Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Clementine Weber

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Wolfbagger at 21:43, 2 August 2017. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
Jump to navigationJump to search


People article? Shitty attack article? This is an article about a shitty attack and its aftermath, including the backfire upon the person who started it all, all of which resulted from the most epic Lesbian breakup the internet has ever seen.

File:Greek icon of james, brother of jesus.jpg
"How did I get dragged into this shit?"
File:James ossuary.jpg
"Take the money! Open the box!"

It involves the Royal Family, corrupt international bankers, Islamist terrorism, Neo-Conservative propaganda, deadly illnesses, a secret global trade in forged antiquities, and the quest to prove the historical reality of Jesus Christ himself.

But all that comes later. Mainly, this is the story of what happens when three of the worst people on Earth fall out with each other.

Introduction

File:Clementine weber portrait.jpg
Clem Weber: The face that launched 1,000 lunches

Once upon a time, there was a creepy lesbian stalker who frequented an online discussion forum. On that discussion forum, she struck up a relationship with an ugly bisexual chick. The two of them cybered now and again, since the creepy lesbian stalker lived in Britain and the ugly bisexual lived in Belgium. They talked about getting the creepy stalky lesbian to move to France as a tax-dodge. And sometimes they got together, sometimes in Antwerp and sometimes in London. This was a bad move. The ugly bisexual was a professional fraudster and, unsurprisingly, a compulsive teller of tall stories. On the other hand, a lot of what she said checked out. So the creepy lesbian stalker started to archive all their chats. It was exactly the sort of creepy stalkerish thing she liked doing anyway, which helped.

The ugly bisexual chick called Clementine Weber had a male crony (nb, not friend) who frequented the same online discussion forum. This crony was a compulsive and rapacious conman. You could say it was a case of 'cunts of a feather flock together'. The two of them had fallen out at some stage. They kept up a facade of light-hearted chumminess while talking about each other on the public forum, and in private they knifed each other ruthlessly in the back. Naturally, stalky lesbian archived all this.

At some stage, the ugly bisexual chick told a lie about the creepy stalker, they split up acrimoniously, And so the creepy stalker created a website to chronicle the misdeeds of her former lover by leaking all their chatlogs. And while she was about it, she chronicled lots of other misdeeds too. This is where we come in. And since she tried to dox and shame everyone else but remain anonymous herself, the first section of this article is dedicated to the creepy stalky lesbian herself.

The Bad Samaritan: Carla Chynoweth

File:Carla chynoweth internet disease.png
28-year-old lesbian with Internet Disease

Template:Chynoweth

Carla Marie Chynoweth (AKA “Berlinparallelecho” and “Kurwamac” - see penultimate post in this thread), is surprisingly young for an embittered internet dyke, only in her twenties at the time of writing (born 1989).

The reason that she is embittered is because she is a Mega Ultra Super Genius who has graduated and found the world is not beating a path to her doorway to employ her and her wicked mad skills. This isn't surprising, because most young graduates get off to a rocky start in employment. Also, Carla's main specialist qualifications are fluency in Greek and Hebrew, and a smattering of Bible knowledge.

These abilities are not much in demand in Deptford, South-East London, and so Carla had to lower herself to performing menial translation work for a media monitoring company run by a couple of acquaintances. And sometimes she does summer camp work with retarded children in the USA, who are among the few people that like her.

But her dreams burn brightly still and she advertises herself on the internet as a theologian. A vague and inadequate comparison would be someone who has translated a cookbook calling themselves a Michelin chef, but a Michelin chef who understands how to design and build restaurants.

Carla's grandiose fantasy life has a banal source: her fondness for cannabis, which she smokes as often as she can. Some people ought to know that Mary-Jane doesn't love them as much as they love Mary-Jane. Carla is one of those.

Carla's Creepy Crusades

In her dope-addled mind, her Bible knowledge and aspierations of spiritual enlightenment have turned her into an anonymous internet crusader, exposing falsehood and hypocrisy wherever she finds it. Hence her burning desire for vengeance against her ugly bisexual ex, who she describes as evil, a common thief, and a whore. Just being a bad person isn't bad enough, you see, the ugly bisexual has to be condemned in suitably damning biblical language too. In her megalomania, everyone except Carla has deep dark secrets to hide, that need to be exposed.

