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Japan

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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"Jap" redirects here. For Jewish American Princess, see Kike.
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BREAKING NEWS!!
JAPAN BANS POSSESSION OF CHILD PORN
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT JAPANESE MEN COOK THEIR OWN GENITALS AND EAT THEM, JAPANESE DAOYU ISLAND OWNER IS A CORRUPTED PEDOPHILE CAPITALIST, HIS WIFE TRIED TO AN HERO, AND HE LIED OVER 9000 DOLLARS FROM ALL JAP AND OTAKUS!!!!1
Origin of Japan, with Korean help.
Typical Japanese family
The Japanese have always been obviously inferior to the superior Europeans.
Evolution
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Japanese with name containing "shi", creates great things.
Japanese men have small dicks
Japanese women require American Army Dick and will withhold base to get it. No rape? Then no base!

Japan (from the Spanish Japón, meaning "Corpse-Fucker-Land") is a cheap sex zone in the Pacific Ocean. The #1 exports of Japan are WTF and Hentai. All their men are thigh-high sock obsessed corpse-fuckers who enjoy the company of their obedient women dakimuras, dead women, and mothers, who provide room for serious business.

Japan is ruled by the evil king of monkeys, a distant relative of George Bush. All the other countries in Asia, despite being disgusting cesspools themselves, hate Japan; but like their filthy whore women, probably because the entire country is coated with porn studios, strip clubs and whorehouses. Japanese culture also states that you must select the prettiest young girls, and turn them into "geishas" (vicious sluts who are supposed to entertain whoever pays for them) as well as dead sex dolls. Japan's current military is 9th strongest in the world, but there are some bases that are still used by Americans. Japan is a perfect example of "not-as-good-as-it-used-to-be." Before being raped by the atom bomb, Japan was busy doing just that to inferior countries, but with a Katana instead of the mighty power of the atom. After the USA's rampage, however, it degraded into what you see now. Japan loves Germany for unknown reasons.

Japan is known for being the country with the lowest calculate crime rate in the entire universe. Which isn't that surprising when you think about it, since Japan doesn't count drug dealing, prostitution, necrophilia, weapon dealing, extortion, blackmail, cannibalism, male rape and Yakuza (Japanese impersonators of Elvis) gang wars as "crimes".

Japs rarely exceed 150 cm in height. Most Japs would much rather be white, and some undergo limited caucasiaplasty to this end. Also, since they have a very light diet, the vast majority of Japanese wimmins have no tits. The few who have large tits end up as whores, which explains why porn of titted Japs exists. Theoretically, this could be solved with a little whale milk, but since they kill whales just to be conservative, they produce a nice duality, as an endangered Pacific string bean that's good for nothing and an endangered Pacific tub of lard that's good for nothing.

Most of Japan's population has mental retardation caused by the radioactive bombs we dropped on their asses. That—combined with the fact that every Japanese man, woman, and child is on crack—explains why everything Japan makes is so fucking weird.

An expert describes why Japan is so full of fail (TL;DR).

Bestselling Sign in Asia.

World War II

pwnt
Japanese conducted torture and mass experiments on Chinese during World War II, and their women castrated the entire Chinese male population. Here a Japanese woman cuts off a Chinese man's penis.
   
“ 		 
It really surprised me that the Japanese sided with the Nazis during World War II. They're usually so polite.
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After having buttsecks with Hitler, Emperor Hirohito sent his troops into Korea to buy Tamagotchis. The Japanese soldiers proceeded to rape, pillage and bukkake the Koreans and Chinese to death. Afterwards, the Jap troops then proceeded to fuck the corpses of the women they killed.

President Roosevelt sent a telegram to Hirohito requesting buttsecks too, but due to a mis-translation, the Japanese flew over Pearl Harbour and sunk a few battleships by dropping Toyotas and Pocky from their Gundams.

Your mother decided it was a good idea to build some bullets and bombs but the United States needed someone to test the bombs on, and who better than a bunch of slopes? Americunts considered fighting them hand to hand, but decided Japs weren't even worth the time. The nukes were a most practical and efficient way. So, Truman pwned the fuck out of Hiroshima on August 6th, 1945. But Tojo wouldn't surrender. To shut Japan the fuck up, Truman bombed Nagasaki three days later, for the lulz.

Japan surrendered, and to this day have been the bitch of the USA.

Fun Fact: The Epicness of the bombings would continue to show for years to come as hundreds of thousands of civilians died from horrifying radiation poisoning, hideous mutations and other shit nobody cares about.

