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Liz Shaw: Difference between revisions
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'''Liz Shaw''', born Elizabeth Joan Shaw in Wellington, is a [http://http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hambeast hambeast] currently residing in Auckland, [[New Zealand]]. Liz likes to pretend she is Australian despite not having Australian citizenship. New Zealanders wish she would go to Australia, Australians are happy she doesn't. | '''Liz Shaw''', born Elizabeth Joan Shaw in Wellington, is a [http://http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hambeast hambeast] currently residing in Auckland, [[New Zealand]]. Liz likes to pretend she is Australian despite not having Australian citizenship. New Zealanders wish she would go to Australia, Australians are happy she doesn't. | ||
She started her career as an [[Attention_whore]] back around 2005 with an spectacular [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOIRMe17imo NZ Idol] appearance. | She started her career as an [[Attention_whore|Attention whore]] back around 2005 with an spectacular [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOIRMe17imo NZ Idol] appearance. | ||
After leaking the plot to [[Shortland Street]], Liz managed to get herself banned from one of the larger production companies in [[New Zealand]] which was a bit of a problem as she had wanted to get herself a job in the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBIslHssggE MAINSTREAM MEDIA | After leaking the plot to [[Shortland Street]], Liz managed to get herself banned from one of the larger production companies in [[New Zealand]] which was a bit of a problem as she had wanted to get herself a job in the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBIslHssggE MAINSTREAM MEDIA]. | ||
Liz managed to get the attention of a bunch of [[Basement Dwellers]] | Liz managed to get the attention of a bunch of [[Basement Dwellers]] with her antics on the Internet and even had a [http://forums.nzgames.com/showthread.php?t=68542 sub forum] dedicated to her attention seeking ways. | ||
In 2011 Liz Shaw decided to run for [[New Zealand]] parliament as a candidate for Auckland Central. As with most things she sets her mind to, she [[fail|failed]] dismally and became the laughing stock of the country once again. | In 2011 Liz Shaw decided to run for [[New Zealand]] parliament as a candidate for Auckland Central. As with most things she sets her mind to, she [[fail|failed]] dismally and became the laughing stock of the country once again. | ||
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Liz has tried to live in Australia at least 4 times and each time has ended in disaster. Last time it is claimed that she ended up in debt and broke and had to some back to New Zealand to live as Australia kicked her out. A debt collection agency in Sydney is now looking for her over unpaid debt. | Liz has tried to live in Australia at least 4 times and each time has ended in disaster. Last time it is claimed that she ended up in debt and broke and had to some back to New Zealand to live as Australia kicked her out. A debt collection agency in Sydney is now looking for her over unpaid debt. | ||
Despite all this, Liz still has a love affair with Australia and it is obvious she wants to marry it. This could be a problem however as she already married Auckland. | Despite all this, Liz still has a love affair with [[Australia]] and it is obvious she wants to marry it. This could be a problem however as she already married Auckland. | ||
Who knows, maybe she will one day get herself a job in the Media over there. Ripper. | Who knows, maybe she will one day get herself a job in the Media over there. Ripper. | ||
While in Sydney, Liz experimented with illegal narcotics. No problem though, everyone in [[Sydney]] does [[ecstasy]]. Besides, after we have done a weekend of prostitution, drugs, gambling and god knows what else there is always [[GOD]] to turn to.. well, unless you are just too lazy to get off that sofa and | While in Sydney, Liz experimented with illegal narcotics. No problem though, everyone in [[Sydney]] does [[ecstasy]]. Besides, after we have done a weekend of prostitution, drugs, gambling and god knows what else there is always [[GOD]] to turn to.. well, unless you are just too lazy to get off that sofa and go to church. | ||
Oh, if more politicians had such a rosy background the world would be a happier place. | Oh, if more politicians had such a rosy background the world would be a happier place. | ||
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[http://auihc.orconhosting.net.nz/craccum/pyschoemails.html] | [http://auihc.orconhosting.net.nz/craccum/pyschoemails.html] | ||
she just | she just didn't know to go away (still doesn't, will never learn) | ||
== NZX Porn Shoot == | == NZX Porn Shoot == | ||
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== NZ Idol and Media Aspirations == | == NZ Idol and Media Aspirations == | ||
In 2005 Liz Shaw auditioned for a place in season two of NZ Idol. Not only did try to take over host Dominic Bowden's presenting job, only to spectacularly fail, but she also performed a shocking rendition of Malibu by Hole/Courtney Love. The audition was featured on a G027 Telecom ad as being a bad example of what you could watch on your mobile and Judge Paul Ellis commented that Liz she was a "talent-free zone" | In 2005 Liz Shaw auditioned for a place in season two of NZ Idol. Not only did try to take over host Dominic Bowden's presenting job, only to spectacularly [[fail]], but she also performed a shocking rendition of Malibu by Hole/Courtney Love. The audition was featured on a G027 Telecom ad as being a bad example of what you could watch on your mobile and Judge Paul Ellis commented that Liz she was a "talent-free zone". | ||
Liz is so passionate about working in the "mainstream media" that she offered to cut off both her arms. | |||
Liz is so passionate about working in the "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBIslHssggE mainstream media]" that she offered to cut off both her arms. | |||
== Political Career == | == Political Career == | ||
[[Image:LizPolitics.jpg|thumb|right|She got a set of political slogan cards produced for $500]] | [[Image:LizPolitics.jpg|thumb|right|She got a set of political slogan cards produced for $500]] | ||
In 2011 Liz Decided she would stand as an Independent MP for the Auckland Central electorate. Obviously as with everything else Liz does this was doomed to failure before it started. However, many [[lulz]] were had and her facebook political page was up and down more times than a [[prostitute|Vietnamese hooker]] on crack. | In 2011 Liz Decided she would stand as an Independent MP for the Auckland Central electorate. Obviously as with everything else Liz does this was doomed to failure before it started. However, many [[lulz]] were had and her [[facebook]] political page was up and down more times than a [[prostitute|Vietnamese hooker]] on crack. | ||
Liz, as an aspiring politician had the right idea, her stance on censorship was overwhelmingly obvious with anyone who disagreed with her or asked questions she found difficult to answer finding themselves banned. This included the Human rights commission who kindly pointed out that this was not the best political strategy. | Liz, as an aspiring politician had the right idea, her stance on censorship was overwhelmingly obvious with anyone who disagreed with her or asked questions she found difficult to answer finding themselves banned. This included the Human rights commission who kindly pointed out that this was not the best political strategy. | ||
Revision as of 04:51, 22 September 2011
Liz Shaw, born Elizabeth Joan Shaw in Wellington, is a hambeast currently residing in Auckland, New Zealand. Liz likes to pretend she is Australian despite not having Australian citizenship. New Zealanders wish she would go to Australia, Australians are happy she doesn't.