For example, you can read her catching a religious quack committing plagiarism, on one forum,   (archive) then gloating over her triumph, on another forum   (archive)

Before she created her crappy Weebly website to shame and harass Clementine Weber, Carla had a secret career as The Phantom Boss Emailer. This nickname came about because someone on the discussion forum frequented by Carla was copying various indiscreet posts and emailing them to the employers of the posters who made those remarks. Several people changed jobs unexpectedly as a result.

Carla observed all this with satisfaction, as she was doing God's work by exposing hypocrisy and double-standards. She didn't seem to care that all the while she remained anonymous and undetected, safe behind her careful attempts to shield her true identity.

Carla's career as the phantom emailer was aided by the discussion forum's complete failure to realise it was Carla, even when it became impossible not to realise it was Carla   (archive). This would not be the last time that the forum's finest brains failed to notice that the wool was being pulled over their eyes - as you will learn further down the page.

The climax of Carla's reign of terror as the phantom emailer came when she emailed a British MP with some very distasteful (but not threatening) remarks another poster had made about that MP dying in a burning vehicle. That MP is a noted hysterical crackpot and she interpreted the email as a threat. It turned into a national news story and the MP still dines out on it today, albeit the story has grown considerably in the retelling.

Carla thinks she can make up for her own reprehensible conduct by doing sponsored runs for charity and other good works in the community.

As the case of Jimmy Savile has taught the world, religious do-gooders are often religious do-gooders for three reasons.

  • A: They want to throw people off their scent and maintain a mask of normality
  • B:They want to salve their own troubled conscience, even though that conscience is not strong enough to prevent them doing harm in the first place
  • C: They want to have some good deeds to their name when they meet their maker, to cancel out all the awful shit they did while on Earth.

Be sure your sins will find you out, Carla. Oops, too late - they just did.

Collateral Damage: Rapacious Conman


 
This person is dying of terminal dishonesty. Please comfort them in their remaining decades by reminding them to fake their death unconvincingly online and change their name


File:David hodges book of scams.png
David Hodges consults his big book of scams

David Charles Hodges (AKA “David Genovese”, “Freelanzia”, “Bromio”, "MajorWhipple”, born October 1965) is a man you should avoid at the very least, and actively shun if necessary. If you are forced to shake his hand, count your fingers afterward. Twice. Although he is the least important person in this entire debacle, he is the one whose activities are the most amusing and best-documented. You'll soon see why.

According to Clementine, her one-time partner in crime David Hodges is a former jailbird and skaghead (divorced, with retarded kids) who ended up living on the island of Lanzarote without a job, and Clementine helped him get back on his feet by finding him a job as a fine art photographer. Since David had never held a camera in his life, this involved fabricating his resumé, but that was a mere bagatelle for this pair of crooks.

Since he is a rapacious conman, who only lives to deceive, David Hodges soon perked up and started enjoying life in his new job, which was based in a French castle. And as soon as he had money coming in, he fucked poor Clementine over quite badly to the tune of thousands of Euros. David gloated in an email about how he had conned poor Clementine, and “accidentally” sent it to her instead of the intended recipient. It's more likely that David did this on purpose to fuck with Clementine's head. Clementine bemoaned her lot to Carla who (being a creepy stalker) naturally archived it, along with other sleazy tales of David's behaviour (the lesbian porn incident is worth a read in itself).

But at this stage, you're probably thinking: “He sure sounds like a right cunt, but I don't know this David Hodges guy. What if he's being slandered unjustly by two internet weirdos?”

An entirely reasonable question. Judge for yourself how trustworthy he is by his own posts on the discussion forum, which set out in excruciating detail his astonishingly ill-advised reactions to Carla Chynoweth's shitty revenge website going up.

David Hodges: Health Drama

File:David hodges aka Genovese whipple bromio etc tweet.png
Indeed it does, David

As soon as Carla put up her revenge website in May 2014, David started attempting to emotionally blackmail her into taking it down again. Naturally, the first thing he did was denounce everything on the site as lies (and doctored lies, for good measure). This got his total denial   on the record immediately. The next step was more difficult – how could he get the truth removed from the internet?

Like any good conman, David Hodges had a plan. He tried to emotionally blackmail Carla by claiming that her website would harm him and his employment prospects. Silly David didn't realise that was the whole point! Then he dragged in his kids as leverage. But this wasn't enough to thaw Carla's cold black heart. So David claimed that he was very, very ill and the website could damage his health further.

And soon after that, with Carla not having relented, poor David announced that he was in fact suffering from, not one, but four serious illnesses!

