Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/April 23, 2011
Conservatism is the political ideology that states that everything your dad did was right, except that he should have beat you harder. The conservative right sees the world as the parking lot for church, where they go to thank God that he did not make them terrorists. Conservatives often terrorise the world with chain emails about their lord and saviour Jesus, so this is ironic, but it is well known that conservatives don't understand irony. Conservatives take reality into account during the short timespan between leaving their driveways and going to the mall / dropping the kids off at football practice, during which a slew of bible passages and repressive emotional responses hard-coded into them since childhood shields them from any information that would conflict with their worldview. To them, any change at all is a threat to their existence inside a model home with a cookie-cutter lawn and a white picket fence, the "Ideal Patriotic Life" / "American Dream" sentimentalism consequent of a corporate social experiment designed to facilitate mass consumerism. (more...)
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