She started her career as an Attention whore back around 2005 with an spectacular NZ Idol appearance.
After leaking the plot to Shortland Street, Liz managed to get herself banned from one of the larger production companies in New Zealand which was a bit of a problem as she had wanted to get herself a job in the MAINSTREAM MEDIA.
Liz managed to get the attention of a bunch of Basement Dwellers with her antics on the Internet and even had a sub forum dedicated to her attention seeking ways.
In 2011 Liz Shaw decided to run for New Zealand parliament as a candidate for Auckland Central. As with most things she sets her mind to, she failed dismally and became the laughing stock of the country once again.
Australia
Liz loves Australia and sometimes dreams that she was actually Australian. Luckily for them she was born in Wellington and while she can work in Australia, is not a citizen.
Liz has tried to live in Australia at least 4 times and each time has ended in disaster. Last time it is claimed that she ended up in debt and broke and had to some back to New Zealand to live as Australia kicked her out. A debt collection agency in Sydney is now looking for her over unpaid debt.
Despite all this, Liz still has a love affair with Australia and it is obvious she wants to marry it. This could be a problem however as she already married Auckland.
Who knows, maybe she will one day get herself a job in the Media over there. Ripper.
While in Sydney, Liz experimented with illegal narcotics. No problem though, everyone in Sydney does ecstasy. Besides, after we have done a weekend of prostitution, drugs, gambling and god knows what else there is always GOD to turn to.. well, unless you are just too lazy to get off that sofa and go to church.
Oh, if more politicians had such a rosy background the world would be a happier place.
Shortland Street
Liz, also an aspiring actress, was the first extra to be blacklisted from Shortland Street after leaking storyline details about the soap's romance of the year to a fan website. Liz has been banned from Shortland Street and all other South Pacific Pictures productions because she posted information she gleaned as an extra.
Craccum Debacle
she just didn't know to go away (still doesn't, will never learn)
NZX Porn Shoot
In 2005 Steve Crow, ‘the porn king’ advertised a nude model search in Craccum, the University of Auckland’s student magazine. The prize was $10,000 wiped off the winner’s student loan. Liz participated and posed nude, and while she did not win the competition, received $400 for her participation. Photos are widely available online, and many critics have suggested that Liz may have been more successful if she had simply waxed and wiped her ass
Liz Shaw's porno pictures. Warning: It's digusting.[2]
NZ Idol and Media Aspirations
In 2005 Liz Shaw auditioned for a place in season two of NZ Idol. Not only did try to take over host Dominic Bowden's presenting job, only to spectacularly fail, but she also performed a shocking rendition of Malibu by Hole/Courtney Love. The audition was featured on a G027 Telecom ad as being a bad example of what you could watch on your mobile and Judge Paul Ellis commented that Liz she was a "talent-free zone".
Liz is so passionate about working in the "mainstream media" that she offered to cut off both her arms.
Political Career
In 2011 Liz Decided she would stand as an Independent MP for the Auckland Central electorate. Obviously as with everything else Liz does this was doomed to failure before it started. However, many lulz were had and her facebook political page was up and down more times than a Vietnamese hooker on crack.
Liz, as an aspiring politician had the right idea, her stance on censorship was overwhelmingly obvious with anyone who disagreed with her or asked questions she found difficult to answer finding themselves banned. This included the Human rights commission who kindly pointed out that this was not the best political strategy.
Anyway, after censoring the Human rights commission, Liz went on to tackle larger problems, like how to build a bridge between Auckland and Sydney. This of course got picked up by various Media outlets and she became a bit of a laughing stock.
Undaunted by the stupid people laughing at her, she added other things to her slowly growing list of policies and things she stood for (I know, most politicians work this stuff out BEFORE running, but not our favourite Attention Whore)
Right before she once again failed to actually finish something she started, and removed her political campaign page, she had written: "Standing for parliament has been a long term goal of mine, and I'm doing it this year because I feel I have something very worthwhile to contribute and the time is right.", I guess the time was actually wrong.
Some of Liz Shaw's Policies
- Building a Bridge between Auckland and Sydney
- More rights and assistance for Homeless
- Remove all social services that could actually help the homeless
- Except those she uses
- Kill the disabled and intellectually challenged
- Outlawing breastfeeding in public
- Forcing earthquake stricken Christchuch to relocate to Otara
- "Fixing" Auckland's Public Transport
- Introducing a toll bridge between North Shore and Auckland Central
- Reducing the toll charge when she got a car
- Banning the burqa
- Paying those with physical disabilities less to work
- Ensuring women are paid less than men
- Reducing immigration - need to mention that she had no clue about the procces that is currently in place; or criteria
- 0% income tax
- Paternity testing for the whole nation!