Vanessa Alexandra

Vanessa recreating her very first abortion.

So kawaii ^____^

	“	"I'm still leaving donations open in case anyone would like to help us pay for food and hotels (and yes, I'm buying clothes and souverniers but I have specific money for that that is MINE, from MY jobs)."	„
	—Vanessa

Vanessa Alexandra is a former Suicide Girl who has tried to become Internet famous by posting naked pictures of herself online. This of course isn't going well because even though she wants men and women to tell her how sexy she is, she isn't willing to degrade herself by doing porn.

If she did porn she would have something to offer the internet, but so far she is only posting soft-core "pin-ups" and being a whiny little leech. When she isn't slamming some cum-guzzling scene queen to make herself look tough, she's begging her imaginary fan-base for money to buy herself makeup, clothes, bad tattoos and Japanese memorabilia.

Someone stuff a cock in her and shut her up, please.

Animu and Japan

When people go to anime conventions, they dress up as characters. Vanessa (left) actually dresses up as a tojo.

Vanessa is a weeaboo who squanders her time and money on anything Japanese she can get her hands on. She wants to be azn moar than anything in this world. Since the science to change ones ethnicity has yet to be created, she remains an ugly American who turns a society and culture into a fashion accessory.

Vanessa tries her best to become friends with as many azns as she can, especially ones with connections to Japan. Not only because she thinks this somehow makes her cooler, but so she can mooch off of them and crash in their closets when she saves up enough of her cocksucking money to get a ticket to the country.

She spouts Engrish quicker than Tubgirl shits and is always going on about how something is kawaii. She will write entries in her journal in Japanese. Not in kanji, but with English letters, thereby certifying her status as a desperate, dumbfuck, basement dwelling weeaboo.

I'm Crazy!!1!

Vanessa is full of AIDS.

Lazy Eye Vampire Obama, the tattoo every girl wants.

Vanessa likes to tell people just how different and crazy she is. Not crazy as in livestreaming herself smearing her feces on her tits while babbling about leprechauns, but crazy in a "beautiful and unique" way. Much like Japanese culture, she has turned "being crazy" into a fashion accessory and will try to act as outlandish and retarded as she can to earn cool points.

If she was actually diagnosed, instead of simply showboating, she probably would be certifiable given how rich and lush with material her fantasy world in her head is. She claims to be friends with Dr. Steel, Marilyn Manson, Slipknot, Jeffree Star and other "celebrities".

On her MTV's The Real World Casting profile, she claims to be a "good friend" of Marilyn Manson, and that he "whisked" her off to LA so she could appear in his "Heart Shaped Glasses" music video. However, as of a journal entry on March 11, 2009 she claims that she and Manson are no longer friends. Here's her reason for why they're no longer friends (you be the judge): "Manson seems to think he's still somehow as relevant as he was in the late 90's and still thinks he's the "Antichrist Superstar", his ego has gotten out of control...again...and he and I are no longer friends. By my doing. There's detractors and benefactors in your life and he turned from being my best friend in the world to being an egomaniacal ghost of a friend. So I got rid of him. I don't need people like that in my life." - Vanessa

Vampire?

After watching Twilight one too many times, Vanessa decided that she was a pale creature of the night. She soon after stumbled upon Don Henrie and immediately creamed her pants. She believed him and his girlfriends claim of being vampires and was instantly enamored. Don and Sarah ate her admiration right the fuck up because even though Vanessa is a relative nobody, she has actual connections with famous people that Sarah wanted to get her mitts on.

Sarah took her under her wing, whispering promises of power and immortal sexiness. Vanessa ate it all up, looking up to Sarah as if she was her vampiric mother. But like with so many of her "children" (genetic and "spiritual") Sarah's love started to turn to hate when Vanessa didn't let her kick her around like dry white dog shit, isolate her from her friends, and insult her family.

Vanessa was lucky she has an ego on her the size of Texas, as her descent into the spiral of Don Henrie and Sarah Lester's lies came to a screeching halt much faster than all their other minions prior.

Sarah will sometimes try to insinuate they are still friends, especially when Vanessa starts bragging about her "friends" that are famous. But she almost constantly has something negative to say about Vanessa--behind her back. Her son is also a fan of a hate group that worships Vanessa's ED article on FaceBook.

Examples of Faggotry

No wonder gay boys love her. She looks like an ugly one.

