Mrmercedesman

UNFUNNY

MAEK FUNNY PLZ

mrmercedesman (Duncan), or 3m [1]. Duncan Oldham, alias Del Johnson, alias Del Boy, alias Mr. Teflon, alias NOSP4M, alias UK911, Alias Mark Lacey, alias The Boss alias Clare, has joined The Internets with the sole purpose of scamming the unsuspecting individuals that roam the World Wide Web.

Oldham is thick on two fronts: mental and physical. He is fat and an insane fucktard he can't remember from day to day, who he has told what lie. This fucktard will after a night of telling Alcoholic bullshit to a room full of Promised Land faggots, make a video where he appears tired or hungover, after a night of hard liquor-lies. The strain is making him crack trying to tell so many. Some would call him a Sociopath, which defined in some cases is: Lack of parental attention and guidance (which would explain why he latches on to any skeezer who pays him the slightest bit of attention), poor relationships (especially those consisted on promised land), divorce (this will be fun to watch unfold), adverse neighborhoods (he always did say he "rose up" from the slums of England).

He has had so many sock and fake addresses on the internets, that its hard to keep up, nice try 3M! Oldham came onto the net with the express intention of conning people out of their money.

Since his Liverpool Football Club Fan Site is dying, and the Live Video Community Forums are as dead as Steve Irwin. Oldham, no doubt, has set his sights to start scamming Promised Land users out of their money as well. Report any suspicious behavior on his part to the Live Video Administrators, as well as the Spanish authorities.

Basically, he's a huge pedophile (literally)

Anti-social Personality Disorder

Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility -- which would explain why he relied on scamming and conning subscribers out of their PayPal money on his Liverpool Site,

refusing to refund the money,

writing a book entitled "Anfield Exposed" that was never written, not one word Fleeing to Spain to avoid pay taxes in England Not providing receipts for goods donated by his website's members, to ALDER HEY when questioned on ALDER HEY, it turned into the "Duncan Oldham How Dare They Sabotage Us". He would have you believe he is being "sabotaged’ and is never at fault.

He defines sabotage as : anyone warning people about him. Duncan always waits for someone to "question" his intentions regarding matters, then he turns it into one his martyr moments, suffering from severe victim drama.

"Feel sorry for me, pity me, I'm just a rich sod who rose up from nothing to become SO famous in England that I had to flee to the sunny warm weather of Alicante, Benidorm Spain where the Spanish birds fly “ - sometimes topless, which clearly tickles his fancy!

He comes across as someone he's not, and claims to have connections where he does not.

SKY 11 SCAM

He began advertising Sky 11 cards for sale or activation in April 1997. He posted under the alias of “Del”, which revealed his lies. He did this on his usual Duncan Oldham account at first, and this is where he began to slip up. He had been using the “Del” alias off and on since 1996, it's easy to see that HE forgot where he started. Some of the victims of the “Del” con had reported Oldham to Trading Standards, the Royal Mail and the police, and the official reports will be published, if or when the authorities release them to us.

Nobody received the cards, because they never existed; and you'll see that his pattern of lies and manipulation just blossomed

Oldham constantly contradicts himself, and makes empty promises, and makes excuse after excuse until he starts to believe his own lies as truth.

After his aliases were discovered by numerous individuals, and he realized there was no turning back to the usenet groups and that he had burned the bridges behind him, it was then that he turned his attention to Liverpool Football, and his life would take a turn for the worse.

Although he claims to, he doesn't actually have any sources of “inside” information about LFC himself.He will get verbally violent with anyone who questions his integrity or his Oldham family name. Even the slightest curiosity as to what "others" have to say about him sparks immediate betrayal, according to him. Remember how your mother never told you to stick your finger in a light socket, or your hand on a hot stove burner or you'll get burned? That's what happens when you "raise questions" about Oldham.

Trying to get the truth from Duncan is like being at an empty railway station. The gate is up, the lights are on, but the train just ain't coming', and with screen caps to follow, you'll see the proof to our claims that he is INCAPABLE of telling the truth. Duncan doesn’t like to leave a trail, but when you get him around the right people, at the right time, talking about the right things, he gets extremely comfortable and he lets little things slip because he feels those around him he is conversing with will never repeat a word Touché!

After all, once you get a way with one little lie, it just gets easier and easier, until now. Duncan has made so many friends at the vlogging site where he 'hangs out'. He has built an empire of lies, of which 90% will be spilled here, much to his forthcoming disgust.

