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Pokémon: Difference between revisions

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[[File:Bestkorea.jpg|600px|center|[[If only it were this awesome.]]]]
{{spoilers|Sun and Moon's metagame died weeks after its release}}
[[File:Gardenia vine whip.gif|thumb|right|Leaked Game Freak concept art.]]
[[Image:PokemonGreen.jpg|175px|thumb|right|Remember kids, this once cost money to play.]]
[[File:Gardenia vine whip.gif|175px|thumb|right|Leaked Game Freak concept art]]
[[File:Paedo gallade.jpg|175px|thumb|right|More leaked concept art]]
'''Pokémon''' is a horrific franchise about controlling a collection of [[Black people|horribly mutated creatures]] from the underworld. It was created [[at least 100]] years ago in the [[Asian|magical]] land of [[Japan]], by [[autism|Satoshi Tajiri]] and his buttbuddies at Game Freak. The cancerous train wreck began its way across Japan in 1996, hitting the rest of the world shortly afterward. It is enjoyed by children, manchildren, housewives, Yakuza members and diseased cripples worldwide.


Pokémon is a horrific franchise about controlling a collection of [[Black people|horribly mutated creatures]] from the underworld. It was created [[at least 100]] years ago in the [[Asian|magical]] land of [[Japan]], by [[autism|Satoshi Tajiri]] and his buttbuddies at Game Freak. The cancerous trainwreck began its way across Japan in 1996, hitting the rest of the world shortly afterward. It is enjoyed by children, manchildren, housewives, Yakuza members, and diseased cripples worldwide.
==The basics==
[[File:Pokemon SJW Cringe.png|200px|thumb|right|You also gotta choose between '''two''' sexes!]]
Since its genesis, Pokémon has always released not one but two versions at a time. This is solely for Game Freak to suck out more cash from what should have been just one game. Both versions contain only pointless differences that make little to no real impact on gameplay, but thanks to Game Freak's marketing propaganda they've managed to bullshit consumers into believing the difference between both versions is akin to night and day. In any instance, your basic goal is to [[rape|catch Pokémon]], [[steal|collect eight Gym Badges]], [[pwn|defeat]] an evil team, defeat the [[boring|Elite Four]] and [[faggot|Champion]] of the region. Most games will also contain some pointless gimmick such as diving underwater, Pokémon Contests, massive cockfighting complexes and of course more goddamn Pokémon to catch.


==The Basics==
Each Pokémon has a [[special]] type such as Fire, Water, Grass, Electric, Dark and Psychic. Each type has a disadvantage or advantage over another, although every dumbass kid just uses [[Mary Sue|Dragon]]-types, which ruins the entire sense of balance. Pokémon has also amassed controversy from several activist groups including [[Jews]], [[feminists]], [[blacks]] and [[Christians]].
Since its genesis, Pokemon has always released not one but two versions at a time. This is solely for Game Freak to suck out more cash from what should have been just one game. Both versions contain only pointless differences that make little to no real impact on game-play, but thanks to GameFreak's marketing propaganda they've managed to bullshit consumers into believing the difference between both versions is akin to night and day. In any instance your basic goal is to [[rape|catch Pokemon]], [[steal|collect 8 gym badges]], [[pwn|defeat]] an evil team, defeat the [[boring|Elite Four]] and (surprise!) [[faggot|Champion]] of the region. Most games will also contain some pointless gimmick such as diving underwater, Pokemon contests, massive cockfighting complexes, and of course more goddamn Pokemon to catch. Each Pokemon has a [[special]] type such as Fire, Water, Grass, Electric, Dark, and Psychic. Each type has a disadvantage or advantage over another, although every dumbass kid just uses [[Lemon Party|Water]] or [[Mary Sue|Dragon]] type which ruins the entire sense of balance. Pokemon has also amassed controversy from several activist groups including [[Jews]], [[Feminists]], [[Blacks]], and of course [[Christians]].


===Pokemon or Pokémon?===
As for actual game strategy, it's pretty simple:
#Grind your Pokémon to a really high level
#Initiate battle
#Mash the A button


Pokémon is the 'correct' spelling, but NOBODY HAS AN É (E with an accent) KEY ON THEIR KEYBOARD. Most people resort to writing pokemon, but this is in fact racist, because incorrectly spelling made up foreign words is more racist than making a creature with blackface and keeping it trapped in a Poké Ball.
And that's it. No really, I'm not joshin' you, that's all you have to do. After a certain point, type advantages don't even matter because you can just one-hit everything.
{{clear}}


Contrariwise, you can simply refer to it as Pokuman or Pokumans, which will enrage yer average Generation Barney reject into spastic fits of epic pants shitting rage, much to the entertainment and delight of everyone else.
==The games==
Each series of games is collectively divided into "Generations," a term that is never used by Game Freak themselves but by virtually every fan of the series. To date, our planet has been cursed with seven Generations of Pokémon. Pokéfags refer to this as the [[goatse|"core"]] series. If you relish in repetitive bullshit, then Pokémon is the series for you.


==The Games==
===Generation I===
====[[Baby|Red, Green, Blue and Yellow]]====
[[File:Missingno_sex.jpg|thumb|left|A special encounter from ''Pokémon Red'']]
The original games are festering pieces of shit only worshiped by manchildren who played them when they were young. Glitch-ridden, generic, and downright ugly, ''Pokémon Red'' and ''Green'' were first released in [[Japan]] for the ailing [[Game Boy]]. There are [[at least 100|150 Pokémon]] to catch, being divided up between both versions for sake of <s>variety</s> money making. Luckily, not everyone was convinced.


Each series of games is collectively divided into '''"Generations"''', a term that is never used by GameFreak themselves but by virtually every fan of the series. To date, our planet has been cursed with 6 generations of Pokemon. Pokefags refer to this as the [[goatse|"core"]] series. If you relish in repetitive bullshit, then Pokemon is the series for you.
People criticized the awful graphics and lack of bug control to the point where Game Freak had to make an improved version: ''Pokémon Blue'', which sold well despite being only marginally better than the previous two.


===[[Baby|Red/Green/Blue/Yellow]]===
The games are simple: choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander or Squirtle to begin you craptastic adventure catching all 150 Pokémon and beating Gym Leaders for shiny little Badges that allow you to brainwash your Pokémon into obeying you. You are also met with your rival, totally not called [[Gary Oak]]. Along the way you run into Team Rocket, a shoddy Yakuza ripoff that partakes in doing petty crimes like abusing and raping Pokémon for [[profit]]. After catching more Pokémon and defeating all the Gyms you then get to plunder the Elite Four and the Champion. Spoiler, it's your Bieber-haired rival.
[[Image:PokemonGreen.jpg|thumb|left|Remember kids, this once cost money to play.]]
Generation 1. The original games are festering pieces of shit only worshiped by manchildren who played them when they were young. Glitch-ridden, generic, and downright ugly, Pokemon Red and Green were first released in [[Japan]] for the ailing [[Game Boy]]. There are [[at least 100|150 Pokemon]] to catch, being divided up between both versions for sake of <s>variety</s> money making. Luckily, not everyone was convinced. People criticized the awful graphics and lack of bug control to the point where Game Freak had to make an improved version: Pokemon Blue,which sold well despite being only marginally better than the previous two. The games are simple: choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle to begin you craptastic adventure catching all 150 Pokemon, beating gym leaders for shiny little badges that allow you to brainwash your Pokemon into obeying you. You are also met with your rival, totally not called [[Gary Oak]]. Along the way you run into Team Rocket, a shoddy Yakuza ripoff that partakes in doing petty crimes like killing Pokemon for [[profit]]. After catching more Pokemon and defeating all the gyms you then get to plunder the Elite 4 and the champion. Spoiler, it's your Bieber-haired rival.


After the Pokemon <s>anime</s> cartoon was released to much fervor, yet another fucking version was made: [[piss|Pokemon Yellow]]. This was simply a poorly modified version of Red/Blue that gave you Pikachu as a starter Pokemon. No, you can't make it turn into a Raichu.Another piece of junk game that the kiddies bought up in spades, it was now apparent that Pokemon was here to stay. In all these games there's a secret 151st Pokemon called Mew. You can't catch the fucker through normal means, rendering it to be the ultimate snipe hunt for losers worldwide.
The games feature almost no post-game of which to speak, really. The only thing to do after defeating the Champion is to catch Mewtwo, which is no challenge at all if you did not waste your one allotted Master Ball.


There is also MissingNo, which is just a stupid data placeholder that shows up via glitch that autists worship because it looks stupid and acts retarded. The fact you can run into this thing during normal gameplay is proof that these games are among the worst in regards to programming.
After the Pokémon <s>anime</s> cartoon was released to much fervor, yet another fucking version was made: [[piss|''Pokémon Yellow'']]. This was simply a poorly modified version of ''Red'' and ''Blue'' that gave you Pikachu as a starter Pokémon instead of the original trio. And no, you can't evolve it into a Raichu.


===[[Jew Gold|Gold, Silver]] and [[jizz|Crystal]]===
Another piece of shit game that the kiddies bought up in spades. It was now apparent that Pokémon was here to stay. In all these games there's a secret 151st Pokémon called Mew. You can't catch the fucker through normal means, rendering it to be the ultimate snipe hunt for losers worldwide.
[[Image:Crystalpokemon.jpg|thumb|So colorful and amazing!]]
Quite literally exact copies of the original games, only it takes place a couple years after the events of Red, Blue and Yellow and the trio of games is listed under the "second generation". Thank God this games programming isn't nearly as shitty as the originals. But, like the original games, you're a 10 year old [[faggot|boy]] located in another location called [[Hiroshima|"Johto"]], with pretty much the same plot as the last generation, only now you get


The second generation features [[MS Paint|rearranged cities]], the [[Lie|infamous Misty skinny-dipping cut scene]], and a bunch of new Pokémon such as [[Troll|Pikablu]], [[Abortion|Togepi]], [[Orly|Hoothoot]] and [[moar]] PokéGods like [[ho|Ho-oh]] and [[Martini-chan|Suicune]], racking the Pokémon count up to  251. These games also introduced the gimmicks of Pokémon [[secks|breeding]] and genders, which makes all of the Pokémon-on-Pokémon [[Rule 34]] ever conceived technically [[canon]], Day and Night, a feature which wouldn't be seen again until Generation IV, and a badarse rival who hated Team Rocket because his dad was defeated by a 10 year old boy.
There is also Missingno, which is just a stupid data placeholder that shows up via a glitch that autistic people worship because it looks stupid and acts retarded. The fact you can run into this thing during normal gameplay is proof that these games are among the worst in regards to programming.


Crystal introduced the concept of a [[No girls on the internet|Female character]], [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|Animated sprites]], [[Nigger|Suicune]] [[bestiality|taking a liking to the player and has a bigger role in the game]] [[stalker|so follows him/her around]] and introduces a new character called [[batshit insane|Eusine]] who wants Suicune to suck his dick, and eventually tells the player to also catch Raikou and Entei so you can catch Ho-oh for [[orgy|some reason]]. Basically trivial shit that makes it no better than the two games before it.
===Generation II===
====[[Jew Gold|Gold, Silver]] and [[Krystal|Crystal]]====
{{notice|Fun fact: Johto's Day Care, where Pokémon breed, is located on [[I See What You Did There|Route 34]]. Oh [[Japan]]~!}}
[[Image:Crystalpokemon.jpg|175px|thumb|So colorful and amazing!]]
Quite literally exact copies of the original games, only it takes place a couple years after the events of ''Red'', ''Blue'' and ''Yellow'' and the trio of games is listed under Generation II. Thank God this game's programming isn't nearly as shitty as the originals, but, like the original games, you're a 10-year-old boy located in another region called [[Hiroshima|Johto]], with pretty much the same plot as the previous generation.


Fun fact: The Breeding Center on these games is on [[I See What You Did There|Route 34]]. Oh [[Japan]]~!
Generation II features [[MS Paint|rearranged cities]], the [[Lie|infamous Misty skinny-dipping cut scene]] and a bunch of new Pokémon such as [[Troll|Pikablu]], [[Abortion|Togepi]], [[Orly|Hoothoot]] and [[moar]] PokéGods like [[ho|Ho-Oh]] and [[Martini-chan|Suicune]], racking the Pokémon count up to 251. These games also introduced the gimmicks of Pokémon [[secks|breeding]] and sexes, which makes all of the Pokémon-on-Pokémon [[Rule 34]] ever conceived technically [[canon]], a day and night cycle (a feature which wouldn't be seen again until Generation IV) and a "badarse" rival who hates Team Rocket because his dad was defeated by a 10-year-old boy.


===[[Global Warming|Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald]]===
''Crystal'' introduced the concept of a [[No girls on the internet|female character]], [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|animated sprites]], [[Nigger|Suicune]] [[bestiality|taking a liking to the player and has a bigger role in the game]] [[stalker|so follows him/her around]] and introduces a new character called [[batshit insane|Eusine]] who wants Suicune to suck his dick and eventually tells the player to also catch Raikou and Entei so you can catch Ho-Oh for [[orgy|some reason]]. Basically trivial shit that makes it no better than the two games before it.
[[Image:drought.jpg|thumb|left|We gotta save dah world!]]
{{clear}}
Pokemon has now entered the third generation of brainwashing children. Ruby, and Sapphire have the same rotten plot as previous games, where you buttfuck [[Whore|Gym leaders]] across the [[whore|Hoenn]] region for their [[STI|badges]] to take on the Elite Four. Because the games are in a new location, it also naturally features new villains, [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Team Aqua]] and [[Smegma|Team Magma]], two utter jokes of teams who [[facepalm|really believe in destroying the planet to make it better]]. Team Aqua wishes to drown the world with the aid of a Pokegod called Kyogre, while Team Magma wishes to turn the world into a desert with the help of Groudon, Kyogre's transsexual butt-buddy.


