Johnny Somali

Please leave.

Johnny Somali (Powerword: Ramsey Khalid Ismael, aka ジョニー・ソマリ and 조니 소말리) is a Twitch streamer who sank to the bottom of the lows. In fact, Johnny is so hated, he managed to unite the Koreans and the Japanese—two groups who otherwise hate one another—and convince them to set aside their historical differences in order work to save the rest of the world from Johnny's nonsense. How the hell do you fuck up so badly. Well, that's because Johnny is his own worst enemy; the only person who could cancel him is he himself... and he's doing a pretty damn good job of it.

Real Name

Johnny's real name is Ramsey Khalid Ismael. Apparently he hates being called that... so we're gonna call him that throughout this article. He's also not Somali, he's very obviously Ethiopian.

Trip to Japan

Was an asshole, got arrested, forced to apologize and was deported. Had zero regrets.

Trip to Israel

Was an asshole, got in trouble, fleed. Had zero regrets.

Trip to Korea

Say it in a Busan accent, it sounds tougher.

So after Japan and Israel released Ramsey back into the world after being convinced that he was a good boy and felt sorry for things... Ramsey decided to go to Korea to try to start shit there.

Comfort Woman Statue

So about 15 years ago, the Korean government made like 40 statues dedicated to all the Korean women and girls used as sex slaves by the Imperial Japanese military during World War II. It's a very sensetive issue in Korea, as anywhere between 50k-200k women across the Japanese Empire was pressed into this service. Then the the Korean government thought it would be REALLY funny to place one of them outside of the Japanese Embassy in Seoul. This is an issue that not even the good people of Aurora, Colorado would want to touch... so whether you respect the history of these statues or you're one of those turds who think all those Korean women were making it all up (just like all those 6 gorillion Jews), you can imagine that tensions are high about these statues.

So Ramsey thought it would be SUPER FUCKING funny if he started streaming himself making out with one of statues, and then Diddying himself up with baby oil and danced with one of them. I mean CMON the Koreans are just like the Japanese! They'll just quietly accept all this happening, nothing will go wrong!

"Come And Find Me"

They found him.

"Now youse can't leave"

Well, the Korean police confiscated his US Passport while they investigate all of his crimes (the crimes he broadcast on the internet for everyone to see). But that's OK, Ramsey still has his Purple Emergency Passport! They can't keep him in country for long! ... I mean, that WOULD work if it weren't for the fact that pretty much every airport in Korea has his name on a list and they'll realize he's trying to flee.

So now what? Ramsey is under investigation. Big deal? He'll just beat the charges like OJ Simpson did! Yeah but, one, Ramsey isn't a multimillionaire after making at least two Naked Gun films (also some sports thing, I dunno), and two, he's in South Korea, with completely different laws than in the US. First off, the Korean police COULD have just arrested him and stuffed him in a cell until is court date, but that would mean feeding and clothing the fucker. It's actually FUNNIER if they just let him free in Korea, having to pay for everything himself. And since he can't leave, he only has a visitor visa (not a work visa) and all of his streaming accounts are slowly being banned, Ramsey doesn't really have much of a chance to survive make his time. Bro's cooked.

But c'mon, he's just a dumb American! We have different standards of humor! The Koreans can't give him on anything, right? Well, here's just a short list of his list of actual—technically alleged—crimes that he actually livestreamed himself doing (at least the most obvious ones):

• obstruction of business (업무방해/業務妨害; when he threw his noodle and beer around a shop like a chimp thowing his feces)
• drug use (found when he was arrested and they took either a blood or urine sample to find out)
• anti-terrorism laws (openly stating on text-to-speech 나에겐 폭탄이 있다. "I have a bomb.")
• violating the National Security Act (repeatedly broadcasting North Korean music and other propaganda)
• deep faking images of a sexual nature (Ramsey posted a fake video of him making out an a Korean streamer; this violates a relatively new addition to the Sexual Violence Prevention and Victims Protection Act that makes is a crime to possess or watch them)

Oh and plenty of potential harassment charges as well; apparently if you or a loved one appeared in a "Johnny Somali" video and were harassed by him, you can bring this up to the police and they'll happily add an additional charge against him.

Now whether or not he'll actually get hit with ALL of them is pretty slim. But regardless of what happens, here's a few things to consider:

• whether he gets probation or actual prison time, he needs to serve that in South Korea

• if he's on probation for X years, he's stuck in South Korea for that entire time, almost like how probation works in the USA
• even if he somehow escapes Korea to, say, back to the United States, the US and South Korea have an extradition treaty with one another, so his ass is going straight back
• if he gets prison time, he's really just gonna go to foreigner prison (not regular Korean people's prison) and pick cabbages all day

• despite the fact that, traditionally, Korean sentencing of foreigners has been pretty light, the Korean government is in a unique position to make an example of Ramsey

• because he's an unrepentant nuisance streamer who openly admits he doesn't care about anything, deporting him will just ensure he'll go to a fourth country and become their problem
• South Korea is in a unique position to do the entire world a solid by keeping him in a foreign country with no legal means to earn a living and no way to leave
• South Korea also has a new anti-AI/deepfake law that they want to maybe give it some teeth and Johnny is the perfect person to apply it to

• deporting Ramsey will be the worst thing the South Korean government could do; apart from the fact that he'll just make a fourth country their problem, but the current government led by President Yoon is super unpopular, and the last thing they need is to let Ramsey free in the face of so much public outcry for his head on a silver platter. Yoon and company will likely go for the easy dub and crucify Ramsey.

Soooooo I dunno about you but Ramsey's fate is sealed. Please South Korea—shall we say, BASED Korea—do the world a solid and... allow him to escape punishment by sending him to North Korea! That'll be fucking HILARIOUS.

So What Is His Major Malfunction?

Now as you might have noticed by now, here at Encyclopedia Dramatica we aren't afraid to call someone a "nigger" or "faggot" to explain why they are the way they are. But Ramsey's behavior can't be explained away by simply saying "well he's just a nigger faggot!". Nor can we just consider him a "typical Amerimutt goblin". Ramsey's behavior is something deeper than all of that. In fact, calling him anything like that would be too good for Ramsey; he doesn't deserve those labels.

No, Ramsey is the simplest of simple men. He doesn't even have two brain cells to fight for third place. He even says it himself: the only reason why he's doing what he's doing is for the clout, for the money! And that's what pisses everyone off the most, because you can't fit him into that typical nigger/faggot/Amerimutt/etc paradigm. He is undefinable, an enigma. He's not even doing what he does for the lulz! What a sad and pathetic existence, and that's something coming from us. But hey, at least he's going to be stuck in a country where he'll spend the prime years of his life in, not able to earn a single won doing what he loves and instead being ordered around by people who will outright reject speaking English to him (even though they probably could)... which is probably the funniest thing he'll ever get to do. And they say the universe is cruel and unfair.