LIVERPOOL FOOTBALL

Duncan said some time ago that he was neutral and wouldn’t care if Anfield was knocked down and turned into an Asda. Do any Reds reading this know any other Red who would say and do those things? And he wonders why he can never show his face at Anfield again, even though he has season tickets year after year. He just tries to sell them at a higher price than he should.

BOYCOTT OF THE SUN NEWSPAPER & HILLSBOROUGH

The boycott of the Sun isn’t optional. We boycott it; we do it for the sake of the families, the sake of the 96, the sake of the survivors. And until the families tell us otherwise, the boycott must go on, due to the Hillsborough tragedy in 1989.

You would think any diehard Football fan would boycott ANY establishment that did this to its favorite football team, but Duncan seems to think the more the years go on, the more it will be out of people's memories, so that makes it okay.

People died and the The Sun made venomous comments in its articles, and yet Duncan, claiming to be a "born-and-bread-scouser", thinks this is acceptable behavior

PARENTING SKILLS A COMPLETE FAIL

PART A: UNDER-AGE DRINKING

He willingly lets his children go to the local beer joint to buy kegs upon kegs of his precious "woodpecker cider". What is woodpecker cider exactly? Is that what he uses as a form of liquid Viagra or? Please, Dunk, enlighten me. So, when they get home from the store, Duncan happily pulls out the video camera and films his children taking out his liquor, stopping to complain that they "didn't buy me enough, and I TOLD you how much to buy and I'm sorry kids but, not buying daddy his allotment of gut filler for the month, is an automatic FAIL in my book".

His kids take out the beer from the plastic bags (at least he is eco-friendly, how fuckin' brilliant), and daddy watches happily as the two future alcoholics get their hands dirty putting daddy's liquor in the cabinet.

Later on in the day, Daddy brings out the video camera again and films his 14yr old daughter getting sloshed in front of her laptop. Um, okay, I thought Underage drinking was a CRIME in most countries? No? Pity that, the two kids are going to end up like poor old dad, on anti-depressants and blood pressure meds.

PART B: PEDOPHILIA

In some videos of Mr. Mercedes Man, he views pedophiles who get "community service" as complete fail. Well, let's look at this shall we? Dunk has a video / audio podcast on KrapTalk.com where he jokes about being too sick to come into work because he is in bed with two of his 14yr old daughter's friends. Wow! So Dunk, tell me, what kind of prison sentence would you give yourself? Because you've just outted yourself as a Class-A pedophile.

PART C: PERVERT & WOMANIZER

Numerous times in Live Video chatrooms, he tells women to "Tits or GTFO" If I was a woman, I'd be very offended at this. You're basically telling me that if I was a woman and had boobs, and didn't pop one out, you'd want me to get the fuck out.

Okay, DUNK, you want to play that game? Next time I find you in a chatroom, I'll approach you and say "Tits, Dunk or get the fuck out". Why do you have a confused look on your face Duncan? Your bra size is bigger than my wife's; and therefore, you have man boobs. So pop one out Dunk, or you're banned.

This is how you want little Robert to grow up Duncan? To behave as you do. And to objectify women, and see them as nothing more than objects? What would you do if your little Robert went up to Sashia and said: "Tits or GTFO"? What would be your reaction then? Would you laugh it off you sick fuck?

MORE PERSONALITY DISORDER TRAITS

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), is a personality disorder. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (In fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

Has a huge e-go Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love Believes that he or she is “special” and unique Requires excessive admiration Has a sense of entitlement Is interpersonally exploitative Lacks empathy Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

I think this about sums it up, doesn't it?

More personality traits to come as Duncan promises to make his appointments to England on time*

"ILLUSION" THAT IS THE LAVISH LIFESTYLE

http://koptalkinsider.wordpress.com/read-me/unwaged-duncan-oldhams-lavish-lifestyle/ Duncan claims to make over $100,000.00 a year, and even drawing in $3000.00 to $4000.00 a week from his "KrapTalk.Com" football site. Yet, he claims he receives no monies from Kraptalk. Sooooo, where does he get his money exactly? Ohhhh THAT'S right. He received kick backs from referrals to Adult Friend Finder.com. Adult Friend Finder? Duncan, just what exactly are you teaching Charlotte & Robert? Are you really receiving little to no attention at youtube, livevideo, or kraptalk that you have to go looking for 'adult friends' who want to be MORE than friends?

