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Malaysia Airlines Flight 370: Difference between revisions
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* [[HAARP]] weather and mind control efforts proved successful - [[Cho Seung Hui|as]] [[Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre|always.]] | * [[HAARP]] weather and mind control efforts proved successful - [[Cho Seung Hui|as]] [[Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre|always.]] | ||
* The pilots somehow [[Divide by Zero|discovered warp speed]], or some kind of Stargate, and the plane's crew is currently being gangraped by aliens way past Andromeda right now. | * The pilots somehow [[Divide by Zero|discovered warp speed]], or some kind of Stargate, and the plane's crew is currently being gangraped by aliens way past Andromeda right now. | ||
* [[Thanks Obama|Obama did it]] - not as in, ''had covert agents plant undetectable C4 on luggage'' - no, our [[Birther|alleged "president"]] actually ''literally boarded the plane and hijacked it Rambo-style.'' He then diverted the plane into the sun and bailed out in the only parachute right before impact. [[I did it for the lulz|For the lulz.]] Still [[Fail|second]] to Osama on the high score table, though. | * [[Thanks Obama|Obama did it]] - not as in, ''had covert agents plant undetectable C4 on luggage'' - no, our [[Birther|alleged "president"]] actually ''literally boarded the plane and hijacked it Rambo-style.'' He then diverted the plane into the sun and bailed out in the only parachute right before impact. [[I did it for the lulz|For the lulz.]] Still [[Fail|second]] to Osama on the [[high score]] table, though. | ||
* The plane really landed in China. All those concerned family and loved ones you see on television? They're paid Crisis Actor shills, and this is all a ruse to keep the press silent from the NWO False Flag Attacks in Crimea that will trigger WW3 and [[Call of Duty|a Russian Invasion of the US.]] Quick, you know the drill! [[K/|''Grab SKS, Go Innawoods.'']] Who Dares Wins. [[Glenn Beck|Buy our exclusive gold investor's kit today!]] | * The plane really landed in China. All those concerned family and loved ones you see on television? They're paid Crisis Actor shills, and this is all a ruse to keep the press silent from the NWO False Flag Attacks in Crimea that will trigger WW3 and [[Call of Duty|a Russian Invasion of the US.]] Quick, you know the drill! [[K/|''Grab SKS, Go Innawoods.'']] Who Dares Wins. [[Glenn Beck|Buy our exclusive gold investor's kit today!]] | ||
Revision as of 03:26, 19 March 2014
You know what they say about journalism... If it bleeds, it leads... right? Unfortunately for distinguished press outlets worldwide, March of 2014 has turned out to be a pretty dry month in the annals of human affairs. In the absence of a lulzy school shooting or Tsarnaev copycat for like, another goddamned month, shit-eating hack journalists had to scrape by on what little they could salvage. Enter the sudden international panic and saturation coverage over the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, a fucking jumbo jet full of chinks, gooks, spics, and spooks. Most of them probably didn't even speak English, - seems like no great loss, right?
As always, the evil liberal Jew media would have you believe otherwise. This is Cuban Missile Crisis, Iran Hostage-level shit going on right now.
Plausible Theories on What Happened
- The leading theory among self-proclaimed experts is that one pilot was in an heroic mood and going for the MS Flight Simulator High Score but proved too pussy to pull off a 9/11 so he just kamikazeed 200+ passengers into the fucking ocean. To his credit, he may have earned second place - a noble effort.
- Can't rule out good old fashioned Jihad! Keep in mind - this is deep shitskin territory we're talking here.
- Catastrophic Mechanical Failure
- Controlled-Flight-Into-Terrain (CFIT), unintentionally or otherwise
- Ball Lightning
- Meteor Impact
Much More Plausible Theories on What Happened
- The Jews did it. (Also WTC, for that matter.)
- HAARP weather and mind control efforts proved successful - as always.
- The pilots somehow discovered warp speed, or some kind of Stargate, and the plane's crew is currently being gangraped by aliens way past Andromeda right now.
- Obama did it - not as in, had covert agents plant undetectable C4 on luggage - no, our alleged "president" actually literally boarded the plane and hijacked it Rambo-style. He then diverted the plane into the sun and bailed out in the only parachute right before impact. For the lulz. Still second to Osama on the high score table, though.
- The plane really landed in China. All those concerned family and loved ones you see on television? They're paid Crisis Actor shills, and this is all a ruse to keep the press silent from the NWO False Flag Attacks in Crimea that will trigger WW3 and a Russian Invasion of the US. Quick, you know the drill! Grab SKS, Go Innawoods. Who Dares Wins. Buy our exclusive gold investor's kit today!
See Also