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Florida
Florida is the designated area of America where old people go to die. It is less the wang of the United States and more its distended, infected, prolapsed rectum (the wang is on the other side so Americunts can fap to hentai.) - sort of like the US is giving Europe, Africa, and South America the goatse treatment. It hangs from the asshole of the US like a disgusting tail that should be cut off from the body at any cost. Corruption in Florida is systemic and was laid bare to the world during the 2000 election wherein W used telekinesis to make people vote.
Right up there with China, Nigeria and Eastern Europe, Florida's incorporation and fraud laws combine with a lack of cooperation with other states' investigations to create a safe haven for all sorts of predatory fucks with a front as legal businesses. Florida gains internets attention by being spam central. However, scamming in Florida has a long and sordid history that predates the Internet. Boca Raton once proudly proclaimed itself to be the telemarketing capital of the world with the joke that BR actually stood for Boiler Room. But it doesn't Really matter, since everyone in Florida is Blatantly Retarded.
It's not just spam, either. Huge numbers of pre-recorded telemarketing calls originate from Florida. Florida telemarketers can ignore the Federal TCPA that makes pre-recorded calls illegal, because the Florida AG protects, insulates, and accepts bribes from tele-marketers.
Fake sweepstakes aimed at the elderly show up in your mailbox? Likely from Florida. A too-good-to-be-true vacation offer to DisneyWorld or the Caribbean? A Florida cut-and-run travel agency. When you watch late night TV, start counting how many infomercials for investments, work-at-home or other get-rich-quick schemes have you dealing with someone in Florida.
It is also sometimes referred to as The Pedophile State because of the massive number of pedophilia crimes occurring there. Investigators suggest this be related to its penis peninsula. It could also be because it's just so damn EASY to steal a child from a Disney theme park...
It is a proven fact that Florida is also the cosplay drama capital of the world, and has been for at least 100 years. People such as Pikabellechu reside there.
Clearwater, the home of the Church o' Scientology, is located in Florida, only proving what dumb shits the Floridites are for allowing them a foothold in the US.
Along with being shaped liek a retard's dildo (PROTIP: It used to be shaped like an erect penis pointing toward Britfags, until all the old people moved down into it and made it hang limp), Florida is well known as Cape Dementia, the land of the dead, the cemetery without down payment, and a paradise for the retired dying waste that are baby boomers. The state is has over nine thousand seniors, which make it a fucking nightmare to drive anywhere, maneuver a cart through Walmart or even walk down the street. You can be sure if you live here that you will get to see many-a grey-haired fucker die. Meanwhile, in North Florida, the Administrative Wing, there are lots of trees and drugs to climb and smoke, and even though North Florida has a more hellishly hot climate than even Miami, many choose to settle there to become state bureaucratic commandants and take care of everybody real good.
When terrorists chose to attack America, they headed straight for the Huffman Aviation flight school in Venice, Florida. The school is run by a superjew named Rudi Dekkers. Who else would train them to fly without training them to land?
Although most American political thinkers agree on the necessity of eventually solving "The Florida Question," there remains disagreement on how best to go about it. While some advocate sealing the border, performing a tactical nuclear strike on the state's major urban centers, and then waiting for the inhabitants to die off over the course of time, groups like the ASPCA have argued that Floridians may possess an archaic form of self-awareness, thus raising ethical questions about such methods.
Fortunately, the Florida question will be solved by global warming, as all it will take is two more inches of rising ocean to drown this foul nest of old folk's homes and retard breeding forever.
Good news you sick fucks bestiality is not illegal in Florida.
Florida is also home to oxycontin where it was invented at least 100 years ago by Jews hoping they could destroy the pure white 11 toed Aryan population that resides only in the deep hill country of Appalachia. Fifty of the top Fifty doctors who prescribe the most oxycontin reside in the state of Florida, making Florida the premier source of hillbilly heroin. And with their city Lakeland,FL where most niggers reside and smoke blunts and heroin every day, they wanna have sex with your mom and fuck you and make statements claiming that your gay because you don't have fifty bucks to fuck you up. And since most niggers are sick fucks in florida, you niggers can suck dick.
It's also truly proven that it's sick fuck city, Lakeland is where most shit talkers reside and people who disagree with your statements, Lakeland is where most shit talkers reside in and most people get sexually harasses and fucked over. Judge us and we'll prove your wrong, home to the most fucked up trolls and we'll shoot your ass and hope your mom. We do not forgive our hate against Florida, We will never forget, Nevar forget. And if your one of those Fag who live in the state, you are evil, gay, smoke 50 blunts, have threesomes everyday, get your ass beat up, and you can all die in hell. Enjoy your fucked up life in the state and in the evil city. You sick fucks.
Weather
Hot and Muggy in the summer. The average temperature in Florida in the summer is hotter than your mom having sex with Fidel Castro in a Cuban sandwich press.
Now is as cold as Detroit somehow in the winter.
Economy
Exports
- Crystal Meth
- Flight Trained Terrorist
- Broke tourist coming home from Disney World
- Retarded Politicians
- E. Coli Infected Produce
- Guatemalan Babies
- Niggers
Imports
Traditions of Florida
Aliens hate Florida
See Also
- Danny
- Jack Thompson
- Ryulong
- University of Florida Taser incident
- DJ Skeptik
- Mark Foley
- Miami
- JoshU2uber
- Old people
- Pedobear
- Redneck
- Terri Schiavo
- Cocaine
- Negroes
- Shayla A. Muldrow
- The Mulberry Eight
- Spics
- Alec Difrawi
- Satan
External links
