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[[File:Jezebal shit2.jpg|center]]
[[File:Jezebel logo.png|thumb|This logo is problematic in that it sexually objectifies womyn, and celebrates traditional and unrealistic standards of beauty.]]
[[File:Jezebel_mozart.png|thumb| Profound, as always.]]
<span class="plainlinks">[http://www.donotlink.com/IT '''Jezebel'''] (often reffered to as '''"Jizzebel"''') is the most overtly [[feminism|feminist]] branch of [[Gawker Media]], which is in and of itself the epitome of irony, considering the fact Gawker runs a renowned radfem site while being infamous for being one of te most misogynistic sites online.

Originally edited by Jessica Coen{{jew}}, It is [[some argue|widely regarded]] to be a horrid abomination and [[hugbox]] for [[feminazi|feminist extremists]] that could only exist in the current internets age where anything [[OC|original]], interesting or even slightly substantial in terms of content is all but unheard of. While independent thought has taken on an almost mythic quality, there exists a mind-numbing amount of sites bursting with [[clickbait]] to grant a sweet taste of instant gratification to the unwashed masses. Being renowned far and wide as the most inane and downright unprofessional online presence is no small feat in the age of [[Web 2.0]]; this is perhaps the only thing Jezebel can pride itself on, surpassing even [[Buzzfeed]] and fellow [[Gawker]] sites in terms of pure, unadulterated shittiness. The primary difference, however, is that while these sites can at least take heart in being light-hearted or "humorous," Jezebel takes itself way too fucking seriously and attempts to [[Social Justice Sally|sally]] forth in a hilariously retarded [[social justice]] crusade, followed by its army of [[fat]] women seeking dirt on good looking celebrities that they envy.

==The 3 H's of writing for Jezebel==

<u>'''[[Over 9000|Hyperbole]]</u>:'''

[[Almost raped|Everything is rape]].<br>
[[File:Joan of snark2.jpg|thumb|right|300px|What 30Rock thinks of Jezebel]]
Regular [[rape]] is  rape, [[sexual harassment]] is rape, [[drunk]] [[sex]] is rape, flirting is rape. There is stare rape, virtual rape, verbal rape and [[fart]] rape ([[seriously|that's when a man farts on you in the street without your consent]]). All [[men]] who have ever been accused of rape are rapists, all men who have ever been raped are rapists, all men who have made sex jokes are rapists, all men are rapists. All sex without written consent is rape. All sex is rape. Everything is "OMG The Worst Ever". Everything is rape.

(Women can't rape)

<u>'''[[Hypocrisy]]</u>:'''

Double standards are the only kind of standards that Jezebel has ever had.

Unlike Jezebel, other women's mags are bad for [[feminism]] and pray on women's insecurities despite both of them writing about the exact same things. They patronize women by writing about celebrity gossip, but when you read Jezebel, saying "Fuck those skinny bitches, they're not so hot" is bringing down the patriarchy.

Objectifying women is wrong (how can you even "Objectify" something that is already an object?) but writing 10 articles a day about who you would like to destroy your [[vagina]] is fine. When nudes of women are leaked it is no less than a war crime, however leaking male nudes is fine "And we will not remove them". Unless, of course, it was [[Gawker]] who publishes peephole videos of women and paid people to tell about their one night stand with a congresswomen and make fun of her hairy vagina, in which case you should not mention it if you want to keep your [[job]].

<u>'''[[HA HA HA, OH WOW]]</u>:'''

How the fuck is any of this news? [[wrong|You don't need 3 articles a week about cute kittens]]. You're a feminist website, you're supposed to at least ''try'' to pretend not all women are [[retarded]].

