Angband

The Angband Logo, in all its nerdy glory.

Angband is a Roguelike, much in the vein of Nethack, only less lulzy, indulging players in a much smoother learning and difficulty curve, and pre-packed pretty graphics for faggots who can't handle ASCII.

If Nethack was Butthurt, Angband is Butthurt Lite. Diet Butthurt, if you will.

Nethack always provided a pleasantly terrifying level of terrifying, slaying foolhardy players with a swipe of a kittens claw, and regularly perpatrating hate crimes againts Downies by making it physically possible to die of a broken foot if they felt like just kicking a wall until their foot was no more than a bloody, mangled, splintered stub.

Or, if Nethack was just feeling moody/lulzy, it would kill you on Turn 0 after you've spent an inordinate amount of time number-crunching that perfect character, just by helpfully spawning you in some horrible death trap, such as lava. This event treats you with the pleasant, friendly message...

"Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 zorkmids".

Angband, in comparison, is much more subtle. Angband lets you kick ass for a few levels, lulling you into a false sense of security, comforting you, feeding you everything you need like an infant at a mothers teat... then it punches you in the balls with a suprise ambush of, for example, Hounds. Or, at lower levels, Wood Spiders. Or it'll just be a fucktard and have your character devoured alive by Jackals on level one.

However, don't let this fool you into thinking Angband is easy. Once you get to the final fight, if you've been an asshat and not saught out every named enemy (Including Farmer Maggot and his Dogs), Morgoth with summon them all with a single word, promptly bending you over, opening you wide and shoving your entire inventory into your rectum until you burst in a pleasing shower of gore.

See Also

• Ragnarok
• Nerd

External Links

• Official website, get Angband here