LAN Party

A LAN party is a gathering of spotty, basement-dwelling virgins who bring along their computers. Together, they create a network for multiplayer gaming, file sharing and collective masturbation.

The size of LAN parties can vary from just a couple of people, to over 9000 in the case of the world record holders DreamHack.

LAN parties are known to cause power cuts, electrocution and death

All de homies is @ the internet party!

Niggers love LAN parities too.

How LAN parties developed

The first ever LAN party took place at least 100 years ago at the home of a small group of bored teenagers who regularly met up to play Quake. However, coming from the USA they soon found they were too fat to fit into their own living room, and so the search began for a more spacious venue. Eventually they found a space at their local McDonalds, where they were able to get through the doors comfortably and stuff their faces whilst gaming.

Gradually, through the overconsumption of hamburgers, they managed to outgrow McDonalds. As more and more homies tagged along, they had to move to larger venues to keep up with the demand.

Nowadays, LAN parties tend to be organised on a much greater scale, usually by people who want to try out their planning and leadership skills.

Vast amounts of electricity are required for such events. This usually results in either a power cut for everyone else living locally, or, more preferably, electrocution for the participants.

Culture

LAN parties often last through to the early hours of the morning; not a problem for the participants, since none of them have girlfriends and they enjoy the novelty of staying up all night. They typically stay awake by consuming sugar and caffeine-laden energy drinks, in a gesture of support towards the world diabetes crisis.

Things to bring to a LAN party

• computer
• Monitor
• Mouse – although a cat is fine too
• Headphones – because after the sleep deprivation, you’ll need to listen to some music to drown out the voices in your head
• Pirated software
• Energy drinks or soda so you can stay up until 3 in the fucking morning ALL FUCKING NIGHT, wasting more of your life.
• Pizza or other high-fat foods to make you fatter and fatter game better.

Things to leave at home

• Condoms – It is very unlikely that you will score at a LAN party, even if you like dudes.
• Your mom

LAN Parties around the world

LAN Parties have become popular in different parts of the world:

• In China, a typical LAN Party would have whoever gets a kill or point yell out "GUNG POW CHOI" before stabbing someone.
• Bulgaria is most notorious for their LAN Parties which would get very messy (pictured right).
• In 2008, Pakistan had to ban LAN Parties after a group was caught defusing a bomb in Counter-Strike.
• In Australia, it's common for when an American player kills an Australian player, the result being the Australian calling the American a Canadian.

LAN Bachelor Parties

	“	I've only been to one bachelor party in my life, and it was a bachelor LAN party. A bunch of close friends brought their computers over the night before the wedding, drank beer, played Quake and Worms Armageddon, and just generally shot the shit. It was awesome. A bachelor party with strippers and prostitutes would probably have just been really uncomfortable and awkward for everyone involved.	„
	—Some little pussy on a message board

	“	Y'all some nerds.	„
	— The winning response

Gallery

Below are some of the types of people you could expect to meet at a LAN party.

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• Esperanto Speakers

Below are some of the types of people you could not expect to meet at a LAN party.

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Links

• Quakecon is a free event taking place in the USA’s fattest state, Texas.
• DreamHack is the world’s largest event of its kind, taking place in Sweden.
• Multiplay UK – where gamers drink tea.
• Walan – even third-world countries like Australia have computers.

LAN Party is part of a series on Softwarez Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.