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Bright Neon Nike Shirt: Difference between revisions
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[[File: | [[File:Nike target audience.jpg|center]] | ||
[[File:Bright Neon Nike Shirt 1.JPG|thumb|right|200px|Standard Bright Neon Nike Shirt]] | |||
After a long week of belting out "that's what she said" in your remedial English class, leaving inflammatory comments on [[Justin Bieber]] videos, and pondering why none of the girls at school acknowledge your existence, all you want to do is kick back with a cold bottle of Mountain Dew Game Fuel and inform everyone in your Call of Duty Xbox Live party about how they're just a bunch of camping nigger faggots. However, the proper attire is vital to enjoying the highlight of your week. At this point there is only one item of clothing fit for a gentleman of your caliber: a '''Bright Neon [[File:Nike Swoosh Logo Transparent.png|35px|NIKE]] Shirt'''. | After a long week of belting out "that's what she said" in your remedial English class, leaving inflammatory comments on [[Justin Bieber]] videos, and pondering why none of the girls at school acknowledge your existence, all you want to do is kick back with a cold bottle of Mountain Dew Game Fuel and inform everyone in your Call of Duty Xbox Live party about how they're just a bunch of camping nigger faggots. However, the proper attire is vital to enjoying the highlight of your week. At this point there is only one item of clothing fit for a gentleman of your caliber: a '''Bright Neon [[File:Nike Swoosh Logo Transparent.png|35px|NIKE]] Shirt'''. | ||
==Definition== | ==Definition== | ||
There are three main components of the Bright Neon Nike Shirt, each providing its own spin on the classic t-shirt model. The first of these, perhaps the most significant, is the requirement that the shirt must be manufactured and distributed by the Nike corporation. Brand loyalty is crucial for a multitude of reasons, the most elementary of these however being the fact that patronizing the Nike brand proves to the onlooking public that your family can afford to buy you shirts that cost more than the monthly salary of those who produce them, unlike those Mexican kids who have to settle for the knock-off brands you see being sold at those stands in the mall that also sell meme shirts. The next important element is that the Bright Neon Nike Shirt must be as aesthetically unappealing as possible. Nike designers accomplish this by choosing the most heinous, obnoxiously glaring, clashing colors to be paired together for the Bright Neon Nike Shirt. Finally, the icing on the cake is provided by the non-sequitur printed in [[CAPS LOCK|'''BIG BOLD LETTERS''']] across the front of the shirt. | There are three main components of the Bright Neon Nike Shirt, each providing its own spin on the classic t-shirt model. The first of these, perhaps the most significant, is the requirement that the shirt must be manufactured and distributed by the Nike corporation. Brand loyalty is crucial for a multitude of reasons, the most elementary of these however being the fact that patronizing the Nike brand proves to the onlooking public that your family can afford to buy you shirts that cost more than the monthly salary of those who produce them, unlike those Mexican kids who have to settle for the knock-off brands you see being sold at those stands in the mall that also sell meme shirts. The next important element is that the Bright Neon Nike Shirt must be as aesthetically unappealing as possible. Nike designers accomplish this by choosing the most heinous, obnoxiously glaring, clashing colors to be paired together for the Bright Neon Nike Shirt. Finally, the icing on the cake is provided by the non-sequitur printed in [[CAPS LOCK|'''BIG BOLD LETTERS''']] across the front of the shirt. | ||
==Women and the Bright Neon Nike Shirt== | |||
There has never been, nor will there ever be, an instance of a woman successfully utilizing the Bright Neon Nike Shirt. Other than selectively placed Nike street advertisers, any women making a sincere attempt at a Bright Neon Nike Shirt is going to be the typical [[Girl Gamer|GURL GAMER]] archetype whose longing to confirm with pimply soon-to-be truck drivers is likely only a product of the [[methamphetamine]] that ran rampant in her childhood home until social services relocated her. | |||
Revision as of 05:17, 10 January 2014
After a long week of belting out "that's what she said" in your remedial English class, leaving inflammatory comments on Justin Bieber videos, and pondering why none of the girls at school acknowledge your existence, all you want to do is kick back with a cold bottle of Mountain Dew Game Fuel and inform everyone in your Call of Duty Xbox Live party about how they're just a bunch of camping nigger faggots. However, the proper attire is vital to enjoying the highlight of your week. At this point there is only one item of clothing fit for a gentleman of your caliber: a Bright Neon 
Shirt.
Definition
There are three main components of the Bright Neon Nike Shirt, each providing its own spin on the classic t-shirt model. The first of these, perhaps the most significant, is the requirement that the shirt must be manufactured and distributed by the Nike corporation. Brand loyalty is crucial for a multitude of reasons, the most elementary of these however being the fact that patronizing the Nike brand proves to the onlooking public that your family can afford to buy you shirts that cost more than the monthly salary of those who produce them, unlike those Mexican kids who have to settle for the knock-off brands you see being sold at those stands in the mall that also sell meme shirts. The next important element is that the Bright Neon Nike Shirt must be as aesthetically unappealing as possible. Nike designers accomplish this by choosing the most heinous, obnoxiously glaring, clashing colors to be paired together for the Bright Neon Nike Shirt. Finally, the icing on the cake is provided by the non-sequitur printed in BIG BOLD LETTERS across the front of the shirt.
Women and the Bright Neon Nike Shirt
There has never been, nor will there ever be, an instance of a woman successfully utilizing the Bright Neon Nike Shirt. Other than selectively placed Nike street advertisers, any women making a sincere attempt at a Bright Neon Nike Shirt is going to be the typical GURL GAMER archetype whose longing to confirm with pimply soon-to-be truck drivers is likely only a product of the methamphetamine that ran rampant in her childhood home until social services relocated her.