Typical japfag

The Japanese are an Endangered Species

The typical Japanese salaryman, a lowly degenerate pedophile with no concept of morals.
The Japanese: an Endangered Species
Why Japs don't have sex
Also why Japs don't have sex
They literally never have sex

With poetry skills to rival even the most hardened emo, Japan was once the world's foremost macho culture. Big mustaches, leather clothes, manly sex between friends in bath houses—it was all there. Nippon is also the land of the Hot Babe. In Japan, the streets teem with the same seething, supple-limbed female honeys for which the Land of the Rising Sun has always been famous -- and each and every one of them longs for a real man to Put It To Her the good old fashioned way.

As the Japs opened their country to British fags the Brits wanted to fuck all of the hot women, only to find angry Samurai ready to chop their dicks off for trying. Knowing they could never defeat all the samurai and ninja to get to the hot chicks, Britain released the previously unknown GRIDS leading to the first Gays being found on the island.

The British found the Japs nearly impossible to convert to their faggy ways, even with GRIDS infecting the island. So, they unleashed something even crueler: they jumped into WWII! It is a proven fact that the only real men left in Japan were killed in WWII and as a result, the Japanese are not even having enough children to make up for the annual number of deaths: they are an endangered species [see chart -- yes, it's for real].

Now all the men in Japan look like women and actively play the part. Instead of boning the most fabulous babes on earth and breeding a new generation of ass-whipping samurai, these quasi-men prefer whacking off to cartoon characters getting their heads eaten, playing with toys, and having hours of gay sex each day.

One of the contributing factors of the population decline is that of all of Asians, Japanese men have the smallest penises as we all know Koreans have the smallest penises in Asia which means they have the smallest penises in the world, but japanese cocks are still small since they mixed with koreans. As a result, Japanese girls crave the slightly bigger White cock or the giant Black Cock and are completely submissive to White and Black men. Yes, even though the Japanese are famously racist against every other race, this need not rule out even the spottiest Irish or fattest American Star Trek geek.


In addition, the vast majority of Japs are now Sick Fuck necrophiliacs that like to kill and rape female corpses and masturbate to schoolgirls in thigh-high socks getting strangled with their own entrails. Some have argued the sickness of the Japs is a response to radiation from the lulz bombs dropped on them during WW2. This is false, as they were sick necrophiliacs before the war. Even Japan knows that 1/3 of Japanese men hate sex and it has always been this way.

Pedophilia, like guro and necrophilia, is not only accepted in Japan, but also mandatory. The age of consent in Japan is 13, but usually it actually happens around the age of six.110% of Japanese men are pedophiles. CP is the primary export of Japan and they plan to spread it across the world. Many students have an open relationships with their teachers and when the Japs heard that the teachers, coaches and priests from Jewmerica back in early 2000s were molesting little children, their response was "We can do better than that." None of this helps the birth rate, however because these cowardly microdick fucks don't have the balls to fuck a fertile adult or teen bitch. Their birth rates continue to drop and if we're lucky enough to see Susanowo Poseidon throw another lulzy tsunami at these gooks, this entire country of degenerates is expected to die out by 2030.

FFFUUUCHKA YOUU WWAAAHLEEARU !!!!!!!!!

For more details, see: Whale Wars
Japan vs Australia in countryball form.

Japan's favorite pastime, other than bukkake, raping corpses, and working until their eyes and brain bleed from not sleeping, is viciously slaying the evil whale and/or dolphin menace. In fact the whole reason behind their space program is so they can be whalers on the moon.

Last Thursday, the Australian government asked Japan to stop whaling harvesting whales for science in Australian Antarctic waters, because you should only kill endangered species in your own country.

Being a teeny-tiny bit sensitive to criticism, Japanese YouTubers and their sympathizers proceeded to hurl every bizarre insult at Australia that they could think of through the medium of YouTube comments and TL;DW videos—in hilariously broken English. It would appear that Australia only cares about animals that look cute—they are kangaroo-killing hypocrites, who want to destroy the Japanese culture like they did to the Aboriginals. This is totally OK.

How Aussies telling the Japs to GTFO of THEIR waters will stop them is unclear at this point. But much like the Chinese civilians after the last Japanese invasion of China, the Aussies are clearly asking for a decapitated-neckhole rapin’.

Most Aussies won't argue that whaling is better than the Japanese soldiers eating prisoners of war. Read all about it! (Also note how long the list of war-crimes is.)

Lulzy Earthquakes

Last Thursday Japan was hit by a huge earthquake of over 9000 magnitude. This, of course, is not surprising because Japan is about as prone to natural disasters (magnified by their own stupidity) as Africa is to AIDS. To further the stupidity, they built nuclear reactors close to the shore line. Oh Japan, you so crazy.