=="Writers"==

[[File:Lindy_west_cant_take_the_heat.jpg|thumb|left|[[Truth]]]]
[[File:Lindy_west_not_shooped.png|thumb| Lindy West]]
*'''[[Fat|Lindy West]]:''' Incredibly [[thin skin|thin-skinned]], which is a notable achievement for a woman of her girth. Got into a 'debate' with Jim Norton and got fucking owned. Currently being trolled by [http://t.co/nomMiSlfed people pretending to be her dead dad.]
*'''Isha Aran:''' Smelly [[Indian]] that has completely abandoned anything resembling journalism and instead [https://archive.is/m8ELG whines about cultural appropriation.]
*'''Erin Gloria Ryan:''' Used [[Paul Walker]]'s death as an excuse to [[attention whore]]. Subsequently pwnt by [[old media]] whores. She also [http://gothamist.com/2015/04/27/jezebel_editor_hit_williamsburg.php got punched in the face] by some chick for being a [[cunt]] (unrelated to her being a cunt online) and then [[dox]]ed the person who punched her while, all-the-while, claiming it isn't dox.
*'''Mark Shrayber:''' Token male homo to close that [[hypocrisy|gender gap]].
*'''Emily Gould:''' Used to write for them but then wrote an article to expose what [[cunt]]s they are.  Currently in therapy because Jimmy Kimmel made fun of her.
*'''Tracie Egan:''' Wrote an [https://archive.is/Sc8Mv article] about how she paid a male prostitute to rape her because she's too fat to find a man that would do it for free. Later, in an interview, she said it was actually the site that had paid for it and that it was because '''SHE IS TOO SMART TO GET RAPED'''.
*'''Everyone Else:''' Jezebel writers are so alike you can't tell them apart.

{{clear}}

== Jezebel Dramas ==

====Kick the Darkie to the Curb====
[[File:Jezebal shit3.png|thumb|right|200px|Hypocrisy at its finest]]
One day the [[time]] [[I came|came]] to replace the site's editor. The obvious choice to replace her was her second in command, but there was one problem: She's [[nigger|black]].

It's not that the cunts at Jezebel are a bunch of [[racists]] (yes, they are), it's that if the owner of the site was black she would out-[[victim]] them and win all the "I'm more oppressed" pissing contests. So obviously they had to hire a new [[white]] lady from outside to avoid this.

====We are offering $10,000 to rebuild our self esteem====
When they are not bitching and moaning about [[patriarchy]] and stare rape, the writers of Jezebel enjoy whining about how so unfair it is that other women, generally those who are not [[insane]], landwhale [[blog]] jockeys, are so much more beautiful than the staffers. In order to provide some sense of twisted vindication for this laughable [[jealousy]], they have offered bounties for original, unretouched photos of models. When someone eventually decides that a few thousand dollars is worth risking their career, they offer up the pics; the writers then engage in the classic [[high school]] girl's game of "Look! She's not ''that'' pretty! Will you take me to dinner now?".

To date, this tactic has proven unsuccessful (maybe because even without retouching any [[Hollywood]] starlet is still hotter than them) and they later used it again on the supposedly "proud fat woman" [[Lena Dunham]]. Endless hilarity came from watching feminist fatties turning on each other.

====Jezebel staff gets raped====
{{rainbowtiny|<big><big>OMFG GIF RAPE!</big></big>}}

At one point, the kind residents of the [[internet]] decided to give Jezebel what it [[love]]s most: Rape.<br>
Their comment section was [[flood]]ed with gifs of rape [[porn]] which was very "[[trigger|triggering]]" for them, so (in classic Gawker logic) they started writing [[attack article]]s about their own parent company for not doing anything about it.


{{squote|For months, an individual or individuals has been using anonymous, untraceable burner accounts to post gifs of violent pornography in the discussion section of stories on Jezebel. The images arrive in a barrage, and the only way to get rid of them from the website is if a staffer individually dismisses the comments and manually bans the commenter. But because IP addresses aren't recorded on burner accounts, literally nothing is stopping this individual or individuals from immediately signing up for another, and posting another wave of violent images (and then bragging about it on 4chan in conversations staffers here have followed, which we're not linking to here because fuck that garbage)}}

[[Literally]] untraceable.

