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Genshin Impact

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The artwork they catfish you with
Average Genshin Impact player in their natural environment

Genshin Impact, pronounced "Gayshit Imfuckt", is a Chinese Breath of the Wild ripoff GOTY for PC, PS4, and mobile released in 2020. With riveting gameplay that consists of running around aimlessly, bullying innocent bystanders into submission, and skipping 99% of the amazing dialogue it has to offer, it is no wonder why this game got so many awards. The target audience is all teenagers and financially resposible adults like Tectone that want to spend their own money on to gamble for fictional characters.

Mihoyo Hoyoverse, the creator of this shitshow, gained millions of dollars upon release, however the game is still exacly the same it's always been with nothing to do. The "fresh new updates" can be summed up in these few steps: (1) wait for new update, (2) spend money on new character(s), (3) go bankrupt, (4) repeat from step 1. However, the most fun part about the game is its brainwashed fanbase full of screeching, toxic, room temperature IQ, LGBTQ supporting faggots that defend their perfect fictional waifus/husbandos from "getting hated on Twatter/YouTube".

Plot

You and your twin are travelling through worlds, until some random god defeats you both and sends you into a 500 year sleep. Upon waking, you fish out your annoying tutorial companion called Navi Paimon that's secretly a parrot because she literally repeats every story point 99 times for you as if you were a brainless ape. You then look for your twin, defeating some slimes and local enemies on your way, and learn that the land of Teyvat you're in needs your help to stop Fatui from stealing everyone's Gnosises.

After that, you cross the lands of Teyvat, mercilessly ravaging the land of all its resources, murdering helpless creatures on your path to become stronger, all while looking for your twin.

Gameplay

If you haven't already completed all story and exploration yet, all you do is participate in events - farming, photography, other useless nonsense, and maybe some fighting if you're lucky enough.

The World of Teyvat

The world consists of 7 "continents" that all represent some element, are inspired by some real world country, and are all ruled by some God with some ideal. There were also others, but they got pwned or something, like Sal Terrae, the land of salt, ruled by Havria. Unfortunately, they missed the other half of that community, ruled by Tectone.

Monstadt

The land of Freedom, represented by wind. The God of Monstadt, Barbatos, loves the wind. This is where you start your journey towards the goal of the game.

Liyue

The land of Contracts, represented by rocks.

Inazuma

The land of Eternity.

Characters

Everyone's reaction to Paimon

Main Characters

Other Playable Characters

Special Five-Star Characters (aka. The Bankruptcy Gang)

Casual conversation between characters
  • Arataki Itto - The self-proclaimed beetle fighting champion. Literally gets Covid upon touching beans.
  • Hutao - The Scammer that stalks her prey before selling them her funeral services. Can't wait for you to die so she can gain more business.
  • Kamisato Ayaka - Kamisato Ayato's sister. The most shallow character in the game. Even a pineapple has more backstory and personality to it than her.
  • Klee - The perfect example of what happens when you give child bombs. We now have a maniacal loli that will grow up to become the successor of Bin Laden.
  • Shenhe -
  • Tartaglia - The Fatui member that joins your team for some reason

Other Five-Star Characters

  • Diluc - The guy that takes more time to cast their burst than it takes to read the entire Bee Movie script
  • Jean - For someone owning their name, they sure don't wear a lot of Jeans *ba dum tss*
  • Keqing -
  • Mona - The homeless fortune teller that makes about just as much money as a real life fortune teller
  • Qiqi - An undead kid with the memory of a goldfish. Also known as the "Epitome of whale tears", she has singlehandedly recreated The Great Depression per every mugshot she gives you during wishing and increases your stage of cancer per every constellation you receive.

The (Actually Affordable!) Four-Star Characters

  • Beidou - A sailor with so much alcohol and ego in their blood that they would fight a whale (and probably win)
  • Bennett - The unlucky bastard that somehow never dies. Also owns 700 daddies.
  • Chongyun - Popsicle boy
  • Diona - The alcoholic cat girl every weeaboo fawns over
  • Fischl - The girl that gets literally outshined by a bird
  • Kaeya - The guy that only knows how to speak in sarcasm and irony
  • Kujou Sara -
  • Lisa - The librarian that will actually bust through your front door if you haven't returned your books in time
  • Ningguang - Someone so rich they built an entire floating island, dropped it into the ocean, and then built another one
  • Noelle - The local Monstadt maid that wants to become a solider
  • Sayu - The traveler's personal taxi service girl
  • Sucorse -
  • Thoma - The guy that's able to fix more problems in a single day that you're able to fix in your entire life
  • Xiangling - The chef that has a former god as their companion that can breathe fire... And she only uses it to light up the fireplace so she can cook food.
  • Xiao - The emo kid in school that thinks everything in life is suffering and tragedy, never shows up in parties
  • Xinyan - Wannabe Davie504.

Fanbase

The worst example of what a massive group of people with mental disabilities looks like.

See also

Genshin Impact is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Genshin Impact is part of a series on

Anime

Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.

Genshin Impact is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

Those Who Have Died Alone

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Those Dying Alone

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