User:Lord Raptor/Racketeer

His highness in all his glory.

Since the rebirth of ED after Girlvinyl's abortion and the creation of EDF2, the message board became a magnet of interesting people, as well as super awesome and intelligent individuals who are clearly to be taken seriously and given respect simply because they are a member of EDF. Among the shitposts of bronies and rational discussions about politics and religion strode forth Racketeer (power word Brock Jesse) who is remarkable not only for being an annoying faggot and an all around terrible poster, but also for showing a level of anal devastation so unbelievable that making fun of this bozo is 100% guaranteed that comedy gold will be resulted.

The Beginning of the Faggotry

Brock's epic saga started during one of his attempts to sound a witty and hilarious poster by raiding the thread of another faggot known as Umkemesik. Much to his disappointment, however, his plan took a wrong turn when he lost his temper after being called out by a couple of EDiots who could see how lame he is, and started insulting everyone that sniggered his posts and stating he was better than anyone in EDF. A brief interlude followed, due likely to a grounding. Reported by him as a short hiatus, during which he left the internets to enjoy life outside his mother's basement, the brave and noble EDiots of the forums quickly deduced that he probably got his computer taken away by his mother after throwing a tantrum.

The Plight of Faggoteer

When Faggoteer discovered that his precious EDF's servers had malfunctioned, and the forums were rendered temporarily unavailable, he flew into a crying fit, the likes of which have never been seen before. Upon EDF's return, he immediately posted a thread, in which he bitched about the downtime, and demanded an explanation for it. Because he's retarded, see? In it, after about a half-dozen responses, he rather stupidly made the mistake of posting a link to a note he wrote on facebook. The post was TL;DR and filled with inane rambling and plagiarism from this site. One of the users on the forums, Rev Junco, copypasta'd the note and immediately made a thread to mock Racketeer. This quickly devolved into a bunch of moar tl;dr posts on Brock's part, evidently angered by his mistreatment at the hands of the forumites. After a few pages, it became clearer and clearer that Racketeer was no mere faggot, but was, indeed, seriously deluded. He began to refer to himself as a god, and insulted posters with ad hominems and illegible word salads in the form of enormous walls of text. It was around this point that Brock started to make videos on his JewTube account, linking them in the thread. Almost all of the videos were nothing more than minute-and-a-half long rants about how he'd "out-trolled a trolling website," and that he was a winrar of the interbutts.

Quotes

	“	my hard fought reputation is back and I'm still staying relevant. Everyone is recognizing who wears the pants and I'm enjoying this feeling of superiority.	„
	— Racketeer being a totally upstanding guy

	“	Ah hah! You've got me all figured out, don't you?	„
	— As if his Aspergers-riddled mind was a fucking Rubik's cube

	“	I'm not mad, in fact I'm quite content. But when I look at my alerts and I see your name I utter under my breath, always, "stupid ass bitch, motherfucking cocksucker mother fucker, assrapest, BITCH OF A WHORE!	„
	— clearly not mad

	“	I am going attorney attrempt to be as respectful as possible.	„
	— wat

	“	I don't know if I want to be in such a place of bigotry, which is unfortunate because until now, I honestly felt welcome here.	„
	— Lol

	“	in that once again I can just sit back and jack off to your comments.	„
	— Racketeer on what it's like to be a homosexual

	“	If porn has taught me anything it's that girls like it when you pull out and jizz on their tits.	„
	— Admitting his lack of real-life experience.

	“	You're a fag. Gtfo out of my STRAIGHT SPARKLY VAMPIRE FORUM	„
	— Racketeer being totally not gay

	“	perhaps you simply do not know of my Guardian Angel.	„
	— Racketeer on religion

	“	You better get your head, and your ass wired together or I will take a giant shit on you.	„
	— Srs bsns

	“	You're a fucking tard brah.	„
	— yeah brah

	“	Do you have any "My Little Pony" themed infanticide?	„
	— creepy.

	“	Good boy. Now fetch me some lion porn.	„
	— Being a totally normal person

	“	I've already admitted to fucking little girls	„
	— Why don't you have a seat, right over there?

	“	Justice isn't supposed to be funny.	„
	— Confusing himself for Batman

	“	Everyone in this thread is sheep. And I fucking love it!	„
	— being a disgusting furry

	“	It's mudslinging, and it's all you will do, because you don't have talent. None. Zip. Zero. Nada, nada. Viva fuckin' Pinata.	„
	— Tossing some word salads

	“	You slap me with a glove and challenge me? ME?! D: I accept your foolish request for an expedient demise. I'll allow you twenty four hours to call an undertaker.	„
	— Racketeer

	“	Oh I think you like me. Oh I, oh I, think you like me.	„
	— His usual banter with other men, which is totally not gay at all

	“	Hm? You say something, Fumo?	„
	— In response to being called Fumo.

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