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Abraham Lincoln

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Lulz machine hard at work This page has potential but it needs a lot of work. It could benefit from moar facts on Ol' Honest Abe's faggotry, retardation and the lulzy assassination. Discuss edits that might add to the lulz on this article's talk page.

Abraham was a scheming, conniving racist who may or may not have turned over a new leaf before he was pwned.

Abe Lincoln, deciding what he'll do if sending all the Jews Black People to Madagascar South America doesn't work out.

Abe Lincoln, White Powa!

Although Honest Abe was a Republican, and the KKK were all Democrats, he had a lot in common with his white clad brethren.

   
“ 		 
"I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black races – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of Negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race. I say upon this occasion I do not perceive that because the white man is to have the superior position the negro should be denied everything.
  		„
  		 

—Abe Lincoln at his most eloquent.

Abe Lincoln had lots of great plans for Black People. Besides not freeing them by dragging his feet on abolishing slavery, he also wanted to deport them to other countries such as South America, Africa, and even considered giving the British their very own free labour force.

This great plan - try to deport all the people you don't like to, say, MADAGASCAR, and if that doesn't work think of something else - was later recycled by this beloved political leader.

Death of teh president

BOOM! HEADSHOT BITCH!!!!!!!!!

Sadly, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated on April 14, 1865. Actor John Wilkes Booth shot and killed Lincoln while he was watching a shitty play. James Holmes would later do the same thing, but he presumably forgot the president was not there. Booth also had a bunch of followers try to kill the next people in line to the throne as president. Unfortunately, they failed to make these additional bonus lulz. Booth chose a shitty ass weapon on purpose so the president would die slowly and painfully. Then he jumped onto the stage and screamed "SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!" and ran away like a pussy. Sadly, he was shot dead before he had a chance to defend himself in court. Sound familiar?

Defending Abraham Lincoln

Great minds think alike.

Naturally, any great leader has rough spots. We've all contemplated asserting the dominance of our own race over that of others before deporting them to the arse ends of the earth so we can build a glorious future. With this in mind, we should all consider that Abe Lincoln did some great things. Sure, he mostly took credit for things other people did and he opposed at the time, but that's what leadership is all about.

Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter who took pride in killing the fans of Twilight. Ever know what happened to Edward Cullen? NO? Thank you Abraham Lincoln for doing the world a favor.

Sadly Abraham Lincoln was murdered by Jack the Ripper for being caught masturbating to the soundtrack of Grease

Trolling Abe Lincoln Fans

Recite things he said.

That's pretty much it.

Links
Abraham Lincoln

is part of a series on

The History of The Lulz

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