My bad, you DO. Because having been with over 40 women by the time you were 20 or was it 18? No bother, Adult Friend Finder is right up your alley, ain't it Dunk? You're one walking Herpes Hotline waiting to happen.

Talking about buying 6 Mercedes Benz after 6 years, *hears crickets in me head*. Where are the Mercedes now Duncan? Seeing as you no longer have them. Do a video showing your Mercedes that you still have and maybe your hogwash story will hold water.

HE'S JUST A LAD (A FAT ONE): *SOME CLASSIC DUNKS YOU WISH WAS IN DA-FUNNY-PAPERZ

Quoting Duncan* --> "I’m just one of the lads at the end of the day. So I have a nice car, well I plough all my money into thing that I can show for my money. For example, I have a nice 52 inch TV at home. During the last year I’ve been traveling all over the world. (No you haven't). We’ve been to America, Canada, France, Malta, Portugal and Spain". (Looking for new digs to get away from the mafia Dunk?

"The time has come… what do I go for? I have several laptops and several PC’s.. Probably around 20 here just for Kop Talk stuff!"

How did he pay for these things? he stole candy right out of the baby's mouth, one of Michael Corleone's kids, to put it mildly. You draw your own conclusions.

"Is it stupid buying another laptop? I bought one with an integrated webcam only a few weeks ago. But then again, I also have tons of PC’s. Why am I getting one? Because everyone keeps telling me I must have one!!!!!"

"Steve now runs PoopTalk and learning more and more stuff, (on how to be a Con Artist, Pill Poppin, Liquor-Injesting, Womanizing Fat Fuck, I mean come on what are brothers for?) --- and this means I can concentrate on things away from the net (like where to find their next safe house away from Don Corleone) I have to decide whether to base Steve in Liverpool or leave him where he is (if you don't want him dead Dunk, his only option is away from you).

"Anyone know much about professional photography? I want to buy a paparazzi style camera and lenses this season for use when we go on missions" He knows all about professional photography, taking naked pictures of his girlfriend and then pass them around to your friends on the internet.

DOUGHNUT-THE-DOORKNOB'S LIST OF DELUSIONS

Just A Little Chronology Of The Jail Bird's List Of Delusions**

1)....March 16th - Claims to Have Spoken with Michael Owen (LiverPool football star). .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_Us3S4ntUM

2_....March 29th - “If there’s no finance secured by the opening day of the season, I’m going to hang up my keyboard and close KOPTALK down”

But Conning-And-Screwing just go hand in hand don't they Dunk. It's an addiction, you can never walk away from. But your time is short

3)...April 20th - “If I was to axe the site I’d be better off financially but it’s a love for me and I don’t know what else I’d do.”

Pardon me while I choke to death. Your 'love' is in the financial scam, Doughnuts. Maybe if you'd get off that Beach Ball Ass of yours and actually put a little elbow grease into your day, you wouldn't be such an uneducated FAT SOD at 33yrs of age!

4)....May 16th - boasts about owning a Mercedes. Many of which he has bought, then had re-po'd.

5).....May 22nd - Oldham admits he does not have custody of kids and that his wife does not live with him

{{Well, what a fuckin' surprise that is. I have to give credit to Maria. She is a smart bird! She got out while she could. BRAVO Ms Hartly!

5B -- Duncan's own words:--QUOTING DUNK: As a father who has no rights over my own kids that live with their mum, I agree that the system sucks . However, having seen various documentaries and reports on particular individuals, it is alleged that most of them are cons and ex wife beaters, whether that’s true or not I don’t know.

5C --. QUOTING DUNK: I’m not here to be liked and I can assure you, I don’t lose any sleep as a result of your obsession (BULLSHIT! You DO lose sleep, you check the site of the people who ripped you off, DAILY). I actually think it’s a compliment, I’m flattered.

5D -- QUOTING DOUGHNUTS: The sad thing is you’d think these kinds of people were 15 or something (Well, you're 33 going on 13 right? Like you always say) but some of them are supposed to be grown men. I spend my spare time doting over my kids and not some divvine in cyberspace (No, you sit on your ass 19hrs a day -- your words -- just to see if the people you ripped off have found you).

"Hey saddos, Dunk knows best…. “ -- about womanizing, adultery, pre-marital sex, venereal disease, etc. That's right, by GEORGE, you CAN tell the truth you DO know best, about SOME things.

