Botswana

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Warning! Botswanans who view this page might get seriously insulted. srsly

FACT ALERT: If you're from Botswana and you're reading this, you're most probably a nigger.

A Guide to Botswana

The dedicated Botswana Defence Force

Shit in a bottle cardboard!

The guy that makes sure the AIDS rate in Botswana stays at top ranks

The amount a regular worker in Botswana earns in a month

The amount of money your mother earns in a night

A typical Biology lesson in Botswana

Typical Party invitation involving a Teenage girl

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An innocent white girl in Botswana

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Alcohol found in the desert

Botswana is home to many species of whites, blacks, coloreds and albinos. Landlocked in the middle of Africa, Botswana's main exported mineral is diamond, soon to run out due to lack of intelligence. It is important to note that any country in Africa is home to some of the most dangerous animals people in the world. Botswana's main issue is HIV/AIDS, where most die before they get the chance to find transport to the hospital.

Botswana is well known for its tradition - drinking "Chibuku Shake - Shake" beer under a "Mopane" (a type of worm) tree. Most of the herd is of good nature, but there is a small minority which resort to stealing, raping, hustling and murdering. You can count on the police to attend to the issue in a couple of weeks and actually resolve it in possibly a year. There is no rush in Botswana, everyone works at different paces, some slower than others. This is just one reason as to why the development rate is slow, too.

Safety Guide to Botswana

Living in one of the most HIV/AIDS infected countries, it is important to stay on constant alert. It is because of this that we have constructed a Safety Guide to Botswana:

• Never eat your KFC in public, school or elsewhere. KFC is the most treasured fast food in Botswana and is regarded as higher than Jesus. In 2011, a study made by one of the students in the University of Botswana showed that people will either stab, mug or kill you for your chicken rather than ask you politely.

• The police are always delayed. Do not expect an instant response from the police or the home security guards. Remember, here we take our time, ekse!

• To all our first time visitors, do not walk into a bush in Botswana if you haven't got a pair. Rather ask a friend to walk with you.

• If you are white, never walk around by yourself.

• Always reply to each question/sentence with "ehh" if you don't know what he/she is asking. This can be achieved the proper way by delaying your tongue (as everything in Botswana is delayed) to "ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".

• Do not expect a fair deal from life insurance/bank loans. You will end up with much less than you anticipated to be with.

• Most of Botswana is bush. Expect a few bugs, insects and cattle (which roam around on the streets regardless of whether there is bush or not). Treat them like how you would treat your mother.

• Always wear a gas mask when approaching a village. A lot of "witch craft" is done in Botswana whereby you can get very sick if you cross the smell. You have to have adapted the "Botswana nose".

Agreements Upon Arrival

By entering the desert, you agree to:

• Temperatures reaching a maximum of 40°C.
• The pace of the herd
• The thousands of cattle roaming the main roads each day
• A country with one of the highest HIV/AIDS rates in the world
• A country where Chibuku FIFA 2012 comes first
• An STD Nation

Blog Entries about Botswana

	“	Botswana is one of the most spectacular countries in Africa. Everything is so layed back... lazy! My first impression I had on Botswana was the size of the local's dicks! I sure enjoyed that in my soft clit. I live in a small shack in a village in Phikwe and I'm loving all the attention (and the cocks ;))	„
	— A innocent girl in Botswana

	“	Yesterday I met up with my friend Valentine in Botswana. We took a stroll to the river of Francistown where we proceeded to bathe. I later enjoyed my supper with Valentine's family - maize meal. We then advanced to Valentine's room where he fondled with my genitals and fingered my asshole. It was an experience to be remembered.	„
	— A confused White male

	“	My time in the land of the bush has been a great experience so far. I have had much fun with my experiments so far.	„
	— Some Indian

Inside Tips & Tricks To Botswana

Because we all love shortcuts and cheat sheets, here are a few ways you can save your ass from jail cells in Jwaneng.

• If caught speeding, you will obviously be issued a fine. To avoid this simply persuade the man/woman that you are in a hurry and it's for something important. Insist that you are broke, but tell them you can give them 100 bucks. They will then feel sorry for you and accept the bribe.

• If caught with Marijuana/the abuse of alcohol, simply pass the beer/blunt to the officer and consider it a done bribe.

• Stealing is made easy with low security control in shops like "Choppies - value for your money". If caught however, tell him you are not feeling well today and make sure you have enough to pay for it.