Without SG, this wouldn't have happened. So fuck you, SG!!

I see no tits, so GTFO.

Why you shouldn't get wasted around batshit fangirls.

• Vanessa acts like a typical Internet model and is an unprofessional whore.

• According to her ModelMayhem profile, she is an avid cutter and proud of it too. She claims that she is willing to not only cut herself for stress relief, but to be edgy and artistic. Unfortunately it is not to become an hero.

	“	Cutting is a happy, theraputic experience for me, not the way I'd take myself out.	„
	—Vanessa

	“	I wear a GazettE wristband nearly everyday (if you look thrugh my candids, you'll see it in nearly every photo). that's because I have a big, deep scar on my arm (which you can see in the "Sparkle" sample photos in My Photos). I'm not ashamed of it because yes, it was self inflicted, but I get sick of people asking me what happened and then having to explain cutting to them.	„
	—Vanessa, NOT sick of telling people what happened

• She claims to have had operatic vocal training since she was seven years old, but this video(REMOVED) isn't as melodic as she likes to think it is.

• In an interview in 2004(baleeted), she said she didn't think Suicide Girls was porn just because there wasn't any "penetration" and that it was simply erotic photography.

• She has herpes. She is slowly giving it to the entire state of New Mexico.

• She says she'll do fetish photography, but refuses to do S&M... which is exactly what most people are talking about when they mention fetish photography.

• She claims that Suicide Girls won't archive her because she "makes them too much money", but the fact of the matter is they bribed her to testify against Gods Girls in court, thus earning herself a shiny new contract that binds them from putting her in the archive.

• Despite being nothing without Suicide Girls (as evident by her new solo career), she bad mouths them every chance she gets.

• She'll brag about being in an ad for PETA and how they picked her for it and loved her, but the fact of the matter is, if it wasn't for Suicide Girls PETA wouldn't have given two shits about her. They didn't even care who she was, just as long as she was a SG.

• Amina Munster is a contract Suicide Girl. Unlike Vanessa, this is because she is a viable tool for the site and didn't weasle her way into a posh contract by lying in court. Amina is also an amputee. HAWT. [1] [2]

• She claimed to date a member of Dir En Grey, but that his manager made him dump her because he didn't think dating "a famous american model" would be good for his client's image. Keep dreaming, Vanessa.

• She said the stress of her breakup with Die caused her to miscarry his baby. In actuality, her brother falcon punch'd her in the womb to rid her of their incestuous lovechild.

• She's stirred up a shit storm at ModelMayhem (not that difficult, but I digress) by posting her prom night abortion picture-- excuse me, "miscarriage". Instead of simply saying "First Amendment/Art/STFU" she tried to justify it by saying that she had a miscarriage herself and that it looked "exactly" like the picture, so everyone should shut up. Apparently when you miscarriage the almost fully formed fetus plops face first into the toilet... More shit storm followed when she also tried to use the same circumstance to get pity points.

      - Side note, seems to think it okay to accuse other people of bigotry and call them names for doing somewhat 'controversial' photo shoots despite her "portfolio"

	“	I had a miscarriage in November 2006 and while that;'s not something that's very funny, my close friends and I have always joked about it, because I had the miscarriage int he toilet and flushed it. I have a very morbid and odd sense of humor ;) ... this pretty much was the scene of my actual miscarriage (minus the prom get up, I was 23 and at home when it happened) and people were like "this is nothing to be making fun of, whaa whaa" when I've BEEN through this scenario.	„

	“	I've had a LOT of bad things happen to me, mainly over the last 2 years. And I wrote lyrics for a song about it but the song's instrumental sucked so now all I've got are the lyrics with the title "Injury", which is generally about the miscarriage I had in 2006, but since then many things have happened that are much worse so the words tok on more than one meaning.	„
	—Vanessa

See Also

• Aries
• Camwhore
• Don Henrie
• Internet model
• Internet poor
• Liart66
• ModelMayhem
• Alt-Porn
• Suicide Girls
• Vampire
• Wapanese

Links

• CartFly account
• Flickr account
• tequiladaniels
• ModelMayhem profile
• Myspace profile
• Suicide Girls profile
• VanessaAlexandra.com you might want to shoot yourself in the head after, the navigation is too obscured, the graphics are nonsensical and the background noises make me want to drop another bomb on Japan

Vanessa Alexandra is part of a series on Whores Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.