View source for Joel Osteen

[[File:FlyingOsteen.png|thumb|Give money to [[Jesus]] and you can fly if you jump off the [[World Trade Center]]!]]

'''Joel Scott Osteen'''{{Christian}} (formerly known as '''[[Jerry Seinfeld]]''') is a [[Anita Sarkeesian|professional con-artist]] and [[Redundant|televangelist]] whose face is always adorned with his trademarked [[Cockmongler|shitfaced grin]]. Osteen, like all televangefags, promises that [[Kill yourself|your pathetic, worthless life]] will improve if you give [[Jewgold|lots and lots of money]] to '''[[Muhammad|JEEEEESUS]]'''! PRAISE THE LORD! HALLELUJAH!

As Hurricane Harvey [[raped|ravaged]] [[Texas]] in mid-[[2017]], Joel decided to help in the rescue and recovery efforts by offering prayers to all who were affected by the disaster. Unfortunately for Joel, [[Jews|people]] are [[greedy]] and the [[Cunts|fine residents]] of [[Twatter]]ville quickly began bitching about the fact that Joel was handing out free prayers when he could be housing up to 16,000 [[Refugees|displaced flood victims]] in his [[Cock|massive Houston Mega Church]].

Osteen quickly refuted the Twitterers' accusations by stating that his church was not open because it was underwater – but this was quickly disproven by [[E-detective|savvy internet sleuths]] who visited the church and proved that it was dryer than [[J.K. Rowling]]'s [[vagina]]. The internet then learned a [[Shit nobody cares about|valuable lesson]] that '''''even [[Christian]] [[Douchebags|televangelists]] can lie''''', and trusting anyone '''''will''''' result in you getting [[raped]], [[Hurricane Katrina|drowned]] or [[Dissected-chan|both]].



== Videos ==

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|{{frame|{{videoframe|LOLFuckingLiar|background-color: #f9f9f9; text-align: center; font-weight: bold;|font-weight: bold;

|<youtube>BwoTOj89o-k</youtube><br/>A concerned citizen braves the flood to find Joel.

}}|border=#f9f9f9|background=#f9f9f9}}
|}


== See Also ==

* [[Seinfeld]]
* [[Anita Sarkeesian]]
* [[Justin Trudeau]]


{{Religion}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]