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Kujman: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 23:57, 20 October 2021
Kurt "Kujman" Jelinek is a psychotic foot fetish pornographer and Renaissance fair enthusiast. Notable for being busted selling "theatrical performances" as pornography behind the backs of its participants, Kujman has spent the better part of two decades going to battle with detractors and blaming much of his frustrations on those jealous of his business acumen, artistic vision, and being a better foot porn producer than them.
Ye Olde Nottingham Players
The story of Kujman begins in the 90's with the traveling freak show known as Ye Olde Nottingham Players, a seasonal medieval performance act. A normally unassuming piece of niche theater, The Players and Kurt heavily emphasized "Elizabethean punishment". Which for some reason, revolved primarily around foot torture.
For years Kujman fondled unassuming civilians without incident, until the latter end of the decade when Mr Jelinek bumbled his way onto the internet. Trying to make a name for himself among early online forums, Kujman made the hilariously amateurish mistake of not utilizing alternative accounts for various interests of his within these groups.
The Empire Exposed
During an episode of extremely detailed self aggrandizing in one of these groups, a different user check around and notice that Kujman, under the exact same AOL account he was using for "business", was posting to various foot and torture fetish newsgroups, the majority of which featured content he had shot at these "family friendly" medieval events. Exposed, Kurt did the most professional and dignified thing he could think of, and screamed at the users that he was not a pervert, and threatened legal action against those pointing out readily apparent actions he took on a publicly accessible forum.
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"Professional" at work -
The exposing -
The unloading -
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Digging the hole deeper
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Threatening lawlsuits -
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Note the length -
Confronted with evidence, part 1 -
Confronted with even more evidence -
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Kujman claims a conspiracy -
The ensuing tantrum would be one of the first recorded instances of Kujman being confronted with any degree of opposition, and would feature an array of what would later be Klassic Kujman Komebacks; wall of text diatribes only barely relevant to the topic at hand, accusations that those challenging him did so out of jealousy, and more absurdly, that there were disgruntled third parties impersonating him in order to make him look silly.
Upon Closer Inspection
As Kurt desperately tried to defend himself from accusations of being a low level sexual offender, most of his retorts could be easily retorted by simply looking at the content he hilself was posting everywhere. It became obvious at the first glance that Kujman was indeed selling videos of his family friendly historical reenactments as whack off material.
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Note the exact same set-up from the "reenactments"... -
And a complete lack of denial of it's intended purpose -
Video purchasing rules -
Kujman uses the exact same email to advertise fetish parties -
Years later, Kujman would drop any pretenses of "family friendly fun"... -
and openly say the entire point was doing fetish shit in public -
"Of COURSE we're jerking off, that's the point!"
Going for Broke
Completely exposed and out of options, Kujman would proceed to plow forward with a favorite tactic, and begin to aggressively defend himself under the guise of several other strangers who met and were completely enamored with Mr Jelinek and his whimsical antics. This tactics would, sadly, fail to deliver on it's intended effect, and only serve to further humiliate Kujman in front of his peers, yet again rattling off a series of excuses and vague legal threats against those who refused to kiss ass of Ye Olde Legendary Foot Jester.
Changing Gears
Some time after trying in vain to prove his innocence against slanderous trolls, Kujman went another route and began more openly embracing being A foot fucking degenerate. But he wasn't your every day, run of the mill toesucker! Kujman, and his huge crowd of fans, had actually come to the conclusion that he was King of All Ticklers!
Note, that contrary to his desperate insitence in the Renfaire newsgroups in the late 90's, Kujman would contradict his stories that no civilians or anyone not completely aware that these were fetish performances were ever touched or propositioned to be involved with them under hidden motives about his desire to involve them. Keep this in mind, as it will be important later on.
Kurt would spend years among fetish forums and groups, writing manifestos about how all other forms of foot fetish sex were inferior to his own, ingeniously crafted torture scenarios. He would spin fantastical yarns about impressing and converting everyday pedestrians into joining his torture harem, kidnapping people from whatever city he happened to be in and getting away with it, and building anamatronic tickle torturers that could sense reactions and adjust their tickle abilities by them, an achievement in modern robotics that would almost certainly draw the attention of those in the field and see that Jelinek made millions. But Kurt wasn't going to give up his secret tickle-nology to the hacks and losers in the footfag community, no sir!
Not unlike his behavior in the renfaire groups, Kujman would often seek out negative remarks about himself and lambast haters in his trademark longwinded, rambling style. In a move that does little to arouse suspicion, most Kujman defenders follow a very specific plan of attack; Praise Kujman above all others, peppering in anecdotes about times he vanquished his enemies and impressed all of those around him while doing it, while speaking in longform blithering, ideally in a manner completely indistinguishable from the Master Footman himself.
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Kurt Jelinek; Professional Hooker Torturer -
"I converted some normies you guys!" -
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A sad man mumbling to himself alone -
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"You're the greatest, Kuj! Everyone is jealous of you!" -
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Kurt has it on good authority that the award winning documentary ACTUALLY flopped. -
REALITY! -
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The Master Himself
Now between the fanatic loyalty demonstrated by his fanbase and his own undeniable authority, just who is this legend of the Foot Clan? Readers, behold the wisdom of the one and only Master Tickler.
He's Still at It
Despite all of this, Kurt remains in the Renfaire game; putting on the same foot torture shows and recording them in the same bondage equipment that he has plastered across his Fetlife profile, the normies who witness his spectacle none the wiser.
Now, recall earlier in the article. Kujman claimed there was zero sexual aspect to the foot performances initially, before dropping the facade and admitting he deliberately gets a sexual thrill off of touching strangers, and watching other strangers view a sexually-charged activity without being aware of the context of it. Despite often going into spastic, indignant rages about his integrity being questioned, Kurt objectively lied at some point; either in the newsgroups and Facebook, or on his fetish community profiles- where he stresses "reality" as a cornerstone of his lifestyle.
The simplest answer, of course, is the easiest to come to; Kurt is indeed taking advantage of the ignorance of the population in order to indulge his foot fetish.
So if you ever find yourself at a Middle Ages carnival, and find yourself intrigued by a large, boisterous man attempting to draw your attention to a large, eccentric contraption, know one very important thing; he's trying to take your shoes off so he can burn your feet and then go home and beat off to it later.
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Willy Wonka lookin' mug -
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"I'm gonna make him tickle you!" -
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Poor fucks are none the wiser -
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"Doing something in an immoral, indecent manner in a public family atmosphere" -
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For historical reasons, it's very important you smack and scrape at them with every possible instrument at hand... -
Kuj finds himself at odds with The Machine -
