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Gorillaz

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Typical Gorillaz fan art.
Rule dirty floor exists for Gorillaz, just like it exists for everything else.
File:Dickants.jpg
What Damon Albarn, the fag who started Gorillaz, does in his spare time.

The Gorillaz are an animuted band from England created by two fags: Damon Albarn of britpop band the Blur's fame, and Jamie Hewlett, who drew some comic book called Tank Girl. They are known for their inability to figure out what the fuck genre they are, so they just record noise and assorted shit to put on their albums. Despite the modest amount of creative potential available to an animu band, The Gorillaz are MTV to the core. As such, they are damned to burn inside Justin Timberlake's wart-covered rectum for all eternity.

Fuck Ups

The Gorillaz fame was attributed to their being cartoons, however, they take longer to finish a project than Zone, make lies about crappy movies that were suppose to happen five years ago, and play it off like it didn't happen, while simultaneously hinting at stuff that may or may not happen in the storyline, even though that shit wont happen either. And now that the cartoon band genre is not a new one, Gorillaz is pretty much the most epic cock tease in fanboy history, and is now as dead as zippocat.

"Members"

Hung like a horse.

The Gorillaz have a colorful cast of characters to play their "music".

Murdoc

The band's Music, he would like to think he is the leader of the band, but everybody knows bassists can't be leaders. Like 2D, Murdoc is a complete fag; he is also an STD-ridden Satanist who lives in a Winnebago and would rather rape 2D than bathe. Murdoc is a halfassed nudist, often seen wearing nothing but underwear, both at home, and on-stage. He likes animals, as evidenced by his pet crow, Cortez, and has a tendency to use his unusually long tongue to pleasure said pet, as well as perform fellatio on 2D. He spent 10 years in a Mexican prison for not paying for the lap dances he received and during his stay, was constantly being anally raped by a chubby little Mexican. He escaped only to go right back to the strip joint.

As of now, he's escaped to his own island made up of thousands of discarded condoms from thousands of years. He's currently working on his solo album, getting guest stars by gassing them and dragging them to his Plastic Beach. If only Murdoc knew that you should only treat women that way.

2D asking for it.

2D

Stuart "2D" Pot is a fictional member of the British virtual band, Gorillaz. He performs the lead vocals and plays the keyboard for the band. 2D's voice is provided by Blur lead singer Damon Albarn on Gorillaz' recordings and performances, but in additional material he is voiced by the actor Nelson De Freitas.

Fictional biography

2D was born as Stuart Pot in the English county of Hertfordshire and raised in Crawley, West Sussex. His father David worked as a mechanic and fairground owner while his mother Rachel was a nurse. He hit his head as an 11 year old when falling from a tree, which caused his hair to fall out. When it grew back it was an azure blue. He did not put effort in at school and wondered what his career path would be. He first wanted to become a Storm Chaser and then he wanted to paint (inspired by Banksy's graffiti works). He developed an interest in machinery when he and his father customised his Casio VL-1 keyboard. His musical idol is Augustus Pablo and his favorite band is The Human League.

In 1997, Murdoc deliberately crashed his Vauxhall Astra through the wall of a keyboard shop where 2D was working, in an attempt to ram-raid it and steal the synths. Murdoc's bumper crashed into 2-D's face, landing him with an eight-ball fracture in his right eye ball, and putting him into a deep catatonic state. Murdoc was arrested for theft and forced to care for the vegetated Stu-Pot as part of his sentence. A year later, in Murdoc's failed attempt to impress some women in a Tesco car park, 2D smashed through the windscreen and hit the curb face-first, fracturing his other eyeball. This knocked him out of his coma and also earned him the nickname "2D" from Murdoc, short for "Two Dents". 2D and Noodle are the only left handed members of Gorillaz.


Role as musician

2D sings and plays keyboard. He can play guitar, as can Murdoc, but both leave it to Noodle. In most cases, 2D's singing voice is much lower than his warbly speaking voice. His vocal range is very wide, and he has sung everything from Baritone to a falsetto Soprano. All his singing voices are provided by Albarn, including the spoken verses in the 2005 hit Feel Good Inc. 2D apparently has had some influence in the lyric-writing process (as evidenced by the credits on the insert of the Gorillaz debut album, even though his intelligence is reputedly negligible). Apparently Murdoc has had Damon Albarn teach 2D from time to time to sing better than he already could, and apparently even sing in some of their songs, as stated in an NME interview with Damon.[1] 2D was featured on the songs "FM" by Nathan Haines and "Small Time Shot Away" by Massive Attack.

