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Injuns
Native Americans, redskins, or simply "injuns", as they like to be called, are red-skinned savages who happen to be the indigenous peoples of America. They got pwned by Columbus during the colonization of America. Their spirits have been crushed ever since. Most female injuns become Teenmommies by the age of 13. They also have an undying lust for Lysol to huff.
Native Americans are relatively untrollable due to widespread depression about their decimation. Either that or they're too fucked up on Listerine and don't respond. The Indian reservations don't sell alcohol on Sundays, so an alcohol substitute was created by diluting a bottle of cheap hairspray, usually the 99 cent Aqua Net, in a gallon of water. This beverage in known as "Ocean" or "Montana Gin." When you drink it it makes you want to pass out on the railroad tracks. This usually results in the consumer getting pwned by a freight train. If you're in search of the noble red, normally you can find them at the beer vendor, spending their government checks while clutching to their crack babies, bitching about how they live on a reserve yet never make the effort to get a job. Native Americans are so stupid that they were at the technological level of Africans by the time white people arrived. They worshiped the ground and the Sun and the animals. Today, most of their reservations are still like typical African villages, with levels of crime usually only seen in black neighborhoods. Natives also have an instinctive desire to scalp and eat white people and members of another tribe. The few successful ones run casinos, or to put it more simply: steal money from nerds who hope to strike it rich. Today, most just depend on government assistance handouts from whitey. However, a lot have just said, "screw society" and live on the streets on a diet of drugs and booze, bought with handouts from "too-concerned-for-their-own-good" white people. As well as being fucking savages, incapable of running a functioning society, stealing money, and worshiping, well, everything, Native Americans are also distinctive in looking like being sunburned, banhammered Asians.
Slurs
America has failed itself as a nation in coming up with a winning epithet for the Native American, mainly due to troll's remorse. These failures include:
- American Indian
- Red man
- Squaw
- Neechee
- Chief
- Savage
- Indian
- Cochese
- Redskin
- Chug
- Glonnie
- Nate
- Kawish (for Canadian natives Innus, who come from Labrador, Newfoundland, Nunavut and all those shitty territories where nobody but them lives. They can be easily recognized as they are all Catholic, fat, and been smoking and sniffing gasoline-in-a-bag since the age of 5.)
- Wagon burner
- Johnner
- Bush lurker
Native-Tribe-Speak Simplified for 'English' - 'Teh Eeng-glesh-spek-ersess'(AKA - (after painstaking days of translating Chug to Manspeak))
Throughout living the rough life in reserves and poor areas of the city, natives have developed their own version of English, not really English, not really Cree, but all around retarded. Here are some examples of their mystic language.
- Naii: Often used in conjuncture with the word "Boyy" has no absolute use, other than to represent the two words "hey!" and "what?" at the same time. Cannot be pronounced without clicking your tongue in synchronization with saying the "N" sound in the word
- Shitfuck: Natives usually combine swear words together to try and come off as more intense, but they only come off as more retarded.
- N'ah: (Pronounced 'en-aw') What
drunken(All Native American are ALWAYS drunk you dicknugget) Natives say when they agree with something - Jesusfuck: combining "Jesus Christ" and "Fuck" together for a double whammy of retardedness
- Err: Often used in conjuncture with the words "Boyy", "Buddyy", and "Shitfuck." It basically means "gross" and is said when the native has a distaste for something.
- Ever Sick: When a native usually has an extreme distaste for something
- Weenuk: Has absolutely no fucking meaning whatsoever, sometimes used in combinations with "Shitfuck" and "McGluck"
- Laaaaa Dis Guy: Said to someone who says something that is outrageous to Natives like "I'm going to look for a job tomorrow."
- Meegwich: Means "thank you" even though saying "thank you" would make everyone's day less complicated.
- McGluck: Doesn't have a meaning either
- Not evennnnn!: Said when a "lie" is told, i.e. they're cleaner than hobos and have attractive women, amirite?
- Ersch ma boi!: Said to get the attention of another native.
Red Man's Greed
On the show South Park, the creators showed how Native Americans are greedy and want to destroy whole towns to build super-highways directly to their casinos. The show showed the epic struggle of how the greedy Native Americans bought the land and then infected the entire town with blankets crawling with the SARS virus as a sort of 'peace offering.' This takes place in all of North America, where natives actually don't own anything other than a rag and a bottle of paint thinner. They leech off government cheques they receive on the first Wednesday of every month (AKA "Watcha doing tomorrow cousin? It's WellyWednsday"), destroying brand new houses made for them on the reserve and in the North End (which they hardly spend any time sleeping in due to the comfy nature of concrete steps outside of Denny's), and pawning off anything of value in the house for bottles of Stone Cold and Listerine or a can of Lysol. Remember; it's not a Native if they're not holding a paper bag of fire water or a giant bottle of Listerine or inhaling Lysol.
