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Mark Twain: Difference between revisions

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[[File:PaulyTwain.jpg|thumb|left|Mark Twain shown with his retarded clone]][[File:Twain.jpg|thumb|Mark Twains typical reaction to Heroin]][[File:Letter8.jpg|thumb|All you need to know.]]
[[File:PaulyTwain.jpg|thumb|left|Mark Twain shown with his retarded clone]][[File:Twain.jpg|thumb|Mark Twains typical reaction to Heroin]][[File:Letter8.jpg|thumb|All you need to know.]]
'''Mark Twain''' also known as [[KKK|Niggerator]], Mark Twat and Samuel Cummens, is a racist genius who wrote about a boy traveling with a [[Nigger|large, retarded black man]], who most likely [[Lie|didn't molest children]]. Mark Twain looks a lot like Albert Einstein and once wrote in a book, he would [[Cripple|cripple]], [[Saturday Night Live|chain him in his basement and cum on his face]], or discuss the credibility of political candidates. There are rumors that He grew up in Canada, but that was disregarded by the [[Jews|Government and Fan Club]] as completely untrue.
'''Mark Twain''' was a master troll, paid to weekly troll an audience eager to hear the [[Whores|wonders]] of the non-American world. He traveled around the world making up whatever shit he damn well pleased, getting trashed [[everywhere|at every port]]. He later settled down and began writing novels, all of which were heavily edited by his [[Bitch|wife]], and so are boring, preachy pieces of shit. He is also the author of the great American novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, which thanks to rampant postmodernism has been misinterpreted to oppose slavery and racism, as opposed to condoning it as Twain intended. 
 
==Early Life==
Twain was born in [[Jodie Foster|Hannibal]], Missouri, and grew up captaining steamships, the 1800's equivalent to [[9/11|piloting airplanes]]. Twain quickly grew bored with conveying hundreds of souls safely up and down a treacherous river, and so with virtually no [[Bookz|body of work]] and no real qualifications, he convinced a newspaper to [[Camwhore|pay for his fare around the world]], ostensibly to document his travels. He quickly grew bored with this, and for the next year proceeded to go wherever the fuck he wanted, routinely drink lethal amounts of alcohol, and fuck any woman whose vagina was not [[BitingBeaver|sewn shut]]. When it came time for an article to be sent back to the paper, he just made all sorts of shit up and threw in a few ethnic stereotypes for good measure. These dispatches were eagerly anticipated by his rabid fans, unknowingly becoming fans of lulz in their infancy.
 
==Latter Days==
In what is a [[castration|death knell]] for any dramatician, Mark Twain was seduced and trapped into marriage by an [[Lady Gaga|ugly succubus]]. Sure enough, his ugly bitch wife kept him from smoking in his own house, nagged him to [[Anti-lulz|eliminate profanity from his writing]], and encouraged his investment in numerous boondoggle projects which bankrupted him. His writing from this period is a [[OhInternet|muted and castrated shadow of it's former self]]. During this time he also adopted a decidedly anti-lulz approach to race relations. There is no debate as to where these views came from.
 
==Mark Twain Today==
[[Tumblr|Quoting Mark Twain]] is one of the surest ways to betray your utter lack of anything approaching sentience. The quote being offered to bolster a [[Fail|faltering argument]] is almost always from a character of Twain's who share few if any traits with Twain himself, failing even to make an intelligible argument from authority. Even were the [[Retard|quoter]] to somehow stumble upon a quote that actually represented Twain's feelings, they are still quoting a bankrupt boat captain nigger lover, and so are automatically wrong.
 
Mark Twain also lent his namesake to a strain of [[pot]]. A lulzy move would be to write a paper on the pot strain instead of the author, and preserve [[Rage|comments]] for posterity. Also, if you take educational advice from this website, you deserve to be expelled anyway.  


==Life==
Even though Mark Twain's life only [[Pedophile|included fantasizing about little boys]] painting a fence in tight overalls with no shirt underneath, Mark Twain was born in the paradoxical town of Florida Missouri, where absolutely nothing happened except profuse amounts of [[Buttsecks|buttsex]] among the [[13-year-old boy|thirteen year old boys]]. When he went to school once every two years (as is the standing tradition for Southerners) He would celebrate the annual "Black Light" A satanic ritual that include setting a Black Person on fire then having sex with the ashes. This has been practiced in the south for a [[At least 100 years ago|long time]] and still happens often.


When Niggerator was old enough to produce sperm He became America's Original Douchebag by devloping the original Guido hair. In Twain's Adolescence he became attracted to a [[Your Mom|fat skank]] and had three fugly children. All of which were neglected like [[Gingers|red headed step children]]. Little is known about Twain's younger years other than he was wrist deep in bisexual relations and alimony for all of his children. Im an interview from the [http://Lemonparty.org Today Show] Twain admit that most of his inspiration for his shit books are from heroin injections.


[[Category:People]]
[[Category:People]]

Revision as of 03:19, 22 May 2013

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Mark Twain shown with his retarded clone
Mark Twains typical reaction to Heroin
All you need to know.

Mark Twain was a master troll, paid to weekly troll an audience eager to hear the wonders of the non-American world. He traveled around the world making up whatever shit he damn well pleased, getting trashed at every port. He later settled down and began writing novels, all of which were heavily edited by his wife, and so are boring, preachy pieces of shit. He is also the author of the great American novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, which thanks to rampant postmodernism has been misinterpreted to oppose slavery and racism, as opposed to condoning it as Twain intended.

Early Life

Twain was born in Hannibal, Missouri, and grew up captaining steamships, the 1800's equivalent to piloting airplanes. Twain quickly grew bored with conveying hundreds of souls safely up and down a treacherous river, and so with virtually no body of work and no real qualifications, he convinced a newspaper to pay for his fare around the world, ostensibly to document his travels. He quickly grew bored with this, and for the next year proceeded to go wherever the fuck he wanted, routinely drink lethal amounts of alcohol, and fuck any woman whose vagina was not sewn shut. When it came time for an article to be sent back to the paper, he just made all sorts of shit up and threw in a few ethnic stereotypes for good measure. These dispatches were eagerly anticipated by his rabid fans, unknowingly becoming fans of lulz in their infancy.

Latter Days

In what is a death knell for any dramatician, Mark Twain was seduced and trapped into marriage by an ugly succubus. Sure enough, his ugly bitch wife kept him from smoking in his own house, nagged him to eliminate profanity from his writing, and encouraged his investment in numerous boondoggle projects which bankrupted him. His writing from this period is a muted and castrated shadow of it's former self. During this time he also adopted a decidedly anti-lulz approach to race relations. There is no debate as to where these views came from.

Mark Twain Today

Quoting Mark Twain is one of the surest ways to betray your utter lack of anything approaching sentience. The quote being offered to bolster a faltering argument is almost always from a character of Twain's who share few if any traits with Twain himself, failing even to make an intelligible argument from authority. Even were the quoter to somehow stumble upon a quote that actually represented Twain's feelings, they are still quoting a bankrupt boat captain nigger lover, and so are automatically wrong.

Mark Twain also lent his namesake to a strain of pot. A lulzy move would be to write a paper on the pot strain instead of the author, and preserve comments for posterity. Also, if you take educational advice from this website, you deserve to be expelled anyway.

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