Dodgeman

Ryan failing miserably at trying to make a meme of himself

Ryan, Also known as "Dodgeman", Dodgeman121, Siiilverbaaack, or his high school nickname "Pizza Face" because of his horrid acne scars, is a pizza delivery driver (the irony has not been lost on most) who is afraid of his closet homosexuality. He is a woman hating, Canadian attention whore. Abandoned by his mother when he was a kid, he was raised by his grandparents who didn't even want him. He blames his mother abandoning him and general lack of parental guidance growing up on his many social dysfunctions and inability (or refusal?) to take anyone's advice on how to be less of a shithead irl. Even though his father was shot in the head, and is now full retard, he also uses him to get pity. Whenever anyone approaches him to give him advice on his douchebaggery, he'll immediately resort to whining about his childhood, how he was abandoned by his mother, how no one loved him or bothered to teach him how to be a real person with decent social skills. He uses this tactic often to avoid the real issue, which is how much of a dick he is.

The ramblings of a homosexual Narcissist

Growing Up

His father's bad luck obviously didn't teach him anything. He once stole an old lady's car, but she agreed to not press charges because she took pity on him. He's confessed to stealing a phone, claiming it was "the universe giving him a gift," and was also caught trying to steal a TV from his grandparents. He claimed he was "moving it to another room," which is assumed to mean "out the front door." Because of this tomfoolery, he got kicked out of his house, and became homeless for a short period of time.

While in high school, he decided to shove down an autistic retarded chick just because, which caused 700~ students to chase him to beat the shit out of him for it. You would almost think it would teach him a lesson but it was a new fight with him every day. He was constantly suspended, and eventually expelled. He's not allowed to return to high school for any sort of education. But even with this happening, he believes he can get into university in their theatre program. He is now 25 and was just seen recently bragging about getting his GED and being a "real man now."

Entitlement Issues x 1000

Sex Life

He's been accused by three or more females that he's forced himself on them. No official charges were ever laid and he will furiously deny it any time it's brought up. One of these girls happened to be the ex girlfriend of a boy who died in a car accident. Two days after the accident, he persuaded her to hang out with him at his house, only to pressure her into having sex, saying it would "help her get over her loss." He had no issues taking advantage of this grieving girl. At least she was able to confirm what everyone already thought, which was that he couldn't last more than 5 minutes and his penis was 3-4 inches when hard. This is a possible theory into why he has so much hatred and aggression towards women and life itself.

For the times he has actually had sex, the women would wish they had their 2 minuets back. When he's not trying to manipulate women into sex, he tries having gay sex, while spreading anti-gay views to try and make himself look like less of a faggot irl. When people have called him out for wanting gay sex, he spins it around and tries to say the other person is gay. He's been known to invite male friends over for sleep overs and then pressuring them to cuddle in bed with him or strip naked and play "bro games" with each other's butts.

Social Life

Never wanting to take the blame for anything he has done, he blames everyone else around him. But since he is such a nice guy, he would offer people a drive when they were in need, only to ask for money for gas as soon as they got to their destination. He once tried to complain that he should get sexual favors for driving women around, that it was "only fair." Eventually he clued in that the only reason people ever called him to hang out or talk to him was to use him as a taxi service, because he's so unbearably annoying otherwise. He soon stopped giving people drives places and now has zero social life.

He even had a friends mom try to help him with his never-ending list of personal issues, but would not listen to any advice or suggestions. All he was interested was whining and having a pity party. He called her a bitch when she told him to stop bothering her daughter, threatened to ruin her daughter's up-coming birthday, and even threatened to kill their three family dogs just because.

He doesn't accept any help that's given to him. He's usually afraid to stand up to men because they can actually beat his ass, so he chooses to go after women in hopes to feel and look superior.

The times people make the mistake to hang out with him, they found out he's a cheater, a liar and all around self absorbed douchebag who loves the sound of his own voice.

15 Minutes of Fame

Believing he can become one of Hollywood's greatest undiscovered superstar, he also thinks he's a stand-up comedian, but he's never played a show, and his jokes suck. The only real joke is his pathetic existence. He tries to use everyone as the brunt of his jokes. His dad's misfortune, his exes, his family. His comedic talent can stretch as far as his penis, which isn't too far.

