the tubes. Anything you customized or changed on your machine after installing the intuitive original, 10.6.0, will revert to the factory settings. As a bonus, 10.6.2 will intuitively randomly change your settings and preferences to the defaults on any of the (now deactivated) peripherals .
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| *Leopard/Snow Leopard's radical '''[[usb cord|Time Machine]]''' intuitively backs-up all your [[porn|stuff]], (factory) settings and applications automatically so that you [[lazy|don't have to worry about it]]. However, since Snow Leopard will either intuitively ignore or reconfigure the external disc you've chosen for backup, you'll have to use ''your'' intuition and back your shit up elsewhere too.
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| *Leopard/Snow Leopard's '''Rosetta''' intuitively 'translates' all your [[old meme|PowerPC]] and pre-OSX 10.6 applications for seamless integration with the Intel/10.6 environment. As an optional installation that comes with your Snow Leopard software, it eliminates migration hassles since you can't actually install it.
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| *Snow Leopard cannot be installed on PowerPC machines, thus causing many [[niggers|PowerPC users who cannot afford the new Intel machines]] to rage. As a result, PowerPC users are forced to make many cuts in their budgets to afford the newer Intel machines. Or they can just build a fucking [[OSX86|Hackintosh]] like every other [[retarded|smart]] person.
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| *Snow Leopard comes with the brand-spanking-new [[vidya|QuickTime 10]] -whether you want it or not. And since QuickTime 10 doesn't come with a browser plugin, you'll have to use your imagination when trying to view instructional vidyas on Apple's website.
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| ===10.7 [[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!|Lion]]===
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| Lion is Apple's latest craptastic <s>Operating System</s> service pack that is set to come out in July. Just like its predecessors, it will require double the specs that your current Mac has. Also, since its a 64-bit only OS, Macfags with early Intel macs will rage because they don't have 64-bit chips. Steve Jewbs decided to make the Mac OS's interface appear more like iOS's interface because of his iPhone and iPad fetish. Lion will include [[at least 100]] new <s>features</s> bugs, including:
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| *Multi-touch Gestures: Just like an iPhone/iPad, this feature lets you zoom in by pinching, double tapping, scrolling with two fingers, swiping to the next page/app with two fingers, etc. The feature is fucking useless because [[Fail|all Macs lack a touchscreen]] (unless you bust your ass for a $100 USB tablet from Wacom or Crapple).
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| *Launchpad: A grid that appears on the Finder's desktop and assorts your apps, just like how an iPhone or iPad would. This feature is also fucking useless because the Finder already has an application sorter: THE DOCK, YOU FUCKING RETARDS. [[Facepalm|Its been there since Public Beta]]!
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| *App Store: A place where you can buy new apps for your Mac. It also gives discounts for some apps. It is Apple's new scheme to brainwash their Macfags to get apps this way rather than using DMGs. When all Macfags finally use the App Store, Apple will <s>probably</s> definitely restrict the manual installation of Apps, meaning that you will no longer be able to pirate your softwares.
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| *Full Screen Apps: Switches your apps to fullscreen. Perfect for watching HD pr0nz.
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| Also, OS X Lion will drop support for Rosetta, meaning that people who are still using PowerPC apps on their Intel Macs will no longer be able to use them. This means that you are now forced to buy a new version of that app you use. As a result, classic Mac OS X games like [[BOLO|Bolo]] are no longer playable.
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| ==Variations of Mac OS==
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| ===Newton OS===
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| Newton OS was the system that powered Apple's failed attempt at creating a [[PDA]]. The PDA itself was horrible because [[fail|it ran on AA batteries]], was twice as expensive as a PDA, the handwriting recognition [[Engrish|could not interpret handwriting well]], and its was in black and white. Nobody bought the Newton, but Apple attempted to make another portable device by creating iOS and the iPhone.
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| ===Darwin===
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| [[File:IFail.jpg|thumb|right|[[Sarcasm|iOS is very reliable and dependable]].]]
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| Darwin is basically a complete [[copypasta]] of FreeBSD that Apple used as the open source basis of Mac OS X. It is <s>just</s> twice as hard to use as FreeBSD and is so buggy, featureless, and so unstable that it would make any [[BSD]]/[[UNIX]]/[[Lunix]]fag want to [[An hero|blow their fucking brains out]]. When Mac OS X was released for x86, Apple decided to repeal the open source label on it and [[GET OUT|closed off the Darwin source from the intranets]]. Their reason for doing so was "[[Lies|to prevent anybody from attempting to make a clone of Mac OS X]]".
