View source for Avant-garde

[[File:Avantgarde8.jpg|thumb|right|Art has truly come far.]]
'''Avant-garde''' is a style of "[[shitty art|art]]" created by [[attention whore|attention whores]] who are too stupid to realize that it's easier scrape meager fame from making [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] [[recolor|recolors]] or [[inflation art]] than from painting a picture with one's own [[menstrual painting|menstrual blood]]. Found both online and off, avant-garde art is a means by which insecure [[art school]] students reconcile the fact that they are unable to create technically advanced and meaningful artwork. Not to be mistaken for [[modern art]], avant-garde is a [[trying too hard|lifestyle]] that pervades every aspect of an 'artist's' life, from its [[hipster|fashion choices]] to the [[shitty band|music]] that it listens to. There are many forms of avant-garde artwork, and chances are that you are unfortunate enough to have come across it upon your Internet travels.

== Avant-Gardes in the Wild ==

Luckily for those of us brave enough to leave our basements, "people" who ascribe to the avant-garde aesthetic are usually too busy masturbating to [[tumblr]] nudes or getting high in their [[Daddy%27s_money_lesbian|warehouse lofts]] to see the light of day. However, when they do manage to escape from their cages, they may be detected from a mile away by a strong stench of [[cigarettes|American Spirits]], [[beer|shitty microbrew]], and the semen they'd smeared all over themselves during their latest [[Ann Liv Young|performance piece]]. Unfortunately, they tend to travel in moderately-sized to large groups that communicate with a mixture of condescending grunts and low-pitched, smug laughter. When they do manage to utter a string of phonemes, the resulting language usually sounds like meaningless, infant-like babble to the unversed listener. However, avant-garde artists and 'appreciators' operate under the notion that every word that leaves their mouths is profound, meaningful, and full of god-like insight that transcends the cognitive power of mere mortals. Although these individuals rarely interact with others outside of their species, their remarkable ability to flood coffee shops and bars with [[Freud|psuedo-Freudian]] noise pollution makes them the [[16-year-old girls]] of [[jk|cultured]] nightlife. Luckily avant-gardes are creatures of comfort and rarely stray outside of venues deemed [[cool]] by their peers, so avoiding them simply means frequenting places where [[NORP|lesser beings]] dwell.

== Avant-Gardes OTI ==
[[File:Avantgarde11.jpg|thumb|right|Performance art's [[Ann Liv Young|finest]].]]
Although avant-garde artists are rarely seen on the [[Internets]], they are by no means difficult to find on the more popular regions of the web. Performance artists pollute [[YouTube]] with their nonsensical shit, while visual artists prefer to post their [[art school]] creations upon the echo chamber that is [[tumblr]] in order to get backpats from their classmates and [[e-pals]]. Avant-garde "musicians" share catchy clips of cats in heat in as many places where they're allowed to upload them. Perhaps unsurprisingly, [[USI|true]] avant-garde artists are seldom seen upon [[dA|deviantART]], as tArtlets can't string two synapses together to realize that black-and-white pictures of roses are [[true|not]] avant-garde. While most Internet argonauts rarely stumble across the shite that avant-garde artists post online, the results are [[lol|hilarious]] [[Spaghettios|when they do]].

== How to Create Avant-Garde Art ==

If you've ever dreamed of getting laid by an [[pro-ana|emaciated]], [[Skyrim|draugr-like]] history major, becoming an avant-garde artist may be an avenue to explore. Here are some steps for advancing the avant-garde movement. It is fairly easy if you don't mind covering your genitals in paint or vomit.

===Visual Art===
Probably the easiest avant-garde art to create, as it may take only a matter of minutes and absolutely zero thought to finish.