What is surprising, however, is that one of the world's richest nations has completely failed to prepare for this inevitable pwning by GodJesus and as a result, civilised countries like North Korea and Iran must lend the Japanese tree fiddy, so that they can rebuild all the animu studios and child sex shops destroyed by the disaster.

The earthquake did however, kill thousands of Japs. This granted those Japs their sexual fantasies and their corpses served as the sex toys for the survivng Japanese. Rumor has it that some of the Japanese are still skull-fucking their bones today.

Where off switch?
Pwnt by a tsunami minutes after being pwnt by an earthquake and then getting pwnt by radiation

Japanophiles

Every cosplayer ever
Japanese technology is being adapted to deter rapists and Weeaboos

The purest form of faggotry...

Japanophiles are western people who love everything to do with Japan, even the creepy bits, like the coin-operated panty dispensers and blackfaced, screeching women. They are usually fat and socially inept (male), or fat and delusional about their looks (female) and can be identified by their Cowboy Bebop (Naruto is the new coolect animu evar that will still be popular in 100 years!) wallscrolls, appreciation for J-pop and insistence on cosplaying. Not to mention walking around the city with a fucking Pocky sticking out of the mouth. Many Japanophiles are to be found at Colleges such as Earlham and Oberlin, where they form anime clubs and dress up like gay space elves with fox ears and capes.

Japanophilia is not to be confused with pedophilia, as there are several key differences. For example, pedophiles are obsessed with making love to children whereas Japanophiles are obsessed with Anime, writing with chopsticks, downloading gigabytes of hentai and annoying the fuck out of you at parties by talking at length about their interpretation of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Both, however, masturbate over pictures of schoolgirls.

Japanophiles do not reproduce by conventional means; most die as virgins and those that do not are usually imprisoned for rape. Instead, they use the internets to influence vulnerable teenagers to watch episodes of Trigun before leading them on to the harder (and less comprehensible) stuff. Soon the anime meme has infected the poor teen's brain and he has become a mindless Japanophile too.

The Japanophile's life cycle can end three ways; either dying an elderly virgin surrounded by small plastic figurines that cost hundreds of dollars each, being raped to death in prison (oh, teh irony!) or committing IRL self-pwnage after arriving at Japan and discovering that it's not full of enormously-breasted women who want to sleep with pasty, fat Caucasian lardballs. The last words of the latter Japanophiles are usually "Megatokyo lied to me..."

FUN FACT: Converse to how Japanophiles dry hump anything to do with Japanese culture, western culture is actually popular among Japanese teenagers. Proof of this is displayed with how many Japs dye their hair blonde and speak English.

Japanese Language

Seppuku SUDOKU!

Japanese is a language learned by losers who claim that they're learning it because they "enjoy Japanese culture" when they're actually enjoying anime. For their years of rigorous training, Japanese language teachers get to instruct unmotivated American teenagers in the basics again and again while one half writes Ouran High School Host Club/Harry Potter crossover fanfiction in class and the other watches the latest fansubbed ninja fanservice anime on their $2,000 laptops. Even though a tiny percentage actually finish the course, they have no real use for it other than fansubbing anime or re-translating a Final Fantasy game. This is a worthwhile use of their time since American translators are close-minded AmeriKKKans who are unable to understand the elevated cultural value of Japanese children's cartoons. As strange as it sounds, the last sentence is not irony. No, it's just stupid.

Google Transrate fails, defaults to Engrish

In addition to speaking their native tongue, the Japanese also speak an interesting language called Engrish, which can be seen on many billboards and products.Their writing system consists of over 9000 symbols stolen from China by pirates; a few simplified ones are used in their alphabet, and naturally took on the appearance of whaling harpoons, katanas and dildos.

In the video section, please to find a Demo of their so called... ":*(&^%$^ENGRISH^$%^&)*:" It has an accurate subtitle...

How to get around in Japan

Japanese Flag

Since we at ED care about your Japanese experience, we've collected some useful Japanese phrases you can use when you meet a Jap!

  • Boku wa _________ - My name is ________.
  • Kyokon wo tabetai - I would like to eat some delicious cake.
  • Sono shimbun wo kaimashita - I am not fluent in Japanese, can we speak English?
  • Kimi no imouto wo reipu shitai - Please take a seat over there...
  • Anime wo mitari, manga wo yondari shitai - I want to do things like watch anime and read manga.
  • DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU - I am not a Weaboo, now will you stop looking at me like that?
  • Chin-chin wo namesaseruzo - Problem, officer?

How To Troll Japs

Yeah.
Beckoning.
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