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| ===iOS===
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| <div style="margin-bottom: 0.5em; border: 1px solid #ccc; padding: 2px; background: #F9F9F9; text-align: left; font-size: 95%; max-width: 350px;">
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| [[Image:18px-Nuvola apps xmag.png|left]]
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| ''Moar info: '''[[iPhone]]/[[iPad]]'''.''</div>
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| iOS is a dumbed-down and half-assed version of Mac OS X for [[iPhone]]/[[iPod]] [[molestation|touch]]/[[iPad]] and Apple TV. The interface is just as horrible and shitastic as the desktop version of Mac OS. The App store is [[fascism|always being patrolled]] and watched by Apple's legion of <s>employees</s> Nazis, who [[Bureaucratic fuck|banhammer decent apps like Google Voice from the App Store]]. Apple iOS also infringes people's right to privacy by tracking down the user's location. <s>
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| [http://www.blogiversity.org/blogs/willburns1/archive/2011/04/22/iphone-tracks-and-stores-your-location-constantly-how-to-view-and-delete-the-file.aspx No, seriously]. </s>BALEETED
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| ==Mac software==
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| [[Image:Apple logo rainbow 6 color.jpg|thumb|right|Apple shows its support of the homosexuality of its users in the 70's, when if you hadn't had sex with a man, you were below 10 or above 70 years old.]]
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| [[Image:Mac_sucks_featuring_you.JPG|thumb|right|LEST WE FORGET]]
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| [[Image:Imachentai.jpg|thumb|iMacs typically come installed with [[at least 100|500]] gigabytes of [[CP|Hentai]].]]
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| Apple likes to brag about the fact that you can OMG WRITE EMAILS AND CHAT ONLINE WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS, as though this were an impressive accomplishment, despite the fact that Macs fail at performing even these rudimentary tasks. Trying to get a Mac program to run properly, or even run at all, is only slightly more difficult than teaching your Chia pet to do calculus. Fortunately, Macs have a total of seven software programs available to date, so you won't have to worry about this problem much.
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| Need to run a program for that college class you are in? OOPS YOU OWN A MAC LOL! The real world runs on a PC, thus programs are tailored for them. So be cool, get your Mac, show up to class, and then run to the bookstore and get a $70 mirroring software bundle so your shitty Mac can run programs built for the PC. But it's all good, because the software comes with a free [[Homosexual|hand job]] from [[Mr_Hands|Mr. Jobs]].
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| In addition, Apple has a strange ability to conjure up all of the smug in everyone, and as such, their [[shit|software]] will physically and mentally alter their users to believing anything that Apple says, and claiming that Apple software is always [[gay|better]], much more [[gay|secure]], and whatever else their [[retarded|enlightened]] brains are told. To this day, [[trolling|complementing]] Apple's [[shitty|professional]] hardware is one of the most enjoyable things to do. Much [[lulz|self-righteousness]] will ensue.
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| == Mac Viruses ==
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| Ever wondered where all the viruses for Macs are? Mac [[fanboys]] will [[buttsecks|bullshit]] you, saying that it is due to the Mac's enhanced virus protection. However, 1: Macs are almost as vulnerable to viruses as [[Windows]]. And 2: For a virus to exist, someone has to be around to make it, and nobody uses Macs. That's right, Macs can't even get negative attention. [[Shit_nobody_cares_about|Nobody gives a shit about them.]] Even [[Linux]] has better security than Macs. [[You|Pretty damn pathetic]].
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| As of April 2009, [http://community.winsupersite.com/blogs/paul/archive/2009/04/22/mac-market-share-in-q1-2009-3-36-percent-apple-earnings-strong.aspx Apple has less than 4% global market share] (it's something like 9.4% in the US). So the reason why Macs get less viruses is because, since almost nobody uses Macs, there's little incentive for adware companies to make viruses that target them. So when iDiots try to convert PC users, they're shooting themselves in the foot because if they make Macs more popular, they also make them a bigger target for virus makers, and that "security" they like to brag about won't seem so great anymore due to the fact that, in reality, it [[Nice try|doesn't exist]].
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| Anyway, Apple's idea of "virus protection" is not letting you install [[at least 100|half of the programs that exist]] on the [[internets]].
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| Contrary to popular belief, a few viruses do exist on all Apple machines ranging from [http://www.ciac.org/ciac/bulletins/ciac-09.shtml old] to new (except for the ones that are new, give it a week or four). [http://www.kb.cert.org/vuls/html/search CERT] listed about 258 Apple security vulnerabilities in May, 2008. Apple keeps the ones it discovered secret. A newer one fucks with gravity sensors inside the MacBook (which further proves they are insane) and ejaculates your MacBook to space. Users of this virus simply plug in a USB flash drive and if autorun is active on said MacBook, it is [[raped|fucked]]. Unfortunately for said virus, autorun does not exist on OS X, rendering this virus somewhat useless, relying instead on the "honor system", whereby the user must erase their hard drive manually. Mac-loving [[faggots]] (aka [[Fanbois]]) will constantly complain about this, claiming that this is not a virus but a "prank which fucks up your computer". On a serious note: [[ALL CAPS|WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS A VIRUS?]]
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| ==OSx86==
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| [[Image:Inspiron-osx.jpg|thumb|Installing OSX on a PC - only something a stupid [[n00b]] would do.]]
