View source for Children

{{OffendedKids}}
[[Image:Trollface_PSA.png|center|PSA]]
[[Image:Thai_Child.jpg|right|thumb|Children have many uses!]]
'''Children''' are [[n00bs]] [[IRL]]. Like all [[n00bs]], they are easy to [[pwn]] and this brings epic [[lulz]]. [[13 year old boys]] and [[16 year old girls]] are children, which explains why [[pedophiles]] like them. It is funny to point out that someone is a child and therefore a [[n00b]]; however, you may be [[pwned]] by their reminding you that you used to be one also. This is like the [[no u]] meme: you cannot defend against it, unless you were grown in a tube and released at puberty.

==This is your kid==
[[Image:The joys of having children.jpg|right|thumb|The joys of having children.]]
<center>'''[[autist|This]] is what happens when you fail to get a [[castration|vasectomy]].'''</center>
<center><youtube>KJo7RE3qSvQ</youtube></center>

==Facts about Children== 
[[Image:911kids.jpg|thumb]]
*Children are demons conjured by condom companies and various other contraceptive manufacturing executives to scare you into using protection. Therefore, by having unprotected sex, you automatically perform the Summon Child (rank 3) ritual. This ritual, if successful, ruins your fucking life.  Naturally, unprotected anal sex may seem like a nifty loophole, but despite it's obvious fun, it really isn't as this has a 9/13 chance of summoning [[AIDS]] and/or spawning Excrementals (if the buttfuckee is female).
* Children are now considered the most prevalent and dangerous Sexually Transmitted Disease, <s>(as there might be a cure for aids)</s> the cure for which is [[abortion]].
* No matter where you go; dumbass parents will bring their screaming and annoying children to where ever you are.
* Ironically [[fags]] cannot contract the children disease. They developed immunity after the CIA infected them with [[G.R.I.D.S.]]
* All children are notoriously [[stupid]] and, as punishment, must attend [[school]].  
* Children think [http://neerizzle.hubpages.com/hub/Picking-Your-Nose-Is-Healthy picking your nose is good for you].
* 89% of people claiming to be children on IRC are [[fat]], [[old]], [[pedophiles]]. The other 11% are [[FBI]] agents trying to catch and convict the former.  The real children on IRC, claim to be adults, but act like morons, can't spell, use [[ALL CAPS]], aLTeRNaTiNG CaPS, use DoS attacks on other IRC people for fun, get in OP wars on IRC, abuse OPs, flame, cuss, etc.
* Children have shit taste in everything because they sponge off preferences and aversions from other stupid children or whatever shit they're watching on TV, or, god forbid, the internet.
**Also, children like to eat shit because “it’s chocolate.”
* You know [[Sonic|that thing]] [[you]] like? You know [[Pokemon|the one]] I mean. You know, [[My Little Pony|the thing you're always raving about for its deep, intricate plots]] and [[Naruto|subtle many-layered character development]]? Yeah, [[cartoon|that]]. [[Manchild|That's for children]].
* If you have a [[LiveJournal]] and [[rape]] a child, you become [[e-famous]] and get a "Sick Fucks" category story on ED, like [[ohbutyouwillpet]]. That's more than worth the jail term.
* Children in third world countries are commonly known as [[Wikipedia:Child_soldiers|cannon fodder]].
* [[American]] children are often seen on documentaries of [[IRL|RL]], like AMFV, offering [[LOL|LULZ]] in the form nutpunches and [[rape|cuntpunches]].
* [[Sam Rassenfoss]] is a lover of all types of children, because he is a [[pedophile]].
* No one gives a shit about YOUR childhood. It will either be raped by [[Rule 34]] on the internets, or by a shitty remake in [[Hollywood]].
* Posting porn on a recently [[permaban|dead]] child's facebook tribute will result in [[lulz|epic lulz]]. 
* Children make up [[statistics|80%]] of [[cancer that is killing /b/| /b/]]

On a side note, in reality, children are overrated cult objects created by christfags and soccer moms, but in truth, no one really cares about them.

==Stages of Childhood==
[[Image:Home depot mommy.PNG|thumb|200px|Mommy will be getting a call from her child's teacher real soon.]]
[[Image:Poop spelled backwards.jpg|thumb|200px|That's better.]]
#[[Baby]]: Funniest when [[dead_babies|dead]]. Most likely to be raped by a [[Ohbutyouwillpet|LiveJournal user]].
#Toddler: [[I am 12 and what is this|Discovers things]]. Most likely to be raped by a swarthy Chinese man.
#Child: If the parents have any money, this will be the [[fucktard]] stage. Most likely to be raped by unimaginative pederasts.
#[[Teenager]]: HORMONESHORMONESOMFGFUCK ANYTHING IN SIGHT!!1!! If there's grass around the wicket, it's time to play [[England|cricket]]!
#Adult: become an [[adult baby]]. It's all good, baby.
#Elder: Smell funny, soon to [[die]]!
#Corpse: Most likely be be raped by a [[Japanese|necrophiliac]].
#[[????]]
#[[Profit!]]

==[[Controversy]]==
There is much ongoing controversy on the topic of children. One group, known as '''[[Childfree]]''', believes that nobody should have children. Members of this group usually use [[contraception]] or [[castration]] to ensure that they never have children.

The opposing group, known as the '''pro-choice''' group, believes that everyone should get pregnant, followed by an [[abortion]]. This is the more enlightened point of view in regards to children and childbirth, common among [[Feminism#What_feminists_think|feminists]].

A third group, known as '''[[pregnant]] [[teen]]s''', are drunk [[slut]]s that are too stupid to know how to have their mates use condoms, and if you are looking to get laid (easily!) we recommend looking there.

==Gallery==
{{cg||Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Cannonball.gif
File:Fuck this shit, I'm outta here.gif
File:Down, bitch.gif
File:Foam swords.gif
File:Plastic sword.gif
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Crying girl.gif
File:Kid backhand.gif
File:Mutilated Kid.jpg
File:Grinderslide.jpg
File:Greattshirt4kids.jpg|Pedo Uncles are bad for children.
File:Girlswhohatefags.jpg|Great Job raising your kids.
File:Pedobeartransportslolis.jpg|Pedestrian bear is great for children.
File:Teacher killed by disturbed children.jpg|When children overpower the teacher, lulz ensues.
File:electrodry-guy.jpg|This man taught Pedobear everything he knows.
File:Slow_children_1000_points.jpg|How many points can you get?
File:Toy dead cat.jpg|Typical children's toy.
File:Cherry.jpg|[[Typical]] children's sweet wrapper.
File:Children_-_Seatbelts.jpg
File:Kid and fish.gif
File:Sweeter than child's laughter.jpg
File:Jewconnection.png|[[Libertarian]] view on children.
</gallery>}}

==See also==
*[[Sandy Hook]] - The proper way to deal with children.
*[[Luring]]
*[[Lunchtimers.com]]
*[[ChildLine]]
*[[Child Abuse]]
*[[Manchild]] - A peculiar phenomenon that occurs when one carries the dreadful handicap of being a child into adulthood.

{{notcrap}}

{{Pedoseries}}