Natives also have the delusion that white people still owe them something even though they've been living off their tax dollars for at least 100 years. In certain parts of Canada, they make up for this by stealing mountain bikes, whining that they should be catered to at every turn, expecting everything for free. Canada gets the worst of this, where the government constantly sucks their cock with free money, land, jobs, businesses, not paying any taxes, and anything else they request on a whim, God help the government if they lose a few votes due to Injuns being mad about the idea they may have to be just like everyone else with no extra rights or privileges. They display sympathy invoking commercials that say "Let The Healing Continue."
The worst case, however, is the wave of Mexican Indios who illegally enter the U.S., pop out a couple or moar (especially MOAR) anchor babies, and then live on American welfare. When confronted, they'll often say they are the original peoples and therefore have the right to live ANYWHERE on the continent. When free shit is being thrown out, you know every Mexican is thinking "IM THURRR." Hence they've been flooding north of Ol' El Paso ranch for some free money and Listerine vouchers under the guise of "HEY IM A NORTHAN MEXICAN JUST LIKE THESE GUYS."
Types Of Natives
- Listobums: Homeless natives that travel in groups of 3 or more, they drink Listerine anywhere they damn please and in a very social fashion, the upside to their obnoxious drunken behavior is that they always have fresh breath and sometimes go blind for extra lulz.
- Teenmommies: These red-tainted Lolcows are easy to spot, always taking up your seat on the bus with their fucking Salvation Army baby strollers. They can't control their kids and they sure as hell can't control their vaginas either. Their favorite place to dwell is in front of Portage Place while smoking a cig, and not paying attention to their multiple unwanted children.
- Indian Posse: When the young male native grows dissatisfied with making an honest living, he takes to joining a gang and either robs white 13 year old boys of their allowances OR lurks in various parking lots looking for unlocked cars--once found he will set the car on fire and drive it off a cliff, becoming an hero (do not leave your doors unlocked, or the natives will get it). Whether its claiming to be a blood, crip, zigzag, or I.P., you can rest assured that in two years he'll be spending a brief stint in Stoney Mountain for carrying a concealed kitchen knife.
- 12-year-old pot dealer: Always a product of a teenmommy native. Constantly asking you at various inconvenient times if you want to buy some "WEED, COUSIN?," this native not only sells shake, he sells really bad shake. Only hanging out somewhere near his big brother, don't try to jack up this kid or he'll squeal away on his BMX and come back with two 6-foot tall natives with failed attempts at Fu Manchu mustaches.
Native Rap Culture
As Natives are an unoriginal and an entirely pathetic race, they have taken to mooching off of other cultures, mainly black people, as they attempt to sing about their plights in a sad attempt at hip-hop and/or rap. They feel they can relate to the black fellas because black people rap about being poor, hating whitey, killing whores, and blaming whitey. Natives feel as thought being pathetic and living on "the Rez" compares to being black and living in Compton, thus instead of rap music about blacks complaining about their problems, we have Natives complaining about their problems. All of these attempts fail even more than the lame exploits of the Wiggerfolk.
However the only good example of this is The North End Connection, a group of Natives who sing about the rough times of living in the North End of Winnipeg, the city with the largest native population in the world (of Canada). They are composed of: Chief Thief, Lance, and some other random gas huffer.
PROTIP: RCMP is the Canadian national police, sort of like the FBI, but also psychotic like the LAPD (in that they'll mow you down on horseback).
North End Connections
The RCMP always chases me:
Once apon a time
it happened last week,
oh yeah....
(police sirens....)
You hear something?
ah fuck, Dammit!
fuckin busted again
...okay what did i do?
Whatever fuck!
The RCMP is always chasin me and i have no fuckin clue why,
Jesus Fuck!
The more the more the more gas that i huff it fuckin makes me insane,
and then i do these stupid things and have nobody to blame;
like robbing liquor stores and fuckin punchin old ladies, curb stompin whities, slappin bitches and shakin their babies!-
-Cause im an indian, thats right hundred percent creee
i hang out downtown in a bus shack always drinkin OV,
Nice fuckin shoes you dont mind if i try them on, HOLY SHIT THE FUCKIN FIT - naii boy consider em gone!
I put the nate back into native i dont know my own name
drunk as a skunk cant even walk and always feelin the same
im always puking cause im hammared passin out on a bench
Holy Jesus fuckin god what is that stench...? me.
The RCMP always chasing me cause im a smelly fuckin native and i cant even see!
The RCMP always chasing me cause i beat up my wife with the branch from a tree!
The RCMP is always chasing me cause i stole six cases of Mr. Clean!
The RCMP always chasing me becasue i stink. naii.
Naiii Boy........
