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Medianeira School Shooting
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| |
|---|---|
| Medianeria failures | |
| Nationality: | Brazilian 
|
| Highscore | Injured 2 |
| Top 50? | Oh fuck no! |
| Style | FPS, Co-Op |
| An Hero? | No |
On September 28th, 2018, in what is one of the lulziest days in Monkeyland school history, 2 brave high school students manged to achieve.........THE ALL-TIME LOWEST SCORE ON THE BRAZIL AND SOUTH AMERICAN SERVERS! How you might ask? Well for one, look at the info box. And two, well sit down and get ready to laugh your ass off at how these pathetic excuses of high score attempt-er's managed to become the Brazilian versions of Sebastian Bosse, Kimveer Gill, Couch Cuck, and Asa Coon.
Suzano: The Prequel
Almost 6 months before the dumb fucks at Suzano managed to get 2nd place on the Brazilian school server, 2 15-year olds whose names have never been released to the public so far tempted the same fate at the João Manoel Mondrone State School in Medianeria, Monkeyland as tribute to Columbine comedians Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. On the morning of said date in the introduction, for some reason the two faggots didn't decide to attack the school together and pull what Suzano gunman Guilherme Taucci Monteiro did by one gunman starting off the attack, then after awhile the second gunman joins the frenzy. Did I say gunmen? Well actually they both only had ONE FUCKING GUN! AND IT WAS A FUCKING GARRUCHA! If you think about it, both Medianeira and Suzano attackers pulled off their attacks in the same fashion (except one's execution was shit and the other wasn't and was decent), coincidence? The first attacker, wearing a Natural Selection shirt in memory of his waifu daddy Eric Harris, infiltrated the base and walked towards a classroom door where he fired 2 shots into the window which hit a student in the back, but did not kill him, the other hitting a wall. After this, he begans throwing and detonating firecrackers around the corridors like a faggot because he's got nothing better to do. Shortly after the first shots, the second teenager arrives in the school, and tries to use a homemade bomb on a door, likely to try and gain entry to the room but clearly he hasn't trained for this because the dumbass couldn't light it, so he drops it on the floor and instead resorts to using a knife like hes on the Asian servers. He then meets up with his buttbuddy and they prowl the school throwing more firecrackers and bombs looking for more prey. They eventually come across a student who clearly hasn't heard of the American tradition of school pranks and hasn't evacuated quick enough, which results in buttbuddy #1 shooting him in the leg but the dumb fuckmonkey despite being shot still manages to run away like Klebold did with his sawed-off in the hallways of CHS. Even though the 2 fucktards have barely done any damage, they already at this point had a 3 star wanted level, AKA the military police, so they move to the second floor and prepare to do Brazil's version of the notorious Columbine library police shootouts except it was a failure just like their idols shootout attempt. They threw bombs at the police from a window to try and keep them out, but ofc it was a fail. Then when police officers approached their position attacker #1 fired 2 shots at them, missing as expected. At this point, instead of accepting their defeat and realizing they will never get the high score and just doing the right thing, they pussy out and receive their "Busted" screen.
Loadouts
| The 2 failures loadout | |
|---|---|
| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
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Gameplay Footage
Basement Tapes: Brazil Edition
In this cell phone video, one of the attackers, most likely the failure with the derringer knockoff, talks about how he and his fuckbuddy will get revenge for bullying. I don't speak monkey so you might as well deal with the shitty Jewtube translator or look for subtitles from other fellow apelanders.
Not Even 2nd Place is Impressed
Not long after the high score attempt, one future challenger (Guilherme Taucci Monteiro, one half of the Suzano school attackers) would comment on the failed amok. 6 months later, he and his gay lover Luiz Henrique de Castro would attempt to dethrone Wellington Menezes de Oliveira who currently after 13 years still holds the high score in the school section of the Brazil server, earning them second place. The translation is as follows: "the kid is so paronoic that he thought BOPE and the anti-bomb squad would give attention to his shitty plan"
Aftermath
After the shooting, both teens were sentenced to serve time in a socio-educational center, aka Brazilian juvie. The knife-man served a few months while the gunman served a total of 8 months, in other words, THESE LITTLE SHITS GOT OFF EASY! They are walking the streets right now as we speak, and are most likely for all we know are probably planning a second high score attempt or are maybe reading this article, which if they are: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR HIGH SCORE FAILURE YOU RETARDS!
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 0/20 2 injured |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 2/20 Couldn't aim for shit |
| Style: | 4/20 Another failed Columbine copycat |
| Butthurt: | 1/20 Literally nobody cared |
| Bonus: | 5/20 Bonus for at least attempting to hurt cops with shit-tier bombs |
Wanted Level:
Kindergarten Crossing Guard
See Also
