Mitt Romney

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Willard Fucktard Romney (better known as "Mitt") is an American businessman who is in the process of buying the office of President of the United States. As soon as the check clears, he'll have the nigger evicted and restore America to its old embarrassing shitkicking self. The only problem is that Romney is a Mormon, and thus believes that when he dies, he and his wives will inherit a planet in outer space, where they will have endless celestial sex and bear many space children. Mitt Romney is for giving laptops to people and giving away free college. Why? For the lulz. In related news, Romney has been the subject of many flame wars on Republican blogs for flip-flops on abortion. He is loved by such Republican fags as Mann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, and Michael Savage, even though he introduced a universal healthcare bill in his state that was identical to Obama's. But let's be honest, it was okay 'cause he ain't no nigger. Did we mention that he's a motherfucking MORMON?!!! No seriously, he's a goddamn MORMON!!! He also may be a robot.

Proof Romney is nothing but a Republican puppet.

Mr. & Mrs. Mitt Romney in a casual moment, modeling their stylish special Mormon underwear.

Olympics

Mitt Romney is the guy who organized the 2002 Winter Olympics in Mormonland. In other words, you were able to watch 13 year olds prance around the ice because of him. Mitt Romney is strongly opposed, however, to any forms of child exploitation, just like many of his colleagues. Mitt said he learned a lot from the experience that inspired him to be a politician, such as "how to kick all the other countries' asses by exploiting the lives of America's youth and rub it in their faces later".

Possible Candicacy

Typical liberal blogger responds to Romney's candidacy consideration.

Bill O'Reilly has pitted Mr. Romney against insane former First Lady Hillary Clinton in the black person for the White House. He insists that he will be tough on terror, which makes sense, considering that he's a Mormon and all. At this, liberal bloggers rushed to put away their Ramen and get writing about how O'Reilly is SUCH A RETARD OMG. Ignoring the fact that Mormons wouldn't lift a sword to save their mothers, they instead jumped to the defense of Muslim ~~terro-~~ leaders like Iranian Whosiwhatsit, and told O'Reilly to GTFO of TV. Since two years is only too short a time to build up internet political drama and bitterness, these posts sprouted up everywhere. Many had creative, original thoughts on the matter. A complex algorithm was used to bring you the most popular sources:

	“	And indeed, sandwiched in between speakers shouting about “faggots” and telling electoral activists how to deceive their fellow churchgoers, these politicians expressed their admiration for the assembled.	„
	—[1]

	“	Bill O'Reilly predictably defended Governor Mitt Romney (R-MA) and attacked - all together now - the imaginary far-left and the liberal media for "not understanding" the war on terror and supporting former Iranian president Mohammad Khatami being in the US	„
	—[2]

	“	...the question of how a former Mormon bishop, fits in the religious right will be a question.	„
	—[3]

Wikipedia Fun

mitt

Editing Mitt's Wikipedia article is easy. First, just read through at least 100 kilobytes of talk page comments (Can you spot badlydrawnjeff?), complete with massive bureaucracy and ground rules by the self-appointed Emperor of the article, Fagles. The preferred method of discussion is the Vulture Method. If you're too lazy to read all the talk, just create a new heading and bring up the same old crap again. Doing this on such uproar-inducing ideas as abortion and gay marriage is especially l337.

Controversy

A homeless Vietnam veteran has claimed that current presidential candidate Mitt Romney had oral sex with him in exchange for food, blankets and ‘hugs’ in the winter of 1994, the Canadian media reported today. Ron Whitecastle, now 63, says that Romney ‘would show-up in the alley all coked-up and offer bags of hamburgers to let him suck us off'. Experts say that closet homosexuals often resort to acts of intimacy with strangers of poor reputation in order to exercise their sexual urges without interference with their public life. "He would ask for reciprocation but I refused," says Whitecastle. "He also liked being slapped while he was doing his thing. He really got into it." The effects of this information on the upcoming US presidential primary elections is not yet known and neither the Romney nor the McCain campaigns have commented.