# Get high on your favorite drug (bonus points if it's particularly obscure, such as [[mescaline]] or [[DMT]]. None of the cool kids smoke [[mainstream|weed]] anymore.)
# Get naked
# Find a canvas of some sort
# Enter your kitchen and try to find some bright colored liquids (i.e. ketchup)
# Smear the liquids over your genitals (you may use your own body fluids if your kitchen was empty)
# Wipe your genitals over the canvas
# [[gg|Pat yourself on the back]]

===Performance Art===
[[File:Avantgarde10.jpg|thumb|left|Commissioned by [[user:Hipcrime|Hipcrime]].]]
Note: In order to create this form of art, you have to be okay with being in front of real people. We all know you're not, you crusty [[basement-dweller]]. Don't even bother.

# Get high on your favorite drug
# Get naked
# Put on some campy, cheerful music
# Get somebody to hand you an object (or an animal if you're feeling particularly brave)
# Stick the object in your rectum while delivering a [[bullshit|profound]] monologue
# [[gg|Pat yourself on the back]]

===Music===

# Get high on your favorite drug
# Get naked
# Record the sound of your malfunctioning boiler on your [[iPhone]]
# Mix it with clips from [[trying too hard|Wes Anderson]] films
# [[gg|Pat yourself on the back]]

===Fashion===
[[File:Avantgarde7.jpg|thumb|right|Avant-garde fashion designers have long sought after the lucrative [[Balloon Fetish|balloon fetishist]] demographic.]]
This is probably the most common form of avant-garde 'art', as the artists' mothers will object less to watching their little crotch-droppings dressing like troll dolls than they would to watching their kids rubbing their tits across a piece of concrete.

# Go to a thrift store
# Shoplift some clothes that some dead woman's family donated
# Get high on your favorite drug
# Get naked
# Get dressed (extra points for mismatching colors)
# Put on some accessories manufactured for 5-year-old girls
# [[gg|Pat yourself on the back]]

You must attach some sort of meaning to your new "art" if you're planning on [[attention whore|revealing it to the public]], but that probably takes less time than creating the work itself. Make sure to say that your art has some sort of message about gender issues or sexuality, as avant-garde appreciators don't have the mental power to consider any concept that doesn't involve their genitals.

==ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA MUSEUM OF AVANT-GARDE ART==

Now open for business!!!

<center>{{frame|{{fv|avant-garde|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>---dWzYH-fM</youtube><br /><center>'''Art is only meaningful when there's nudity involved!'''</center>|<youtube>GtUe6ij_lnQ</youtube><br /><center>'''So profound.'''</center>|<youtube>a9SZaBtL5gg</youtube><br /><center>'''A brave recreation of Parkinson's Disease.'''</center>|<youtube>Gn5_m5HnOvg</youtube><br /><center>'''Here we get a look at an art world rarity- a shaved hoohaw.'''</center>| <youtube>i41_h6H3g-U</youtube><br /><center>'''A monument to how far our culture has evolved.'''</center>|<youtube>5SUcODwmA1A</youtube><br /><center>'''A young art student gets her start.'''</center>
|}}|border=black|background=white}}</center>

{{cg|Our Prestigious Gallery|avant-garde|center|<gallery>
Image:Ahtskool.jpg|Yep.
Image:Avantgarde1.jpg|The work of a visionary.
Image:Avantgarde2.jpg|Leandro Granato got tired of painting with his dick, so he's using his eye instead.
Image:Avantgarde3.jpg|Millie Brown blazes the trail in vomit art.
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Avantegarde4.jpg|We're so happy that this artist put nudity into his artwork, because most avant-garde artists aren't brave enough to include nudity in their art.
Image:Avantgarde5.jpg|A stunning avant-garde outfit.
Image:Avantgarde6.jpg|Thousands of selfless art students dedicated their seed to this piece.
</gallery>|}}

==See Also==

*[[Aliza Shvarts]]
*[[Ann Liv Young]]
*[[Art School]]
*[[Attention Whore]]
*[[Hipster]]
*[[Indie]]
*[[Menstrual Painting]]
*[[Shitty Art]]
*[[Spaghettios]]
*[[Trying Too Hard]]

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