AOL Instant Messenger

This is how your aim looks if you are a huge nerd and not american.

Posting AIM convo chat logs is not kewlies

This is a client created to facilitate instant messaging, a technology on the internets that allows real-time creation and distribution of lulz between users with pretend names. Also primary communication method between LNN correspondents as drama develops. AIM has developed a following of users that own hiptops so as to always be connected through its mobile aim client. Nobody uses AIM anymore.

AIM is one of the many shitastic yet obligatory softwarez that of course must install their stupid motherfucking bastardly piece of shit son of a bitch toolbar to your fucking computer that you just installed a Fresh Copy of Windows on Bel-Air.

Can also be used as a verb (ex: "aim me the url plz")

Clients

Pidgin

An open source version of AOL Instant Messenger. Thus, it sucks and is perfect for UNIX whores, fans of Mozilla Firefox, and Communists. Used to be called GAIM until AOL pwned them in court. Now the mascot is a big gay purple bird, and subsequently Pidgin is now the IM of choice for fags and furries!

Gained dramatic notoriety when AOL stopped caring about privacy, much to the dismay of the internets in general.

[1] - Project homepage
goatse.ca - Goatse
adiumx.com - A Gay Mac program that uses libgaim + teledildonics

Trillian

Trillian is an instant messaging program which can connect to AIM, Yahoo, ICQ, MSN and IRC, allowing for faster, more widespread distribution of lulz as well as rapid cross-pollination between the networks.

It has a horrible habit of taking people's contact lists without their consent.

It also has a vast array of smileys, some with audio effects, which can be used like a pictographic language to represent some pretty sick shit. This feature inspires an amazing amount of loyalty among its userbase.

Examples of Trillicon hieroglyphics

This looks a bit like a stubby cock and a set of balls:
This cat is of course a pussy:

Now with the two symbols most fundamental to all human communication, more complex pictographic phrases, concepts and sentences can be built by expanding the vocabulary.

Many but not all concepts expressed in Trillicon hieroglyphics involve actions by one or two individuals. With one individual, the pictographic concept is read left to right, with the icon signifying the individual at the right. With two individuals, the individuals are on the left and right, with the action-related icons between them.

In more complex pictographic sentences in which an individual receives something as the result of an action or performs more than one action, the item received or the secondary action may be placed "outside" — on the opposite side from the norm — of the icon representing the individual.

-- note the "money" icon is to the left of the hooker.
-- a blumpkin. ( represents a steaming pile of shit according to Trillicon hieroglyphic best practices, or in this case, the verb "to shit.")

The passage of time can also be represented in Trillicon pictographic sentences, either by simply repeating groups of phrases, or by adding the icon in between each phrase group. Time progressions can also be punctuated by a verb icon rather than nothing or the icon. In the example below, both demarcations of time passage are used.

This phrase effectively conveys an angry alcoholic's beer goggles — quite a step up in complexity from a simple cock n' balls!

Many Trillicons are sent by enclosing a word in parentheses, for example, (pig) or (squirrel). If an appropriate Trillicon does not exist to convey a concept pictographically, users will often simply enclose the word in parentheses as if it did exist:

neurophyre:

neurophyre: okay that's the reality of doubleteaming

neurophyre:

and that's fantasy

khelair: (rohypnol)

a better reality

neurophyre: *guffaw*

khelair:

neurophyre: (pill)

neurophyre: fuck

khelair: (meds)

neurophyre:

hmm that's vaguely pill-like.

neurophyre: (rohypnol)

neurophyre: SMOKE WHILE YOU ARE DOING SO

The above chat log also illustrates two other important uses of Trillicons: adding emphasis (usually is used for this, as it also includes the sound of a drumroll) and enhancing lulz. The primary lulz-related icons are , , and . The last three include the sound of an innocent child laughing. This can directly enhance any lulz being had during a conversation -- audible proof is available here.

