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{{needsmore|dead baby jokes}}
{{offended}}
{{needsnomore|dead baby jokes}}
[[Image:Car_drama.gif|thumb|'''How do I killed baby?''' Still the #1 and lulziest method of killing a baby in public.]]
[[Image:Car_drama.gif|thumb|'''How do I killed baby?''' Still the #1 and lulziest method of killing a baby in public.]]
[[Image:2139_baby.jpg|thumb|in [[China]], dead babies are bred for food...  [[AZN Pride]]!]]  
[[Image:2139_baby.jpg|thumb|in [[China]], dead babies are bred for food...  [[AZN Pride]]!]]  
[[Image:Offended69.jpg|thumb|]]  
[[Image:Offended69.jpg|thumb|And that's where we get lychees from]]  
[[Image:Offended71.jpg|thumb|]]
 


{{ljcomm|dead_babies}} is a [[LiveJournal]] community dedicated to fucking hilarious humor. Found [http://www.livejournal.com/community/dead_babies/ here], you'll often encounter photos of [[abortion]]s, miscarriages, and deformed children, as well as various gruesome accidents and images such as the [[pain series]]. It was created and is moderated by {{lj|shared_boxers}}, of [[Marriage is love]] fame. All of them perfect for generating butthurt among Concerned Mothers.
{{ljcomm|dead_babies}} is a [[LiveJournal]] community dedicated to fucking hilarious humor. Found [http://www.livejournal.com/community/dead_babies/ here], you'll often encounter photos of [[abortion]]s, miscarriages, and deformed children, as well as various gruesome accidents and images such as the [[pain series]]. It was created and is moderated by {{lj|shared_boxers}}, of [[Marriage is love]] fame. All of them perfect for generating butthurt among Concerned Mothers.
Line 14: Line 13:
You can use dead babies for [[lulz]] and [[drama]] in various [[Pro_life|Pro-Life]] communities. You can find support in [[Childfree]]. They can also be [http://www.itv.com/News/Articles/Police-probe-death-of-newborn-baby-470079793.html recycled.]
You can use dead babies for [[lulz]] and [[drama]] in various [[Pro_life|Pro-Life]] communities. You can find support in [[Childfree]]. They can also be [http://www.itv.com/News/Articles/Police-probe-death-of-newborn-baby-470079793.html recycled.]


Also [[Baby fuck|Baby Fucking]] is always alright, [[pedophilia|especially if they are dead]].
Also [[Baby fuck|Baby Fucking]] is always alright, [[necrophilia|especially if they are dead]].


==Dead Babies and Something Awful==
==Dead Babies and Something Awful==
Line 26: Line 25:


==Examples of Dead Baby Jokes==
==Examples of Dead Baby Jokes==
[[Image:SIDSbaby.jpg|thumb|in|What's pink, stiff, wrinkled and makes women squeal?]]
The pinnacle of high brow humor, dead baby jokes are appropriate at charity events, dinner parties, Jew, weddings, circumcisions, and perhaps most appropriately, funerals for dead babies.
[[Image:Abortionhorrible.jpg|thumb|right]]
Click on the [+] to open:
[[Image:Hardvice1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Harlequin Ichthyosis Fetus]] - The ultimate dead baby joke... and [[LJ]] user icon!]]
[[File:Fuckedupbaby.jpg|right|[[GET OUT]], The ultimate baby version]]
[[Image:Farm0015.jpg|thumb|I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs.]]
[[Image:Deadbaby.jpg|thumb|Dead baby is dead.]]


The pinnacle of high brow humor, dead baby jokes are appropriate at charity events, dinner parties, Jew, weddings, circumcisions, and perhaps most appropriately, funerals for dead babies.
{{cs2|TWWX1|[[Babypaste|Blenders]]|
'''Q: Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?'''<br>
A: So it can finish sucking you off.


Q: What's red and has 10 arms?<br>
'''Q: How do you get 1000 babies in a phone booth?'''<br>
A: A pitbull in a maternity ward.
A: [[babypaste|Liquify them in a blender.]]


Q: Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?<br>
'''Q: How do you get them out?<br>'''
A: So it can finish sucking you off.
A: Nachos.