Once again, both versions relish in useless differences that only OCD patients would give two shits about, such as version-exclusive Pokemon and which team of fuckbags you meet. The games introduced another shitty set of gimmicks.You could also dive [[water|under the sea]] and not drown, unfortunately. Pokemon '''CONTESTS''' were also introduced which serve as dick-waving shows for your Pokemon. Sadly, these games were not compatible with previous series installments which meant that you couldn't transfer your steroidal Mewtwo over from Red/Blue just to get the game over with quicker. Fans forgot to be butthurt upon discovering the joy that is [[Gardevoir]].
===Generation III===
====[[Global Warming|Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald]]====
[[Image:drought.jpg|200px|thumb|left|We gotta save dah world!]]
Pokémon has now entered Generation III of brainwashing children. ''Ruby'' and ''Sapphire'' have the same rotten plot as previous games, where you buttfuck [[Whore|Gym Leaders]] across the [[whore|Hoenn]] region for their [[STI|Badges]] to take on the Elite Four. Because the games are in a new location, it also naturally features new villains, [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Team Aqua]] and [[Smegma|Team Magma]], two utter jokes of teams who [[facepalm|really believe in destroying the planet to make it better]]. Team Aqua wishes to drown the world with the aid of a Legendary Pokémon called Kyogre, while Team Magma wishes to turn the world into a desert with the help of Groudon, Kyogre's transsexual butt-buddy.


===[[Copypasta|FireRed and LeafGreen]]===
Once again, both versions relish in useless differences that only OCD patients would give two shits about, such as version-exclusive Pokémon and which team of fuckbags you meet.
Basically Pokémon Red and <s>Blue</s> Green for babies. These games are the same thing as the [[90s]] originals, but with Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald's [[MS Paint|improved graphics]] and music, some new islands full of [[Muslims]] and [[Lame|traded Pokémon which aren't in the original 151 can't evolve until you defeat the Elite Four]]. You can catch Mew, but now with an event-exclusive item that was only distributed at special Nintendo events. Good job, GameFreak.


Unlike the time-frame of the original games, Pokemon had long since lost its mainstream appeal in every country besides Japan. Despite the remakes being a step up from the originals, very few people bothered with it besides Game Freak's religious legion of consumers.
The games introduced another shitty set of gimmicks. You could use a new move, Dive, to go [[water|under the sea]] and somehow not drown, unfortunately. Pokémon Contests were also introduced which serve as dick-waving shows for your Pokémon. Sadly, these games were not compatible with previous series installments, which meant that you couldn't transfer your steroidal Mewtwo over from ''Red'' or ''Blue'' just to get the game over with quicker. Fans forgot to be butthurt upon discovering the joy that is [[Gardevoir]], and to a lesser extent, [[Loli|Kirlia]].


===[[Jewelry|Diamond, Pearl]] and [[ass|Platinum]]===
====[[Copypasta|FireRed and LeafGreen]]====
The gameplay of Diamond,Pearl and Platinum is the exact fucking same as every other game in the series.The only main departure is the bad guys.Whereas Red featured an inept crime syndicate, the 4th generation has Team Galactic, a fucking Doomsday cult led by a friendless autist, as stated in the game itself that wishes to remake the entire universe. More new Pokemon, more gimmicks (digging underground for [[shit|fossils]]), more 10 year olds to play as, and more money for Game Freak. Game Freak has now disproved Walt Disney on the quote "You can't top pigs with pigs." GameFreak has topped pigs with pigs, rats, metal plates, penguins, monkeys, and everything else imaginable. [[fact|The games also introduced a type of pseudo-3D overview that simply shows that Game Freak's staff composes of lazy shits who will put in as little effort as possible in a series that's seemingly guaranteed to make lots of money.]]
Basically Pokémon Red and <s>Blue</s> Green for babies. These games are the same thing as the [[90s]] originals, but with ''Ruby'', ''Sapphire'' and ''Emerald's'' [[MS Paint|improved graphics]] and music, some new islands full of [[Muslims]] and [[Lame|traded Pokémon which aren't in the original 151 can't evolve until you defeat the Elite Four]]. You can catch Mew, but now with an event-exclusive item that was only distributed at special Nintendo events. Good job, Game Freak.


Also, [[lolicon|Cynthia and Dawn]] were introduced in these games to the delight of perverts and hardcore Pokefags everywhere.
===Generation IV===
====[[Jewelry|Diamond, Pearl]] and [[ass|Platinum]]====
[[File:Cyrus.jpg|200px|thumb|right|This guy will kill us all! We gotta save dah world again!]]
The gameplay of ''Diamond'', ''Pearl'' and ''Platinum'' is the exact fucking same as every other game in the series. The only main departure is the bad guys. Whereas ''Red'' and ''Blue'' featured an inept crime syndicate, Generation IV has Team Galactic, a fucking doomsday cult led by a friendless faggot.


===[[Nostalgia|HeartGold and SoulSilver]]===
More new Pokémon, more gimmicks (digging underground for [[shit|Fossils]]), more 10-year-old children to play as and more money for Game Freak. Game Freak has now disproved Walt Disney on the quote "You can't top pigs with pigs." Game Freak has topped pigs with pigs, rats, metal plates, penguins, monkeys and everything else imaginable. [[fact|The games also introduced a type of pseudo-3D overview that simply shows that Game Freak's staff composes of lazy shits who will put in as little effort as possible in a series that's seemingly guaranteed to make lots of money.]]
[[Last Thursday]], after many rumors were circulated on the tubes, Nintendo confirmed that there would indeed be remakes of the [[shit|hit]] games [[Gold|Gold and Silver]] for the [[DS]]. The games have features such as [[stalker|letting any of your Pokémon follow you around]], a [[Goatse|wide variety]] of Generation II Pokémon, and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|pseudo-3D graphics]]. Basically, the new games are just a giant clusterfuck of [[fail]] produced from merging half of the old games together and adding [[shit nobody cares about|useless features]] like the [[Olympics|Pokeathlon]], [[Plastic Crap|Pokewalker]] and the [[nobody cares|Spiky eared Pichu]], but as soon as this piece of news was released on the internet, [[nostalgia]]fags everywhere creamed their pants. The only thing of relevance to come out of these games is the scene where the rival [[rape]]s you in Goldenrod City and leaves what's left of your semen-filled anus for Team Rocket. Deee-licious monies for Game Freak.


===[[Nigger|Black]] and [[Cracker|White]]===
Also, [[Rule 34|Cynthia and Dawn]] were introduced in these games to the delight of perverts and hardcore Pokéfags everywhere.
[[Image:Hilder.jpg|thumb|Stinky.]]
The fifth slew of Pokémon games were released in 2011, the year shit broke loose. It is the <s>first one [[bullshit|with real 3-D graphics]]</s> DISREGARD THAT, IT'S JUST THE SAME PSEUDO-3D SHIT AGAIN and the Pokémon professor, [[whore|Professor Juniper]] is an [[cougar|older woman]] who will attempt to [[rape]] you once you complete the whole fucking Pokédex, which means that you have to catch all 649 Pokémon in order for her to accomplish this. SIX HUNDRED AND FUCKING FORTY NINE. [[1337|Or of course, you could just flip Gamefreak off and hack the game with Action Replay or Game Saver]]. This game is '''very hackable''', 9-year-olds who accidentally delete system32 could get all shiny Pokemon if they want.


Instead of playing as a 10 year old brat, you now play as a 16 year old brat. Instead of playing in a region based on Japan, you play in a region based on [[Amerifat|New York]]. New Youk is complete trash anyway, so go suck Jay-Z's [[Vagoo|cock]]. Instead of catching Mewtwo, you catch Zekrom or [[JustinRPG|Reshiram]]. Instead of fighting doomsday freaks, you fight [[PETA|Team Plasma]]. Team Plasma are just a bunch of retards, because appearently, they think the best way to free Pokemon is to enslave more of them and kill anyone who doesn't free them. [[Albert Einstein|Fucking genius]]. Instead of playing for <s>fun</s> [[Disregard That|DISREGARD THAT,]] [[Truth|POKEMON IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE ABOUT GRINDING AND EV TRAINING SO THAT YOUR CHARIZARD MAY BE]] [[1337]], you're playing this shit out of religious vows to Game Freak's staff.
====[[Nostalgia|HeartGold and SoulSilver]]====
[[Last Thursday]], after many rumors were circulated on the tubes, Nintendo confirmed that there would indeed be remakes of the [[shit|hit]] games [[Gold|''Gold'' and ''Silver'']] for the [[DS]]. The games have features such as [[stalker|letting any of your Pokémon follow you around]], a [[Goatse|wide variety]] of Generation II Pokémon and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|pseudo-3D graphics]].


By this time, normal people began to grow tired of Pokemon's antics. Not the manchilderen and Nintendo fuckboys though, they love to complain that other consoles and shooters are the same shit, but love to play copy-and-paste of every Nintendo game. These games include: [[Fatass|Mario,]] [[Gay|Zelda,]] [[Overrated|StarFox,]] Kirby (Some pink demon), [[Rule 34|Metroid,]] and some other games no one cares to list. Despite billing itself as darker and more mature, Pokemon failed to woo over casual game players who would rather [[FPS|shoot up imaginary pixel people all day]]. Everyone outside of Pokemon's cult-like fanbase laid the games with the passive scrutiny and vitriol they deserved.
Basically, the new games are just a giant clusterfuck of [[fail]] produced from merging half of the old games together and adding [[shit nobody cares about|useless features]] such as the [[Olympics|Pokéathlon]], [[Plastic Crap|Pokéwalker]] and the [[nobody cares|Spiky-eared Pichu]]. However, as soon as this piece of news was released on the Internet, [[Nostalgia|nostalgiafags]] everywhere creamed their pants. The only thing of relevance to come out of these games is the scene where the rival rapes you in Goldenrod City and leaves what's left of your semen-filled anus for Team Rocket. Deee-licious monies for Game Freak ensued.


===[[Nigger|Black]] [[Sequel|2]] and [[Cracker|White]] [[Sequel|2]]===
===Generation V===
The most pointless sequel ever. B2W2 Were just placeholders so that Gamefreak could work on their next abomination. This is almost literally the same shit, no srsly, even the 2 legendaries in the game are literally recolors, the music has shitty uneeded remixes, and you might as well [[An hero|Kill Yourself]] for buying this.
====[[Nigger|Black]] and [[Cracker|White]]====
[[Image:Hilder.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Fat|It is based on the U.S. after all.]]]]
The fifth slew of Pokémon games were released in [[2011]], the year shit broke loose. It is the <s>first one [[bullshit|with real 3-D graphics]]</s> DISREGARD THAT, IT'S JUST THE SAME PSEUDO-3D SHIT AGAIN and the Pokémon professor, [[whore|Professor Juniper]] is an [[cougar|older woman]] who will attempt to [[rape]] you once you complete the whole fucking Pokédex, which means that you have to catch all 649 Pokémon in order for her to accomplish this. SIX HUNDRED AND FUCKING FORTY NINE.


===[[x/|X]] and [[Why|Y]]===
Instead of playing as a 10-year-old brat, you now play as a 16-year-old brat. Instead of playing in a region based on Japan, you play in a region based on [[Amerifat|New York]]. Unova is complete trash anyway, so go fuck this game. Instead of catching Mewtwo, you catch Zekrom or [[JustinRPG|Reshiram]]. Instead of fighting doomsday freaks, you fight [[PETA|Team Plasma]].
[[Image:threedee.jpg|thumb|Pokemon in 3D... Yup.]]
More or less the same shit. the same boring routine of beat up 8 gym leaders and take on the elite 4 with this time their's nothing to do in the game right after except capture mewtwo which gamefreak put in the game to pleasure red and blue fags. The games are far easier the other opposing pokemon games, with the new and improved exp share and mega stones that your given way early in the game making it so easy and casual that even 3 year old braindead children can beat this crappy game blindfolded. Everything is also rendered in 3D. 3D. Not good 3D, not brick-shittingly amazing 3D, just plain old laggy 3D you'd find off a Nintendo 64 game. Now you have only 70 new Pokemon and some shit called [[Dragon Ball Z|Mega Evolution]] which enables certain Pokemon to go super saiyan at will. In 3D.The world of X and Y is based off the exciting country of [[France]], proving even Game Freak has given up at this point.


===[[Alpha & Omega|Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire]]===
Team Plasma, much like PETA, are just a bunch of retards because they apparently think the best way to free Pokémon is to enslave more of them and kill anyone who disagrees. [[Albert Einstein|Fucking genius.]] And instead of playing for <s>fun</s> [[Disregard That|DISREGARD THAT,]] [[Truth|POKÉMON IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE ABOUT GRINDING AND EV TRAINING SO THAT YOUR CHARIZARD MAY BE]] [[1337]], you're playing this shit out of religious vows to Game Freak's staff.
[[Image:teedee.jpg|thumb|EMBRACE THE 3D, FAGGOTS!!!]]


