View source for Money

{{notice|''This article is about [[IRL]] currency. For [[OL]], see [[Internet money]]''}}
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[[Image:Getmoney.jpg|thumb|350px|One of the many ways to get money.]]
[[Image:DuckNigeria.jpg|thumb|220px|Even Technologically Impaired Duck is making money on the internet]]
<!-- [[Image:Washingtons_money.jpg|thumb|They love money too.]] -->

{{quote|Money can't buy love in this world,              but it'll get you a half pound of cocaine and a 16 year-old girl.|[[Jew|Randy Newman]]}}
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{{Quote|Money might not be able to buy love but it does a pretty damn good job of renting it.|[[Hookers and blow|John Delorian]]}}
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[[Image:Lesbianmoney.jpg|thumb|220px|Lesbians are socially ostracized and have to use marked bills..]]
[[Image:Bored.jpg|thumb|220px|Rich people are usually depressed because they don't have any real friends.]]
[[Image:$20 and $5 01.jpg|220px|thumb|Presidents get angry at the defacing of money.]]

'''Money'''{{jew}} is a term that refers to the medium of exchange in any standardized system of trade. Ancient cultures had yet to invent [[bullshit]], and so all of their 'money' was actually just a standardized form of barter - they traded a socially agreed upon amount of a certain precious commodity such as [[Salt|salt]], or [[semen|white gold]], for goods.

Modern money has the advantage of not having any worth but what is socially agreed upon, because it is now made out of largely worthless metals, and fibers. [[Allegedly]] these worthless representations of wealth are backed by massive reserves of precious metals, specifically [[Jew Gold]].  In practice, however, nobody really cares as long as you can still afford a [[7-11|slushie]].

[[Zaiger|IT IS THE FUCKING THING THAT THE MORONS CLOSED THE OLD ED FOR]]. For more info: [[capitalism]]

If you're an [[azn|Asian]] or a [[poor|third world]] immigrant, you are considered rich by your people if you have [[at least 100]] dollars in your debit card.

There are [[over 9000|many many]] ways to get money.  You can start by getting a [[job]] so you don't stay in your [[basement-dweller|mom's basement]] for the rest of your [[life]].

[[United States]] Dollars are tracked by the government-run site [[Where's George?]].

[[Image:Moneynz.jpg|thumb|220px|right|[[New Zealand]] money is guarded by images of terrifying gargoyles.]]

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'''Ode to Money'''
<youtube>ON-7v4qnHP8</youtube><br>
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== With money you can: ==
[[Image:Mastercard_perks.jpg|220px|right| money opens doors for you.  It even spreads legs.]]
*Buy [[slave|another human being]].
*Buy [[Cocaine|happine$$]].
*Find [[secks|true love]]
*Buy a [[furry|donkey for love making]].
<!-- [[Image:Feelsgoodonmytaint.jpg|thumb|Shop online.]] -->
*Buy a [[gun]].
*[[Buy a dog]].
*Be a [[cooldude|pimp]].
*$ave [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], they're broke! WE NEED THE FUCKING MONEY!!!
*Buy thousand$ of low priced tran$$exual hookers in a [[AIDS|third world country]].
*Purchase gift$ for a [[camwhore]] from their [[wishlist]].
*Enjoy the [[hookers and blow|finer thing$]] in life.
*Get your girl a diamond, since all women are materiali$tic harpie$ and if you don't, you'll never get laid.
*Get really good at forplay.  By this I mean taking a girl to a Jewlry Store to get her lubed up.
*Rule at Nerd Poker because you can by all the best cards in [[Magic The Gathering]], [[Pokemon]] or [[Yu-Gi-Oh]].
*Light your cigars with $100 bills.
*Buy a dildo, if you’re [[bisexual|bi$exual]] or [[gay]]
*Buy gabe butt$ech$.
*Get mugged.
*Have the ability to post on [[Something awful|$omething awful]]'s forums.
*Speak "the language of love."
*Be a [[Jews|Jew]].
*Obtain [[I will have your humility|happine$$]] and [[porn]]!
*Buy a [[Large Hadron Collider|huge a$$ machine]] to [[divide by zero]].
*Lo$e it
<center><youtube>DAWoWIECfXM</youtube><br></center>
*Scam the living [[Shit]] out of [[Retards]] by investing in [[cooldude|Derek Stewart's]] money making [[facepalm|opportunity]]. See [[Youtube]] video below and call him for a [[pwnage|chat]]. 
<center><youtube>TFI2bNQPVnw</youtube><br></center>
And many many [[moar]]!?

== Things equal to money ==
[[File:Hellokittymoney2.jpg|thumb|right|150px|[[Hello Kitty]] has her [http://archive.fo/qNl92 own currency].]]
*[[Sex]]
*[[Love]]
*[[NephilimFree]]
*[[Drugs]]
*[[Scientology|Xenu's penis]]
*And sweet sweet [[Lemon party|lemon pie]].

Things only weirdos feel are equal to money...
*[[Hello Kitty]]
*[[Furry Art]]
*[[Zeta Toys]]

== Things that are the complete opposite of money ==

*[[donate|Encyclopedia Dramatica]] - see [[Irony]]
*Yenom
*Pieces of random scrap paper saying, "I.O.U."  You is spelled with a 'Y'.

