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| {{crap}}[[Image:Crissangel2.jpg|thumb|right|Be glad they cut the image off at the waist]]
| | #CantStumpTheTrump |
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| Criss Angel is a [[emo|contemporary]] [[fag|street magician]] who makes [[16_year_old_girl|16 year old girls]] and [[you|sexless]] [[emo|emo]]/[[scene|scene]]-[[fags|fags]] believe that he has [[AIDS|supernatural powers]]. He is most [[lie|famous]] for his [[shit|show]] [[goatse|Mindfreak]], on which he performs a variety of [[gay|street magic]], as well [[lurk moar]] [[pedo|for women as much as he can.]] Because of this, [[16 year old girls]], [[gays]], and [[emo]] [[fags]] think he's the greatest thing since [[Dane Cook|sliced bread.]]
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| == TOW's [[Retard|Intelligence]] Strikes Again ==
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| From the [[Wikipedia:Talk:Criss_Angel_Mindfreak|Wikipedia talk page]]:
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| * Angel isn't fake, in fact I'm 100% convinced he does have some supernatural power. Yes yes I know that the point of his illusions is make you think so, but some things he does is absolutely impossible by any means. In addition to his "panty-color predicting" trick, another one comes to mind: He takes a painted card out of a strictly ordinary painting...literally. When he takes it out, the card is no longer there, then he creases it, and puts it back, and it's painted with the crease, when it wasn't there originally. He also takes a $100 bill and a martini glass out of the painting, and again when he takes them out they're not in the painting. He then puts it back. And this is (as far as I can tell) a continuous camera shot, so there's no way the painting could have been replaced. That's my proof. I'd like to see a skeptic try to refute that trick. -Eridani 03:18, 31 May 2007 (UTC)
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| * Angel is fake, in fact I'm 100% convinced he is a fag that doesn't have some supernatural power and [http://www.mollygood.com/david-blaine-is-an-idiot-and-a-fraud-20080922/ David Blaine] [[lie|kicks his ass]]. Yes yes I know that David Blaine [[fail|doesn't do magic]] but [[lie|he is still better]].
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| * How about you leave? You're the one shoving your damn anti-Criss opinions {which no Criss fan here is buying, BTW} down everyone's throats. Here's an idea: if you hate Criss so much, don't watch his damn show, don't harrass his fans, just don't have anything to do with him. If I don't like something, I just don't involve myself in it. You should do the same. Simple solution.
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| == Criss Angel Throwins a Fit and Being Butthurt ==
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| In February of 2002, Criss Angel hung from 8 fishhooks for 5 hours and 40 minutes in Times Square, setting a world record. On January 11th, 2008, Matt '[[lawd|The Lord]]' Zane broke Criss Angel's record as he suspended for 6 hours from FOUR, not EIGHT, shark hooks in [[Las Vegas]], [[Nevada]]. Angel was so [[butthurt]] by being outdone he [[banned]] everyone from talking about it on his [[message board]], located [http://crissangel.yuku.com/directory here].
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| {{quote|"It doesn't surprise me. Not only did I outlast him in terms of length I did it with only 4 hooks instead of 8. A lot of his fans wrote me and said it was impossible and there was no way I could last 6 hours. Well I did and now his fans have to admit that Criss isn't number one concerning one of his stunts. That generated a lot of speculation on his site to weather or not Criss would try to beat me. I don't think he is up for it and I believe he just wants this whole thing to go away."
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| |Matt Zane}}
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| You can go [http://www.zazzle.com/society1/products here] to make Criss more [[butthurt]] by purchasing Zane's "Angel [[Killer]]" t-shirts.
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| ==Criss Angel the rip off artist==
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| Criss Angel claims to be the first person to suspend himself from a helicopter by hooks, when, in fact, the stunt was first performed by Joey Strange, to whom Angel refuses to give credit for the idea and original stunt.
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| Criss was also the first person to play Russian Roulette live on TV. Outrageously, [[England|English]] mind-[[gay|bender]] Derren Brown stole Criss' idea, then - to throw people off the scent - did it [[At least 100 years ago|at least four years before]] Criss, and made it entertaining. Sadly, Angel failed to succeed at becoming [[an hero]], and - after crying like a [[dane cook|pussy]] [[WTF|in front of the fat shit from Korn]] - continues to make magic that's [[bullshit|totally real and not faked]], like turning off the entire planet's gravity for a year and finding some black person extra to go "[[OH SHI-]]" on camera like he isn't being given from fried chicken for his trouble.
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| <center><youtube>MmpS_JKsjyg</youtube>
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| <youtube>KjVJajbD8m4</youtube></center
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| ==MAD TV Spoof==
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| <youtube>a1-1PkdQj4s</youtube>
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| ==Things Criss Angel Can Do (Apparently)==
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| * Fly
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| * Defy gravity.
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| * Shit standing up.
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| * Travel though solids. ''(i.e. your pants to jam your dick in his mouth)''
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| * Walk on water.
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| * Sing in a totally [[gay|cool]] screamo band
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| * Turn into water.
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| * Eat dicks.
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| * Shit [[cutting|razor]]s, because he's an emo fag.
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| ==Generating Drama/Trolling==
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| * Go to any Mindfreak YouTube Video
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| * Post "this guy is fake" or words to that effect
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| * Wait 15 seconds
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| * Say 'David Blaine>>>Criss Angel'
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| ==Sold Out?==
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| Cris Angel, butthurt over his apparent loss of popularity and revenue, has now taken to whoring out all his tricks in a Magic Kit [http://www.crissangel.com/item/featured-magic-new_arrivals-featured_items_main_site/the_criss_angel_mindfreak_ultimate_magic_kit]. Yes, he reveals all of his famous tricks, and includes the supplies needed to pretend to be a faggy magic [[emo|emotard]] just like him.
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| ==External Links==
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| * [http://youtube.com/watch?v=sBQLq2VmZcA He's totally not walking on a plastic bridge here!] (Note how once he kicks off his shoes he sinks a couple centimetres, lol)
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| * [http://youtube.com/results?search_query=criss+angel&search= More shitty camera editing]
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| * [http://www.crissangel.com/ Criss' decidedly un-emo homepage] (Disable speakers if you don't want AIDS)
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| * [http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/147669/detail/ Robot Chicken tears Angel a new asshole]
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| * [http://current.com/items/89160157_criss_angel_s_escape_revealed Criss Angel Exposed as fraud by Fox 13 in Tampa Bay]
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| * [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1060038/Cheating-David-Blaine-booed-crowd-admits-upside-stunt-failure.html David Blaine is also a fraud]
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| {{Television}}
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| [[Category:People|Angel, Cris]]
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| [[Category:Fandom Stuff]]
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| [[Category:YouTube]]
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| [[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
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