This latest remake has the same ugly graphics as the previous 3D games. This game introduces Primal Groudon and Primal Kyogre alongside Mega Rayquaza that make Arceus and Mewtwo look like shitty ass pokemon. Despite being the worst games in theory, they are on track to becoming some of the highest selling Pokemon games of all time. [http://nintendonews.com/2014/11/debut-pokemon-oras-sales/]
This game is also programmed by [[enemies of the lulz]], and possibly Jews. You can't name any of your Pokémon [[9/11]] or [[Hitler]] unless you use the AR code, or anything lulz-y for that matter such as being unable to name your Pokémon "Death" in Japanese (Shinu). Want more? Hack the game's ROM and look up its shittily written text data and see for yourself. Oh, and you can't swear or use any sexual references. Further proof that this game is fucked up as hell.
 
The shitfaces at Game Freak and Nintendo have fucked it up enough to the point where you can't even trade Pokémon like Frosl'''ass''' and Co'''fag'''rigus because they're fucking manchildren in the society who dub the [[No Cussing Club]] legit. Oh Game Freak and Nintendo, you unfunny band of [[Vagoo|pussies]].
 
====[[Nigger|Black]] [[Sequel|2]] and [[Cracker|White]] [[Sequel|2]]====
The most pointless sequel ever. ''Black 2'' and ''White 2'' were just placeholders so that Game Freak could work on their next abomination, ''Pokémon X'' and ''Y''. This is almost the same shit, no srsly, even the two Legendary Pokémon in the game are recolors, the music has shitty, unnecessary remixes and you might as well [[An hero|kill yourself]] for having purchased this.
 
===Generation VI===
====[[x/|X]] and [[Why|Y]]====
[[Image:threedee.jpg|225px|thumb|right|Pokémon in 3D... yep.]]
The same boring routine of beat up eight Gym Leaders and take on the Elite Four, except this time there is little to do in the post-game besides capture Mewtwo, which Game Freak only put in the game to please ''Red'' and ''Blue'' fags.
 
The games are far easier compared to previous Pokémon games, with the new and improved Exp. Share and Mega Stones that you're given very early in the game making it so easy and casual that even a brain dead 3-year-old kid could beat this crappy game blindfolded.
 
Everything is also rendered in 3D; not good 3D, not brick-shittingly amazing 3D, just plain old laggy 3D you'd find when playing an N64 game. Now you have only seventy new Pokémon and some shit called [[Dragon Ball Z|Mega Evolution]] which enables certain Pokémon to go Super Saiyan. The world of ''X'' and ''Y'' is based off the exciting country of [[France]], proving even Game Freak has given up at this point.
 
As a first, you can now finally customise your character by changing their skin colour and clothes, but not body type, resulting in many [[whales]] blowing up a storm on the internet. However, you can't take off your hat for some reason because Game Freak hates you and only wants your money so they can fund the next half arsed Pokémon game.
 
Because of Nintendo's shitty region lock on the 3DS, and all the potential money that Nintendo of not-Japan lost by weeaboos and other Japanfags buying the Japanese version instead of their own region's version, this generation of Pokémon was the first to be released worldwide and in multiple languages at the same time. Now you can enjoy playing the same fucking game for the 26th time in one of either six of the world's worst languages, like [[Korea|Korean]] and [[English]] for example.
 
Lastly, the [[No Cussing Club]] inspired censor from the previous games came back in ''X'' and ''Y'', and will probably be that way for the rest of the series. Nyo ho!!!
 
====[[Alpha & Omega|Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire]]====
This latest remake has the same ugly graphics as the previous 3D games. This game introduces Primal Groudon and Primal Kyogre, who both, along with Mega Rayquaza, make Arceus and Mewtwo look like complete trash. [http://nintendonews.com/2014/11/debut-pokemon-oras-sales/ Despite being the worst games in theory, they are on track to becoming some of the best-selling Pokémon games of all time.]


[[BAWWW|Nope, no Battle Frontier because it r b too hard 4 kiddies. Suck it, losers.]]
[[BAWWW|Nope, no Battle Frontier because it r b too hard 4 kiddies. Suck it, losers.]]


==Card Game==
===Generation VII===
<center>[[File:nazi_pokemon.jpg|200px|There are people who would pay $60 for this piece of shit.]]</center>
====[[Sun_Microsystems|Sun]] and [[Moonman|Moon]]====
[[Last Thursday|In 1996]], [[Dungeons and Dragons|Wizards Of The Coast]] released a trading card game in which they (badly) translated the cards from [[Japan]]. The cardgame involved the [[Strategy Guide|strategy]] of flipping [[at least 100]] coins and using [[Yu-Gi-Oh|the same set of cards for every single deck]].
[[Image:Sun_and_moon_2.png|175px|thumb|left|Seriously, it's the same fucking game all over again.]]
[[File:Sun and Moon Trans.png|175px|thumb|left|Fuck off!]]
[[File:Pokeslav.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The big bad of this new generation happens to be a Slav.]]
[[Shit no one cares about|The first generation to come translated in both Simplified and Mandarin Chinese.]] ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' are Game Freak's latest games, [[Lie|exclusively on the New 3DS]] and are based on [[Hawaii]].
 
In these games, taking a page from ''X'' and ''Y'', you can now change into more clothes and now have the option to take off your [[Fedora|hat]]. Taking another page from the past generation is that now you have the chance to finally play as a [[nigger]] going around and raping Alolan prostitutes in the game's largest city...or you can dress as a skimpy [[Caucasian]] tramp if you chose to play as a female (which you will undoubtfully do).
 
''Sun'' and ''Moon'' also introduces Alolan variants of the first generation Pokémon, Samson Oak and Red and Green coming out as a gay couple, because Game Freak is now following the trend of banking on [[nostalgia]] to maximize profits from [[Millenials]] working at their local [[Walmart]] or [[McDonald's]] instead of creating more new monsters to catch for the [[Generation Z|younger generation]]. It worked with ''X'' and ''Y'', so why not play it safe like every single entertainment company nowadays?
 
Despite being toted as "something new," ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' retains the same formula as its predecessors. Instead of badges, you get Z-Crystals and instead of beating the champion, you become the champion and still have to fight specialized Trainers. Gee, how original.
 
These games are also plagued by long, boring, unskippable cutscenes and general shortness. Many tout the games as significantly harder, but this is false, as anyone with a double-digit IQ can train a [[Furry|Primarina]] and a [[Furry|Lurantis]] and beat the game with those bitches alone. The only positive aspect to this horrendous game is that HMs are now replaced by Poké Rides, meaning that you no longer need HM slaves to fill up your six slots.
 
The storyline's also subpar and it's rife with clichés and reeks of "Ohana" or whatever these coconut niggers say. Also, [[Whore|Lusamine]], the main antagonist, turns into an abomination that you later beat since the story is not worth building up for. Too bad you can't kill her though, since it will make this game much more enjoyable.
 
And to top it all off, in ''Pokémon Sun'' and ''Moon'' you get to encounter Ultra Beasts, which are basically ripoffs of the Angels from ''[[Neon Genesis Evangelion]]''. In fact, these motherfuckers break the damn game since they're all overpowered as all hell. Sooner or later though they will be someone's furry waifu; as seen in Nihilego, a [[loli]] jellyfish, Buzzwole, a mosquito on [[steroids]], Pheromosa, a cockroach that can sexually attract any Pokémon and human, Xurkitree, a tree made out of wires who apparently has too many [[seizures]], or even Celesteela, a shuttle who appears to have big racks, Kartana, a katana made out of origami begging everyone to be [[weeaboos]], or possibly Guzzlord too, a crab who has a giant fucking mouth meaning it loves [[vore]], and finally for our mythical Pokémon, Marshadow, a [[midget]] who appears to suck up souls when people stare at it.
 
You also now have to pay real world money just to transfer Pokémon from past games, with an annual fee, no less. Fantards defend this blatant scam by saying, "at least it's so cheap!" Five dollars annually to host KBs of data on their server. Totally worth it.
 
====[[Lazy|Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon]]====
''Pokémon Ultra Cash'' and ''Pokémon Ultra Grab'' are nothing more than an alternate reality of ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' for the the now flat-lined 3DS. Not the New 3DS, but the same old 3DS released back in [[2011]]. By a whole extension with the Ultra Beasts, which sooner or later will become someone's furry waifu; as literally seen in Naganadel, a [[pregnant]] dragon, Stakataka, an angry fortress who is angry enough to become [[The Donald|The Donald's]] wall, Blacephalon, a clown who apparently loves [[balls]], and finally Zeraora, [[Furry|who is having a threesome with Lucario and Zoroark as you're reading this]].
 
Since Sun/Moon had so little content, Game Freak decided to dump tons more into this game to scam more off the idiot fanbase who fail to see this as an blatant quick cash grab to waste more money on.
 
Also had some weird, shitty after game time travel sideplot with Team Rocket boss and all the other pokemon villains now calling themselves [[Gay|"Rainbow Rocket"]]. [[shit noone cares about|Blah blah blah wanting to try again to rule the world and use time travel to make it so or some shit like that]].
 
===Generation VIII===
====Let's Go, [[Pikachu]]! and Let's Go, [[Furry|Eevee]]!====
[[Image:RidingonaFUCKINGonix.png|300px|thumb|right|At least you can ride on Pokémon now.]]
''Pokémon: Let's Go, Pikachu!'' and ''Pokémon: Let's Go, Eevee!'' is another shitty rehash of Generation I, but this time in 3D and for the [[Nintendo Switch]]. It's specifically designed for [[Normie|normies who play ''Pokémon GO'']], overly-nostalgic [[Millennials|Millennial faggots]], and 9-year-old aspie children who want to play Pokémon for the first time.
 
Due to this reason, it only includes the first 151 Pokémons, a bunch of features were removed so even the lowest functioning [[autist]] can play it, and trading can only be done between ''[[Pokémon GO]]''.
 
Catching Pokémon is done via motion controls (aka. shaking the console or the [[Dildo|Joy-Con]]), which will more than likely cause a lot of [[Fail|broken Switches and television sets]]. It also comes with a worthless plastic Poké Ball, which is good for breaking your TV after accidentally throwing it at the screen to catch another Rattata.
 
The game also adds two new Pokémon. Meltan, who is a spot of sentient [[cum|jizz]] with a gear for its head, and its evolution Melmetal, who basically looks like a mentally retarded [[Transformers|Transformer]], with the [[Lazy|exact same fucking gear as its head.]]
 
Also, knowing how much greedy fucks at Nintendo are, [[LOLWUT|they making people pay $50 for dlc to just unlock and get Mew]]. GG Nintendo.
 
===Spinoffs===
====''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon''====
{{Main|Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Series}}
[[File:Pokemon mystery dungeon 2.png|right|225px]]
The ''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon'' series is a Pokémon spinoff series of games, the original pair having been released in [[Japan]] in [[2005]].
 
These games have been praised by otherkin and [[Furries|furfags]], because they allow the player to become a human-turned-Pokémon.  In the games you have a partner who forces you to join a [[anti-lulz|rescue team]], or something similar, and explore dungeons to [[boring|rescue]] Pokémon. You go around, beat up other Pokémon up and steal their money to buy mushrooms in the [[drugs|colorful world]] while interacting with others in the Pokémon-only world.


Later, [[Nintendo]] realized they didn't have to rely on Wizards' shitty rules and broke up with their homoerotic corporate lovers, [[freedom|releasing them independently]] (by which time Pokémon had lost popularity anyway and was reserved for middle class [[white]] kids, whose parents couldn't afford cable or [[pedophiles|piano teachers]]). This [[Old|new]] game featured the [[copypasta|same basic principles]]: [[Two-Face|coin-flipping]], [[Magic|same fucking cards]], and [[KKK|sticking to a theme]].
====''Pokémon GO''====
{{Main|Pokémon GO}}
[[image:pokemon-go-mom.jpg|150px|thumb|[[Your mom]] will be really proud of you.]]
''Pokémon GO'' is a [[cellphone|mobile "game"]] and [[meme|cultural phenomenom]] for [[iOS]] and [[Android]] (Windows Phone users get fucked) that came out [[last Thursday]], [[THE CURRENT YEAR|2016]]. The "game" is a copy-carbon of ''Ingress'', so the company spent {{age|2013|11|4}} years coding some Pokéman figures.


Back before nobody started to give a shit about the series though, everyone on the block wanted to waste their mothers' crack money to buy this shit, hoping to get teh rare [[Charizard]], but instead getting some [[feminism|shit that's worthless today]] thanks to how hilariously out of control the game's power creep is. Approximately 0.00001% of the little autists knew how to play the game, which made the Jews very pleased (although the kids really weren't missing out on anything). The game consists of two playstyles:
In ''Pokémon GO'' you walk around [[IRL|meat space]] with your phone in front of your face using the GPS and the camera to look for Pokémons in an [[augmented reality]] setting (or a boring field if you don't want to look like a spazzing autist waving your phone around in public, which is what 90% of "players" do). It uses a [[Google Maps]]-type interface to lead you to different Pokémon, "PokéStops," and "Gyms" based on landmarks, parks, statues etc. Already, this autism-tier "game" has surpassed the [[Tinder]] app and is soon to surpass the [[Twitter]] app in daily users, so thank [[God|Arceus]] for that.  
# Put an [[Caffeine|Energy Card]] on your Ratatta, [[always|lose a coinflip]], then sit helplessly while your opponent beefs up his '''Lv. X Dildomon EX C O LGBTSBBQ''' to deal over 9000 damage to pwn you.
# Become a hardcore [[autist|gamer,]] flush 999 <s>Poké</s>dollars and make your own '''Lv. X Dildomon EX C O LGBTSBBQ''' deck, then [[fail|race your opponent]] to see who can draw the better cards first.


