Amish

Aka "The Farm Jews", the Amish are group of village idiots so stupid they were shunned by both their homeland of Germany and the country they now reside in. Of course the Amish must be reminded what country they live in, since they are anti-map. The greatest hypocrisy of the Farm Jews is that they are anti-all-technology...until they are not. Many of these bearded, pilgrim-looking pigfuckers are seen going on a horsey ride into town every day to use phones elsewhere, so that they can sell their offspring to travelling pedo businessmen. When they become overflown with church team-building projects or spoiled, un-refrigerated milk from their cows, they are often seen riding the country roads. Also, they LOVE having their pictures taken, and in some cases will gladly autograph a picture you took of them before if you get it developed. They call their shitspeak Pennsylvanian Dutch, even though its clearly German.

Their methods of child abuse are similar to any other religious people, only in this case it SUCKS SO MUCH MOAR COCK than usual because you can't do shit or even play with your dick because Grampa said it causes hand babies! You will be forced to a life of solitude, and one day your family finally tells you you are free to leave (which is ridiculous because you could have always hitchhiked with one of those bypassers) to experience the world. The idea is that their training for you to be completely overwhelmed and useless by the vast progress of mankind will cause you to long for home and see that you were wrong to want to know why those birds are so loud and mechanical-looking, and you always lose drag races. Instead, most of these kids end up committing self-PWNage, just for the lulz.

They also have their own Mafia.