Just to alleviate his own suffering, he changed all his screen names. His new nom de crime was "David Genovese", although he now had too many identities to separate them all from one another (see his cryptic tweet to friends, on the right). This was done to protect his own private health concerns, you understand, and was not done to try and preserve his unravelling reputation.

But to no avail. By December, 2014 David had been kicked out of his cushy French castle job   (archive) and was desperately seeking new employment (gg, Carla). Lanzarote is only a small place, and presumably he'd already run out of locals to swindle. So getting Carla's website removed was even more urgent. What better idea than to ratchet up the emotional blackmail and claim that his serious illness was a terminal illness? Couldn't fail, right?

Wrong! It was a desperate and daring last-ditch gamble, but it relied on Carla having biblical quantities of forgiveness, which – despite her self-perception as a God-ordained scourge of sinners and deceivers – she simply does not have. The upshot of which is that Carla's shitty attack site is still up and David Hodges has saddled himself with a deadly disease of the fictional variety. Now and again, he feels the need to mention it, just in case anyone's sympathy might sour into scepticism.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


File:David hodges celebrates con trick.png
David Hodges celebrates yet another successful con

But what malady is very slowly choking the life from poor David Hodges? He started off with four things seriously wrong with him (see above). Then his condition became terminal. Inter alia, he has suffered from delirium and hallucinations, although this was not noticeable at the time   (archive); later he caught the flu, a disease which is often fatal for people with compromised immune systems, and which typically incapacitates the sufferer for over a week, although no interruption was detected in David's posting activity   (archive); and he must have a really, really, rare condition because his doctors are so puzzled that they tested him for tuberculosis   (archive) although strangely no results were ever announced either way. That is at least seven serious illnesses in the space of 12 months. Truly, David Hodges must have the constitution of an ox. Or the shitting abilities of a bull.

Why doesn't David Hodges abandon the forum and disappear from the internet, rather than weaving an ever-more tangled web of lies? The answer is sad and disturbing. A conman without people to con ceases to exist, like an actor playing a part to an empty theatre. The conman gets off on the buzz of creating lies, suckering people in, and then stringing them along. It confirms to him how clever he is. But it's so addictive, he can't break away. And since David Hodges isn't half as clever as he'd like to think he is, he slips up. As you will see in the mystery of the Madrid Mercy Dash.

David Hodges: Madrid Mercy Dash

One fine day, the fatally-ill David Hodges couldn't resist boasting to everyone on the forum that he was off for an enjoyable three-week break in Madrid. There, he declared, he would do a little bit of freelance photography, and then have ample time to swan around and take in the sights.

Some might imagine that this was uncharacteristically upbeat for someone who is struggling with several terminal illnesses. And obviously David Hodges belatedly realised this. So, suddenly, the merry-making in Madrid became an important appointment with specialist medical consultants instead. David Hodges would be visiting a Madrid hospital to receive urgent treatment for his rapidly worsening condition.

Except he'd already explained that there is a perfectly good hospital in the Canary Islands, where he lives, at which he has received treatment in the past. And then, in the excitement of arriving in Madrid, he completely forgot what he'd said about going to hospital and boasted that he was just there to have fun.



File:David charles hodges rapacious con artist mugshot.png

When you repeatedly forget your own lies, leaving a trail of shit-smeared footprints all over the forum, you'd think a few posters might begin to notice. They didn't.

When you also claim to have been terminally ill for over a year, you'd think people might start asking questions. They didn't.

And then when you are still alive after three years, and still posting daily on the same forum, you'd think the penny might drop. It hasn't.

   
 
A condition that is reasonably expected to result in the death of the patient within a relatively short period of time, whether medical treatment is received or not.
 

 
 

Definition of "terminal ilness"

David Hodges: epilogue

File:David hodges family mealtime get-together snapshot.png
Could this be the "Last Supper" for David Hodges?
File:David hodges lanzarote liar for hire.png
Still alive and now taking commissions!

What is so galling about all this is that there is someone on the forum who genuinely has a serious disease. Bossab (real name unknown) has had large parts of his genitals removed due to recurrent cancer and is understandably seriously depressed as a result. But because bossab is unpopular, posters have taken it upon themselves to pick holes in his story   (archive) and try to expose him as a liar   (archive). It has become something of a pastime   (archive). However, Bossab is the least imaginative person on the forum, and that's saying something, his idea of a stimulating conversation is his prized long-running thread dedicated to the weather forecast.

