Sand-filled vagina

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A man and his sandy vagina.

Sand-filled vagina is a condition that mostly strikes internet users who are easily irritated. Researchers believe the cause of irritation is the almost toxic levels of sand found in the vagina. This is more specifically termed silicate vaginosis.

The infection is often chronic and severe, although often sufferers will find themselves with an acute, unexplained outbreak. Just where the silicate material comes from remains a mystery, as most silicate vaginosis sufferers are too elitist and self-hating to ever go to the beach.

Symptoms

A typical outbreak of SV can be diagnosed entirely due to the symptoms, which are mostly objectively observed by other internet users.

These symptoms may include any combination of the following:

• Inexplicable irritation and moodiness, triggered by humorous or apparently innocuous communications from others.
• Refusal to back down from arguments when clearly wrong.
• Need to police internet users, particularly those who are younger or less politically correct. Note that in the worst cases, this may even extend to anyone whose sense of humor differs from the sufferer's at all.
• Absolute conviction that it is one's duty to play condescending mother at all times.
• Running away from arguments finally when butthurt, and the entire community has attacked.
• Mysterious sandy deposits in the underwear.
• A "beachy" smell coming from the vagina.
• Oversensitivity to most kinds of stimulus, mostly those designed to provide lulz.
• Need to label any bisexual women as "patriarchy panderers".
• Absolute lack of logic.
• Inability to argue with any form of rationality, reason, or evidence.
• Repeated anecdotes used to express "fact".
• Of course, the most obvious symptom is [sand in the vagina]

Misdiagnosis

Often sufferers of SV are misdiagnosed with other, similar conditions. These are most commonly:

• Centipede filled vagina -- see Martine
• Loose vagina syndrome
• Bitter Withered Old Cunt Syndrome (BWOC-S)
• Lupus erythematosus (when in doubt -- refer to the "House" rule: It's never Lupus.)
• Forced celibacy
• Smug cuntism

Important note: While it is possible for an SV-sufferer to have any or all of these conditions -- except Lupus: It's never Lupus! -- as comorbidity is frequent in the spectrum of cunt-disorders, physicians should be careful to examine all the patient's symptoms for a careful diagnosis of SV. Failure to diagnose the infection will only result in further irritation.

Treatment

SV is difficult to treat. Attacks are often unpredictable, and part of the difficulty in treating it may come from patient's unwillingness to admit he or she has a problem. Often SV sufferers, after having their symptoms observed by outsiders, will become butthurt and run away, thus increasing the chances that the SV will become a chronic, lifelong problem.

Recent research has indicated that aggressive treatment is required to intervene in the progression of the disease, not just for the sake of the sufferer's comfort, but because SV can affect family members, friends, lovers, and most frequently, internet users.

Prescriptions for silicate vaginosis generally include a shovel to remove the silicate material out of the delicate vagina. A typical prescription looks like this:

It should be noted that this treatment, while successful in 92% of cases who comply, is largely ignored by the SV sufferer's community as being "cruel and unusual".

Incidence

SV seems to occur most frequently among members of the following communities:

• No Affiliation
• Purple PJs
• lesbian
• childfree
• capslock_house -- though it must be noted that most members seemingly plagued with silicate vaginosis are doing it for the lulz and therefore are not truly afflicted with this disease.

Famous Sufferers

• Martine
• SteveUberAlles
• Sandra V
• Yael S
• Abstruse
• venusflesh
• Emilyjo
• Jamie Keating
• Kyle