Q: Whats funnier than six babies in one trash can?<br>
[[babypaste|'''Q: What is this vessel that I'm putting your baby into?'''<br>
A: One baby in six trash cans.
A: A blender]]


Q: What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?<br>
'''Q: What should you do when your baby is stuck in a blender?'''<br>
A: baby in a microwave.
A: Use a straw.
|0}}


Q: How long does it take to kill a baby in a microwave?<br>
{{cs2|TWWX2|[[Javelins]]|
A: How the fuck should I know? I was too busy masturbating.
'''Q: How do you stop a baby from turning around in a hallway?'''<br>
A: Throw a javelin through its head.


Q: How do you stop a baby from turning around in a hallway?<br>
'''Q: How do you stop a baby from falling down a manhole?'''<br>
A: Throw a javelin through its head.
A: Throw a javelin through its head.


Q: How do you stop a baby from falling down a manhole?<br>
'''Q: How do you stop a baby from falling down a well?'''<br/>
A: Throw a javelin through its head.
A: Throw a javelin through its head.


Q: How do you get 1000 babies in a phone booth?<br>
'''Q: What's 3 feet tall and can't walk through a door?'''<br>
A: [[babypaste|Liquify them in a blender.]]
A: Baby with a javelin through its head.
|0}}
 
{{cs2|TWWX3|[[Food]]|
'''Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a Mars bar?'''<br>
A: About 500 calories.
 
'''Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and doughnuts?'''<br>
A: Doughnuts go straight to your thighs.


Q: How do you get them out?<br>
'''Q: What's the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?'''<br>
A: Nachos.
A: Dead baby doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.


Q: Why did the dead baby fall out of the tree?
'''Q: Why do they boil water when a woman is giving birth?'''<br>
A: Because it was dead.
A: If it's born dead they can make soup.


Q: What's funnier than ten dead babies stapled to a tree?<br>
'''Q: What do you get when you mix a dead baby, and a pint of cum?'''<br>
A: One dead baby stapled to ten trees.
A: LUNCH!


Q: What is red and creeping up your legs?<br>
'''Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?'''<br>
A: A homesick abortion!
A: I don't cum all over an apple before I eat it.


Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion?<br>
'''Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion?'''<br>
A: I don't cry when I chop up a dead baby.
A: I don't cry when I chop up a dead baby.


Q: Why did the baby cross the road?<br>
'''Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a crop field?'''<br>
A: 'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.
A: Something actually grows out of a crop field when you plant your seed in it.


Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?<br>
'''Q: How do you make a dead baby float?'''<br>
A: [[Juliana Wetmore]]
A: Two scoops ice cream, two scoops dead baby.


[[babypaste|Q: What is this vessel that I'm putting your baby into?<br>
'''Q: What the best part of waking up?'''<br>
A: A blender]]
A: A dead baby in your cup.
|0}}


Q: What should you do when your baby is stuck in a blender?<br>
{{cs2|TWWX4|[[Casey Anthony|Infanticide]]|
A: Use a straw.
'''Q: What’s worse than seeing a dead baby lying on the road?'''<br>
A: Missing it with your car.


Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?<br>
'''Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?'''<br>
A: You can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork.
A: Twins in an acid bath.


Q: How long does it take to paint a room with dead babies?<br>
'''Q: What do you get when you put a knife into a baby?'''<br/>
A: Depends how hard you throw em.
A: An erection.


Q: What is funnier than a dead baby?<br>
'''Q: Why should you never cut off a baby's head?'''<br>
A: A dead baby  next to a kid with down syndrome.
A: You'll lose your dick.


Q: What's the difference between babies and grannies?<br>
'''Q: Why shouldn't you slit open a baby's throat?'''<br>
A: [[AWWRIGHT|Grannies don't die when you fuck them in the ass.]]
A: You might cut your dick.


Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?<br>
'''Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?'''<br>
A: I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
A: I don't have a Porsche in my garage.


Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?<br>
'''Q: How long does it take to kill a baby in a microwave?'''<br>
A: I don't cum all over an apple before I eat it.
A: How the fuck should I know? I was too busy masturbating.
|0}}
 
{{cs2|TWWX5|[[Sports]]|
'''Q: What's blue and yellow and at the bottom of the pool?'''<br>
A: A baby with slashed floaties.


Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? <br>
'''Q: What's blue and yellow and red and floating in the pool?'''<br>
A: You can't [[babyfuck|fuck]] a table.
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.


Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?<br>
'''Q: How do you stop a baby from drowning?'''<br>
A: A dead baby in a clown suit!
A: Take your foot off its head.


Q: What's grosser than gross?<br>
'''Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?'''<br>
A: A pile of 100 dead babies.
A: You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.