When they announced they were going to have a Canadian Big Brother, he made a video to his "followers" promising that he would get on the show and make his fans happy. Even though he never went to the audition, he was upset and emotionally damaged from not being accepted. He went to youtube almost in tears telling people he would make it up to them. He deleted the video within hours. The fact that he has no fans and everyone is laughing at him and his self absorbed attempts to seem important somehow escapes him.

Last year, he made a small appearance on youtube when he performed in an audition for Gillette Drafted, in an attempt to win a job as a Sports Announcer or some shit. His over-acting, lack of charisma, and insincerity on-camera is truly painful to watch.

Really, really, not recommended for young children.

Most recently, he was seen posting on his Facebook, making claims that he would be on the Ellen Show. As usually, everyone pretty much thought he was full of shit and lying so people would pay attention to him, like he has so many times before.

However, as fate would have it, for once he was not lying...sort of. He did show up on The Ellen Show on the day he claimed he would, but as usually, he made it sound more important and meaningful than it actually was. He ended up being on the show for a full 10 seconds, as a guest who was chosen to go up on stage to dance while a soundtrack played of their thoughts, making fun of what they were doing. He ended up wearing suspenders like he said he would, and made sure to make an ass out of himself, as he always does when there's a camera pointed at him.

Hobbies

He has recently started writing emo poetry, probably because he thinks women will flock to him if he attempts to seem dark and edgy. However, most of his poems seem to have a reoccurring theme, about being homeless or a hobo. People have been wondering if he's been hinting that he's recently gotten kicked out of his house again.

	“	I Eat, I Sleep, I am Hobosapien Out in the cold Like a commune of Hobos Nothing but time on our side Some don't even know Mother fucking tits, I burned my Schnitzel Darlene was so hot, though Can't change the past, but rather reconcile with the future The one that got away is the one you don't pick up Pennies are gone now because of that Lost, alone and forgotten I am the penny of society Out lived my purpose Tossed to the wayside I. Am. Hobo	„

	“	THE BALAD OF HOBO PIE Goler of cutlery, Master of camps A spork comes in handy More than salad tongs or clamps The taste of victory from the heavens in sky Friends gather 'round for a peek at Hobo Pie A splash of beer, salt n' pepper for kick Sweet potato and chicken make me want to lick The hole, as juices pour from the side Love, Awesomeness, all the words that you can Say about a dish, this homeless Turducken Steak, Onions, veggies the lot Man, woman and child won't resist the melting pot I think Utopia is a stones throw away If we all consume Hobo Pie today	„

Recent Employment Hijinks

After being unemployed for months and months, he finally managed to land himself a job at an airport, working for a company who loaded luggage onto plains. During this time, it seems that he felt he wasn't getting enough attention, despite his previous attempts not too long ago of claiming that he got some girl preggo, was having a daughter, and then conveniently lost the baby when people started asking pesky questions like "who is the mother?" and "how did this happen?" He decided to bare his heart and soul to his Facebook friend, and came out of the closet as being "Bi-Gendered" in a vain attempt to create the perfect scapegoat for all his previous problems and bad behaviors.

This, as usual, ended up causing more problems than it did solving any, for Ryan. Few people gave him the attention and adoration he felt he deserved in coming out with this life altering confession. Soon after he started having issues with his co-workers at the airport, for reasons not entirely known but it is speculated that it was more of the same old Ryan Dodge rubbing everyone the wrong way by simply existing. A mere two months later, he starts complaining that he's been targeted at work by his co-workers, and bullied for being "bi-gender." He claims his co-workers would harass him and call him a faggot on a daily basis. He claims his work would do nothing to stop or prevent this "harassment" so he decided to take matters into his own hands. A few days later, these posts were found on his Facebook and Twitter accounts.

It's not surprising to anyone that this ass-pie couldn't understand why slashing his co-worker's tires would land him a suspension, or that he did anything wrong at all, even though there was no proof that this harassment was taking place to begin with. He attempted to exact revenge on his work for suspending him for what he saw was a clear act of self-defense, by calling a News Show in his area to cover his story and have it aired on TV. He supposedly made sure to tell all the co-workers he was still on speaking terms with, and his Facebook friends, to make sure to watch their TVs that night so they could see him make a fool of himself while he whined about mistreatment. The News program was far too intelligent to run such a garbage story, and it failed to air. It seems now that his suspension has changed to full-blown fired and he is once again unemployed.