User:OldDirtyBtard/The Biz

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Not to be confused with Old School rapper Biz Markie (who nobody beats) "The Biz" is how music industry insiders refer to the business of music (which should not be confused with the music business).

History

A Star Is Born

Music as we know it was invented at Woodstock in 1960. Before that, music was the property of black people.

Music As An Industry

In the mid-'90s Corporate America decided to it needed to pwn all the independent labels because of the huge amounts of Jew Gold it was generating.

A business model made of AIDS and FAIL, major labels sign ten acts knowing only one of them is likely to "make it" and be a "hit". This technique is known as throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks. The stuff that doesn't 'stick' then gets ignored whilst the sticky spaghetti is promoted and marketed up your arse with all the force of a Mike Tyson beating.

Another favourite saying in The Biz is: "You can't make ice cream out of shit." However, this myth was long ago debunked when R. Kelly shit flavoured ice cream was put on the market and gobbled up by shit connoisseurs everywhere.

Sooner or later, this Emperor was going to get called out for being butt-nekkid. And the voice from the peanut gallery turned out to be that of a 13-year-old boy called Shawn Fanning.

Pay-for-Play

Also known as "payola", this standard music industry practise is the second oldest profession in the world after prostitution.

The Internets Age

Pwnt by P2P and iTunes etc.

The Fat Lady Sings

With no further use for the production of physical product, the artists were freed.

The Biz on The Internets

The Velvet Rope

The Velvet Rope is a music industry forum that grew from an old AOL community by the same name that was founded circa 1994 by one Julie Gordon (who has never held a job in "The Biz").

Originally a personal platform to gossip about people and things she knew nothing about, it has since developed into the leading source of methane gas being emitted into the atmosphere and a leading cause of Global Warming.

Most contributors are a bunch of whiners who no longer have jobs in the music biz but wish they did. Others are industry veterans who post under ludicrous names with 'hot tips' and inside information that if anyone bothered checking they'd find it's already on [http:link.com Hits Magazine's Daily Double] or in the Business section of the LA Times.

HITS Daily Double

HITS Daily Double was originally an old media 'tip sheet' called HITS Magazine and geared towards The Biz's major palyers in radio promotions and their partners in crime, the major radio station pushers who decide what listeners are going to hear at least 100 times a day. It now serves primarily as drama-generating tool through its Rumour Mill. Along with the Velvet Rope, the Rumour Mill is required reading to navigate the shark infested waters of The Biz.

See Also

• RIAA
• Napster
• WEB SHERIFF

External Links

• The Velvet Rope. A place for bitter, unemployed executive friends to troll the shit out of The Biz.
• The Biz draws blood. After settling similar suits against Whitey, the RIAA decided to stick it to The (Red) Man.