==Former writer exposes Jezebel to be shit==

Emily, whom we mentioned at the writers section of the article, in a [[typical]] fit of female hysteria (to which she is more prone than most), wrote an article about Jizzebel and.... well... read for yourself:


<center>
{{frame|{{morphquote|jezebull|background-color: pink; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;
|Jezebel writer Irin Carmon's argument is essentially this: "Former videogame show host" Olivia Munn may soon become the show's first new female correspondent in seven years, but her potential hiring is nothing to celebrate, because, while she's a woman, she's not the right kind of woman. She has hosted G4's Attack of the Show for four years, and she has written a book. But, per Carmon, "her previous career path has led some"—meaning, I guess, Carmon and Jezebel commenters—"to criticize The Daily Show for hiring someone better known for suggestively putting things in her mouth on a video game show … and being on the covers of Playboy and Maxim than for her comedic chops." Included as a link is a previous Jezebel post that featured video of Munn jumping into a giant pie while wearing a French maid costume.|
|The rest of the post was given over to quotes from various comediennes and Daily Show executives who'd been fired, or never hired, by the show. These women spoke to Carmon on and off—mostly off—the record. The overall impression they gave was of a working environment that was either unfriendly or downright hostile to women... 


...Female Daily Show employees whose stories didn't fit into this narrative—like longtime female correspondent Samantha Bee, who recently told NPR that the show was a dream workplace for parents of young children, and Daily Show writer and Slate contributor Alison Silverman—were mentioned very briefly. Far more attention-grabbing was the video of Munn suggestively eating a hot dog embedded midway through the post.|
|It's a prime example of the feminist blogosphere's tendency to tap into the market force of what I've come to think of as "outrage world"—the regularly occurring firestorms stirred up on mainstream, for-profit, woman-targeted blogs like Jezebel. They're ignited by writers who are pushing readers to feel what the writers claim is righteously indignant rage but which is actually just petty jealousy, cleverly marketed as feminism.|
|they promote the exact opposite of progressive thought and rational discourse, and the comment wars they elicit almost inevitably devolve into didactic one-upsmanship and faux-feminist cliché. The vibe is less sisterhood-is-powerful than middle-school clique in-fight, with anyone who dares to step outside of chalk-drawn lines delimiting what's "empowering" and "anti-feminist" inevitably getting flamed and shamed to bits. Paradoxically, in the midst of all the deeply felt concern about women's sexual and professional freedom to look and be however they want, it's considered de rigueur to criticize anyone, like Munn, who dares to seem to want to sexually attract men.|
|When Jezebel was founded, it proposed itself as an explicit alternative to traditional women's magazines. As any first-year women's studies major will tell you, these glossies make money by exploiting women's insecurities. The editorial content creates ego-wounds ("Do you smell bad? Why isn't he into you?") that advertisers handily salve by offering up makeup and scented tampons. But Jezebel must also sell ad space, and its founders knew that they are marketing to a generation that knew the score about how they'd been marketed to in the past, which meant those old-fashioned print tactics weren't going to work. Page views are generated by commenters who are moved to speak out, then revisit the comment thread endlessly to see how people have responded to their ideas. Ergo, more provocative posts tend to generate far more page views, and the easiest way for Jezebel writers to be provocative is to stoke readers' insecurities—just in a different way.|
|Instead of mimicking the old directly anxiety-making model—for example, by posting weight-loss tips and photos of impossibly thin models like a traditional women's magazine—Jezebel post a critique of a rail-thin model's physique, explaining how her attractiveness hurts women. The end result is the same as the old formula—women's insecurities sell ads. The only difference is the level of doublespeak and manipulation that it takes to produce that result. |
|It's certainly important to have honest, open conversations about the issues that reliably rake in comments and page views—rape, underage sexuality, and the cruel tyranny of the impossible beauty standards promoted by most advertisers and magazines (except the ones canny enough to use gently lit, slightly rounder, older, or more ethnic examples of "true beauty").|
|Writers tend to play up the most jealousy- and insecurity-evoking aspects of controversy, and then anonymous commenters—who bear no responsibility for the effects of their statements—take the writers' hints to any possible extreme.|
|As I write this, two of the five top stories on Jezebel have to do with weight loss: "Isn't It Time We Called 'Curvy Models' Simply 'Models?'" and "Lily Allen's Face Not Thin Enough For British Elle?" In the comments sections, readers are responding with naked bitterness: "The thin and pretty are like rich people. They are freely given advantages they already have," says sensitivitycop. NewWaveBatMitzvah chimes in with "I'm just glad that finally someone is paying attention to skinny women with large breasts. It's high time they get out from living in obscurity in the shadows where they cry themselves to sleep with tears of sorrow and loneliness."