2D's looks have changed from Phase 1 to Phase 2. In Phase 1, 2D is seen with very geometric, and almost purple hair at times, unlike in Phase 2, where his hair has seemed to gain a more realistic, lined tone and has turned to an almost teal colour. Further, his shape in Phase 1 was almost ruler-straight; in Phase 2, he seemed to gain some tone and shape and wrinkles, making him look more realistic, compared to his Phase 1 appearance. In Phase 3 his appearance is much different in that he has a little more of a wrinkled texture to his face, but he still looks like a teenager.

As of 'DoYaThing', 2D now appears with a sky-blue colored haircut that is shorter and less spikey than his hair in previous phases.

Russel

The band's fatty American black person drummer, Russel witnessed WTC, is often possessed by his dead friends, and sometimes totes around dead animals, which is supposedly why he has white eyes. In reality, it's because Jamie Hewlett is too busy drawing yaoi of 2D and Murdoc to be bothered with filling in Russel's eyes. It is partially Russel's fault that this band still has no fucking clue as to what music it plays. This is due to Russel bringing his rap and hip-hop buddies to their recording sessions while 2D is taking a fuck break with Murdoc.

IT'S A TRAP!!111
Noodle without makeup.

Noodle

The band's underage, Japanese guitarist. Noodle appears to be the brains of the operation, given that she is the only member of the Gorillaz that is not constantly engaged in sexual acts with her bandmates or possessed.

Noodle, like many other animu characters, has the was-bred-to-be-a-sex slave-secret-weapon backstory with a side of amnesia. Noodle only spoke Japanese until the scientist who created her said one of her trigger words. This magically taught her Engrish, though did not give her the boobs she so wanted.

Noodle apparently died during the filming of the music video for Manah Manah. But that story was made up to cover up the death of Jimmy Manson. This caused much angst among the fans. As it turns out, she actually escapes in a parachute, leaving Jimmy Manson to be blown up. In a strange turn of events, it's actually revealed that she did die, and the was rescued from hell by Murdoc. Though this would sound like some kinda faggotry to keep the fanbase happy, it turns out the entire rescue was a drunken delusion of Murdoc. This makes The Gorillaz one of the first trolls to be featured on MTV. They build a robot Noodle but noone cares.

Typical Gorillaz Faggotry

Plastic Beach

After 4 years of silence from the band a new album hits the shelfs called Plastic Beach. It is a vain attempt for them to reinvent them selfs after completely falling out of the public spotlight. The main difference in the new album is that Noodle (the band's resident Jailbait) has finaly hit puberty, much to the chargin' of many Fanbois lazerz. Of course more fictional history has been invented for the band that most believe to have actually happened.

Fans

The band's audience are typically fags in that period between sex with their friends and masturbating. Most of them only like this shit band because they want to fuck them.

Ways to piss off the Gorillaz fandom

  • Suggest a pairing between any two or more members of the band.
  • Deny a pairing between any two or more members of the band.
  • Deny a pairing between any member of the band and a fangirl.
  • Dare to suggest that 2D's damaged eyes would not be genetically passed on to a Mary Sue's offspring.
  • Be confused about Noodle's gender.
  • Draw 2D with purple hair, when his hair is supposed to be indigo now!!11
  • Claim that Noodle is dead.
  • Refer to any member of the band as a cartoon character.
  • Attempt to hack the official forums.(strongly recommended)
  • Point out the incontrovertible fact that the Gorillaz' limpdicked attempts at "music" are nothing more than a cheap attempt to make Ghetto Rap acceptable for White People, much in the same way Moby attempts to make faggotry and techno easier for black person to swallow without having any Ripple or MD 20/20 on hand.
  • Make a comment about Christianity.
  • Point out the fact that Russel is the most sane member of the group.(Brits hate being told Americans are better than them at anything)
  • Say you like the guest rappers better than the actual band itself.
  • List all British military defeats.
  • Dare to suggest the Gorillaz aren't actually animu.
  • Say they sound like some shitty techno form of The Beatles.
  • Ask what gender 2D is.
  • Pretend you're in love with Russel and only refer to him as "Russel Sprout".
  • Completely butt fuck the once half lulzy ED Gorillaz page (as seen above).
  • Call 2D ghey. (WARNING! DOING SO MAY RESULT IN GETTING H4X'D (But we still strongly support it, like your (sic) actually going to use the account am I right?)) IT'S 'YOU'RE' YOU FUCKNUTS!!!111!!!!!!!!!ZERfuck.
  • Point out the general insignificance of the band.
  • Compare to Rush.
  • Compare to Styx.
  • Say you hope they do a song with 50 Cent.
  • Have a personal opinion on the band.

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