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| Due to their high price (due to Steve Jobs' hunger for jew gold), many people cannot afford Macs. As a result, some [[1337]] [[h4x0r]]z and [[script kiddies]] resort into hacking Mac OS X in order to install it on their PCs (due to the fact that they were too <s>[[poor]]</s> [[Jews|stingy]] to buy a real Mac). PCs that run the Mac OS are known as "Hackint0shes". However, it is nearly impossible to run the Mac OS on your PC without having Steve Jobs lawyers [[rape|ramming you]] [[in the ass]] with [[over 9000]] [[lolsuits]]. Steve Jobs reason for suing anyone's ass (for those who do hackint0sh) is that "[[Hypocrite|Mac OS X is intellectual property and installing it on a PC is copyright infringement]] and because [[shit nobody cares about|Mac OS X's EULA states that OS X cannot be installed on a PC and doing so is a violation of a contract and because violating contracts is a violation of the constitution]]".
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| Note: Because Hackint0shers are running Mac OS X on their PCs and love Mac OS X, they are technically closet macfags, or macfags-in-denial. The fact that they believe that Mac OS is superior to [[Windows]], although they cannot afford to buy a real mac or because they [[Jew|don't want to buy a real mac]]. When they finally buy an authentic Mac, they become full-blown Macfags.
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| ==Things that Mac OS X is incapable of doing==
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| [[File:Macfagswinfagslinuxfags.jpg|thumb|Avoid the debates. This sums up everything in one picture.]]
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| [[Image:Jobs-Wales.jpg|thumb|Wikipedia on the iPhone 4]]
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| *'''Run Games''' - To date not even ''[[Battletoads]]'', one of the most profound and popular games ever invented, is available to play on an Apple computer, because each and every NES emulator for the Mac is shareware, that happens to [[Jews|cost $30 bucks, just to play in fullscreen and/or with a gamepad]]. In order to play any game besides ''[[BOLO]]'', ''Glider Pro'' or ''[[Marathon|Marathon 2: Durandal]]'', you would have to simply forget about it, and buy a new [[Windows|computer that isn't a Mac]]. For those who still wish to be elitist douchebags, you can use the commercial program ''CrossOver Mac'' to try and run Windows games on a Mac, though the only game proven to work through this method is ''[[Furcadia]]''. ''(Only $69.95 for all the pixellated yiffing you can stroke your dick at!) ''Aside from emulation, or buying a new computer, the second-most effective [[final solution|last resort]] Macfags have discovered is to install [[Windows]] itself on their overpriced toys through a utility called ''Bootcamp'' developed by [[lolwut|Apple themselves]]. The result more or less resembles a functional Windows PC (but with a gay, white case), but if you're going to do all that, why not just buy a real computer? For the same price as the only low end, bottom of the barrel iMac one can afford, a standard PC with some decent hardware can easily be purchased for much less, and thus you will not be doomed to game on a pathetic [[Micropenis|128mb video card]] that you can't remove or replace, because [[Fail|Macs aren't upgradable]].
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| * Be inexpensive.
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| * Have ads that aren't annoying or insulting.
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| * Have users who aren't uptight douchebags.
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| * Have programs that "Just Work."
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| * Play any game besides ''[[BOLO]]''.
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| * Last for even a week without requiring extensive repair. (spoiler:your logic board burns out within it's first year)
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| * Have repairs that cost under $100
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| * Update existing software (because there never was any to begin with).
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| * Play any one of the [[Starcraft 2|few]] [[Team Fortress 2|macgames]] [[portal|available]] without overheating and getting a mere 2 fps.
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| * Be plugged in without blowing every fuse in your house.
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| * Do anything even remotely resembling the normal functions of a computer.
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| * Be able to function as anything except a clunky, hideously ugly, $3,000 paperweight.
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| * Think of something you want it to do, then substitute here.
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| * Become heterosexual; there's no chance of this happening.
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| * Have owners who know how to turn it on and off without being told how to do so
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| * Close a program with one button
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| ==Things that Mac OS is capable of doing:==
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| *Not getting any viruses when you look at pr0nz.
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| *Getting viruses when you install that pirated version of [[photoshop]] you couldn't pay for because you wasted all your money on a useless [[apple|mac]].
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| ==See Also==
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| *[[Apple]]
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| *[[Steve Jobs]]
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| *[[Faggotry]]
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| *[[Aids]]
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| *[[BSD]]
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| *[[Lunix]]
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| *[[Windows]]
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| *[[P-p-p-powerbook]]
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| *[[iPhone]]
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| *[[iPod]]
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| *[[iPad]]
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| *[[you|Useless]]
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| {{softwarez}}
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| {{Timeline|Featured article May 27, [[2011]]|[[TMI]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[The Great Em/b/assy Security Leak of 2007]]}}
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| [[Category:IRL Shit]]
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