Worth noting is that you can't act on your opponent's turn, as that would involve actual strategy instead of luck, and that would make the game too hard for the kids too retarded to play YuGiOh instead.
Encouraged by the hope of catching a [[FYIAD|Dratini]], former shut-ins are walking into the sunlight for the first time in years and attempting to hold actual conversations with others. This has sparked an unfolding lollercaust on multiple levels all in the name of enslaving imaginary beasts then making them battle.
{{clear}}


If forking over jew golds to get screwed over by luck doesn't sound good to you, then congrats on having a functional brain. If it doesn't, you can go to the official website and download a program that totally doesn't steal your credit card information to play the game, but for some reason everything looks like a [[redundant|shitty Canadian]] cartoon. At least it's for free (unless you want to play in tournaments, then get ready to fork over the dough for a chance to win [[worthless|virtual]] prizes.
==Pokémon types==
Pokémon each have their own types and abilities. This sections lists all the single types. Pokémans can have two types; if you want [[serious business|serious information]] in finding out what's weak to what then [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Type_chart look here, work it out for yourself and fuck off.]


Just play Russian Roulette instead.
*'''[[NORP|Normal]]''': The basic non-elemental type for all Pokémon too generic and/or [[boring]] for Game Freak to bother with placing into a better category. Normal-types hold no advantage over any other types and can get knuckled over by [[violence|Fighting]] attacks and can't damage [[Ghost]]-types [[shit nobody cares about|unless you negate its Ghost typing]] or use literally any other type attack. Most Normal-types don't sit well with being just a Normal-type so are able to wield other typed attacks such as [[WTF|Electric, Water, or Fire]] in an attempt to make up for their [[useless|lack of any real use]].  


==Pokémon Types And Elements==
*'''[[KILL IT WITH FIRE|Fire]]''': If you have a favorite Pokémon, chances are it is a Fire-type. Despite the fact a Fire-type can get knuckled over by Water, Rock and Ground Pokémon, they are loved by all and feared by many. Fire-types generally dish out ridiculous amounts of Special Attack damage and generally have high HP and Speed, thus are even able to be competitive against their weaknesses in case you didn't see that coming.
Pokémans each have their own types and abilities. This sections lists all the ''single'' types. As Pokémans can have two types, if you want [[serious business|serious information]] in finding out what's weak to what, [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Type_chart look here, work it out for yourself and fuck off].


*'''[[NORP|Normal]]:''' The basic non-elemental type for all Pokémon based off of animals too generic or [[boring]] to bother placing into a better category. Normal types generally have very few "[[Retard|Special]]" attacks, hold no advantage over any other types, and can get knuckled over by [[violence|Fighting]] attacks. They also couldn't damage [[Ghost]]-types [[shit nobody cares about|unless you used Foresight]], and were either ridiculously overpowered, or ridiculously shit. Most Normal-types don't sit well with being just a Normal type, so are able to wield other typed attacks, like [[WTF|Electric, Water or Fire]] to make up for their [[useless|lack of any real use]].
*'''[[Waterboarding|Water]]''': The type with the highest number of Pokémon in the games, with [[at least 100|at least 15]] being introduced each Generation. Water-types are based off of [[Lolrus|marine creatures]] and [[Spongebob|sealife]]. Water-types are for JRPG fans who enjoyed sitting around fishing for pixels all day rather than going out and exploring the actual game. You only really use one so it can be a [[BDSM|HM Slave]] for your Water-typed HM moves or for clearing caves full of Geodudes. Water-types are effective against Rock, Ground and Fire-types. Pretty much any Water-type that can learn TMs can try to be a failed Ice-type by learning at least one Ice TM move, the usual one being Ice Beam.


*'''[[KILL IT WITH FIRE|Fire]]:''' If you had a favorite Pokémon, chances are it was a Fire-type. Despite the fact a Fire type can get knuckled over by Water, Rock and Ground types, they were loved by all and feared by many. Fire types generally dished out ridiculous amounts of Special Attack damage and had vaguely high Health and Speed so were even able to hold their own against their weaknesses, in case you didn't see that coming. Unless your Charizard and the opponent has Stealh Rock, then you might as well [[An Hero|kill yourself]], because you are fucked either way.
*'''[[Brandon Crisp|Ice]]''': Ice-types normally come dual-typed, with the other type normally being Water. They became increasingly [[unoriginal]] with each inbred Generation, until all Nintendo could come up with were several scoops of ice cream and a snowflake with eyes and [[Neckbeard|facial hair]]. You only catch and train an Ice-type in order to defeat the mandatory Dragon Trainer of that game, only to find that their Pokémon know Fighting and/or Fire type moves that can easily knuckle it over.  


*'''[[Waterboarding|Water]]:''' The type with the most amount of Pokémans in the games with [[at least 100|at least 15]] being introduced each Generation. Water types are based off of [[Lolrus|marine creatures]] and [[Spongebob|sealife]]. Water types were for J[[RPG]] fans who enjoyed sitting around fishing for pixels all day rather than going out and exploring the actual game. You would only really use one so it can be a [[BDSM|HM Slave]] for your water-typed HM moves. Water types are effective again Rock, Ground and Fire types. Pretty much any Water type that can learn TMs can try to be a failed Ice type by learning at least one Ice TM move.
*'''[[Electric Boogaloo|Electric]]''': The only real reason you'd want an Electric-type is because most Electric attacks can cause paralysis one way or another. The type itself is effective against both Water and Flying-types so could easily dispatch of those fucking Zubats and Tentacools that seem to appear in the thousands. An Electric-type's only weakness is the Ground-type, [[Troll|which can be temporarily nullified with Magnet Rise]]. Electric Pokémans weren't based on [[irl]] creatures that could ''actually'' shoot electricity at shit until the invention of Eelektross. [[Some argue]] that Lanturn was based on an irl creature but Anglerfish don't shoot electricity, [[Lame|they emit light from their antenna.]]
**As of Generation VI, Electric-type Pokémon can no longer be paralyzed, which, when coupled with their already high Speed, make them somewhat useful.


*'''[[Brandon Crisp|Ice]]:''' Ice types normally came dual-typed, with the other type normally being Water. They became increasingly [[unoriginal]] with each inbred Generation, until all Nintendo could come up with were several scoops of ice cream and a Snowflake with eyes and [[Neckbeard|facial hair]]. You would only catch and train an Ice-type in order to defeat the mandatory Dragon Trainer of that generation; only to find their Pokemon knew Fighting and Fire type moves and could easily knuckle it over.  
*'''[[Wizard Rock|Rock]]''': Rock-types have shitloads of HP and high Defense, but next to no Special Defense and are normally slow as hell. These are what you spend most of your early gameplay struggling against if you pick the Fire starter, and almost never use in any game playthrough unless you actively decide to use one to shake things up a bit.


*'''[[Electric Boogaloo|Electric]]:''' The only real reason you'd want an electric type is because most Electric attacks can cause Paralysis one way or another. The type itself is effective against both Water and Flying types, so could easily dispatch of those fucking Zubats and Tentacools that seem to appear in their thousands. An electric type's only weakness is the Ground type, [[Troll|which can be temporarily nullified with Magnet Rise]]. Electric Pokémans weren't based on [[irl]] creatures that could ''actually'' shoot electricity at shit until the invention of Eelektross. [[Some argue]] that Lanturn was based on an irl creature but Anglerfish don't shoot electricity, [[Lame|they emit light from their antenna.]]
*'''[[Ground floor|Ground]]''': Often accompanied with Rock-typing, Ground is a shitty mix of [[Cocaine|Rock]] and Normal, which means it performs poorly at being either of them. It is the only thing Electric-types are weak to, but anything that shoots out a lightning bolt from its bell-end is piss-weak anyway.


*'''[[Wizard Rock|Rock]]:''' Rock types had shitloads of HP and stupidly high defence, but next to no Special defence and were normally slow as hell. These were what you spent most of your gameplay fighting if you didn't have a Grass or Water type that could easily knuckle them over and call them filthy whores.
*'''[[Fight Club|Fighting]]''': Fighting-types have muscles where their brains should be and sport a nigger cock. They have lots of [[bodybuilder|physical strength]], but are easily [[mindfuck]]ed by Psychics and Fairies and [[O rly|birds]] for some reason. They can beat up on Normal, Dark, Rock, Steel and Ice Pokémon.


*'''[[Ground floor|Ground]]:''' Often accompanied by the Rock type, Ground was a shitty mix of [[Cocaine|Rock]] and Normal, which means it performed poorly at being either of them. It is the only thing Electric types are weak to, but anything that shot out a lightning bolt from its bell-end were piss-weak anyway. As Generations passed, Nintendo began running out of ideas for Ground types, so they took a [[Sherrod DeHippo|Hippo]] and a Crocodile and Pokéman'd them into Ground types.
*'''[[Psychic]]''': Known as the [[Final Fantasy VI|Esper]]-type in the Japanese version, Psychic-types have powerful Special Attack and Special Defense, but low physical Defense and Health; basically every "mage" character in any RPG in existence. Psychic-types are shit-scared of Ghosts, Dark-types and Bugs for some reason. Went from easily the best type in Generation I to one of the worst types in the most recent core games.


*'''[[Fight Club|Fighting]]:''' Fighting types have muscles where their brains should be and sport a nigger cock. They have lots of [[bodybuilder|physical strength]], but could easily get [[mindfuck]]ed by psychics and somehow fairies and [[O rly|birds]]. They can beat up on Normal and Ice types but had little real use until the [[emo|Dark-types]] were invented.
*'''[[Creepypasta|Ghost]]''': Ghosts are completely immune to Normal and Fighting attacks, [[Self-pwn|weak to other Ghosts]] and largely resistant to Ground-based moves in the later games [[Sarcasm|thanks to the introduction of the Levitate Ability]]. Your only chance in hell to beat one of these is to train up a Dark-type, a Normal-type wielding anything but Normal attacks, or [[Gardevoir|something else]]. Ghosts have the ability to naturally learn and use a move called "[[Swearing|Curse]]" which makes the user [[die alone]]. Ghosts also wield and other lulzy moves like [[Bondage|Destiny Bond]] and [[An Hero|Perish Song]].
**Side note: Nintendo trolled followers of the original Pokémon anime series, claiming that Ghosts were strong against Psychics. Fanboys would find out only after they trained their Haunter for three days that it was generally useless against Sabrina, because in Generation I Psychic Pokémon were actually immune to Ghost-types when they shouldn't have been, so that shitty move Lick did nothing. If that wasn't bad enough, Haunter [[Pwned|was also in fact weak against Psychic Pokémon due to its dual Poison-typing]]. O Nintendo, u so funneh.


*'''[[Psychic]]:''' Known as the [[Final Fantasy VI|Esper]] type in the Japanese version, Psychic types have powerful Special attack and Special defense, but low physical Defense and Health; basically every "mage" character in any RPG in existance. Psychic-types are shit-scared of Ghosts, Dark types and Bugs for some reason. Over the generations (In Generaion I, if you had a Alakazam or Mewtwo, you were '''GOD''') they went from being the single-most effective typing to noticeably one of the worst.
*'''[[Drug|Poison]]''': Either has fucking high Defense and HP, as well as having somewhat overpowered Poison attacks, or pathetically weak with lame Poison attacks, or were strong but had no Poison attacks at all. Until Generation VI, Poison moves were arguably the worst damage-dealing attacks, and generally avoided unless getting a STAB, but their strength against Fairies changed that somewhat. Get poisoned by one and you have to put up with the irritating long lasting poison effects which made these things a bitch to fight. Poison-types are often employed by the [[Fail|pathetic grunts]] of Team [[cock|Rocket]], and after a battle ended, the [[Zombie|infected]] Pokémon would cause your screen to have a fucking [[seizure]] every four steps you took. Until Generation V.


*'''[[Creepypasta|Ghost]]:''' Ghosts are completely immune to Normal and Fighting attacks, [[Self-pwn|weak to other ghosts]] and largely resistant to Ground-based moves in the later games [[Sarcasm|thanks to the introduction of the Levitate ability]]. Your only chance in hell to beat one of these was to train up a Dark type, a Normal type wielding anything but Normal attacks, or [[Gardevoir|something else]]. Ghosts have the ability to naturally learn and use a move called "[[Swearing|Curse]]" which makes the user [[die alone]]. Ghosts also wield and other lulzy moves like "[[Bondage|Destiny Bond]]" and "[[An Hero|Perish Song]]".
*'''[[Heavy Metal|Steel]]''': Designed to appeal to [[Hardcore|HARDCORE]] Pokémon fans and [[Fullmetal Alchemist|metalfags]]. Basically just the same as Rock, but with even [[MOAR]] Defense and HP, and in an almost cruel twist of irony it now gets shat on by Fire, and Grass Pokémon now suck its [[The_Great_Black_Dick_Hoax|ten-foot cock]]. The only reason you'd ever want one is because they're [[Win|completely immune to Poison]] and the fact that they resist pretty much everything until Generation VI, when their resistances to Dark and Ghost attacks were removed.