Q: What's even grosser than that?<br>
'''Q: What’s the difference between a dead baby and a football?'''<br>
A: The live one at the bottom trying to eat its way out.
A: One is fun to kick, the other is a football.
|0}}


Q: What's even grosser than that?<br>
{{cs2|TWWX6|[[Anti-joke|Anti-Jokes]]|
A: When it goes back for seconds.
'''Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a dumpster?'''<br>
A: 32.
'''Q: What is funnier than a dead baby?'''<br>
A: A dead baby  next to a kid with down syndrome.


Q: What do you get when you mix a dead baby, and a pint of cum?<br>
'''Q: Why did the baby drop its ice cream?'''<br>
A: LUNCH!
A: Because it was hit by a school bus.


Q: Why do they boil water when a woman is giving birth?<br>
'''Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?'''<br>
A: If it's born dead they can make soup.
A: You can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork.


Q: Why shouldn't you slit open a baby's throat?<br>
'''Q: How long does it take to paint a room with dead babies?'''<br>
A: You might cut your dick.
A: Depends how hard you throw em.


New mother: Doctor, doctor, is my baby alright?<br>
'''Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?'''<br>
Doctor: I have some good news, and I have some bad news.<br>
A: You can't [[babyfuck|fuck]] a table.
New mother: Tell me the bad news first.<br>
Doctor: The bad news is, it's  a ginger.<br>
New mother: Oh my God, no!<br>
Doctor: Calm down, miss. The good news is, it's dead.<br>
hahaha


Q: What's the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?<br>
'''Q: How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?'''<br>
A: Dead baby doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.
A: Nail its other hand to the floor.


Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a Mars bar?<br>
'''Q: What's funnier than ten dead babies stapled to a tree?'''<br>
A: About 500 calories.
A: One dead baby stapled to ten trees.


Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and doughnuts?<br>
'''Q: Why did the dead baby fall out of the tree?'''<br>
A: Doughnuts go straight to your thighs.
A: Because it was dead.


Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?<br>
'''Q: What's the difference between babies and grannies?'''<br>
A: Twins in an acid bath.
A: [[AWWRIGHT|Grannies don't die when you fuck them in the ass.]]


"You've got to see what your baby is doing!" shouted the doctor as he burst out of the delivery room and into the waiting room. "What?!" yelled the child's father as he leapt to his feet. "He's literally FLYING around the delivery room! Here, I'll show you!" replied the doctor as he shot back into the delivery room. A few seconds later, he emerged with the baby in his arms. "Watch!" he shouted and tossed the baby into the air. The baby landed on the tile with a thud. "What the Hell?!" the guy started to shout, but the doctor interrupted with, "No, wait, watch this!" and he scooped the baby up and threw him harder. WHAM! The baby bounced off the wall and plopped to the floor, again. "Oh, my God!" shouted the man, and started to grab at the doctor. "No! He was doing it earlier," protested the doctor, "Watch this!" He again scooped the baby up, flung open the waiting room window and hurled the baby four stories down where it splattered onto the sidewalk. Enraged, the man clutched at the doctor's throat and pinned him against the wall. "WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO MY BABY!?" He screamed. "Relax," laughed the doctor, "It was a stillborn."
'''Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?'''<br>
A: A dead baby in a clown suit!


'''Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?'''<br>
A: [[Juliana Wetmore]]


Q: What's red white and stringy and hangs around in trees?<br>
'''Q: What's red white and stringy and hangs around in trees?'''<br>
A: Baby hit by a snow-blower.
A: Baby hit by a snow-blower.


Q: How do you stop a baby from drowning?<br>
'''Q: What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?'''<br>
A: Take your foot off its head.
A: Baby in a microwave.


Q: What's 3 feet tall and can't walk through a door?<br>
'''Q: What’s funnier than six babies in one trash can?'''<br>
A: Baby with a spear through its head.
A: One baby in six trash cans.


Q: How do you make a dead baby float?<br>
'''Q: What's red and has 10 arms?'''<br>
A: Two scoops ice cream, two scoops dead baby.
A: A pitbull in a maternity ward.


Q: What do you get when you cross three dead babies and a sheet of glass?<br>
'''Q: What is red and creeping up your legs?'''<br>
A: An attractive coffee table.
A: A homesick abortion!


Q: What do you get when you put a knife into a baby?<br/>
'''Q: Why did the baby cross the road?'''<br>
A: An erection.
A: 'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.