Trillian = b&

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT ah-pon is really User:Damo!!!1

Using this hieroglyphic code in #ed will get you repeatedly b& for not sounding enough like the other kids at the lunchtable:

<Pokchu> anyway
<Pokchu> you gonna stop being a cunt
<ah-pon> you gonna get your idle finger off the button, fag?
<ah-pon> want an apology?
<Pokchu> i.e. trilly speak and flooding with useless shit
<neurophyre> LMAO 
<ah-pon> kiss my puckered hole
<Pokchu> ah-pon: not really
<ah-pon> okay hold on a sec
<ah-pon> i feel an apology coming up
<Pokchu> um
<neurophyre> goddamn i am glad that fucking cat sound attracted me back to this window :) 
<ah-pon> (&)i am so sorry plz don't ever ban me again(drums)
<Destroyer> unfunny inbound?
<neurophyre> ahahahaha 
<Jawsome> ........
<feem> ops plz
*** Mode change "+o feem" for channel #ed by Pokchu
<ah-pon> bibi
<feem> ty
<mahoneeee> lol purp drank
<Pokchu> np
*** Mode change "+b *!*damo@*.midco.net" for channel #ed by feem
<neurophyre> aw shit

Miranda IM

Another open-source (And therefore another suck-ass) client. Has a tiny GUI, so you can lose your buddy list, and then go blind trying to read it once you've found it. It also has a tendency to crash when you're in the middle of a conversation. Another useful feature, or lack thereof, is the inability to block people. Thus, you will constantly be having conversations with Javier14895018351 about how great "FreE_V-iA-gRa!!!" is.

Digsby

Digsby integrates Facebook and MySpace (but not Myspace IM) so you're updated instantly when someone posts a bulletin or sends you a friend request. THANK GOD.

Other Clients

The one you can download from AOL
Thousands of no-name "more features!" clients that are really just backdoors for Spyware
Adium

Competing Networks

Yahoo
MSN
ICQ (No one uses this shit srsly)
Jabber (Used by even fewer people than ICQ)
Google - well, not really. But Google has been steadily ruining every other e-entity's shit for the past few years, so it's only a matter of time.
Edit: Surprise! This is true.
E-mail
Goatse
Meebo.com
gaysinglesonline.com

AIM Nuclear Apocalypse

Around 5:15 PM EST on June 25, 2009, the world had truly come to an end: rip-roaring thunderstorms rip-roared their way through the Midwest and East Coast, announcer Ed McMahon‎ had died two days prior, and on that day, the horrible trifecta was complete: Farrah Fawcett had died from anal cancer (since when was that even real?), and so did Michael Jackson (whose website at the time of his death still had tickets available for upcoming shows, probably with discounted prices. Cheap! The video game "Moonwalker" though is probably a collector's item now. PROFIT!).

But that wasn't the worst of it...

AIM's network had suddenly shut down, with every attempt to sign back on failing. After about 15 minutes, some users were able to find themselves logging back in, but seeing no one on their buddy lists. They were only able to IM and converse with themselves, and no others. Soon though, users were able to see some buddies, though not all of them, start to sign back in. Piecing together what they could and sharing facts with everyone else they could instant message, the users figured out the story: the network that ran AIM had suffered an apocalyptic crash, and those who were able to sign back on once the debris and dust had settled were the ones who had survived. Anyone else who was IMing them who were once on the user's buddy list but no longer wasn't were clearly ghosts and voices of users who had once been.

Eventually, more and more users were able to sign back on, but people's buddy list's had significantly decreased in terms of how many people were online. Now realizing that they were the only ones who could re-populate AIM, these users then created screen names for their loved ones, gave it to them, and had them create screen names for their friends and family.

In a day that experienced so much horror and death, nothing could have topped it off more then having AIM's network horrifically crash and leave people confused and searching for a new way to re-start Internet chat and lingo...

Two hours later, Michael Bay announced he was going to turn this true story into a feature film. Shit's legit.

Chat Rooms and the "AIM" Scene

They are pretty much dead now and have seen better days where there were many users. Trigger happy chat owners and their ops will ban you if you disagree with them , flood their precious room with bots or are a sidekick user. The AIM Scene is full of fags who think they are better than anyone else. Some get their lulz from randomly suspending all your screennames and stealing your 3 character long screennames.