House Of Lulz

Nope, not Jon and Kate. More like Jack & b8

Hey we're from the fire dept, just checking to make sure you are safe from internet trolls.

Jack the Britfag had watched a lot of BBC, especially Big Brother. As a "professional aggressive consultant" (security guard for us average Joes), he was used to seeing a lot of cameras pointed outward, so he had a he had a brilliant idea. Point them inward at his house and family for everyone to enjoy!

The Walmsley Reality Web Show consists of Jack, the rageaholic father, his shrill, unintelligible wife Kim, a dogfucker, two other sons, an dishwasher named Charlie, his hot, brooding daughter Melissa, and two dogs. They have five cameras in their house that capture audio and video, and they spend their entire day staring at a large LCD screen with a chat-room feed from their admirers. Sort of like the MTV show The Osbournes, but sadly without subtitles.

Preraid

When you set up cameras inside your private house for attention-whoring, you should expect the internet to react accordingly. When asked to put a shoe on her head, Kim happily complied. Thus began "Operation: House Of Lulz". Dox were collected (not exactly hard when you put yourself in public directories), MySpace, and Facebook accounts discovered and a countdown began.

Raid Day 1

Chat room trolls are srs business requiring body armor.

Last Thursday eBaum's thought it might be lulzy to give some free pizzas to the family and fill their chat room with love and swastikas. After trolls discovered how to become unbannable and pwn the web chat the family went batshit, closing the main chat room. They not-so-smartly moved the chat-room to yet another camwhore site where felt they could continue to safely continue their valiant web streaming. It took a few text swastikas, but eventually they realized even that room wasn't safe and finally went to bed around midnight (still not bothering to turn off any cameras). The next morning the elder Jacks were seen in bullet-proof vests rising bright and early, ready to bravely face a new day with self-imposed cameras still rolling and recording their every movement. The question remains: do these people actually have jobs?

Raid Day 2

On the second day, the family continued whoring themselves out to the world, oblivious to the fact it might be wise to shutdown operations for awhile. They enlisted a bunch of mods to insta-ban anyone who dared have a racy handle or say a single thing that wasn't camwhore-worship. They wound up banning many of their friends, resulting in many lulzy complaints from their friends who "just wanted to know what was going on". Everyone sat glued to the families plasma-screened chatroom, not even taking shit-breaks. At one point they became self-aware of the raiders and let their friends know. The community was so worried, they called the fire brigade to the house, just to check on their well-being. At no point have they thought that switching off the cameras might solve the entire problem.

Raid Quotes

“	"The net is closing in"	„
—Jack (dad)

“	"Somebody asked for Rick Astley" (on the phone)	„
—Kim (mum)

“	"Are ye such a coward? Are ye shittin' yourself now?"	„
—Jack (dad) yelling at a television screen.

“	"The Internet, they think they're so clever, but what they dont understand is that the Internet was made by man"	„
—Jack (dad) speaking the truth.