User:Beholdthesharktopus/HotTopic

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Hot Topic, also known as Hot Pocket, was started in 1988 by Orv Madden, and has spread like AIDS in the late 90's thanks to the rise of the emo, punk, and goth subcultures among America's teens, and now has sprouted to a fuckton of locations. Hot Topic provides clothing, accessories, and novelty items to America's goths, punk and emo subcultures. From band merchandise and overpriced "gothic" and punk clothes to Care Bears and other 80's faggotry. Hot Topic has set the modern fashion standards for the above mentioned douchebags. Everything in the fucking store is overpriced. Like paying $25 for a fucking WALLET.

Hot Topic is on the NASDAQ, under the ticker HOTT.

Cool things about shopping at Hot Topic include being seen around other gay little Marilyn Mansonites thus making you cool, paying upwards of $50 for a pair of pants that will completely fall apart within a few months of normal wear, buying patented "finger armor" (to put on your fingers before you dare to explore your nasty goth girlfriend's cavernous vagina), telling your friends how dark and mysterious you are for going there to buy Johnny The Homicidal Maniac comics, and eventually, coming to sneer at the place you used to love so much because they've "sold out" and are now catering to emos as well as goths.

How to find a Hot Topic

Hot Topic can be identified up close by its large black circular entrance with retarded spiderweb-reminiscent iron webbing and small display of novelty t-shirts in two windows located adjacent on either side. However, from a distance, the store usually can be identified by emo, punk, goth or fag metal music playing at high volume and the putrid smell of incense. Music varies from location to location, depending on the musical preferences of the store's clerks, as well as the season in which the store is visited (example: fag metal is played in the summer, but is only allowed to be played certain times during the fall, winter, and spring - "the School Year" for all the kids who shop there). Tara Gilesbie travels to the United States daily to shop at Hot Topic. The lighting in the store will also be dimmed down to the point where consumers will not know all the terrible shit they just bought until they are outside. At this point the consumer can't return the product because typical hot topic consumers melt in the sun.