My Life Is Twilight

My Life is Twilight is a Fuck My Life rip off where people can post short comments on things that resemble Twilight in their life and other users can comment back about them. It is extremely difficult to view this page as anything other than elaborate troll. Most of the typical things you would expect from voracious Twitards defending their precious views are not present. The following is but a sampling of the insanity of this page. Walk soft and carry a large stick.

The Case for a Genuine Page

This page is ripe with the overly starry-eyed bullshit you'd expect from a bunch of teenage girls, faggots, and adults that should be euthanized. If one was over the age of 13 and absolutely enthralled with Stephanie Meyer's masturbatory material you would think they'd be burying that shit as deep as Pedobear in some loli so it never saw the light of day. But no, these assholes decide to broadcast how pathetic their existences are by comparing their pitiful life to that of Twilight.

	“	Today, I went to the mall, and I looked at the cars next to me and it happens to be Edward's car in Twilight and in front of it, his car in new moon! I screamed and took several pictures of the cars, and compared Edward's before and after Volvo's with my sister which is also a twilighter. MLIT	„
	—Very clever marketing ploy, Volvo.

	“	Today, I was on Mystery Google because my friend sent me there. I typed in Jacob Black and I got "What type of person is your soulmate." I smiled. MLIT.	„
	—Fictional character for the win. No one loves or will love you.

	“	Today at bedtime my 4 year old daughter asked me to tell her a love story. I gave her the 45 minute condensed version of the entire Twilight saga. MLIT	„
	—Good, another woman that'll know her place and get my beer.

	“	I am 59, have seen new moon 5 times so far, havent taken the cd out of my car (audi coupe) and yes I drive like a Cullen, 212 days till Eclipse. oh and my paper did an article about me and 2 friends over 50 going to the midnight movie.	„
	—The strongest case for elderly euthanization.

	“	I saw a shiny silver volvo was parked by my house, I waited 2 hours to see if Edward Cullen owned it, it wasn't but I took a picture with the car :) MLIT	„
	—No words do this justice.

	“	I drove 26 hours to a Twi-tour to see Jasper. He cancelled. I think he personally broke up with me in that moment. MLIT	„
	—Yep, and suicide is your only option left.

	“	My boyfriend of almost a year has dark, tanned skin and dark black hair. He also rides motorcycles and taught me how to ride. My ex-boyfriend is pail with brown hair and had a silver car. I know I made the right choice. MLIT.	„
	—Twifags are racist against whitey, and non-sparkly.

	“	Today my boyfriend explained to me that he wouldn't want to live in a world with out me, and that's why he's so over protective. He also tells me that I smell good all the time. Did I mention that he's pale, and has unusually long canine teeth? I think i'm in love. MLIT	„
	—Until the reality sets in that he's not a fictional character.

	“	My boyfriend notices more similarities between our relationship and the books than I do. Its kind of endearing.	„
	—Faggot.

	“	I've rubbed off on my 5 year old son. We were at a party last week and he was playing w/ a little girl. They were running around playing make-believe. The little girl was pretending to be a princess. My son was pretending to be a vampire so he could run really fast and bite her. That's my boy!	„
	—Holy shit! Pedobear has kids?!

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The Case for Elaborate Trolling

MLIT's webpage is just page after page of starry-eyed shit about the franchise and the characters. Yet upon viewing the comments of these statements, they are inevitably of people calling the person stupid and other random trolling shit. No return fire from people defending their idiotic statements are present. Anywhere. It is very easy to sit back and see how someone could start the site and just enjoy watching the rabid trolls attempting to vivisect the Twitards with a smug look of satisfaction. You sexy bastard.

	“	That wasn't recognition that he understood. That was horror that you would make the comment in the first place.	„
	—A surprisingly sane criticism.

	“	hahaha you're pathetic!	„
	—Kudos on using the right 'you're'

	“	So how were you living before Twilight came out? Also, learn how to fucking spell.	„
	—Obvious point is obvious.

	“	HES NOT REAL. HES NOT REAL. HES NOT REAL. HES FICTIONAL. HES FICTIONAL. HES FICTIONAL. HES A CHARACTER. NOT REAL.	„
	—Short and to the point, the best way to bash things into one's skull.

	“	Thats scary and creepy.	„
	—A commenter on the ocular rape that is MLIT.

	“	Gag me with a spoon, PLEASE. Your connection sucked there. My goodness. Connect it to something good, like a new day. Not fucking Twilight.	„
	—People still say gag me with a spoon?

	“	Aw, self-awareness on this site. That's reassuring. :)	„
	—Only one instance out of hundreds.

	“	I tried to read Twilight, I really did. But all of the "characters" are so annoying, boring, flat, and just poorly-written that I could only get myself to read half the book. I don't know how people get so attached to these characters. Sidenote: I'd totally do Taylor Lautner.	„
	—Someone with a life better than looking forward to the shenanigans of shitty characters.

	“	Chances of an ACTOR following you: 0. Chances of you being an over-obsessed psychopath: 100:1	„
	—Can't argue with those odds.

	“	I think you have Erotomanic Delusional disorder. Google it.	„
	—Rule 34.

