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| [[File:Illinois worst state ever.png|thumb|right|'Nuff said.]]
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| Illy-NOISE is a state in the Midwest just [[Homosexual|under]] [[Wisconsin]] and just above [[Kentucky]]. Most people who find out that you're from Illinois then proceed to ask "Are you from [[Chicago]]?" which infuriates those who [[poor|aren't]] and those who [[nigger|are]]. Most of the population outside the cities consist of laid-off [[communism|union workers]], [[nazi|neo-nazis]], farmers with [[incest|nothing better to do]], and retired [[Lemon Party|old people]] who are waiting to die. The state is divided between [[Civil War|North and South]], roughly about at [[The Simpsons|Springfield]].
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| == History ==
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| Illinois was founded [[at least 100]] years ago by [[France|French]] [[furries|fur]] [[yiff|trappers]] in hopes of having a new heaven on Earth, but this was quickly shot down by the [[Injuns|Native Americans]] and the [[Whitey|European settlers]], because they both hate yiffers and the natives needed some more of that [[Alcohol|firewater]]. It is due to this hatred of the French and their furfappery that Illinois would go on to build the [[F40PH]]. Shortly after clearing off the [[furfag]] menace, the settlers, [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|doing what they do best when some minority encroaches on the land]], blew the fuck out of the natives, and started plunking their fat, Germanic asses on the land.
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| At some point, [[Neckbeard|Abraham Lincoln]] showed up and decided to be a [[Attorney at lol|lawyer]], but then got to [[Washington, D.C.|DC]] and freed all the [[nigra|nigras]] after sending Ulysses S. Grant and [[William Tecumseh Sherman]] to deliciously [[raep]] the South for all of its [[Jew Gold|cotton]], [[niggers|slaves]], and [[buttsecks|tight asshole]], no lube for extra burn. Shortly afterward, [[Ronald Reagan]] was born in Tampico.
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| During the [[Cold War]], because Illinois was out of the reach of the [[Russia|Soviet]] Intercontinental Ballisti-dicks, a lot of military installations of US [[IBM|ICBMs]] were installed in Illinois, primarily around [[DOUBLE NIGGER|East St. Louis]], because even if a Russian [[Divide by Zero|nuked the nuke field]], it would do us all a favor by [[The Chemo That Is Curing /b/ |removing East St. Louis from the map]].
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| Sometime [[last Thursday]], all the [[lie|good politicians]] decided to [[GTFO]] and left all the [[Anonymous|cronies and mobsters]] in charge. Srsly, the last 2 governors are either in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison or [[Rod Blagojevich|on their way]]. [[Some argue]] that the politicians will pull their head out of their ass and work to fix the goddamned roads that are getting [[goatse|ruts]] and [[Minneapolis Bridge Collapse|bridges that look really sturdy.]] We first need to reclaim the money that Blago blew on [[hookers and blow|hair gel]]. After all this crap, don't [[you]] [[Ronald Reagan|feel better]] [[rape|at night]] knowing that [[Barack Hussein Obama|someone]] from this state is in charge of the [[lie|free world?]]
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| [[File:Illinois black mob.jpg|thumb|300px|right|When visiting Illinois, try to get the fuck out of Illinois as soon as possible.]]
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| == Geography ==
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| Illinois is fucking flat. We're talking [[Delicious flat chest|Itty Bitty Titty Committee]] here. Part of the [[4chan|driftless zone]] is in the Northwest corner, resulting in roads that were [[facepalm|built to go straight up and down, Wile E. Coyote style.]] Southern Illinois has [[Oil well|oil wells]] and [[shaft|coal mines]], while Northern Illinois is full of [[bomb|nuclear plants]] and [[fart|wind farms]].
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| == Major Cities in Illinois ==
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| '''Chicago:'''---See Article [[Chicago|Hear]]
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| '''Rockford:'''Once a major manufacturer of [[loldongs|power tools]], those jobs went [[China|overseas]], and now the city is infested with [[nigger|blacks]] and [[Mexico|Mexicans]]. Pretty much everything in Rockford is made out of [[semen|concrete]]. Brick building? Concrete. Steel Girder Bridge? Concrete. [[Your Mom]]? Concrete. There is a [[piss|river]] that is not made out of concrete, but it doesn't appear to be made out of water either. It is Illinois' answer to [[Michigan|Michigan's]] [[Detroit]] and [[Pennsylvania|Pennsylvania's]] [[Pittsburgh]]. Enjoy your [[unemployment]].
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| '''Peoria:'''
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| Supposedly they used to build Caterpillar tractors here, but [[How do I shot web|no one remembers]]. In the mid 90's there was a nasty strike between the [[Communism|United Steelworkers]] and [[nazi|Caterpillar management]] that resulted in [[UK Lootfest 2011|fires, overturned cars]], and most of [[U MAD|Caterpillar moving out of Illinois to non-union states]].
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| '''Moline/Rock Island:'''
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| Used to have an asston of tractor factories until Caterpillar and Case/IH pulled out. Still have John Deere and the [[Army|Rock Island Arsenal]]. Separated from [[Iowa]] by the [[AIDS|Mississippi]] River.
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| '''Bloomington/[[Crazy|Normal:]]'''
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| Part insurance company, part college town, all [[fail]]. Doesn't even have a good bar district, and if you want to see a concert you have to [[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy|hitch it]] to Peoria or Chicago. Full of [[hipsters]] and [[weeaboos]].
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| '''Springfield:'''
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| [[Some argue]] that this is the real home of [[The Simpsons]], given the fact that it has a Nuclear Power plant nearby [[lie|with an excellent safety record]], and that their city government (and state government) [[Truth|are so screwed up it's funny]]. The homeless live in gas stations around the city.
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| '''East St. Louis:'''
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| [[Jersey Shore|Snooki]] [[gangbang|wouldn't last a day here]]. East St. Louis is the epitome of niggerville with enough hookers, blow, and gangfights to make Detroit look like [[San Francisco]]. The only economy here is drug dealing, boat gambling, shooting your neighbor, and operating the [[mantrain|trains]] that go into St. Louis. No white people live here, only Black, Mexican, and [[Guido]]. This is also known as [[Missouri|Missouri's]] answer to Detroit.
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| '''Aurora, Elgin, Joliet:'''
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| See [[Chicago]]
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| == [[lulz|LULZy]] shit to happen here ==
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| *Ronald Reagan born here, goes on to [[pwn]] Mother Russia
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| *Barack Obama becomes senator here, goes on to be [[fail|president]].
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| *George Ryan, Republican, ex-governor goes to prison.
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| *Rod Blagojevich, ex-governor going to prison. [[A cat is fine too|A Democrat is fine too]].
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| *The [[fail|Chicago Cubs]]
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| *The [[Postal 2|Motorola Campus shootings]]
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| *The [[NIU Valentine's Day Massacre]]
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| *[[KingEmpoleon]] killing his mom.
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| *[[Troll|Illinois Militia]] running [[mormon|Brigham Young]] off to [[Utah]]
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| *The invention of the [[Dongcopter]] and the F40PH
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| {{Unitedstates}}
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| [[Category:Locations]]
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