Col Kink: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 01:05, 19 October 2012

Col. Kink (Colonel Kink) is the most depraved man on the interwebs. He is best known for his art on WWOEC promoting things such as degradation of women, sexual enslavement, incest, pedophilia, lesbianism, water sports, cannibalism, scat, etc. Kink is also a former animator from Disney, and his art almost exclusively features Disney Princesses(especially The Little Mermaid).

History

At around 1989, his mother began to refuse sex to him and kicked him out on his ass. Kink spent the following month going to the theater to see The Little Mermaid while drinking cheap gin. It was in that drunken state that his sexual fixation transferred from his mom to the mermaid named Ariel, and the character who we know as Col. Kink was born.

	“	When I saw the movie, she was a breath of fresh air. She was young, she was lovely, she had big eyes and all that red hair, she had a beautiful voice, a fine figure (from the waist up), she had a respectable chest size ... and she was the most naked toon princess I'd ever seen. Cute, young and spunky, and just a bit naive ... what more could a man want? On top of all that, she was the first Disney princess to have a full frontal nude scene in her own movie. Most people, sitting watching a "G"-rated movie, just glaze over it without realizing they've seen a naked pubis. Plus some momentary bare buns. Go back and watch and see if you can spot those scenes.	„
	—A 31 year-old Col. Kink

It wasn't long before Kink began to use library computers to join usenet groups and upload his own sexual depictions of Ariel and other female cartoon characters.

Kink's Rule 34 Formula

Step 1: Pick any Disney princess. Usually Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Cinderella, etc.

Step 2: Decide whether or not you want her to be pregnant.

Step 3: Draw her on her knees with no clothes on and a steel collar around her neck.

Step 4: Add her pissing on herself while shitting, and eating the corpse of another Disney female.

Step 5: Color things in with primary colors and use Photoshop to add some distracting gradients.

Step 6: Finally, add a quote from Edgar Allen Poe about how great slavery/incest/urination/cannibalism/lesbianism/murder/pregnancy is.

Homelessness

Kink remained homeless for over a decade after his first appearance on usenet. In the mid-90s, he used the one computer with Windows 3.2 at his local library to scan in his drawings and color them in with MSPaint. His methods have changed very little since that time; the only significant difference being that he uses a cracked version of Photoshop. You'd think that would improve the quality(LOL) of his work, but ironically he never figured out how to use layers so his work remains as shitty as it looked in 1994.

Employment with Disney

In 1994, Michael Eisner was impressed with Kink's plausible portrayal of Ariel's sex slavery, so Kink was hired to do in-between animation for the Disney movie, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The pole dancing scene with Esmeralda was originally conceived by Col. Kink himself. However, his employment was short-lived as Kink spent all the money he earned from Disney on crack, which he snorted off the ass of one of those girls dressed as Belle at Disneyland. The incident resulted in both public and internal outcry, which left Kink on his ass with nowhere to live(and a crack withdrawal to boot). The scene with pole dancing remained in the film, but the scene Kink directed where Esmeralda shits into Quasi Modo's gaping ass was cut.

Comic Con

Kink's rugged lifestyle lasted until mid-2001, when he showed up as a "professional" to Comic Con to charge money for autographed drawings of Prince Eric feeding pieces of Jasmine's flesh to a tied-up Ariel. This alone provided Kink with enough money to live in a shitty inner-city apartment for a year. None the less, Kink was no longer out on his ass. Kink soon began uploading and selling his art with his new NetZero DSL connection, and his fortune was soon created.

Views on Women

	“	One of my longstanding beliefs is that women should be completely subservient to men. It's my belief that in the great cosmic scale of things, God simplified the whole decision-making process over who leads and who follows by boiling it all down to this: Men rule and women obey. All the major religions take this for granted. When you look at it from an anatomical point of view, it all comes down to this: Men were designed to penetrate, and women were designed to be penetrated. A lot of the woes of the world could be cured if men would stop being afraid to be MEN, take the reins of their families and lay the law down instead of trying to make everybody happy and not upset their wives / girlfriends / etc.	„
	—A 53 year-old unmarried/girlfriendless Col. Kink

Club 33

After Kink made his fortune, he opened a gentlemen's club on Disneyland property called Club 33. Only the sickest(and richest) fucks are allowed in.

Things We Have Learned from Col. Kink

Female submission is great(truth).
Incest is wincest.
Women enjoy pain and bleeding.
Women also enjoy eating your shit.
Women love being constantly pregnant.
All women are bisexual(truth).
Women enjoy menstruation.
Head to body proportions don't matter.
Hairy vaginas are better than bald ones(lie).
Beheading are hawt.
Women want to die.

Gallery

Gallery of Kink About missing Pics

Based on a wet dream.
This is not creepy at all.
It's a dinglehopper!
Proof that Kink is a Trekkie.
Women love torture.
Beheadings are good.
Cannibalism is good.
Kink's message about what actually goes on behind the scenes at Chinese restaurants.