Q: How do you stop a baby from falling down a well?<br/>
'''Q: What's grosser than gross?'''<br>
A: Stick a javelin through its head.
A: A pile of 100 dead babies.


Q: What's blue and yellow and at the bottom of the pool?<br>
'''Q: What's even grosser than that?'''<br>
A: A baby with slashed floaties.
A: The live one at the bottom trying to eat its way out.


Q: What's blue and yellow and red and floating in the pool?<br>
'''Q: What's even grosser than that?'''<br>
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.
A: When it goes back for seconds.


Q: Whats funnier than a dead Jew?<br>
'''Q: What do you get when you cross three dead babies and a sheet of glass?'''<br>
A: A dead baby.
A: An attractive coffee table.


Q: How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?<br>
'''Q: What's cuter than a newborn baby?'''<br>
A: Nail its other hand to the floor.
A: A dead newborn baby.
|0}}


Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a dumpster? <br>
{{cs2|TWWX7|[[Copypasta]]|
A: 32.
'''New mother:''' Doctor, doctor, is my baby alright?<br>
'''Doctor:''' I have some good news, and I have some bad news.<br>
'''New mother:''' Tell me the bad news first.<br>
'''Doctor:''' The bad news is, it's  a ginger.<br>
'''New mother:''' Oh my God, no!<br>
'''Doctor:''' Calm down, miss. The good news is, it's dead.<br>


Q: What the best part of waking up?<br>
'''"You've got to see what your baby is doing!"''' shouted the doctor as he burst out of the delivery room and into the waiting room. '''"What?!"''' yelled the child's father as he leapt to his feet. '''"He's literally FLYING around the delivery room! Here, I'll show you!"''' replied the doctor as he shot back into the delivery room. A few seconds later, he emerged with the baby in his arms. '''"Watch!"''' he shouted and tossed the baby into the air. The baby landed on the tile with a thud. '''"What the Hell?!"''' the guy started to shout, but the doctor interrupted with, '''"No, wait, watch this!"''' and he scooped the baby up and threw him harder. WHAM! The baby bounced off the wall and plopped to the floor, again. '''"Oh, my God!"''' shouted the man, and started to grab at the doctor. '''"No! He was doing it earlier,"''' protested the doctor, '''"Watch this!"''' He again scooped the baby up, flung open the waiting room window and hurled the baby four stories down where it splattered onto the sidewalk. Enraged, the man clutched at the doctor's throat and pinned him against the wall. '''"WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO MY BABY!?"''' He screamed. '''"Relax,"''' laughed the doctor, '''"It was a stillborn."'''
A: A dead baby in your cup.


Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby? <br>
'''Man:''' How is my newborn baby? <br>
A: You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
'''Doctor:''' I've got good news and bad news. <br>
'''Man:''' What's the bad news? <br>
'''Doctor:''' Your baby is mentally retarded. <br>
'''Man:''' What's the good news? <br>
'''Doctor:''' He's a stillborn. <br>
|0}}


Man: How is my newborn baby? <br>
==Dead Baby Gallery==
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news. <br>
Man: What's the bad news? <br>
Doctor: Your baby is mentally retarded. <br>
Man: What's the good news? <br>
Doctor: He's a stillborn. <br>


Q: Why should you never cut off a baby's head? <br>
<center><gallery>
A: You'll lose your dick.  
File:Babbykek.jpg
 
Image:SIDSbaby.jpg|What's pink, stiff, wrinkled and makes women squeal?
Q: How do you keep your baby from falling down a well? <br>
Image:Abortionhorrible.jpg|you are doing it wrong you silly goose (giving birth that is)
A: Throw a spear through its head.  
Image:Hardvice1.jpg|[[Harlequin Ichthyosis Fetus]] - The ultimate dead baby joke... and [[LJ]] user icon!
 
Image:Fuckedupbaby.jpg|[[GET OUT]], the ultimate baby version
Q: What's cuter than a newborn baby? <br>
Image:Farm0015.jpg|I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs.
A: A dead newborn baby.
Image:Deadbaby.jpg|Dead baby is dead.
Image:Offended71.jpg|New game: "mummified or roasted?"
Image:Baby dead.jpg|An answer to the question "what happens when you put a newborn in a rock tumbler?"
Image:Dead McDonalds Baby.png|A dead baby spotted at a McDonalds.
Image:Deadniggerbaby.jpg|This nigger baby is a fucking idiot!


Q: What's smellier than a dead nigger? <br>
</gallery></center>
A: A dead baby.