David Hodges must be jizzing with glee at how he has managed to evade detection by making sure everyone thinks he's a nice, decent, honest guy. You've heard of Troll shielding.. David Hodges practises something you could call Virtue Shielding, which is when a despicable person gets away with shit by conning nice people into liking him. He sucks up to the forum moderators to appear authoritative and a 'white hat' poster. He also pretends to be a feminist, since feminism is trendy on the forum and it gets the women on his side.

David Hodges has even gone so far as to join in with the mockery of the genuinely-ill bossab. Because that's the kind of nice guy David Hodges really is. And this week, the stench of lies and nastiness emanating from David Hodges finally resulted in the creation of this page.

File:David hodges let bossab lie.png
There are indeed no depths to the shamelessness of David Hodges.
See for yourself on this page of   Bossab's cancer thread



Spare a thought for those dying of terminal dishonesty on the internet. Flowers and sympathy can be sent to this address:

David Charles Hodges,
C/Triana 16 35500,
Arrecife,
Lanzarote,
Canary Islands,
Spain.

Clementine Weber: Woman of Mystery

File:Clementine weber forger and fraudster.png
File:Clemetine pout.jpg
Clementine is a rare example of a minger that looks even worse in low lighting conditions

What can one say about Clementine Weber (AKA “rafibrown”)? Read about her exploits and form your own opinion. This is where all the loose ends from the above sections come together to form a fitting climax to this sorry saga of bad faith, deception, and intrigue.

Clementine Weber is an international art forger. She works (or rather worked) in a chateau in Vervaines, Normandy, France. This is where she managed to land that photographic employment for her fellow jailbird David Hodges (before they fell out, and before the relationship between Clementine and Carla went into thermonuclear meltdown, which is why we're here in case you'd forgotten).

Jamal Radwan

File:David hodges aka genovese chauteau flickr photo 2.png
From the lens of David “Genovese” AKA Hodges
File:Chateau vervaine 2.jpg
And from the sepia-tinted 1900s
File:Oded golan and clem weber.jpg
Forgers Oded Golan and Clementine Weber
File:Oded golan with ossuary.jpg
Forger Oded Golan and the 'James Ossuary', which he forged
File:Oded golan.jpg
Oded Golan has things to sell you...

You can see one of David Hodge's photographs of the workplace where he was employed with Clementine, the chateau, to the right. Below it is a far older photograph of the Vervaines Chateau, which is clearly the same building, thus proving its identity.

The owner of the chateau is the mysterious Jamal Radwan (AKA “Jamie Radwan”, “Jamie D'Antioch”, etc). Jamal Radwan is a high-flier in the global elite, having worked in several international banks. During his banking years, he got on the wrong side of the bin Laden clan and the Saudi Royal Family, at the same time. The bin Ladens and the Sauds sued Radwan (not his bank) for around $25million. Things got complicated and it ended up in courtroom drama and tears before bedtime. This wasn't the only time Radwan got caught up in a banking scandal, although it was probably the one that posed the biggest threat to his life.



It is curious to note that Clementine (as “rafibrown”) has been a regular poster in the comments section of the website of Neo-Con warmonger and Muslim-hater, former Bush appointee Daniel Pipes. It is an interesting situation: Clementine Weber is a woman working for an Arab with links to both the House of Saud and the bin Laden tribe, and she is posting on behalf of one of the men who would have liked to have killed Usama bin Laden, whose 9/11 plot was financed by a member of the House of Saud. Fertile ground for speculation, to be sure, but the evidence is too thin for any firm conclusions to be drawn.



Not only that, but the heir to the throne of the United Kingdom, Charles, Prince of Wales, occasionally drops by at the chateau to catch up with his old friend Jamal, perhaps over a traditional Arabic meal. Prince Charles is very interested in inter-faith dialogue, and has good relations with Saudi Arabia in particular. Traditionally Britain's Intelligence Services are on guard to ensure that the Royal Family do not endanger their spotless reputations by mixing with the wrong sort of people. One wonders, therefore, why Prince Charles is allowing himself to associate privately with a convicted fraudster with ties to international terrorism.