==Things to do when you owe somebody money==
[[File:Scrooge McJew.gif|right|thumb|Take note of specimen, this is who you will end up owing money to <s>90% of the</s> every damn time.]]
* Postpone payment
* Ask for more time when he demands his money
* Tell him you have a liquidity problem
* If he's a friend, start a fight for an entirely different reason. A person who doesn't want to talk to you is not likely to ask for money.
* Tell him he's too obsessed with money.
* Tell him he's shallow
* Just don't pay it
* Make somebody else pay it for you
* Pay half of the amount
* Change the subject
* Pay in a different currency
* Ask for more money
* Offer a partnership 
* Offer stock option
* Pretend to forget about the amount and discuss it forever
* Offer to pay it by second-hand assets
* Ask for his IBAN account if the conversation occurs in an offline environment.
* Offer to pay in person if the conversation is online
* Ask him to sue you
* Pay money to a gang to get rid of him -and your debt, eventually
* Disappear

== Riches! ==
[[File:Rich Jerk.jpg|thumb|right|Rich asshole]]
[[Image:Animation money.gif|thumb|Rabbis masturbate to this.]]

Money makes you [[Rich and beautiful|rich]], and having more money than someone else makes them [[pwned]]. You can [[Asses|assess]] how rich and pwning you are on Adam Smith's Riches Calculator. [[divide by 0|The Calculator analyzes what you do when your toilet breaks:]]

* 9 - Your highly paid [[scientist]]s have invented new organs that don't require you to take a [[crap|dump]], so you don't care that your toilet is broken. This is known as the [[shit nobody cares about|don't give a shit]] level.
* 8 - You don't use a toilet anymore, your Palestinian slave siphons the [[crap|poo]] from your ass with his mouth while you sleep each night.
* 7 - The toilet attendant fixes the toilet as soon as it breaks without you noticing and then you [[buttsecks|buttrape]] him for not working hard enough probably.
* 6 - THE EQUILIBRIUM: you buy a new toilet.
* 4 - You try and save your wages to buy a new toilet but actually you spend it all on [[alcohol|booze]] to drown the sorrows of your miserable life.
* 4b - [[Daddy]] buys you a new toilet. Worst. Birthday. Ever.
* 2 - [[1guy1jar|You shit in the broken toilet, fall down and slice open your anus on the shards of whatever toilets are made of, causing you to stumble out of your bathroom with blood pouring out from behind.]]
* 1 - Courtney Love's merchandise [[profit]]s.

== Getting Paid ==

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Realistic representation of what happens when you get paid.
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<!-- [[Image:Black money.jpg|Right|thumb|[[Black people]] love money too.]] -->

== Funny money ==
[[Image:Black Monopoly.jpg|thumb|220px|Don't hate the game hate the player.]]
[[Image:Money4.jpg|thumb|220px|[[Sluts]] [[lie|love to be paid in monopoly money]].]]
A slang term that is used to describe any form of money that is not the [[United States]] dollar.  Funny Money is invariably more technically advanced than real money, and often shows its superiority through [[gay|the use of multiple colors on a single bill]], as opposed to the boring dollars monochromatic tones.

It is [[rumor]]ed that [[Europe]]'s Funny Money, [[Lie|the Euro, has a coin that is actually worth as much as it buys.]]

The official currency of [[Vietnam]] is the [[Dong]], which is, of course, hilarious.

NB - Ironically perhaps, the term 'funny money' is a term sometimes applied colloquially in [[Europe]] to counterfeit notes.  Therefore if you're in Paris, Prague or erm... S'''cunt'''horpe then bear in mind you really don't want to fill your wallet up with the stuff, irrespective of what's been said above.  Not to be confused with [[furry]] money, which is money used in transactions to purchase [[animal]] [[sex]].


===Monopoly money===

President [[Obama]] has stated that we cannot treat [[US]] tax dollars like Monopoly money [http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2009/12/21/obama_we_cant_treat_tax_dollars_like_monopoly_money.html].

To test this theory we hired a troop of [[scientist]]s and stuff.

Experiment 1 - dollars as Monopoly money

Admittedly dollars do not have the right numbers on the front but the use of an orange crayon can soon convert them. Like [[Lioncash]].

Experiment 2 - as Coke straws

Monopoly money is easier to roll but is a bit small unless you have a Jew nose. Dollars have the advantage of already having traces of cocaine on them and so [[police|CSI]] can't prove it was you. 

Experiment 3 - as cigar lighters

Monopoly money burns a bit too fast but then it is cheaper than using dollars to transfer [[fire]]. Both dollars and Monopoly notes can theoretically be used to roll [[drug|joint]]s, but they burn [[shit]]tily, taste shitty and the ink gives you [[cancer]].

Experiment 4 - as toilet paper

Dollars don't allow your fingers to burst through, but Monopoly money is softer if you have piles.

== Donate ==
[[Image:Ae-bullshit.jpg|200px|thumb|[[Idiot|Pleasure doing business with you.]]]]
A small organ lodged behind the prostate and ahead of the rectum, in the general region known as the taint. ED routinely encourages its users to stimulate this organ and ejaculate money that can, in turn, be given to ED so that it can continue bringing you lulz.

Of course, everybody knows that's a scam. Should it have been true though, the solution
instead of giving money would be to stop going to EncyclopediaDramatica, so you wouldn't
invade their precious little wimpy baww bandwidth.

===Wikipedia's bait===

[[File:Donation Banner 0005.JPG|center]]
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 [[Asians]] are easy to buy with money. Boston mob money launderer Michael keeps a tight hold on his fuckslut Boston
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==See Also==
[[File:You're home early.jpg|right|240px]]
* [[Bernie Madoff]]
* [[Bitcoin]]
* [[Dead-Pool]]
* [[Dong]]
* [[Forbes]]
* [[I go chop your dollar]]
* [[Jew]]
* [[Operation LIONCASH]]
* [[Rape dollars]]
* [[So Cash]]
* [[Plastic Straws|Starbucks]]

== External Links ==

* [http://archive.fo/dNCyP How America killed money]
* [http://tryvindale.com/VsrT2sIW <s>How to make money</s> DO NOT VISIT THIS WEBSITE!]
{{Business}}
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