**Side note: Nintendo troll'd the anime followers of the original Pokémon series, claiming that Ghosts were strong against Psychics. Fanboys would find that once they trained their Haunter for 3 days solidly then challenged Sabrina, they'd find that Ghost attacks actually had no effect on Psychics in the first generation of games, and [[Pwned|were in fact weak against them due to their part-Poison typing]]. O Nintendo, u so funneh.
*'''[[Emo|Dark]]''': Dark (or in Japseye land, Evil) was invented because Ghost just wasn't enough for the legions of [[faggot]] [[fanfiction]] writers that make up most of the Pokémon fanbase. All of the creatures in the Dark-typing are either [[emo|deep and mysterious]], appear at night or are natural [[cunt]]s. They are one of the few types to be able to use a Psychic and Ghost-type as toilet paper with no real problems, but all Dark types have a crippling phobia of Bugs, and Fairies and Fighting types can wear them like gloves through their arseholes.


*'''[[Drug|Poison]]:''' Either has fucking high defense and HP, as well as having somewhat overpowered Poison attacks, or pathetically weak with weak Poison attacks, or were strong but had no Poison attacks at all. Get poisoned by one and you have to put up with the irritating long lasting poison effects which made these things a bitch to fight. Poison-types are often employed by the [[Fail|pathetic grunts]] of Team [[cock|Rocket]], and after a battle ended, the [[Zombie|infected]] Pokémon would cause your screen to have a fucking [[seizure]] every four steps you took. Until Generation 5.
*'''[[Weed|Grass]]''': If it's not an animal with plants growing out of it or an animal with shades of green on it, it's a plant with legs. Highly flammable, susceptible to Bugs eating it, easily poisoned, birds can almost literally shit on it, easily frozen by Ice, and not to mention generally fucking weak, you should only really choose the Grass-type as your starter because everyone knows that Rock, Ground and Water types bow down to their [[Hentai|seemingly infinite tentacles all in the shape of cocks used to dominate, rape and use them as hosts for their offspring]]. Oh, and [[Smugleaf]].


*'''[[Heavy metal|Steel]]:''' Designed to appeal to [[Hardcore|HARDCORE]] Pokémon fans and [[Fullmetal Alchemist|metalfags]]. Basically just the same as Rock, but with even [[MOAR]] defense and HP and in an almost cruel twist of irony it now gets shat on by Fire, and Grass types now suck its [[The_Great_Black_Dick_Hoax|10 foot cock]]. The only reason you'd ever want one is because they're [[Win|completely immune to Poison]] and the fact that they resist everything.
*'''[[Bug Chasers|Bug]]''': Anything based off of bugs IRL which is kind of fitting since the entire franchise was based on bug catching. As you'd expect of bugs, rocks can crush them, Flying types eat them for lunch, and Fire types cook them for the Flying types. To make up for that, they usually have an oddly good Special Attack, and many seem to be failed Psychic-typesas they [[LOLWUT|usually wield Psychic-type attacks]].


*'''[[Emo|Dark]]:''' Dark was invented because Ghost just wasn't enough for the legions of [[faggot]] [[fanfiction]] writers that make up most of the Pokémon fanbase. All of the creatures in the Dark typing are either [[emo|deep and mysterious]], appear at night or are natural [[cunt]]s. They are one of the few types to be able to use a Psychic and Ghost-type as toilet paper with no real problems, but somehow can get easily knuckled over by Bugs,Fairies and Fighting types.
*'''[[Bird is the word|Flying]]''': Various [[YOU'RE A BIRD!|winged creatures]] that can [[Oh|fly]]. That is, unless they're insects, mostly anything modeled after [[Batman|bats]] and Gyarados. They are usually weak but fast and sport rather nice physical strength, but are only really useful when fully evolved. Rock-types can crush them to pieces, Ice-types can serve them [[Frosty the Snowman|frozen]] and Electric-types can serve them [[chikins|fried]]. Only one Pokémon is a ''pure'' Flying-type without [[hax]], and it's a fucking genie.


*'''[[Weed|Grass]]''': If it's not an animal with plants growing out of it or an animal with shades of green on it, it's a plant with legs. Highly flammable, susceptible to bugs eating it, easily poisoned, birds can almost literally shit on it and not to mention generally fucking weak, you would only really choose the Grass type as your starter because everyone knows that Rock, Ground and Water types bow down to their [[Hentai|seemingly infinite tentacles all in the shape of cocks used to dominate, rape and use them as hosts for their offspring]]. Oh, and [[Smugleaf]].
*'''[[Dragon]]''': Probably the only type in the game worth a damn, at least until the introduction of the Fairy-type. Overpowered, huge amount of HP, fast, could take a lot of rape and most of them could learn at least one move of every other type in existence. They're mainly used by whiny-ass little bastards who think the world of Pokémon is real. Nearly [[epic Fail|impossible]] to kill and even [[MOAR]] impossible to level-up, Dragon's only weaknesses are [[Amphetamines|Ice-types]], [[Self-pwn|Dragons]] and [[LOLWUT|Fairies]].


*'''[[Bug Chasers|Bug]]''': Slow, weak to Rock, Flying, and would also [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|spontaneously combust]] at the smallest spark. To make up for that, they usually had an oddly good special attack and many were failed Psychic types as they [[LOLWUT|usually wielded Psychic-type attacks]]. Most of these [[How Do I Shot Web?|shot powders]] that stunned, poisoned or forced you to [[Sexsomnia|sleep]].  
*'''[[Fairy]]''': The manliest type which was introduced with the released of X and Y with Sylveon as the figurehead for the type which has since become a waifu Pokémon for furries. A bunch of previous Pokémon have since been reclassed as Fairies, including Clefairy, Pikablu and Mr. Mime for some godawful reason. It was introduced in VI because the fucktards at Game Freak realized Dragons were overpowered and Spiritomb needed a weakness to stop people cheating in a Wondertomb.


*'''[[Bird is the word|Flying]]:''' Various [[YOU'RE A BIRD!|winged creatures]] that can [[Oh|fly]]. That is, unless they're insects, mostly anything modeled after [[Batman|bats]] and Gyarados. They were usually weak but fast and sported rather nice physical strength, but were only really useful when they were fully evolved. Rock types can crush them to pieces, Ice types can serve them [[Frosty the Snowman|frozen]] and Electric types can serve them [[chikins|fried]]. Only one Pokémon is a ''pure'' flying type without [[hax]], and he's a fucking genie.
==[[DO NOT WANT|Status conditions]]==
During the [[shitty|awesome]] Pokéman battles which start, either when you [[Animal abuse|step on a Pachirisu]], a [[fat]] [[faggot]] with nothing better to do challenges you to a fight for no real reason at all, or your imaginary friend from [[irl]] challenges you and you hook up your Game Boys together so you can start fightin' your Pokémans, Status conditions are one of the things Pokéman can do to each other to piss each other off. They are as follows:


*'''[[Dragon]]:''' Probably the only type in the game worth a damn, at least until the introduction of the Fairy type. Overpowered, huge amount of HP, fast, could take a lot of rape and most of them could learn at least one move of every other type in existence. They're mainly used by whiny ass little bastards who think the world of Pokémon is real. Nearly [[epic Fail|impossible]] to kill and even [[MOAR]] impossible to level-up, Dragon's only weaknesses are [[Amphetamines|Ice]], [[Self-pwn|Dragon]] and [[LOLWUT|Fairies]].
*[[Cripple|'''Paralysis''']]: A condition inflicted most commonly by Electric attacks, Body Slam, Stun Spore and Glare. Annoyingly ''the'' most common status condition you can ever fucking get. Paralysis slows the sufferer down to 25% ''and'' gives them a chance of being unable to attack on any given turn, and ''your'' Pokéman will never attack, whereas the enemy will without a problem. You can recover from paralysis with status condition healing items. Combine with Attract and Confuse Ray for '''EXTREME TROLLING'''. Any Pokéman with the Limber Ability is immune to paralysis, [[over 9000|just Saiyan]].


*'''[[Fairy]]:''' The manliest type ever. Also easily now one of the most worshiped types, introduced in VI because the fucktards a Gamefreak realized how OP Dragon and Dark types were. It was announced that the Fairy type is super effective against Dragon type which means that the Dragon type finally gets kicked down a notch and [[never|hopefully]] encourage 13 year olds to [[An Hero|use something else]].
*[[AIDS|'''Poison''']]: A less common but equally stupid condition wherein the poisoned Pokémon gradually loses HP ''even when you are out of battle'', shown when your game has a fucking seizure every four steps. Can  be cured with an Antidote. Pokémans with the Immunity Ability, Poison-types and Steel-types are immune to it. In the first three Generations, your Pokémon could faint from being poisoned outside of battle. In Generation IV, they [[bullshit|magically recover from poison while on the verge of death at 1HP]] and in Generation V they stay poisoned but don't cause the screen to seizure or lose health by walking four steps, essentially making it no different to being burned, minus shitting on the Attack stat. As of Generation VI, poisoning no longer harms Pokémon after a battle.


==[[DO NOT WANT|Status Conditions]]==
*'''Badly poisoned''': Copy/paste of being poisoned, but does more damage as more turns are taken in battle. [[Sarcasm|Totally fair]].
During the [[awesome]] Pokéman battles which start, either when you [[Animal abuse|step on a Pachirisu]], a [[fat]] [[faggot]] with nothing better to do challenges you to a fight for no real reason at all, or your imaginary friend from [[irl]] challenges you and you hook up your Gameboys together so you can start fightin' your Pokémans, Status conditions are one of the things Pokémans can do to each other to piss each other off. They are as follows:


*[[Cripple|'''Paralysis''']]: A condition inflicted most commonly by Electric attacks, Body Slam, Stun Spore and Glare. Annoyingly ''the'' most common status condition you can ever fucking get. Paralysis slows the sufferer down by 25% ''and'' makes most of their attacks not work. You can recover from Paralysis with Refresh/Heal Bell or Paralyze&status-healing items, only so you can get paralyzed again. Combine with Attract and Confusion for '''EXTREME TROLLING'''. Any Pokéman with the Limber ability is immune to paralysis, [[over 9000|just saiyan]].
*[[Rape|'''Sleep''']]: Sleep stops your Pokémon from doing ''anything at all'', unless you use Snore or Sleep Talk. It can either last a long time or not very long at all, essentially mind-fucking you into choosing whether to use an Awakening or not. If you're really unlucky, it could last five full turns. Any Pokémon with Dream Eater, usually the one that put you to sleep in the first place, can [[troll|rape your health while healing themselves]] at the same time. Any Pokéman with [[you|Insomnia]] or Vital Spirit is immune to sleep, even if it tries to cause it on itself by using a move such as Rest.


*[[AIDS|'''Poison''']]: A less common but equally stupid condition wherein the poisoned Pokemon gradually loses HP ''even when you are out of battle'', shown when your game has a fucking seizure every 4 steps. Can only be cured by Refresh/Heal bell and Poison&status-healing items. Pokémans with the Immunity ability, Poison types and Steel types are immune to it. In the first 3 generations, your Pokéman fainted from poison outside of battle. In Generation IV, they [[bullshit|magically recover from poison while on the verge of death at 1hp]] and in Generation V they stay poisoned but don't cause the screen to seizure or lose health by walking 4 steps, essentially making it no different to having a Burn, minus shitting on the Attack stat.
*[[Sophie Delezio|'''Burn''']]: [[Captain Obvious|Burns are most often inflicted by 90% of Fire attacks]]. When affected by a burn, the Attack stat is shat all over similar to how paralysis shits on Speed, and you lose HP every turn. It doesn't make your game screen have a seizure every four steps outside of battle though, and can be cured with a Burn Heal. Pokémon that are Fire-types, or have the Water Veil Ability, cannot be inflicted with the burn status.


*'''Bad poison''': Copy/paste of Poison, but does more damage as more turns are taken in battle. [[Sarcasm|Totally fair]].
*[[Brandon Crisp|'''Freeze''']]: Caused by at least 50% of Ice attacks and works pretty much the same way as sleep, by making your Pokémon useless in that it can't fight back. It rarely lasts more than one turn though and has no attacks that instantly causes it. The Pokéman in question can be defrosted in one of five ways; It can defrost randomly on its own, can be cured with an Ice Heal, can be defrosted when Fire attacks are used against it, is immune to being frozen with the Magma Armor Ability and it can defrost ''itself'' using Flame Wheel, Sacred Fire, Flare Blitz, Fusion Flare, or Scald. A pure fail.


*[[Rape|'''Sleep''']]; Sleep stops your Pokemon from doing ''anything at all'', unless you use Snore or Sleep talk. It can either last a long time or not very long at all, essentially mindfucking you into choosing whether to use an Sleep-curing item or not. If you're really unlucky, it could last at least 20 turns. Any Pokéman with Dream Eater, usually the one that put you to sleep in the first place, can [[troll|rape your health while healing themselves]] at the same time. Any Pokéman with [[you|Insomnia]] or Vital Spirit is immune to sleep, even if it tries to cause it on itself by using Rest.
*[[Slut|'''Attract''']]: Psuedo-[[Rule 34]]. Pokémans [[Gardevoir|can whore themselves out]] to the [[heterosexual|opposite gender]] and your Pokémon falls in love with it. It stops [[at least 100]]% of all your attacks from doing anything when your Pokémon starts pining for [[dat ass]] and won't do anything for that turn. [[Trap|Unknown genders]] can't learn Attract, but [[Ditto|those who]] [[Mew|can use it]] [[Hax|by other methods]] [[Dying alone|can't attract anyone]]. Combine with paralysis and/or confusion for '''EXTREME TROLLING!''' Any Pokémon with the Oblivious Ability or [[homophobia|the same gender]] is immune to it.
**On another note: [[RAGE|FUCK YOU WHITNEY AND YOUR FUCKING MILTANK, WHY COULDN'T MY STARTER POKÉMON BE A GIRL?! FUCKING CUNT BITCH!]]