June 29th - claims Liverpool players regularly visit KopTalk -- No, they DO NOT. One quick phone call will solve this whole statement, unless Dunk wants to go on the pre-emptive strike and try to reneg this claim

July 3rd - “If we get any more inside we’ll get arrested”

July 4th - claims Chris Waddle has offered to sell his Melwood property to him --

July 4th - begins to talk about having CCTV on Melwood gates and webcam on training ground -- Chinese TV? The Chinese love football? Seriously? Who would have thought? I thought natural born-and-bred scousers hated "Out-Of-Towner’s", or so you say. Oh right, my bad, I forgot

July 4th - admits has The Sun delivered. Burns copy of The Sun on video - with Steve wearing painfully unfunny “Scouser” wig and ‘tache --

July 8th - demands that all lurkers must post five times a month or their accounts will be deleted

July 10th - requests applications from members to become overnight moderators

July 10th - blog first reports that Charities Commission cannot deal with Lauren collection as it was not registered to begin with .Not Registering with the Charities Commission is a big no-no Dunk, you should know this by now. Another reason you fled to Spain? Are you wanted for that too?

July 20th - announces competition: will fly in a Red and their guest from wherever they live in the world to see game at Anfield & stay in hotel

http://koptalkinsider.wordpress.com/2006/07/20/nightly-round-up/ --- Read the link for yourself because it is entirely TOO MUCH to reprint here in its entirety.

July 21st - blog reprints email from Ian Cotton stating that Oldham has never met with Rick Parry

July 22nd - maximum date range for searches changed from 2 years to 1 day ---

July 27th - Steve “promoted” to KopTalk editor -- Editor of, what, exactly? There's only what, two posts every hour? How hard is that?

July 30th - claims new server will cost almost £900 per month yet he had to downgrade servers because there is 5% activity on his website and he is paying for services he doesn’t need to use.

Aug 5th - says his 12-year-old daughter is now moderating on KT forums -- Charlotte? Right, and I bet dear old dad is her eyes-and-ears of that institution.

Aug 17th - says KT forums are now moderated 24 hours a day

Aug 19th - admits does not have direct line to Rick Parry’s office - “Please be realistic about your expectations. We don’t have a direct line to Rick Parry’s office so if you’re not switched on to understand that, you’re probably best off not joining.Yet on the KopTalkTV account on YouTube, he is smilin' for the camera during EVERY intro like him and Rick are ole' drinkin' buddies, yet you have NO DIRECT LINE to your ole' drinkin' buddy's office?

Aug 22nd - blog prints Oldham’s Swan Avenue, Wall send address

Aug 25th - KT call members at work to threaten them Aug 25th - KT introduces “privacy statement” / AUP -- Privacy meaning, you'll shatter their knee caps if they go spillin' who called to threaten them.

Aug 29th - Oldham makes sick paedo podcast “joke” Aug 30th - Oldham at Melwood -- Damn, if someone got video of this, pass it over. Dunk was never AT MelWood, although he SAYS he was, so, knowing how all anal-retentive he gets at being "confronted", we should take his word as pure, crystallized gold.

Sep 2nd - ridiculous ranting editorial, in which he claims his children have been targeted

Sep 8th - Steve appears on Sky Sports News (jumping around like a tit behind the reporter)

Sep 12th - says will ask server host if can bring back PMs -- PM's? But you're SO RICH Duncan, so wealthy, can fly anywhere in the world you want, can give any woman anything she wants and she'll never want for a damn thing.....yet you CAN'T AFFORD PRIVATE MESSAGES??????

Oct 5th - KT excluded from PWSTK poll of unofficial sites by the club

Oct 29th - “I don’t get excited any more watching football and I’ve felt like that on and off for a few years now. Funny that's not what you constantly tell your BILLIONS-UPON-BILLIONS of friends and subscribers the Promised Land

Oct 31st - Podcast: Oldham claims he will give up his season tickets at the end of the season and says: “Talking about rotation. Talking about investment. F**king boring. Then the stadium. They could knock it down and build an Asda, I don’t care.” --- No you DO care. What YOU are pissed off about is the fact that you can never again go to another LiverPool Football Game; all because you chose to act like a fuckin' retard instead of living your life honestly. You can't even step off the plane in England without your life being in danger. Try going to Anfield and you'll get mobbed; and not the way you WANT to be mobbed either. You'll be arrested if the right people know the right place you'll be.