==Famous Dead Babies==
==Famous Dead Babies==
Line 217: Line 242:
* [[Baby Grace]]
* [[Baby Grace]]
* [[Juliana Wetmore]]
* [[Juliana Wetmore]]
* [[Cupcake Thief|Kejuan Mason]]
* [[Lake Angel]]
* [[Lake Angel]]
* [[Madeleine McCann]]
* [[Madeleine McCann]]
Line 223: Line 249:
* [[Anabelle Lotus]]
* [[Anabelle Lotus]]
* [[Baby P]]
* [[Baby P]]
* [[Dead nigger baby]]


==Links==
==Links==
Line 235: Line 262:
[[Category:In Jokes]]
[[Category:In Jokes]]
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category: Shock Sites]]

Latest revision as of 20:25, 25 October 2024

Offended?

If you have been offended by "Dead babies",
please click here and slowly scroll down to the bottom of the page.
What? This article does not need any more dead baby jokes, not at all.
You can help by not adding anything, especially not dead baby jokes.
How do I killed baby? Still the #1 and lulziest method of killing a baby in public.
in China, dead babies are bred for food... AZN Pride!
And that's where we get lychees from

dead_babies is a LiveJournal community dedicated to fucking hilarious humor. Found here, you'll often encounter photos of abortions, miscarriages, and deformed children, as well as various gruesome accidents and images such as the pain series. It was created and is moderated by shared_boxers, of Marriage is love fame. All of them perfect for generating butthurt among Concerned Mothers.

Some faggots (such as Crazayjillay) disapprove of humor that isn't watered down and sitcom-friendly and want dead_babies shut down. This was a futile effort and dead_babies exists to this day.

Other sick fucks (such as Inheritrix) fap to this kind of shit.

You can use dead babies for lulz and drama in various Pro-Life communities. You can find support in Childfree. They can also be recycled.

Also Baby Fucking is always alright, especially if they are dead.

Dead Babies and Something Awful

In 1984, Something Awful featured a website dedicated to a mother's miscarriages as an Awful Link of the Day. This led to hundreds of angry emails about it, and after attempting to reason with the angry would-be mothers, the authors wrote up a feature highlighting the craziest replies. This led to the phrase, "Your poison womb is making heaven too fucking crowded", which, while quite funny on its own, literally rewrites the comedy books in context: viewable here.

Dead Babies are great for breakfast AND for dinner

   
“ 		 
Babies for breakfast babies for dinner.
  		„
  		 

—Chip tha Ripper- famous for composing Interior Crocodile Alligator

Examples of Dead Baby Jokes

The pinnacle of high brow humor, dead baby jokes are appropriate at charity events, dinner parties, Jew, weddings, circumcisions, and perhaps most appropriately, funerals for dead babies. Click on the [+] to open:


[-+]Blenders

Q: Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: So it can finish sucking you off.

Q: How do you get 1000 babies in a phone booth?
A: Liquify them in a blender.

Q: How do you get them out?
 A: Nachos.

Q: What is this vessel that I'm putting your baby into?
A: A blender

Q: What should you do when your baby is stuck in a blender?
A: Use a straw.


[-+]Javelins

Q: How do you stop a baby from turning around in a hallway?
A: Throw a javelin through its head.

Q: How do you stop a baby from falling down a manhole?
A: Throw a javelin through its head.

Q: How do you stop a baby from falling down a well?
A: Throw a javelin through its head.

Q: What's 3 feet tall and can't walk through a door?
A: Baby with a javelin through its head.


[-+]Food

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a Mars bar?
A: About 500 calories.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and doughnuts?
A: Doughnuts go straight to your thighs.

Q: What's the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
A: Dead baby doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.

Q: Why do they boil water when a woman is giving birth?
A: If it's born dead they can make soup.

Q: What do you get when you mix a dead baby, and a pint of cum?
A: LUNCH!

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
A: I don't cum all over an apple before I eat it.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion?
A: I don't cry when I chop up a dead baby.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a crop field?
A: Something actually grows out of a crop field when you plant your seed in it.

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Two scoops ice cream, two scoops dead baby.

Q: What the best part of waking up?
A: A dead baby in your cup.


[-+]Infanticide

Q: What’s worse than seeing a dead baby lying on the road?
A: Missing it with your car.

Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.

Q: What do you get when you put a knife into a baby?
A: An erection.

Q: Why should you never cut off a baby's head?
A: You'll lose your dick.

Q: Why shouldn't you slit open a baby's throat?
A: You might cut your dick.

Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
A: I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

Q: How long does it take to kill a baby in a microwave?
A: How the fuck should I know? I was too busy masturbating.


[-+]Sports

Q: What's blue and yellow and at the bottom of the pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.

Q: What's blue and yellow and red and floating in the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.

Q: How do you stop a baby from drowning?
A: Take your foot off its head.

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
A: You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead baby and a football?
A: One is fun to kick, the other is a football.


[-+]Anti-Jokes

Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a dumpster?
A: 32.

Q: What is funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby next to a kid with down syndrome.

Q: Why did the baby drop its ice cream?
A: Because it was hit by a school bus.

Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
A: You can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork.

Q: How long does it take to paint a room with dead babies?
A: Depends how hard you throw em.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
A: You can't fuck a table.

Q: How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
A: Nail its other hand to the floor.

Q: What's funnier than ten dead babies stapled to a tree?
A: One dead baby stapled to ten trees.

Q: Why did the dead baby fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: What's the difference between babies and grannies?
A: Grannies don't die when you fuck them in the ass.

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown suit!

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: Juliana Wetmore

Q: What's red white and stringy and hangs around in trees?
A: Baby hit by a snow-blower.

Q: What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A: Baby in a microwave.

Q: What’s funnier than six babies in one trash can?
A: One baby in six trash cans.

Q: What's red and has 10 arms?
A: A pitbull in a maternity ward.

Q: What is red and creeping up your legs?
A: A homesick abortion!

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: 'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.

Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: A pile of 100 dead babies.

Q: What's even grosser than that?
A: The live one at the bottom trying to eat its way out.

Q: What's even grosser than that?
A: When it goes back for seconds.

Q: What do you get when you cross three dead babies and a sheet of glass?
A: An attractive coffee table.

Q: What's cuter than a newborn baby?
A: A dead newborn baby.


[-+]Copypasta

New mother: Doctor, doctor, is my baby alright?
Doctor: I have some good news, and I have some bad news.
New mother: Tell me the bad news first.
Doctor: The bad news is, it's a ginger.
New mother: Oh my God, no!
Doctor: Calm down, miss. The good news is, it's dead.

"You've got to see what your baby is doing!" shouted the doctor as he burst out of the delivery room and into the waiting room. "What?!" yelled the child's father as he leapt to his feet. "He's literally FLYING around the delivery room! Here, I'll show you!" replied the doctor as he shot back into the delivery room. A few seconds later, he emerged with the baby in his arms. "Watch!" he shouted and tossed the baby into the air. The baby landed on the tile with a thud. "What the Hell?!" the guy started to shout, but the doctor interrupted with, "No, wait, watch this!" and he scooped the baby up and threw him harder. WHAM! The baby bounced off the wall and plopped to the floor, again. "Oh, my God!" shouted the man, and started to grab at the doctor. "No! He was doing it earlier," protested the doctor, "Watch this!" He again scooped the baby up, flung open the waiting room window and hurled the baby four stories down where it splattered onto the sidewalk. Enraged, the man clutched at the doctor's throat and pinned him against the wall. "WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO MY BABY!?" He screamed. "Relax," laughed the doctor, "It was a stillborn."

Man: How is my newborn baby?
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Man: What's the bad news?
Doctor: Your baby is mentally retarded.
Man: What's the good news?
Doctor: He's a stillborn.

Dead Baby Gallery

  • What's pink, stiff, wrinkled and makes women squeal?
    What's pink, stiff, wrinkled and makes women squeal?
  • you are doing it wrong you silly goose (giving birth that is)
    you are doing it wrong you silly goose (giving birth that is)
  • Harlequin Ichthyosis Fetus - The ultimate dead baby joke... and LJ user icon!
    Harlequin Ichthyosis Fetus - The ultimate dead baby joke... and LJ user icon!
  • GET OUT, the ultimate baby version
    GET OUT, the ultimate baby version
  • I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs.
    I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs.
  • Dead baby is dead.
    Dead baby is dead.
  • New game: "mummified or roasted?"
    New game: "mummified or roasted?"
  • An answer to the question "what happens when you put a newborn in a rock tumbler?"
    An answer to the question "what happens when you put a newborn in a rock tumbler?"
  • A dead baby spotted at a McDonalds.
    A dead baby spotted at a McDonalds.
  • This nigger baby is a fucking idiot!
    This nigger baby is a fucking idiot!

Famous Dead Babies

Links

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