- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Morrowind
|
STOP. You have violated the law! Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit. |
Morrowind is an RPG that allows you to spend hundreds of hours walking in-between identical locations and talking to NPCs that have the exact same set of responses. Since it allows you to gain imaginary money without the hassle of going online and interacting with other people, Morrowind is amazingly attractive to gamers so repulsive they can't even make friends in a MMORPG.
Morrowind revolves around your character, a reincarnation of Buddha or something, who must must achieve Nirvana kill Dagoth Ur, a faggot who wears a gay mask which looks like he stole it from a mummy of a Mayan emperor. You must first please Azura, a goddess who really doesn't give a shit about you and just wants you to kill Dagoth Ur, risking your ass in the process as Dagoth Ur's servants try to butt fuck you at every turn. You must kill Dagoth Ur (who is immortal) by pwning the shit out of a heart that gives him said immortality to butthurt-ness. However, this heart must be pwned by using a short-as-your-dick dagger and a gavel-sized hammer.
Heated debate still subsides as to whether Final Fantasy games or Morrowind is the most efficient way of wasting your life. Some argue, though, that they're all kickin' rad games and that they have achieved Zen-like states by dividing their waking hours between posting on internet forums, playing Morrowind/Final Fantasy X and watching fansubbed anime. It should be noted, though, that this is normally considered an extremist point of view and that most people still form their loser identity through one or the other.
Morrowind is loved by Furries because it contains two furry races. (Both of which are completely nude when clothing is removed, as opposed to all other races having at least panties of some sort). Interestingly, they do not have any reproductive organs, though, so there is little to get excited about. The furries are used as sex slaves by the upper class nobles of Morrowind. You can even buy some yourself if you have enough Jew golds. Or you can be gay an abolitionist and free them. Either way this marks you as a Furry Lover and puts a death warrant on your head. You must have additional Jew gold in order to remove said death warrant.
Races
Imperial: The Roman Catholic Caucasian of the game. Likes crusading against sand niggers and owning the whole world. So they also have Roman in them as well.
Redguard: Nigger who has skills and is a respected warrior instead of being a criminal, which would be a more accurate depiction of blacks. He will steal yo horse. (wait, there's no horses in Morrowind)
Breton: Queer who doesn't fight with weapons and instead fires flaming jizz at enemies.
Nord: Euro fag who likes sexy women and hitting people with a big hammer to compensate for his minuscule genitalia.
Orc: Like niggers, but more inbred, green and much more attractive than the average nigger.
Khajiit: Furfags who like to steal shit. Kill on sight. The guards won't care but furries will.
Argonian: Scalies who like backstabbing. Apparently they do lizard stuff like eating bugs and hiding in caves to give passing travelers surprise buttsecks.
Dark Elf: A nigger elf. Smarter than the basic nigger, but still inferior to humans. They're good at destruction magick thus making them the equivalent of a Morrowind muslim.
Wood Elf: Queer Al Gore race. They don't call them Wood Elves for nothing.
Jew: The Jews of the game. They act all high and mighty but they burn really easily.
Enemy Encounters
Mods
This game was released with a construction set. This allows you to add moar armor, weapons, quests, companions, and other shit. This allows basement dwellers to prolong their game time, further chaining them to their computer. Most lonely nerds use this to install sex and nude mods so they can fap over their level 23 Imperial slut. It is worth noting that most mods will not function in conjunction with System32, so prospective mod-ers should delete this ASAP.
Morrowind players
The typical Morrowind player is a 5"1 obese furry, for whom possession of a hoard of valuable in-game items will never fill the bottomless emotional void caused by sexual abuse from their mother, father, cousins and YOU.
Many Morrowind players complain about the absence of any elements of sex in the game. However, this is widely considered to add an extra element of realism to Morrowind, as typically its players will never have sex IRL either.
Daggerfall and Arena
Each released over 100 years ago, both games were intended at first to create zombies for the world takeover of Bethesda Studios. However, this transformation took too long in preliminary tests (some subjects required over 9000 hours of gameplay) and this approach was saved for a later, though unannounced date (possibly an mmorpg). In their current states, each game serves as an archaic reference for before-time rpg-ers (as they would say, "before Morrowind") and take so much time to begin that your computer will turn to dust before you finish walking to the next town. Arena, the first time sinkhole from The Elder Scrolls series, boasts no graphics. It might as well be text-based. This game may have accounted for the emergence of more basement dwellers in the mid-1990's, as players were required to sit for so long they actually grew into their sofas. Daggerfall, the second in the series, was the exact same game, with bright shiny new colors. It took two IRL weeks to traverse the land. In the end, useful people chose to disregard the titles completely. These games are only used by utter failures as of the present.
Skooma
People (mostly black) will do absolutely ANYTHING for Skooma. So the question is... WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR SOME SKOOMA?
- I fucked a mudcrab for some skooma
- I sold my copy of Morrowind for skooma
- I traded my wife for skooma
- I once sold skooma for skooma
- I feel like a fucking black man sneaking into this house looking for some skooma.
- I hopped on one foot and got some skooma...
- Since I know you have some skooma... the question becomes, what would I do to you to get some skooma?
- Skooma is also very valuable. But only the Khajiit traders will buy it, this of course says a lot about furries.
- I traded a copy of Battletoads for some skooma.
- I became the Nerevarine, slew Dagoth Ur and rid Vvardenfell of the Blight and Sixth House cultists... for some Skooma.
See also
|
Morrowind is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |