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Genshin Impact
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Genshin Impact, pronounced "Gayshit Imfuckt", is a Chinese Breath of the Wild ripoff GOTY for PC, PS4, and mobile released in 2020. With riveting gameplay that consists of running around aimlessly, bullying innocent bystanders into submission, and skipping 99% of the amazing dialogue it has to offer, it is no wonder why this game got so many awards. The target audience is all teenagers and financially resposible adults like Tectone✡ that want to spend their own money on to gamble for fictional characters.
Mihoyo Hoyoverse, the creator of this shitshow, gained millions of dollars upon release, however the game is still exacly the same it's always been with nothing to do. The "fresh new updates" can be summed up in these few steps: (1) wait for new update, (2) spend money on new character(s), (3) go bankrupt, (4) repeat from step 1. However, the most fun part about the game is its brainwashed fanbase full of screeching, toxic, room temperature IQ, LGBTQ supporting faggots that defend their fictional waifus/husbandos from getting hated online.
Plot
You and your twin are travelling through worlds, until some random god defeats you both and sends you into a 500 year sleep. Upon waking, you fish out your annoying tutorial companion called Navi Paimon that's secretly a parrot because she literally repeats every story point 999 times for you as if you were a brainless ape. You then look for your twin, defeating some slimes and local enemies on your way, and learn that the land of Teyvat you're in needs your help to stop Fatui from stealing everyone's Gnosises.
After that, you cross the lands of Teyvat, mercilessly ravaging the land of all its resources, murdering helpless creatures on your path to become stronger, all while looking for your twin.
Gameplay
If you haven't already completed all story and exploration yet, all you do is participate in events - farming, photography, other useless nonsense, and maybe some fighting if you're lucky enough.
The World of Teyvat
The world consists of 7 "continents" that all represent some element, are inspired by some real world country, and are all ruled by some God with some ideal. There were also others, but they got pwned or something, like Sal Terrae, the land of salt, ruled by Havria. Unfortunately, they missed the other half of that community, ruled by Tectone.
Monstadt
The land of Freedom, represented by wind. Everyone here loves the wind.
Liyue
The land of Contracts, represented by rocks.
Inazuma
The land of Eternity.
Characters
Main Characters
- Aether (Traveler) - The main protagonist. Talks about as little as that weird silent guy at your school. Can somehow use all elements despite lacking a vision, but just like the player, he still fails at actually being useful at anything.
- Lumine (Traveler) - The twin you're trying to find/save so you can continue where you last left off. However, if you're a degenerate that only chooses to play as female characters in games, you can also play as her instead.
- Paimon - A rip-off of annoying fairy from The Legend of Zelda but in human form. She gets an erection every time she sees food and keeps repeating the same points over and over to really make sure you didn't forget what was just said 6 seconds ago. Her only benefit is being emergency rations in case you ever get stranded on an island like Tom Hank.
- Venti - The God of Freedom, also known as that weird bard that spends every penny on getting crunk at the tavern every night after spreading Justin Bieber music across the city. His special power is spreading his buttcheeks so wide that his anus creates a black hole that sucks in everything that fits inside.
- Zhongli - The God of Contracts, the daddy figure every female wants to be stepped on. His daily routine consists of doing absolutely fucking nothing whole day (or he's secretly slaying pussy of every female, including ur mom). Literally immortal. His special power is paralyzing you by slapping his trademark giant meatballs across your face.
- Raiden Shogun - The God of Eternity. A hardcore Hikikomori that can't even cook her own food. Literally lives in a world inside her own mind. Hasn't touched grass for hundreds of years. Her special power is pulling a sword out from between her tits before turning Super Saiyan and then aimlessly swinging it around like Kirito from Sword Art Online.
Other Playable Characters
Special Five-Star Characters (aka. The Bankruptcy Gang)
- Albedo - Some socially distanced nerd that lives in the alps to sniff the snow. Paints the local scenery as a hobby and he secretly "prefers being around children" like Klee.
- Arataki Itto - The self-proclaimed beetle fighting champion. Literally gets Covid upon touching beans.
- Eula - Huge honkin' ass. Is into vengeance play.
- Ganyu - Every furry's and Scottish person's dream. Comes with three bazookas: two for milk, one for sending everyone to the afterlife.
- Hutao - The Scammer that stalks her prey before selling them her funeral services. Can't wait for you to die so she can gain more business.
- Kaedehara Kazuha - The hipster immigrant from Inazuma that gives blowjobs to the local flora of Liyue to make them moan with melody. Probably owns a secret meth lab.
- Kamisato Ayaka - Kamisato Ayato's sister. The most shallow character in the game. Even a pineapple has more backstory and personality to it than her.
- Klee - The perfect example of what happens when you give child bombs. We now have a maniacal loli that will grow up to become the successor of Bin Laden.
- Sangoniomiya Kokomi - A mermaid that can walk on water.
- Shenhe -
- Tartaglia - The Fatui member that joins your team for some reason
- Yae Miko - Fox
- Yoimiya - This girl loves committing to the life of firework creation
Other Five-Star Characters
- Aloy - The protagonist from Horizon: Zero Dawn that Hoyoverse stuck into this world for extra content.
- Diluc - The guy that takes more time to cast their burst than it takes to read the entire Bee Movie script
- Jean - For someone owning their name, they sure don't wear a lot of Jeans *ba dum tss*
- Keqing -
- Mona - The homeless fortune teller that makes about just as much money as a real life fortune teller
- Qiqi - An undead kid with the memory of a goldfish. Also known as the "Epitome of whale tears", she has singlehandedly recreated The Great Depression per every mugshot she gives you during wishing and increases your stage of cancer per every constellation you receive.
The (Actually Affordable!) Four-Star Characters
- Barbara - Laaa lallalaa laaa
- Beidou - A sailor with so much alcohol and ego in their blood that they would fight a whale (and probably win)
- Bennett - The unlucky bastard that somehow never dies. Also owns 700 daddies.
- Chongyun - Popsicle boy
- Diona - The alcoholic cat girl every weeaboo fawns over
- Fischl - The girl that gets literally outshined by a bird
- Gorou - A literal dog
- Kaeya - The guy that only knows how to speak in sarcasm and irony
- Kujou Sara -
- Lisa - The librarian that will actually bust through your front door if you haven't returned your books in time
- Ningguang - Someone so rich they built an entire floating island, dropped it into the ocean, and then built another one
- Noelle - The local Monstadt maid that wants to become a solider
- Razor - Wolf boy
- Rosaria - A rebellious nun that probably earns more money from public community services than from praying to God. She moves faster during the night because she likes to follow shotas around that time.
- Sayu - The traveler's personal taxi service girl
- Sucorse -
- Thoma - The guy that's able to fix more problems in a single day that you're able to fix in your entire life
- Xiangling - The chef that has a former god as their companion that can breathe fire... And she only uses it to light up the fireplace so she can cook food.
- Xiao - The emo kid in school that thinks everything in life is suffering and tragedy, never shows up in parties
- Xingqiu - Bookworm
- Xinyan - Wannabe Davie504.
- Yanfei - The law reinforcer
- Yun Jin - Drama
Fanbase
The worst example of what a massive group of people with mental disabilities looks like.
See also
- Down Syndrome: The disease that everyone in this fanbase suffers
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Genshin Impact is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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Genshin Impact is part of a series on Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage. |
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