Nov 10th - blog reveals that KT had been running The Sun ads for at least 14 days --- Again, Duncan, knowing how LFC fans feel about the Sun, you piss on them and the dead from Hillborough

Nov 27th - Katie starts working on KT full time -- Okay, and why? Certainly not to give off the illusion that Dunk works SOOOO much, that he needs a break now and then to go play with his toys. All he ever does is play with his toys.

Dec 15th - Oldham claims to be in New York to visit Smoove and buy a house in New York State

Dec 15th - blog adopts new look and www.kopta1k.com launches

Dec 19th - Oldham [posting as ST3] claims he will become a father again soon -- \

DELUSIONS-OF-A-DUNCAN-DOUGHNUTZ-DOORKNOB 2007

Jan 1st - registers domains for football and birds. TV porn site

Jan 2nd - banned permanently from News Now + blog delisted -- because of his cheating through "refresher clicks". Hmmm, I wonder how he is planning on scamming LiveVideo?

Jan 1st-7th - three more moderators leave KT

Jan 22nd - Katie “injured” -- What did you do to her Dunk? she was bleeding or, was knocked out, was she not?

Jan 27th - “Emma” (Rebecca Franks) begins working on KT. She leaves after a couple of days

Feb 6th - Oldham squats on KopFootball domain names http://koptalkinsider.wordpress.com/read-me/cyber_squatter/ http://koptalkinsider.wordpress.com/read-me/cyber_squatter/cyber_squatter_more/

Feb 17th - Oldham reverts to title of “Editor” --- Wait, I thought Steve was the editor. Oh so.....he just got "promoted", promoted to, moving his chair a little closer to yours? Is that all?

Feb 21st - Oldham in Barcelona - but not inside the Nou Camp, it was about this time, he was planning his "Big Move" to Alicante,Benidorm, and that's where he eventually settled

Feb 22nd - date Oldham claims George Gillett joined KT

Mar 1st - Oldham claims George Gillett is a member -- Gillett was PISSED. When he found out what Doughnutz had done, he IMMEDIATELY unsubscribed and is no longer a member.

Mar 17 - Oldham in Montreal - fails to meet George Gillett, who is not in the city at the time

Apr 6th - Oldham in Dallas - meets with Tom Hicks for less than ten minutes -- You can see Doughnutz falling all over himself in the intro to EVERY KopTalkTV video while Hicks looks LESS than enthused

April 13th - Oldham’s porn site closes down

May 16th - Oldham in La Manga - shooting blurry footage from half a mile away from the training camp after LiverPool Officials were tipped off. Why would officials need to be tipped off as to when you are arriving if you are such good friends with yer drinkin' buddy Hicks? Inquiring Minds want to know. DO TELL!!!!

May 25th - George Gillett “leaves” KopTalk

May 28th - begins to publish a slew of negative articles about Hicks and Gillett

May 29th - admits his non-existent book won’t come out until after KT closes

June 1st - KopTalk only fan site excluded from independent LFC fans’ survey

July 16th - relaunch of Duncan Oldham blog --- {{How many times he has actually started and deleted blogs now? He has a habit of making and deleting videos at LV like he's changing his underwear. Oh wait, bad analogy. He doesn't CHANGE his underwear

Aug 4th - Oldham says he will be attending every home league match in the coming season.

Aug 6th - KT relaunches its Cafepress shop

Aug 18th-19th - Oldham claims he is in Liverpool and will be attending the Chelsea match - he never provides any proof of either

Aug 30th - Oldham claiming to be at Melwood. A KT member goes down to meet him but Oldham isn’t there.

Sep 18th - Duncan Oldham blog is pulled -- Again, is the 6th or 7th time

Sep 18th - Oldham begins to claim Johnny Vegas is his mate

3m Video

if you've seen this; you've probably been scammed and most likely you're fucking retarded.

the fat fuck in action

Quote

	“	Subject:You should keep your fat ugly head off the tele, you muppet.	„
	—KarlFeuerbach

	“	Subject:what a great pair of wankers	„
	—KarlFeuerbach

Trivia

Duncan Oldham; alias Del Johnson alias Del Boy, alias Mr. Teflon, alias NOSP4M, alias UK911, alias Mark Lacey, alias The Boss, alias Clare, alias STUPID FAT FUCK believes he is part of something called "The Inner Circle" on The Promised Land

Resources

Mrmercedesman

Contents

Anti-social Personality Disorder

SKY 11 SCAM

LIVERPOOL FOOTBALL

BOYCOTT OF THE SUN NEWSPAPER & HILLSBOROUGH