Andrew Sullivan

There's no such thing as too hairy!

Andrew Sullivan, aka Sully, aka St. Andrew, aka "RawMuscleGlutes" is one of the most 1337 blawggers of the Blog-O-Sphere. It is unclear whether he's allied with the leftards, or the rightards. But he's certainly reviled by both sides. Andrew used to love George W. Bush, but then Bush betrayed him and now he has a crush on Obama. He possesses levels of empathy for victims of torture previously thought impossible even for gay men, and may border on superhuman. This extreme empathy has driven him mostly insane, as apparent from his blawg, which still manages to draw quite a bit of traffic, possibly because he's a train-wreck of lulz that people cannot look away from.

Experts advise all persons to stay away from Sully's glutes, since he is infected with GAY COOTIES.

Early Life

Sully was born in England, where 99% of all males are either gay or bi. He was raised in the Catholic church. He moved to America to pursue a career in professional political bitching. He got a job with the greatest magazine evar, The New Republic.

At night, Andrew Sullivan sleeps with an oxygen mask that enhances his homosexual powers.

Sully does not care about Black People

In 1994, as editor of The New Republic, Sullivan published irrefutable scientific proof[1] that blacks are genetically inferior to whites and Asians[2].

	“	The notion that there might be resilient ethnic differences in intelligence is not, we believe, an inherently racist belief. Sorry, Niggers.	„
	—Andrew Sullivan, The New Republic

Most of the staff of The New Republic were nigger-lovers who distanced themselves from Sullivan's views and were all like "OH NOES!! RACISM!!1121!" Not long after, Sully was fired from TNR.

An artist's rendition of Sully working on his blawg

IRL Troll, Dong Collector

Sullivan has called for morality in the gay community, and has attacked homosexuals for their "libidinal pathology," and their "reckless" sexual behavior during the AIDS crisis. He also criticized President Clinton for his "reckless, oblivious, careening narcissism" displayed during the Lewinsky affair. Ppl thought Sullivan was totally serial, but really he was just trolling.

Under the AOL screen name "RawMuscleGlutes" Sullivan went looking for love on websites such as BarebackCity.com.

	“	I take loads in my ass. I take loads in my mouth. I give loads in asses. I give loads in mouths. My HIV status: Poz. I prefer you to be: Poz. I’m interested in bi scenes. One-on-ones. 3-ways. Groups/ Parties/Orgies. Gang Bangs.	„
	—[3]

He described himself as:

	“	DC Male 35 5'9" 198 32w 45c 17a 19neck big hairy thighs; squatting 8 plates. solid bodybuilder, 10 percent body-fat; huge shoulders, strong, hairy b*tt; semi-bearded. into: hairy, endowed, masculine men. always 4.20. vers/top brothers welcome. uncut a plus. Hiv+ here. Healthy undetectable. chem-unfriendly; no such thing as too hairy.	„
	—[4]

Lulz and butthurt ensued after Sully's OL hijinks became public. Now He finds other groups to troll.

Me want Dongs!

Sully Bravely Contracts Faggot Fever

St. Andrew is one of the bravest men on the internets. Last Thursday, Sully courageously contracted queer cancer. He caught it after a condom broke while he was having oral sex. Uh..... right.

Contrary to popular belief that this was a bad thing, Sully sez that having the pansy plague is actually totally awesome.[5]

	“	HIV transformed my life, made me a better and braver writer, prompted me to write the first big book pushing marriage rights, got me to take better care of my health, improved my sex life, and deepened my spirituality.	„
	—Sully

To this day Sully continues to promote AIDS awareness.

Sullivan with his hus-bear and partner in superinfection. AWWWWWWW.

Trolling the Iraq War

Sully immediately supported the invasion of Iraq and even suggested using (ZOMG!) nuclear weapons. [6] His eager support grew from his deep respect for the troops.

	“	i'm sorry but i pay for those soldiers to fight in a volunteer army. they are servants of people like me who will never fight. yes, servants of civil masters. and they will do what they are told by people who would never go to war. that's called a democracy.	„
	—[7]

At first, Sully maintained a positive outlook on the war, and predicted the EPIC FAIL of the traitorous hippies, and the victory of the brave pro-war bloggers.

	“	If this war continues as well as it has been, won’t the anti-war left not merely be defeated but beyond humiliated?	„
	—[8]

God forbid he neglect to pat himself on the back for his courage.

	“	The men and women in our armed forces did the hardest work. They deserve our immeasurable thanks. But we all played our part. By facing down the evil, the cowardly and the simply misguided, we have done a great good.	„
	—[9]

Sometime last thursday, Sully decided that he had fought long enough and had made enough brave selfless sacrifice. He grew bored of being a pro-war troll and decided it would lulzier and more profitable to be goddamn hippy. He made a complete 180 and denounced his former hero, George W as the master of all evil. Now Sullivan is an insufferable America-hating prick who regularly congratulates himself for his courage and refers to people who hold the same view that he held a short while ago as "cowards."

Andrew Sullivan criticizing a pro-war blogger.

Torturing a Dead Horse

Andrew Sullivan has near superhuman empathy with the victims of torture. Whenever anyone, anywhere in the world is tortured, his butt begins to tingle and hurt. It doesn't matter whether the victim is being water-boarded, fed feet first through a wood-chipper, or simply wrapped in the Israeli flag; St. Andrew can feel his pain. Because of this, Sully must blog at least 100 times a week about torture, or his empathic powers will overwhelm his already fragile herpes-addled brain and drive him insane. That is, more insane than he already is.

Batshit

Andrew Sullivan is now one of the most prominent purveyors of insanity on the internets today. Examples of some some of the crazy he's tried to sell:

• Drive an SUV? You support terrorism!!11one[10]
• Cheney and Rumsfeld want to lose the Iraq War on purpose! Just for the lulz!!!111!!!11!!1![11]
• Pat Tillman was murdered because he was a proud atheist!!!!!@@@1211!![12]
• Oh noes! Evil Christianists want to mutilate little boys' genitals!!!111oneoneIII1110.9999999999[13]
• Sarah Palin faked her pregnancy!!1!!11![14]
• Bush's commutation of Scooter Libby's sentence is a sign of creeping authoritarianism. But it isn't. What?[15]

AIDS, at its source

See Also

• AIDS
• War
• Torture
• Fag
• Attention Whore
• BigMuscle

External Links

• The Daily Dish