*[[Sophie Delezio|'''Burn''']]: [[Captain Obvious|Burns are most often inflicted by 90% of Fire attacks]]. When affected by a burn, the Attack stat is shat all over similar to how Paralysis shits on Speed, and you lose HP every turn. It doesn't make your game screen have a seizure every 4 steps outside of battle though, and can be cured with Refresh/Heal bell and Burn&Status-curing items or if a Pokéman is a Fire type or has the Water Veil ability it can't get a burn at all.
*[[Transexual|'''Confusion''']]: Used only as a last resort or by NPCs to piss you off. The affected Pokéman can fail attacks and punch itself in the face in the process. Higher Attack power means it slaps itself harder, which is why people like the attack [[DAT ASS|Swagger]]. Confusion lasts 500 turns for you, lasts one turn for the opponent. Invest in Confuse Ray for '''EXTREME TROLLING!''' Unless of course it has the Own Tempo Ability.
**On another note: [[BUTTHURT|FUCK YOU TENTACOOL AND ZUBAT!!! YOUR ASSHOLES WILL BE MINE WHEN I FIND A WAY TO ENTER POKÉMON GOLD AND SILVER AND RED AND BLUE!!! STOP APPEARING WHEN I GO INTO CAVES AND OCEANS! YOU BITCHES RUINED A 7-YEAR-OLD'S GAMING EXPERIENCE!]]


*[[Brandon Crisp|'''Freeze''']]: Caused by at least 50% of Ice attacks and works pretty much the same way as Sleep, by making your Pokéman useless in that it can't fight back. It rarely lasts more than one turn though and has no attacks that instantly causes it. The Pokéman in question can be defrosted in one of five ways; It can defrost randomly on its own, can be cured with Ice&status-healing items, can be defrosted when Fire attacks are used against it, is immune to being frozen with the Magma Armor ability and it can defrost ''itself'' using Flame Wheel, Sacred Fire, Flare Blitz, Fusion Flare, or Scald. A pure fail.
*[[Wicca|'''Curse''']]: A lulzy condition inflicted by Ghost-types. The user becomes [[emo]] and [[Fetish|sticks needles in itself]] using some odd voodoo shit, taking half its health to lay a curse on your Pokémon. Every turn, just less than 1/4 of your Pokémon's health will be taken until it dies of severe depression. Massive trolling and butthurt ensues from its use. [[DO IT FAGGOT|Use it often]] and use it against real people to piss them off.


*[[Slut|'''Attract''']]: Psuedo-[[Rule 34]]. Pokémans [[Gardevoir|can whore themselves out]] to the [[heterosexual|opposite gender]] and your Pokéman falls in love with it. It stops [[at least 100]]% of all your attacks from doing anything when your Pokéman starts pining for [[dat ass]] and won't do anything for that turn. [[Trap|Unknown genders]] can't learn Attract, but [[Ditto|those who]] [[Mew|can use it]] [[Hax|by other methods]] [[Dying alone|can't attract anyone]]. Combine with Paralysis and/or Confusion for '''EXTREME TROLLING!''' Any Pokéman with the Oblivious ability or [[homophobia|the game gender]] is immune to it.
*[[AIDS|'''Pokérus''']]: Not a typical status ailment with negative effects in battle; basically your Pokémon contracted [[STD|Pokérus]] from [[Rape|fighting]] a [[Prostitute|wild Pokémon]], but you must have battled it and preferably defeated it to catch it, and the virus is really fucking rare. It can be spread to all your other Pokémon, regardless of gender or species. Hell, it can even be passed onto [[babyfuck|Eggs]]. It can't be cured, and it goes away over time; [[Forever Alone|but the effects of the virus remain for the rest of your Pokémon's life]]. [[Steroids|Pokérus is a special strand of AIDS that turns your Pokémon into the strongest fucking thing evar whenever it levels up]], and is really fucking rare despite the fact that it can be spread like the common cold.
**On another note: [[RAGE|FUCK YOU WHITNEY AND YOUR FUCKING MILTANK, WHY COULDN'T MY STARTER POKEMON BE A GIRL?! FUCKING CUNT BITCH!]]


*[[Transexual|'''Confusion''']]: Used only as a last resort or by NPCs to piss you off. The affected Pokéman can fail attacks and punch itself in the face in the process. Higher Attack power means it slaps itself harder, which is why people like the attack [[DAT ASS|Swagger]]. Confusion lasts 500 turns for you, lasts 1 turn for the opponent. Invest in Confuse Ray for '''EXTREME TROLLING!''' Unless of course it has the Own Tempo ability.
==The anime==
**On another note: [[BUTTHURT|FUCK YOU TENTACOOL AND ZUBAT!!! YOUR ASSHOLES WILL BE MINE WHEN I FIND A WAY TO ENTER POKERMON GOLD AND SILVER AND RED AND BLUE!!! STOP APPEARING WHEN I GO INTO CAVES AND OCEANS YOU BITCHES RUINED A 7 YEAR OLDS GAMING EXPERIANCE!]]
[[Image:Ashmaid.png|200px|thumb|left|Professor Oak learned Ash's [[gay|secret]].]]
[[Image:Its-a-trap.gif|200px|thumb|right|What? You thought they couldn't out-gay the maid?]]
[[File:Ass ketchup.png|200px|thumb|The '''NEW''' and '''PROGRESSIVE''' Ass Ketchup]]
[[Image:ITS A TRAP POKEMON26.jpg|200px|thumb|left|[[panty shot|Screenshot]] from the 9th season]]
The Pokémon cartoon (compulsively referred to as the anniemay by fanfaggots) tells the story of [[hermaphrodite]] Ash Ketchum, whose hollow life is devoted entirely to being a Pokémon fanboy. Therefore, he teams up with his best buddy and [[life partner|partner]], the electrified [[rat]] [[Pikachu]], and sets out to [[obsessive-compulsive disorder|catch 'em all]].


*[[Wicca|'''Curse''']]: A lulzy condition inflicted by Ghost types; The user becomes [[emo]] and [[Fetish|sticks needles in itself]] using some odd voodoo shit, taking half its health to lay a curse on your Pokéman. Every turn, just less than 1/4 of your Pokémans health will be taken until it dies of severe depression. Massive trolling and butthurt ensues from its use. [[DO IT FAGGOT|Use it often]] and use it against real people to piss them off.
Ash is soon accompanied by Misty O'IttyBittyTitties, former [[16-year-old girl|underage]] [[fetish]] model. He is also joined by [[Brock Turner|Brock]] Statue Tory, all around [[pervert|horn dog]] and charter member of the [[cunt|Nurse Joy]] appreciation club. A running joke involves Brock [[cum]]ming in his pants whenever he sees anything with [[tits|breasts]], which happens with [[Over 9000|amazing frequency]] considering his [[Azn|eyes are permanently closed]]. However, the reason behind Brock's weird-ass behavior is his [[homosexuality]]. This is the only explanation why he has never had a [[girlfriend]], and why he loves to [[Cock|cook]]. As the rest of the gang are major [[homophobic|gay-bashers]], he hides this with his [[Not gay|girl "obsession."]]


*[[AIDS|'''Pokérus''']]: Not a typical status ailment with negative effects in battle; basically your Pokéman contracted [[STD|Pokérus]] from [[Rape|fighting]] a [[Prostitute|Wild Pokéman]], but you must have battled it and preferably defeated it to catch it, and the virus is really fucking rare. It can be spread to all your other Pokéman, regardless of gender or species. Hell, it can even be passed onto [[babyfuck|eggs]]. It can't be cured, and it goes away over time; [[Forever Alone|but the effects of the virus remain for the rest of your Pokéman's life]]. [[Steroids|Pokérus is a special strand of AIDS that turns your Pokéman into the strongest fucking thing evar whenever it levels up]], and is really fucking rare despite the fact that it can be spread like the common cold.
Ash is chased around the world by Team Rocket members [[lesbian|Jessie]], [[homo|James]], and their annoying retarded [[cat]] Meowth. They supply [[At least 100|95]]% of this show's [[lulz]] in the form of [[fail|endless]] attempts to steal Pikachu so that their boss would [[GG|appreciate them]] again, not that he did anyway. They are also the subject of many [[flame wars|shipping wars]] among Poké[[fans]] who are just too [[dumb]] to realize James is [[gay]].


==The Anime==
Misty later leaves the show after getting [[pregnant|knocked up]] and is promptly replaced by May, a [[jailbait]] [[whore]] with breasts that more than make up for Misty's lack thereof. May brings along her brother Max, an incestuous [[Shotacon|little]] [[fuckface]], who seems to [[Mega ultra super genius|know more about Pokémon than Ash]]. In order to boost ratings, Dawn is then introduced to the show, and considering that she's a 10-year-old, is an even bigger [[whore]] than the other girls mainly due to her [[pantyshot|extremely short skirt]]. Having the [[Lolicon|smallest chest]], Dawn is clearly [[fanservice]] for many of the show's viewers.
[[Image:Ashmaid.png|thumb|left|Professor Oak learned Ash's [[gay|secret]].]]
[[Image:Its-a-trap.gif|thumb|right|What? You thought they couldn't out-gay the maid?]]


The Pokémon cartoon (compulsively referred to as the anniemay by fanfaggots) tells the story of [[hermaphrodite]] Ash Ketchum, whose hollow life is devoted entirely to Pokémon worship. Therefore, he teams up with his best buddy and [[life partner|partner]], the electrified [[rat]] [[Pikachu]], and sets out to [[obsessive-compulsive disorder|catch 'em all]].
The series has continued for far more years as well as seasons than it ever should have, showcasing Ash and some [[pussy|traveling partners]] going throughout the region of the games currently being promoted. We have seen Ash paired up with [[nigger|Iris]] and [[fag|Cilan]] as they explored the Amerifat Unova region. Then the show on Kalos, where Ash was now accompanied by [[nerd|Clemont]], his [[fuckface]] little sister [[loli|Bonnie]], and an even larger than Dawn [[whore]] Serena. Now, he's accompanied by [[nerd|Sophocles]], [[douche|Kiawe]], [[cunt|Lille]], even worse than Serena [[jailbait]] [[whore]] Mallow, and [[loli|Lana]], a legit harem of girls in the Alola Region. Sadly, Ash will never, ever see himself win an official championship as long as the show keeps going. [[beta|Nor will he get any pussy]], while Team Rocket will continue to be failures who stalk a kid for a rat for thousands of more episodes to come.


Ash is soon accompanied by Misty O'IttyBittyTitties, former [[16-year-old girl|underage]] [[fetish]] model. He is also joined by [[What is Brock?|Brock]] Statue Tory, all around [[pervert|horn dog]] and charter member of the [[cunt|Nurse Joy]] appreciation club. A running joke involves Brock [[cum]]ming in his pants whenever he sees anything with [[tits|breasts]], which happens with [[Over 9000|amazing frequency]] considering his [[Azn|eyes are permanently closed]]. However, the reason behind Brock's weird-ass behavior is his [[homosexuality]]. This is the only explanation why he has never had a [[girlfriend]], and why he loves to [[Cock|cook]]. As the rest of the gang are major [[homophobic|gay-bashers]], he hides this with his [[Not gay|girl "obsession."]]
The cartoon is solely enjoyed by people who play the games. Compulsive, autistic, fat, basement-dwelling freaks whom don't receive any love from their mommies and daddies. Watching the Pokémon cartoon is considered by many to be even lower than enjoying a [[Dan Schneider|Nickelodeon shitcom]]. That is fucking low.


Ash is chased around the world by Team Rocket members [[lesbian|Jessie]], [[homo|James]], and their annoying retarded [[cat]]. They supply [[At least 100|95]]% of this show's [[lulz]] in the form of [[fail|endless]] attempts to steal Pikachu so that their boss would [[GG|appreciate them]] again, not that he did anyway. They are also the subject of many [[flame wars|shipping wars]] among Poké[[fans]] who are just too [[dumb]] to realize James is [[gay]].
===4Kids and drama in the U.S.===
[[Image:1371831529308.gif|200px|thumb|right|Pokémon do not like [[you]], it's a [[fact]].]]
The Pokémon anime was originally dubbed for U.S. distribution by [[4Kids]]. Some episodes were [[banhammer]]ed by 4Kids for reasons varying from James showing off his [[shemale|new boobs]], to [[Porygon]]-induced [[subliminal messages]] that would cause [[seizure]]s and the buying of more Pokémon [[crap|merchandise]]. This topic can cause [[fanboys]] to rant for hours on the Internet.