Right now, the ad alongside those headlines is for Cheetos.|
|}}|border=hotpink|background=pink}}
</center>

==Videos==
[[File:Jezebal shit.gif|200px|right]]
[[File:Jezebal shit4.gif|200px|right]]
<div align="center">'''Holy shit, even other feminists hate Jezebel writers.'''<br />
{{frame|<youtube>13Y6aHtOPbE</youtube>|border=hotpink|background=pink}}</div>

==Journalism for the womenz==

<center>
{{frame|{{cg|Quality Articles|1|center|<gallery perrow="6">
File:Men_are_all_rapists.jpg|'''"It There a Rapist-in-Waiting in Every Guy?"'''
File:Jezebel_boyfriend.jpg|'''"Have You Ever Beat Up Your Boyfriend? Cause, Uh, We have."'''
File:Jezebel_-_Rick Perry Mugshot.png|'''"Here is Rick Perry's Mugshot. Look at His Stupid Fucking Face."'''
File:Jezebel-designervaginas.png|'''"Designer Vaginas are Most Popular Among Women Between 18 and 24."'''
File:Jezebel-DoctorOfChocolate.png|'''"Cambridge University Currently Hiring Doctor of Chocolate"'''
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Jezebel-Drake'sPenis.png|'''"Drake's  Penis is Weird, Thin and Pointy says Future Shakespeare."'''
File:Jezebel-FatShamedDog.png|'''"My Dog Got Fat Shamed!"'''
File:Jezebel-iPadEngravings.png|'''"People Will Engrave Penis on your iPad but not Vagina or Clit."'''
File:Jezebel-RapeComedy.png|'''"If Comedy has no Lady Problem, why am I Getting so Many Rape Threats?"'''
File:Jezebel-AdorableDelusions.png|'''"Roxane Gay Calls White Male Problems Adorable Delusions"'''
File:Jezebel-WomanShitsAllOverHerself.png|'''"Women Shits all Over Herself During Hot and Heavy one NIght Stand."'''
File:Jezebel-TryPeggingHim.png|'''"If you Want a More Thoughtful Boyfriend, Try Pegging Him"'''
File:Jezebal shit0.jpg|'''"Hey, Quick Question: Would you Hit it?"'''
File:Jezebal shit1.jpg|'''"A Puppy and a Hedgehog go on a Swim Together OMG are you Kidding me"'''
File:Jezebal shit5.jpg|'''"Lady Gaga Totally Copying my and Beyonce's Personal Bangs"'''
File:Jezebal shit6.jpg|'''"Kate Middleton Appears in Public, Manages not to Barf on Anyone"'''
File:Jezebal shit7.jpg|'''"There's a Penis on my Backpack"'''
File:Jezebal shit8.jpg|'''"We Have a Rape gif Problem and Gawker Media Won't do Anything About it"'''
File:Jezebal shit9.jpg|'''"Amber Rose is Coping With Divorce by Listening to Limp Bizkit"'''
</gallery>}}|border=hotpink|background=pink}}
</center><br />

==See also==

*[[Gawker]]
*[[Kotaku]]
*[[Clickbait]]
*[[Feminazi]]
*[[Social Justice]]
*[[Tabloid]]
*[[Rape culture]]
*[[Lena Dunham]]
*At least it's not [[TheMarySue]] (although both are feminist sub-divisions of a parent site that's blatantly misogynistic)

==External Links==

*{{tumblr|loljezebel|''"LOL Jezebel"''}} - A mock blog worth following.
*[https://archive.is/zxRvD The raeping]
*[https://archive.is/VfWa8  "There's a Penis on My Backpack"]
*[http://www.reddit.com/r/TumblrInAction/comments/1u3dpg/satirist_who_routinely_makes_fun_of_social/ They fell for this]

{{whores}}
{{sj}}
{{Sites}}


{{timeline|Featured article November 19 & 20, [[2014]]|[[IGN]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Ryulong]]}}