• Offer your colleague a piece of KFC. You will be able to control him forever.

A Personal Note From Someone Whose Black

yu niggaz fkin wit da rong country, we r original blacks. we r bettr den any oda country in africa. we will nt put up wit diz mahala, we diserve more credet. yu r all racist nd i hope yu get fuxed up hard! nxaaa dis ish izn't approppriete. stfu nigga

Well Known Issues In Botswana

Stupidity

A dumbass poster made by a dumbass Afrikun

The average Botswanan will ask the same question even after it has been explained to him/her. In simple terms, Botswana is just full of stupidity. This can be found in villages and especially in urban areas of cities like Gaborone.

HIV/AIDS Rate

But I'm sure you already knew this.

Bad Habbits

This includes "throat scratching", eating with their mouths open, chewing with their mouths open, stealing, raping and snorting. T

	“	Once you know one Botswanan you know them all.	„
	— An Asian

Drunk Driving

Almost every Botswanan is under the influence of alcohol whilst driving right now. The police are supposedly doing everything they can to try and stop it, but when bail prices are as low as 50 bucks (or 10 cattle) it's obvious nothing is going to change any time soon.

A cattle post located somewhere in Bootswana

Witch Craft

	“	Yes! You may laugh but I wondered why some of the folk were staring at me. Of course, my husband had his ideas - puny, little white girl. I thought it may have been that I was wearing shorts and a t.shirt whilst all the locals were in puffer jackets and winter hats (in their 40 degrees winter sun!).Nope apparently the reason some of the older generation stared was because of my blue eyes - blonde hair, blue eyes - in witchcraft is the sign of the cat. I am not sure if this is good or bad... but nothing bad happened to me and nothing bad seemed to happen to any of those who were around me..	„
	— smirnofforiginal

Boarder Crossing

If you rent a car from South Africa and drive into the remote bush of Botswana (for example at Martins Drift border post) you have to pay for vehicle crossing. In 2007, P60 was required for a simple 4x4 vehicle. The money you pay is dependent on the size of the vehicle you drive. Fortunately, one of Botswana's very few advantages is that it accepts SA Rand as well. If travelling Botswana, make sure you travel early in the morning to prevent the traffic (or donkey carts). You might have to wait 2-6 hours if you decide to travel later.

Donkey Boiler

One of Botswana's very few inventions is the Donkey Boiler. This contains a rusted, big metal drum under which the fire is lit. Cold water is poured into the drum (also known as the donkey's body) through a funnel. The fire (along with hot Botswanan heat waves) heats the water inside the drum and the hot water goes to an outlet pipe (also known as the donkey's tail). This is one of the most basic ways of heating water in the world. However, an alternative is the sun.

Poetry From Botswana

my body disowned me today

	“	my body disowned me today my body disowned me today i watched it pack up n leave and threaten never to come back it gave me an ultimatum; either i go or it goes so i went my body wants nothing to do with me anymore says i abuse it, so we are no longer good for each other it threatens to get a restraining order if i try to contact it again im staying with friends now, until i clean up my act, so it says i have to get rid of all the flab thats taking up all the space detox n get rid of all the toxins from the late night drinking exercise and get my overworked heart in gear visit the dentist and kick out the cavities (she hates my friends huh?) and if i don't do it...that's not even an option so i'm in a fat-free diet i joined a gym i quit drinking and smoking but i'm keeping the chocolate!	„
	— Kutlwano Pearl

my wife she is gone

	“	my wife, she is gone my money, i have none the goats and cattle, don't even know where they're from my darling, saleshando, he is the one	„
	— gay local

where is the chicken

	“	where is the chicken, i have to ask twice you still have to pay this much more, says the price eish. what now?	„
	— local

What Nigga's Like You Gotta Say

Summary

Botswana is an excellent place for horny white females, slow-pacers and general sloths. It is also home to a little over one million species, some of the most dumbfounded people on Earth. You can find a nigga in almost any street you walk. The average sloth has an income of about $100 a month and never strains himself/herself when working. The people of Botswana work at their own pace and are the slowest country (knowledge wise) in the world. From Wikipedia:

	“	In Botswana’s education system, girls and boys have equal access to education. Girls, however, are likely to drop out of secondary school due to pregnancy (as if it's going to change any time soon)	„
	— Wikipedia

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