Jack Valenti

Artist's rendition of Jack Valenti

	“	I say to you that the VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone.	„
	—Jack Valenti on surprise buttsecks

	“	"A public domain work is an orphan. No one is responsible for its life. But everyone exploits its use, until that time certain when it becomes soiled and haggard, barren of its previous virtues. How does the consumer benefit from the steady decline of a film's quality?"	„
	—Jack Valenti, at full force

Born at least 100 years ago, Jack Valenti was a long-time president of the MPAA. Valenti oversaw the development of the modern rating system for U.S. films, as well as a system of applying said ratings to movies arbitrarily, regardless of context or artistic content. TL;DR: watch This Film is Not Yet Rated. The MPAA will prosecute you if you leave movies in your incoming share folder for too long.

You may also have noticed that Valenti expressed some lulzy opinions pertaining to the importance and severity of film piracy. He died in 2007 and nothing of value was lost.

Quotes

	“	I don’t know any other business that tells you not to go in and buy their product.	„
	—Valenti, playing bait-and-switch while discussing the asinine rating system that he developed

	“	If you buy a DVD you have a copy. If you want a backup copy you buy another one.	„
	—Valenti, explaining how ancient people function

	“	We are facing a very new and a very troubling assault on our fiscal security, on our very economic life and we are facing it from a thing called the video cassette recorder and its necessary companion called the blank tape.	„
	—Valenti, whose stroke must have triggered by somebody who explained what torrents are to him

	“	Nothing of value is free.	„
	—Logical fallacy wut?

	“	I wasn't opposed to the VCR. The MPAA tried to establish by law that the VCR was infringing on copyright. Then we would go to the Congress and get a copyright royalty fee put on all blank videocassettes and that would go back to the creators.	„
	—Valenti, on attempting to cripple the commercial enterprise of a popular emerging technology

	“	You've already got a DVD. It lasts forever. It never wears out. In the digital world, we don't need back-ups, because a digital copy never wears out. It is timeless.	„
	—Valenti, who doesn't need to explain that DVDs are also indestructible.

	“	Fair use is not in the law.	„
	—Valenti actually said this

	“	Technology moves with terrifying speed.	„
	—Valenti, on being old

	“	I found the most convincing part to be the working stiffs, the guys who have a modest home and kids who go to public schools. They make $75,000 to $100,000 a year. That's not much to live on. I don't have to tell you that.	„
	—Valenti, having a laugh about the people he wants to prosecute for taping a film on TV

	“	A huge parasite in the marketplace, feeding and fattening itself off of local television stations and copyright owners of copyrighted material.	„
	—Valenti, describing his role in the entertainment industry

	“	I think lobbying is really an honest profession. Lobbying means trying to persuade Congress to accept your point of view. Sometimes you can give them a lot of facts they didn't have before.	„
	—Valenti, spewing bullshit while explaining how Ted Stevens was educated.

	“	Jack works across the aisle because he doesn't see an aisle. It is the root of his success and what others ought to emulate.	„
	—Ted Stevens, whose admiration for Valenti's tubes isn't shocking

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See Also

• MPAA
• Ted Stevens
• Lyor Cohen, his record industry equivalent
• Hollywood

Links

• Proof of death.
• This Film is Not Yet Rated
• Inside Deep Throat
• Don't download cars