[[Image:1371831529308.gif|thumb|right|Pokemon do not like [[you]], it's a [[fact]].]]
Eventually, The Pokémon Company International stepped in and took the anime away from 4Kids to save costs on production and money. All the "fans" who had previously bitched about how 4Kids was [[sodomizing]] the series now acted like it was the [[apocalypse]] that the voice actors had been replaced. They set up [[at least 100]] online petitions to reinstate the old voices. Pokémon is clearly [[serious business]]. To make the lulz even better, two of the current voice actors, James Carter Cathcart (who [[secks|does]] James and Meowth) and Bill Rogers (who [[secks|does]] Brock) posted about the voice actor changeover on the Serebii and Bulbagarden Forums, whining like [[13-year-old boys]] and spamming the forums out of [[angst]] that their Brock, Bonsly, Meowth, and James performances as well as the TPCi dub's writing were being criticized, with Cathcart even saying he was better than the previous two voices of James (Ted Lewis & Eric Stuart) under self-perceived anonymity, and Bill Rogers deeming him a reliable source.
[[Image:ITS A TRAP POKEMON26.jpg|thumb|left|[[panty shot|Screenshot]] from the 9th season.]]


Misty later leaves the show after getting [[pregnant|knocked up]] and is promptly replaced by May, a [[jailbait]] [[whore]] with breasts that more than make up for Misty's lack thereof. May brings along her brother Max, an [[incest]]uous [[Shotacon|little]] [[fuckface]], who seems to [[Mega ultra super genius|know more about Pokémon than Ash]]. In order to boost ratings, Dawn is then introduced to the show, and considering that she's 10 years old, she is an even bigger [[whore]] than the other girls mainly due to her [[pantyshot|extremely short skirt]]. Having the [[Lolicon|smallest chest]], she is clearly [[fanservice]] for much of the show's viewerbase.
In 2018, the [[Jap]]anese writers and animators of the series continued to choke once more on a [[useless|filler]] episode with Ash and Passimian, the 64th episode of the Sun & Moon series, where Lillie painted Ash like a [[sandnigger|nigger monkey]] because it was fucking 2018. Yet, TPCi still being completely pussies over [[political correctness]], managed to [[doing it wrong|fuck up]], even with no niggers truly offended- TPCi did the [[anti-lulz|pointless, unfunny]] thing of giving it a permanent [[banhammer]] to show that, once again like the internetz, [[serious business|POKÉMON IS SER1OUS BUSINESS!!!]]


The series has continued for several more seasons than it ever should have, showcasing Ash and some [[pussy|traveling partners]] going throughout the region of the games currently being promoted. We have seen Ash paired up with [[nigger|Iris]] and [[tranny|Cilan]] as they explored the Amerifat region, and now the show focuses on Kalos. Here, Ash is now accompanied by [[nerd|Clemont]], his little sister [[loli|Bonny]], and [[whore|Serena]]. Sadly, Ash will never see himself win an official championship as long as the show keeps going. [[beta|Nor will he get any pussy]].
===Ways to watch the anime===
There are two ways to watch the anime in English:
* The shitty dub, now managed by TPCi.
* Even shittier subtitled anime, managed by [[autistic]] subber groups.


The cartoon is solely enjoyed by people who play the games. Compulsive, autistic, fat, basement-dwelling freaks whom don't receive any love from their mommies and daddies. Watching the Pokemon cartoon is considered by many to be even lower than enjoying a [[Nickelodeon]] shit-com. That is fucking low.
The TPCi dub is just shit, because the voice actors, musicians, and the sole writer really only put in a minimal amount of effort for a product that automatically generates money for Nintendo and all other parties, meaning the quality is a mere shadow of even the 4Kids dub version of the show from back in the day... which, you can imagine, is pretty pathetic to say the least. But in all honesty, the dub is still infinitely better than shit that subber groups release, because at least the dub is more focused on making shit sound more natural to English speaking people. Y'know, NORMAL people who just want to be entertained by a good (lol) cartoon show.


===4Kids and USA Drama===
[[File:PokemonAnime-subsExample.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Example of subber's autism: Everything is in English, except for the names. Because English names is what the dub uses, and is therefore clearly shit.]] On the other hand, the shit released by subber groups is just fucking awful, and no level of "hard work" justifies the amount of autism sub fans have for it. Just poke around any thread about the CARTOON on [[vp|/vp/]], and you'll see just how terrible sub fans are, as well as how easily triggered they are. Want to see it in action? Then just try any of the following:
The Pokémon anime was originally dubbed for U.S. distribution by [[4Kids]]. Several episodes were [[banhammer]]ed by 4Kids for reasons varying from Brock sneezing during the [[SARS]] epidemic, to an overabundance of [[evil]] [[Japan|Japanese culture]], to James showing off his [[shemale|new boobs]], to [[Porygon]]-induced [[subliminal messages]] that would cause [[seizure]]s and the buying of more Pokémon [[crap|merchandise]]. This topic can cause [[fanboys]] to rant for hours on their fansites or online journals.
* Ask for a version of the subs which replace all the Japanese names with English names... y'know, because you speak English, not Japanese.
* If none are provided, take a subber's release and replace everything yourself, then post the results.
* Ask why Japanese names are used at all for an English language sub.
* Point out that it's impossible for Japanese to be exactly translated into English, and thus their attempts for "authenticity" with subs is pointless.
:* ''Sub-point'': constantly bring up Japanese's lack of articles (like "a" and "the") and ask why any subber uses them if authenticity is the goal.
* Ask why the subs aren't just pulled from the dub.
* Defend the dub in any way.
:* For example: point out that "Satoshi" is not his real name, but that it's "Ash," as proven by "Ash's Greninja" in the Pokémon ''Sun''/''Moon'' demo.
:* Alternatively, point out that if they don't want to use anything that reminds them of the dub, then why are they using the same language as the dub?
* Defend the more liberal subs over the more literal subs, then point out how people like the liberal subs better.
* Redistribute someone's subs on your own website, and if they complain, point out that what they're doing is illegal anyways and say "whaddya gonna do, arrest me?"


Eventually, Pokémon USA stepped in and yoinked the anime away from 4Kids. All the "fans" who had previously bitched about how 4Kids was [[sodomizing]] the series now acted like it was the [[apocalypse]] that the voice artists had been replaced. They set up [[at least 100]] online petitions to reinstate the old voices. Pokémon is clearly [[serious business]]. To make the lulz even better, one of their voice actors, Eric Stuart (who [[secks|did]] James and Brock) posted about the voice actor changeover on his website, whining like a [[13-year-old boy]] and spamming his own guestbook out of [[angst]].
Yeah, so, for some reason, subbers think that using Japanese names in the subs is the more superior choice... because apparently the English names for characters is a decision made by the show's dubbers (as opposed to a decision made from the top of Game Freak itself) and is therefore inauthentic to the nature of the original Japanese show. And subfags will defend this as much as possible, despite the fact that no one (apart from the subbers themselves, and that's debatable) actually speaks Japanese and thus needs English subtitles to be written up for them.


==The Comic==
But hey, we here at Encyclopedia Dramatica are in it for the lulz, so expect a release of the "best" subs with all of the Japanese names replaced with their English ones soon.
 
==The comic==
<center>[[Image:suffering.jpg|600px|]]</center>
<center>[[Image:suffering.jpg|600px|]]</center>
<center>'''The world of Pokemon is unforgiving.'''</center>
<center>'''The world of Pokémon is unforgiving.'''</center>


As if the world didn't have enough Pokeshit, we now have to have fucking [[otaku|<s>manga</s>]] comics about it. The one most fantards give a shit about is Pokemon Adventures, known as Pokemon Special by weebs. This comic is the bastion wet dream of Deviantards, shippers, and 9 year old children who enjoy bloody violence. Rife with violence, plundering, blood, Pokemon getting killed, people getting killed, evil gym leaders, trainers being turned into stone, time travel, drama, hate, and of course nudity, Pokemon Special (or PokeSpe for short) is a fucking dream come true, even being endorsed by the original game's creator Satoshi Tajiri. The main protagonists are swapped around, which would give an air of refreshment with each new story arc - however this is a let down once you realize they are named after the games. We are left with shit like a boy named Gold and a girl named White.
As if the world didn't have enough Pokéshit, we now have fucking [[otaku|<s>manga</s>]] comics about it. The one most fantards give a shit about is Pokémon Adventures, known as Pokémon Special by weebs. This comic is the bastion wet dream of Deviantards, shippers, and [[edgy|9-year-old children who enjoy bloody violence]]. Rife with violence, plundering, blood, Pokémon getting killed, people getting killed, evil Gym Leaders, evil Elite Four, Trainers being turned into stone, time travel, drama, hate, and of course nudity. Pokémon Special (or PokéSpe for short) is a fucking dream come true, even being endorsed by the original game's creator [[fag|Satoshi Tajiri]]. The main protagonists are swapped around, which would give an air of refreshment with each new story arc - however this is a let down once you realize they are named after the games. We are left with shit like a boy named Gold and a girl named White.


In truth, it's just a shitty overblown Marvel-tier mess that only gets points above the cartoon because it doesn't star that cocksucker Ash Ketchum. And even then, the comic's version of Red (Ash's basis) is just as bad. It's all weak as shit compared to [[Barney|real hardcore series]].
In truth, it's just a shitty overblown Marvel-tier mess that only gets points above the cartoon because it doesn't star that cocksucker Ash Ketchum. Even then, the comic's version of Red (Ash's basis) is just as bad. It's all weak as shit compared to [[Barney|real hardcore series]].


==Videos==
==Videos==
<center>
<center>{{fv|pokemonfanvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
{{frame|{{fv|pokemonfanvids|background-color: #FFFF00;|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>eGvM0CC2pu0</youtube>'''Your average fan'''
<youtube>-XsSoMBVF3w</youtube><center>'''[[Dcigs|Niggers]]'''</center>|
|<youtube>-XsSoMBVF3w</youtube>'''[[Dcigs|Niggers]]'''
<youtube>-px_FYHtYIw</youtube><center>'''[[Guido|Guidos]]'''</center>|
|<youtube>-px_FYHtYIw</youtube>'''[[Guido|Guidos]]'''
<youtube>h9o5_W6hn9k</youtube><center>'''Retards'''</center>|
|<youtube>h9o5_W6hn9k</youtube>'''Retards'''
<youtube>cmNb3xJFzkc</youtube><center>'''Christians'''</center>|
|<youtube>cmNb3xJFzkc</youtube>'''[[Christians]]'''
<youtube>r0OowSxgEcE</youtube><center>'''Momma's boys/Misty fappers'''</center>|
|<youtube>r0OowSxgEcE</youtube>'''Momma's boys and Misty fappers'''
}}|border=#000099|background=#FFFF00}}
}}</center>
</center>


==Galleries==
==Galleries==
{{collapsegallery|[[Pokémon/Images|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery|Official manga|Official manga|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Poke01.jpg|Page one
Image:Poke02.jpg|Page two
Image:Poke03.jpg|Page three
Image:Poke04.jpg|Page four
Image:Poke05.jpg|Page five
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Poke06.jpg|Page six
Image:Pikachu gets raped.jpg|[[Baby fuck|Look familiar?]]
Image:Brockwillstealurpenis.jpg|I think Pokémon is a cool guy, eh, steals penises and doesn't afraid of anything
Image:Brockwatchesjessetakeashit.jpg|Brock watches Jessie take a [[crap|shit]]
</gallery>}}
<br>
{{collapsegallery|[[Pokémon/Images|See more]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:How Blastoise pees.jpg
Image:How Blastoise pees.jpg
Image:Pidgey fainted.jpg
Image:Pidgey fainted.jpg
Line 208: Line 324:
Image:Miltank.jpg
Image:Miltank.jpg
Image:Super Effective, Shorts.jpg
Image:Super Effective, Shorts.jpg
</gallery>|}}<br>
</gallery>|}}
 
<br>
===Rule 34===
{{collapsegallery|[[Pokémon/rule34|See more]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery|[[Pokémon/rule34|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Jessie and Crimson Viper.PNG
Image:Jessie and Crimson Viper.PNG
Image:Jessie and Bayonetta.PNG
Image:Jessie and Bayonetta.PNG
Line 217: Line 332:
Image:Pokeboy.jpg
Image:Pokeboy.jpg
Image:Vaporeon gangbang.png
Image:Vaporeon gangbang.png
</gallery>|}}<br>
===Official Manga===
{{collapsegallery|Official Manga|Official Manga|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Poke01.jpg
Image:Poke02.jpg
Image:Poke03.jpg
Image:Poke04.jpg
Image:Poke05.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Poke06.jpg
File:Pokemon Daycare in a nutshell.png|You know you want it.
Image:Pikachu gets raped.jpg|[[Baby fuck|Look familiar?]]
File:Serena torture.png|Pokemon fans think this is "art". Yes, this was drawn by an adult.
Image:Brockwillstealurpenis.jpg|I think pokémon is a cool guy, eh steals penises and doesnt afraid of anything.
</gallery>|}}
Image:Brockwatchesjessetakeashit.jpg|Brock watches Jessie take a [[crap|shit]].  
<br>
</gallery>}}
==See also==
 