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There is quite a lot of eloquent flaming to be had in the comments sections of the page. Very high-brow for your normal internet troll. Which means that this stupidity has finally united stupids and not-as-stupids in an orgy of trolling.

The People that Frequent MLIT

A lot can be said about a person due to what their interests are and how they pursue them. A quick cross-section of the types of people that visit My Life is Twilight is certainly in order so that you can better spot these people and take appropriate action.

16 Year Old Girls

	“	Today, while in school, the teachers let us have class outside. I had just gotten a new shimmer powder, so when I stepped into the sunlight, everybody stopped and stared. I think it was the proudest moment of my life. MLIT	„
	—Some whore.

	“	Today, I was flirting with this really hot guy. Suddenly he stopped talking then said, "I forgot, you're in love with a fictional vampire and a hairy, British actor." then he turned around and never looked back. I was proud MLIT	„
	—Your parents are too.

	“	Today is 16 days until my birthday. 16 days until my mom will let me legally change my name to Alice. MLIT	„
	—An excellent choice.

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The pages are strewn with quotes as moronic as this. Fan girls have finally reached the top of the mountain in their life by being shiney or in pseudo-abusive relationships. So much turmoil and trouble! It will be most lulzy when they finally hit the real world and have some actual problems to contend with.

• How to Spot One
  • Obsession with silver Volvos or motorcycles
  • Obsession with pale guys with shitty hair
  • Obsession with dark skinned guys with black hair
  • Sparkles or corpse paint

• Solutions
  • Kill it with fire
  • Pedobear

Adults That Are Idiots

	“	I'm 27 years old and I have an Edward Cullen doll on my desk. I also make my interns rip out pictures of Robert Pattinson from magazines and place them in a folder near my computer. MLIT	„
	—I would shit right in that folder.

	“	I work at a law firm. Today we received a letter from another law firm thats name contains "Cullen". It was difficult to write a nasty lawyer-y reply when all I could think of was that I was writing to Edward. MLIT.	„
	—And people wonder why Americunt justice is so fucked.

	“	I read twilight when it first came out, I told some friends how it would be a big hit and it should be made into a movie. They didn’t believe me…. I get to see them at a reunion this weekend. I WIN! MLIT	„
	—Epic win there.

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People like these are why pro-Lifers should shut the hell up about the sanctity of life. In a world where some fat whore can write a series about strange incest, pedophilia, and glorifying abusive relationships and is elated to a higher level than good authors; life has lost all meaning. Sixty fourth through one hundred and sixtieth trimester abortions should all be legal at least to stem this tide of shit.

• How to Spot One
  • Drives a shitty volvo or motorcycle
  • Possesses cardboard cut outs of the characters
  • Talks incessantly about how good the series is
  • Is often alienated from his or her peers

• Solutions
  • Kill it with fire
  • Ask if you think Meyer's work will be as influential as Tolkien's

Faggots

	“	Ok I'm a guy, I actually like love Bella rather then Edward (for obvious reasons) at our local cinemas when i went to see New Moon, there was a cardboard popup of edward, jacob and bella with her face cut out (tear) anyway i felt random so i took a photo with my face and bella's body. BellaIML	„
	—Cool story, bro.

	“	This weekend I went to my (female) best friend's 18th birthday party. The party ended after the guys got into a Team Edward/Team Jacob debate. MLIT	„
	—Faggot orgy?

	“	Today my husband was teasing me about whether he should buy me Team Edward or Team Jacob panties for Christmas. The Solution? He's going to design the first Team Switzerland bra with an Edward cup and a Jacob cup. MLIT	„
	—Wat.

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It is extremely difficult to separate your garden variety faggot from your raging Twi-fag. Some of these faggots have even opted to use the time honored tradition of marrying a woman to hide their faggotry.

Looks about right.

• How to Spot One
  • With an Adult Idiot or 16 Year Old Girl
  • Wearing a shirt that says 'Got Bella?'
  • Will likely have a high pitched voice from being neutered
  • Will have Twilight merchandise of some sort

• Solutions
  • Kill it with fire
  • Suggest they get Neuticles

Psychopaths

	“	i always tell my friends that when i come back for the 10 year high school reunion i'm going to a vampire.. and everyone who was ever mean to me will be sorry. MLIT	„
	—an hero in the making.

	“	I bought my roommate a cardboard cut out of Edward for Christmas last year. We refer to him as our third roommate and sometimes like to dress him up in fancy scarves. We're thinking of getting another one and starting an army. MLIT	„
	—I got nothing.

	“	Yesterday morning, I told my boyfriend that he should come into my house through my window like Edward to watch me sleep. He did. MLIT!!	„
	—Stalking is sexy.

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As usual, crazy people are the biggest WTF factor of this webpage's fandom. They should be contained at all costs and kept well away from society.

• How to Spot One
  • Dresses like the characters
  • Talks to character cut outs
  • Thinks they crave blood
  • Good luck. Crazy people look just like you and I.

• Solutions
  • Stay far, far away and do not make eye contact. They'll steal your soul.

See Also

• No Life
• Twilight
• Stephanie Meyer
• Psychopath
• Faggot
• Kill it with fire
• Twitard

External Links

• My Life is Twilight
• Neuticles
• Fuck My Life

My Life Is Twilight is part of a series on Sites Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.