A perfect (pathetic) example of a native "rapper"
Prominent Native Americans
-
Cher - famous slut -
That Guy From The Village People - legendary faggot -
Kneeling Buffalo getting sucked off by some gay fetishest -
Injun Joe - foe of Captain America -
Larry the minty homebum (known to be able to chug 3 bottles of Listerine in under 10 minutes) -
Geronimo and his Apache Murderers -
-
Spectral photography analysis reveals the "crying indian" actually just had some spooge in his eye. Also, the actor is actually Italian. -
Pocahontas (pronounced "Poke-a-hot-ass")
Contributions to society
The injuns contributes little to our society, except for selling their daughters to white men.
Injuns, America's First Furries
Moar info: Otherkin.
Moar info: Furries.
Moar info: Wolfaboo.
Moar info: Bestiality.
Prone to eating peyote, sitting in sweat lodges, and hallucinating that they had "animal spirits", Injuns inadvertently pioneered furrydom in America. Long before neckbearded basement-dwellers ever thought of themselves as purple otters, the Injuns had pictured themselves as wolves, rubbed excrement on their faces, and bayed at the Moon.
-
fuck you, i'm a birdy -
fuck you, i'm a bison -
fuck you, i'm a raccoon -
fuck you, i'm Hawkman
Legacy
Actually, the only legacy they left behind them are high poverty rates, empty Listerine bottles, and another generation of kids born with F.A.S. to mooch off of the welfare system, as well as the abominable assortment of names which constitutes whatever's left of their shameful family trees. Names like Nathaniel, Jeremaye, Ruby, Eliezer, Eagle, D'Shael, Sha'Nayze and Makwondah.
What White people who like play Indian Are Saying About ED
Some Gay white guy was seriously butthurt about the accuracy of this article and so decided to write another blog post on the subject of "racial stereotypes of Indians"
Immediately after making these comments, he went on to make racist comments towards Indians who don't agree with his dumb ass and praise others who think just like him.
Canadian Indians
Indians in Canada are largely similar to those in the United States, but for ease of differentiation, can be divided into two main groups: Natives who were historically barely living off the land (prairie natives) and historically "Fat 'n' Happy" Natives (coastal natives).
Natives on the prairie spent most of their time tooling around the grasslands, killing buffalo and barely surviving the freezing winters. Life expectancies were short, and the extent of their artistic and cultural developments were paintings on tepees and half-assed myths about Why Life Is So Shit. They possessed a vague understanding of the fact that there was most likely something on the other side of the mountains in the distance, but lacked the balls to go and actually check it out.
Conversely, natives that lived on the coast (either one, but when in doubt, pick the West Coast - it's always cooler) were essentially able to dip a bucket into the water and pull it out full of money, which they used to buy fish. And when one tired of fish, one could easily eat a full meal of one the many thousands of fresh plants that grew all around. Because of the ease of life on the coast, these natives were able to develop deep societal structures and art that included totem poles, paintings, carvings, masks, longhouses, and decorative boats. They also had huge parties called potlatches where they essentially ate far too much food and gave shit away.
Tl;dr, Coastal Natives > Prairie Natives in Canada.
Of course, all this rich history and culture crumbled when the white man showed up with booze, guns, and smallpox-infected blankets for the natives. Now, the natives have a rich culture of drinking too much, hiding on the reservation, and clinging vainly to old rituals honoring animals killed for food before hopping into their truck and driving to Mac's for a pack of smokes.
Latin American Indians
For all the bitching of Natives in the U.S. and Canada, those in Colombia, Brazil, and Argentina, or anywhere they're not totally dead are literally dirt-poor. Unlike the English-speaking countries, most of Latin America is unmoved by liberal guilt and therefore tell the lazy Injuns to either get a job or STFU.
Whereas history class has said that the natives are an endangered people, that only applies to the North American tribes. Whole countries like Peru and Bolivia are still being run by the successors to the Incas. In other words, there's no reason to think you're guilty for living here.
It was a game of warfare which they lost and we won. Move on already.
Feathers, and the meanings
The feathers a Native American wears symbolizes their bloodlust and complete lack of any regard for Nature, particularly endangered species like whales (which they eat raw) and eagles. They are violent killing machines and show off their bloodthirst at all times, but god help you if you point it out, lest you be branded a racist for using a "stereotype" that only they can use at will when it suits them.
Traditional Native American Cuisine
Traditional Foods
- Bannock
- Pemmican
- Government Cheese
- Government Potatoes
- Government Bread
- Frybread - Made from govt flour and bacon grease.
- Deer
- Possum
- Road Kill
- Maize - You call it corn.
With all that abundance of government assistance foods you need something to wash it down with
Traditional Drinks
- I-90 Cocktail or Montana Gin - Take a milk jug cut it in half empty an entire lysol can into jug, dilute with water, enjoy.
- Aquanet - Ingestion of fine hair care products.
- Listerine - When you want a minty fresh tasting libation.
- Thunderbird Wine - Also known on the Rez as the GOOD STUFF, it is the only "normal" booze indians drink.
- Gasoline - As they love sniffing it as much as Abbos do.
