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Fedora
The Fedora is the undisputed king of all hats, invented by top headwear scientists in the 1930s. All hats are lesser compared to the almighty fedora. The fedora has a small to medium-sized brim, and its main section is creased down the middle and pinched at the front end. The fedora is the elusive third piece of the three-piece suit. Most fedoras nowadays are from Target or Wal-Mart, are made of shit cloth instead of felt, and are only worn by basement dwellers who think that having it perched atop their greasy tangle of nasty-ass hair automatically makes them as cool as everyone in the following list.
The Fedora in Media
The fedora has made a reputation for itself in various forms of media, examples include:
- Everybody in the Godfather movies
- Everybody in Cinderella Man (despite the title)
- Indiana Jones
- Rorschach from Watchmen
- Rocky Balboa
- Humphrey Bogart
- Young Indiana Jones
- Al Roker, but he only straight-up rocks that shit on chilly days.
- Inspector Gadget, and his had a helicopter built into it.
- Freddy Krueger
- Run-DMC
- Some of the chicks from that Chicago movie, this is what is known in The Biz as "Pure Sex"
- Probably some anime characters.
- I think that dude from Bleach has one, but it's white with green stripes and poorly drawn. That's a bucket hat you fool.
- This crazy Butterfly-Mobster from the Shin Megami Tensei video game series.
- Your mother
- Pimps
- Anonymous
- Your father
- Michael Jackson
The Fedora Today
The fedora was hunted nearly to extinction at least 100 years ago when they invented dumbass little round hats around the 1940s and then later baseball caps. Now fedoras are found primarily on urban-type hipster assholes who aren't worthy of wearing the apex of hat technology. If you wear a fedora today, prepare to be laughed at. Instead, look up the wide variety of other hats one can still wear, and get one online.
Kingdom of Loathing and the Fedora
The MMORPG Kingdom of Loathing, a MUD-like MMORPG populated by stick-figures and pencil-doodles, places quite a lot of emphasis on the fedora as an equipable armor item, most notably 1337speek "f3d0r4"s and clockwork fedoras. Pr0ns, sleazy crayfish from the seamy underbelly of internet pr0nography, also wear fedoras while appearing as monsters.
Some Fedora Wearers Kill Kids, and That's Why Fedoras Are Cool
Scientology
Apparently L. Ron Hubbard thinks fedora hats are an evil from a past alien civilization, and Scientologists are forbidden to wear them. Of course, there is a picture of L. Ron from before he started Scientology wearing a fedora, but they like to keep that hidden.
See: The Marcab Confederacy for main article.
The Fedora as Softwarez
You can plug your hat into the Matrix and many lulz will ensue; doing this also has the benefit of providing a permanent +6 charisma enchantment to your fedora, and adds the "Jaunty" and "Rakish" commands to its setlist.
No, Srsly: The Fedora as Softwarez
"Faildora Core is an RPM-based Linux distribution, developed by the community-supported Fedora Project and sponsored by Red Hat. The name derives from Red Hat's characteristic fedora used in its "Shadowman" logo. However, the Faildora community project had existed as a volunteer group providing extra software for the Red Hat Linux distribution before Red Hat got involved as a direct sponsor. Faildora is the pseudo l337 bleeding-edge piece of shit from RedHat used by geeks to satisfy their masochistic needs
Vs. the Trilby
There is virtually no difference between Fedoras and Trilbies, but the dastardly Jew cabal that pulls the strings of Wikipedia and the world at large would have you believe otherwise. According to Wikipedia a Trilby is "a soft felt men's hat with a narrow brim and a deeply indented crown." while a Fedora is described as "a soft felt hat that is creased lengthwise down the crown and pinched in the front on both sides." Wut. I think a Trilby might be a tiny bit narrower than a Fedora, but beyond that it's the same hat. I will kill myself if you can prove the two styles of the hat are significantly different, but you can't, so I wont. actually, trilbies have a curve in the back of the hat while fedoras are straight in the back of the hat.
The Trilby is not to be confused with Trilby, the dashing gentleman-thief from those spiffy point-and-click Adventure games made by Yahtzee Croshaw, that guy who talks really fast about crummy videogames. Unlike the Angry Video Game Nerd, Yahtzee Croshaw covers more recent crummy games and wears a Fedora/Trilby IRL.