”New lamps for old”

Jamal Radwan's chateau is also a factory. It produces forged antiques. Clementine Weber has participated in the manufacture of such forgeries, which are sold to unscrupulous private collectors around the world. They are unscrupulous because they want to keep for themselves items which (if authentic) should be in public ownership. These collectors are therefore willing to pay handsomely. And this is what makes them vulnerable to fraudsters like Jamal Radwan and his munchkins, who know that whatever forgeries they sell will be hidden away and never allowed to be examined by an independent expert in case the illegal sale comes to light.

Clementine Weber has had a number of 'amusing' (read: sordid) episodes in her life as a phantom forger, including two that involved the sex lives of supposedly well-regarded and respected figures from the world of antiquities, Julian Barnett and Leonard Wolfe (coincidentally, a specialist in ancient middle-eastern items and forgeries).

Clementine fancies herself quite the mover, shaker, and intriguer in this black market for phony artifacts, and it is surely no coincidence that her screen-name “rafibrown” is also the name of the Israeli museum conservator Rafi Brown. And here we come to the truly remarkable connection that links the Saudi dynasty, the Bush regime, international banking, the Royal Family, and the historical existence of Jesus Christ.

The picture on the right shows Clementine Weber (easily recognisable due to her frog-like mouth) standing next to a swarthy middle-eastern type. You might not know his face. You might even not recognise his name. But he is very infamous indeed.

His name is Oded Golan, and in 2005 he was put on trial along with Rafi Brown (the real one, that is) accused of faking an artifact known as The James Ossuary. This item was supposedly the funereal coffer that held the bones of Jesus's brother, James, in ancient Judea. But it was manufactured at an undiscovered location, which must have been equipped with a laboratory, since the forger had created a thin crust of mineralisation all over the object in order to make it look centuries old, rather than newly-made. For good measure, Golan also forged items that were supposed to be the only proof that the Temple of Solomon ever existed, and artificially 'aged' them the same way.

One of the key prosecution witnesses against Golan was multimillionaire art collector Shlomo Moussaieff. He told the court of extraordinary episodes of skulduggery in which dealers, experts, and even Israeli diplomats came to his home, produced rare antiquities from their pockets and negotiated sales worth many thousands of dollars. The total sums involved in the deals struck by Golan and Brown reached into the multiple millions.

Golan's trial lasted seven years. At the end of it, he was acquitted of the forgery charges but convicted of illegally trading in antiques. Golan knows he will need an income in future, and he can only get an income from selling more “antiquities,” and if he admits forgery then he would be destroying his own business.

And the mystery laboratory where Golan cooked up his phony chemistry to fool the experts? It has never been identified by detectives. But since we know Clementine Weber forged antiques in a laboratory in a French chateau belonging to Jamal Radwan, and since Clementine has posed proudly for a photograph with Oded Golan, it would appear that faked physical evidence for the existence of Biblical characters is being produced in a Normandy chateau, supervised and masterminded by a friend of two Royal Families who is also a convicted fraudster with ties to international terrorism.

Conclusion

As of Summer 2017 There is no conclusion.

  • Carla Chynoweth is still puffing holy smoke and thinking herself a latter-day Joan of Arc from her hovel in Deptford, dreaming of the day when the Good Lord will reward her for her private crusades against falsehood and deception. Wakey, wakey, Carla.
  • David Hodges is still getting a cheap buzz from insulting the intelligence of the people who think they are his friends on the same discussion forum where all this shit began, maintaining his years-long pretence of terminal illness. You'd be wise to put money on him faking his own death after this article goes up, as it's the only option he's got left.
  • Clementine Weber has seemingly disappeared off the face of the Earth, although she shouldn't be hard to spot since not many people have a face like a stoned cat that has a letterbox for a mouth.

The trade in forged antiques continues unabated. Terrorists still strike at the west, although bin Laden himself is dead. Prince Charles still isn't King. There isn't any moral to be drawn from all this - except perhaps if you are a total scumbag, like the trio in this article, in which case the moral is to keep your mouth shut on the internet.

Some might say that there is little difference between Carla's sinister stalky behaviour and the detective work that went into this article. It might look like an interesting ethical conundrum. But the difference is that this article informs the unsuspecting public (using open-source information rather than breaches of confidence), and provides a little justice to the innocent people that these three creeps have wounded. Either way, here it is in all its glory, laid out for your delectation: a minor epic of sleaze, corruption, and deception, played out on a world stage and starring three people who are only remarkable for being utterly contemptible shitbags, who deserve no more attention than the scorn and pity of all who encounter them.

The End.

See also

File:Carla Chynoweth.png
Galatians 6:7-8; and Luke 6:31

External links