==See Also==
[[File:Pokemon reproduction.png|300px|right|thumb|What '''REALLY''' happens at the Pokémon Day Care.]]
[[File:Pokemon reproduction.png|300px|right|thumb|What '''REALLY''' happens at the Pokémon Day Care.]]
[[File:Bestkorea.jpg|thumb|300px|right|If only it were this awesome.]]
*[[AGNPH]]
*[[AGNPH]]
*[[Amourshipping]]
*[[Asperchu]]
*[[Asperchu]]
*[[BlueCatRiolu]]
*[[Braixen]]
*[[Bulbagarden]]
*[[Bulbagarden]]
*[[Charles Ziese]]
*[[Charles Ziese]]
*[[Chris Chan]]
*[[Chris Chan]]
*[[Cynthia]] - Because Nintendo obviously [[Lie|isn't sexist]].
*[[Cynthia]] - Because Nintendo is obviously [[Truth|sexist]].
*[[FemaleGoodra]]
*[[Flannery]] - The [[Hott|hottest]] [[Mai waifu|waifu]].
*[[Furries]]
*[[Furries]]
*[[Gardevoir]] - The Waifu Pokémon.
*[[Gary Oak]] - That is one badass motherfucker!
*[[Gary Oak]] - That is one badass motherfucker!
*[[GalladeXD]] - Watch out guys, we've got a Pokémon-fucker here!
*''[[Horizon: Zero Dawn]]''
*[[Japanese Bug Fights]] - IRL Pokémon.
*[[Japanese Bug Fights]] - IRL Pokémon.
*[[Jessica Nigri]]
*[[Jessica Nigri]]
*[[JustinRPG]]
*[[JustinRPG]]
*[[KingEmpoleon]] - Pokéfag that [[Pwn|KO'd]] his mother in 2011.
*[[Lopunny]] - The furfag's Pokémon of choice.
*[[Lucario]] - Same as above.
*[[Mewchan]]
*[[Mewchan]]
*[[Mudkipchan]]
*[[Mudkipchan]]
*[[Nuzlocke]]
*[[Nuzlocke]]
*[[Pamperchu]]
*[[Pogs]] - Similar [[Retard|fandom]].
*[[Pogs]] - Similar [[Retard|fandom]].
*[[Pokémon Go|''Pokémon GO'']]
*[[Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Series|''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon'' series]]
*[[Advice_Dog/Variations#Pok.C3.A9dads.2C_Pok.C3.A9parents_or_Pok.C3.A9siblings|PokéParents]]
*[[Advice_Dog/Variations#Pok.C3.A9dads.2C_Pok.C3.A9parents_or_Pok.C3.A9siblings|PokéParents]]
*[[Poképuns]]
*[[Poképuns]]
*[[PokeShipping]]
*[[PokeShipping]]
*[[Rubén Puig Lecegui]]
*[[Rubén Puig Lecegui]] - A fine example of how '''to''' act in the fandom.
*[[Shipping]]
*[[Shipping]]
*[[Slash Firestorm]] - Rule 34s Pokémon and human beings.
*[[Slash Firestorm]] - Rule 34s Gardevoir and human beings.
*[[Smogon University]] - The [[tourneyfag|tourneyfags]] of Pokémon.
*[[Smogon University]] - The [[tourneyfag|tourneyfags]] of Pokémon.
*[[vp/|/vp/]]
*[[vp/|/vp/]]
*[[Weaboo]]
*[[Weaboo]]
*[[What is Brock?]] - The question that has plagued mankind for centuries.
*[[What is Brock?]] - The question that has plagued mankind for centuries.
*[[Zoroark]] - More furry trash.


==External Links==
==External links==
*[http://pokemon.com Official Website]
*[http://pokemon.com Official Website]
* {{UkrED|Покемон|UkrDramatica's article on this}}
* {{UkrED|Покемон|UkrDramatica's article on this}}
Line 274: Line 392:


===[[4chan]]===
===[[4chan]]===
 
*[http://boards.4chan.org/vp/ /vp/] - [[moot]]'s board for Pokémon.
*[http://boards.4chan.org/vp/ /vp/] - [[moot]]'s new pokeboard


{{Anime}}
{{Anime}}
{{Gaming}}
{{Gaming}}
{{pokedex}}
{{Nintendo}}
{{Cyberpets}}
{{Cyberpets}}
{{pokedex}}
 


[[Category:Anime]]
[[Category:Anime]]
[[Category:Gaming]]
[[Category:Gaming]]
{{Timeline|Featured Article November 8 & 9, [[2018]]|[[Horizon: Zero Dawn]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Poppy Fascism]]}}

Revision as of 19:20, 14 January 2019

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT Sun and Moon's metagame died weeks after its release!!!1
Remember kids, this once cost money to play.
Leaked Game Freak concept art
More leaked concept art

Pokémon is a horrific franchise about controlling a collection of horribly mutated creatures from the underworld. It was created at least 100 years ago in the magical land of Japan, by Satoshi Tajiri and his buttbuddies at Game Freak. The cancerous train wreck began its way across Japan in 1996, hitting the rest of the world shortly afterward. It is enjoyed by children, manchildren, housewives, Yakuza members and diseased cripples worldwide.

The basics

You also gotta choose between two sexes!

Since its genesis, Pokémon has always released not one but two versions at a time. This is solely for Game Freak to suck out more cash from what should have been just one game. Both versions contain only pointless differences that make little to no real impact on gameplay, but thanks to Game Freak's marketing propaganda they've managed to bullshit consumers into believing the difference between both versions is akin to night and day. In any instance, your basic goal is to catch Pokémon, collect eight Gym Badges, defeat an evil team, defeat the Elite Four and Champion of the region. Most games will also contain some pointless gimmick such as diving underwater, Pokémon Contests, massive cockfighting complexes and of course more goddamn Pokémon to catch.

Each Pokémon has a special type such as Fire, Water, Grass, Electric, Dark and Psychic. Each type has a disadvantage or advantage over another, although every dumbass kid just uses Dragon-types, which ruins the entire sense of balance. Pokémon has also amassed controversy from several activist groups including Jews, feminists, blacks and Christians.

As for actual game strategy, it's pretty simple:

  1. Grind your Pokémon to a really high level
  2. Initiate battle
  3. Mash the A button

And that's it. No really, I'm not joshin' you, that's all you have to do. After a certain point, type advantages don't even matter because you can just one-hit everything.

The games

Each series of games is collectively divided into "Generations," a term that is never used by Game Freak themselves but by virtually every fan of the series. To date, our planet has been cursed with seven Generations of Pokémon. Pokéfags refer to this as the "core" series. If you relish in repetitive bullshit, then Pokémon is the series for you.

Generation I

Red, Green, Blue and Yellow

A special encounter from Pokémon Red

The original games are festering pieces of shit only worshiped by manchildren who played them when they were young. Glitch-ridden, generic, and downright ugly, Pokémon Red and Green were first released in Japan for the ailing Game Boy. There are 150 Pokémon to catch, being divided up between both versions for sake of variety money making. Luckily, not everyone was convinced.

People criticized the awful graphics and lack of bug control to the point where Game Freak had to make an improved version: Pokémon Blue, which sold well despite being only marginally better than the previous two.

The games are simple: choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander or Squirtle to begin you craptastic adventure catching all 150 Pokémon and beating Gym Leaders for shiny little Badges that allow you to brainwash your Pokémon into obeying you. You are also met with your rival, totally not called Gary Oak. Along the way you run into Team Rocket, a shoddy Yakuza ripoff that partakes in doing petty crimes like abusing and raping Pokémon for profit. After catching more Pokémon and defeating all the Gyms you then get to plunder the Elite Four and the Champion. Spoiler, it's your Bieber-haired rival.

The games feature almost no post-game of which to speak, really. The only thing to do after defeating the Champion is to catch Mewtwo, which is no challenge at all if you did not waste your one allotted Master Ball.

After the Pokémon anime cartoon was released to much fervor, yet another fucking version was made: Pokémon Yellow. This was simply a poorly modified version of Red and Blue that gave you Pikachu as a starter Pokémon instead of the original trio. And no, you can't evolve it into a Raichu.

Another piece of shit game that the kiddies bought up in spades. It was now apparent that Pokémon was here to stay. In all these games there's a secret 151st Pokémon called Mew. You can't catch the fucker through normal means, rendering it to be the ultimate snipe hunt for losers worldwide.

There is also Missingno, which is just a stupid data placeholder that shows up via a glitch that autistic people worship because it looks stupid and acts retarded. The fact you can run into this thing during normal gameplay is proof that these games are among the worst in regards to programming.

Generation II

Gold, Silver and Crystal

Fun fact: Johto's Day Care, where Pokémon breed, is located on Route 34. Oh Japan~!
So colorful and amazing!

Quite literally exact copies of the original games, only it takes place a couple years after the events of Red, Blue and Yellow and the trio of games is listed under Generation II. Thank God this game's programming isn't nearly as shitty as the originals, but, like the original games, you're a 10-year-old boy located in another region called Johto, with pretty much the same plot as the previous generation.

Generation II features rearranged cities, the infamous Misty skinny-dipping cut scene and a bunch of new Pokémon such as Pikablu, Togepi, Hoothoot and moar PokéGods like Ho-Oh and Suicune, racking the Pokémon count up to 251. These games also introduced the gimmicks of Pokémon breeding and sexes, which makes all of the Pokémon-on-Pokémon Rule 34 ever conceived technically canon, a day and night cycle (a feature which wouldn't be seen again until Generation IV) and a "badarse" rival who hates Team Rocket because his dad was defeated by a 10-year-old boy.

Crystal introduced the concept of a female character, animated sprites, Suicune taking a liking to the player and has a bigger role in the game so follows him/her around and introduces a new character called Eusine who wants Suicune to suck his dick and eventually tells the player to also catch Raikou and Entei so you can catch Ho-Oh for some reason. Basically trivial shit that makes it no better than the two games before it.

Generation III

Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald

We gotta save dah world!

Pokémon has now entered Generation III of brainwashing children. Ruby and Sapphire have the same rotten plot as previous games, where you buttfuck Gym Leaders across the Hoenn region for their Badges to take on the Elite Four. Because the games are in a new location, it also naturally features new villains, Team Aqua and Team Magma, two utter jokes of teams who really believe in destroying the planet to make it better. Team Aqua wishes to drown the world with the aid of a Legendary Pokémon called Kyogre, while Team Magma wishes to turn the world into a desert with the help of Groudon, Kyogre's transsexual butt-buddy.

Once again, both versions relish in useless differences that only OCD patients would give two shits about, such as version-exclusive Pokémon and which team of fuckbags you meet.

The games introduced another shitty set of gimmicks. You could use a new move, Dive, to go under the sea and somehow not drown, unfortunately. Pokémon Contests were also introduced which serve as dick-waving shows for your Pokémon. Sadly, these games were not compatible with previous series installments, which meant that you couldn't transfer your steroidal Mewtwo over from Red or Blue just to get the game over with quicker. Fans forgot to be butthurt upon discovering the joy that is Gardevoir, and to a lesser extent, Kirlia.

FireRed and LeafGreen

Basically Pokémon Red and Blue Green for babies. These games are the same thing as the 90s originals, but with Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald's improved graphics and music, some new islands full of Muslims and traded Pokémon which aren't in the original 151 can't evolve until you defeat the Elite Four. You can catch Mew, but now with an event-exclusive item that was only distributed at special Nintendo events. Good job, Game Freak.

Generation IV

Diamond, Pearl and Platinum

This guy will kill us all! We gotta save dah world again!

The gameplay of Diamond, Pearl and Platinum is the exact fucking same as every other game in the series. The only main departure is the bad guys. Whereas Red and Blue featured an inept crime syndicate, Generation IV has Team Galactic, a fucking doomsday cult led by a friendless faggot.

More new Pokémon, more gimmicks (digging underground for Fossils), more 10-year-old children to play as and more money for Game Freak. Game Freak has now disproved Walt Disney on the quote "You can't top pigs with pigs." Game Freak has topped pigs with pigs, rats, metal plates, penguins, monkeys and everything else imaginable. The games also introduced a type of pseudo-3D overview that simply shows that Game Freak's staff composes of lazy shits who will put in as little effort as possible in a series that's seemingly guaranteed to make lots of money.

Also, Cynthia and Dawn were introduced in these games to the delight of perverts and hardcore Pokéfags everywhere.

HeartGold and SoulSilver

Last Thursday, after many rumors were circulated on the tubes, Nintendo confirmed that there would indeed be remakes of the hit games Gold and Silver for the DS. The games have features such as letting any of your Pokémon follow you around, a wide variety of Generation II Pokémon and pseudo-3D graphics.

Basically, the new games are just a giant clusterfuck of fail produced from merging half of the old games together and adding useless features such as the Pokéathlon, Pokéwalker and the Spiky-eared Pichu. However, as soon as this piece of news was released on the Internet, nostalgiafags everywhere creamed their pants. The only thing of relevance to come out of these games is the scene where the rival rapes you in Goldenrod City and leaves what's left of your semen-filled anus for Team Rocket. Deee-licious monies for Game Freak ensued.

Generation V

Black and White

It is based on the U.S. after all.

The fifth slew of Pokémon games were released in 2011, the year shit broke loose. It is the first one with real 3-D graphics DISREGARD THAT, IT'S JUST THE SAME PSEUDO-3D SHIT AGAIN and the Pokémon professor, Professor Juniper is an older woman who will attempt to rape you once you complete the whole fucking Pokédex, which means that you have to catch all 649 Pokémon in order for her to accomplish this. SIX HUNDRED AND FUCKING FORTY NINE.

Instead of playing as a 10-year-old brat, you now play as a 16-year-old brat. Instead of playing in a region based on Japan, you play in a region based on New York. Unova is complete trash anyway, so go fuck this game. Instead of catching Mewtwo, you catch Zekrom or Reshiram. Instead of fighting doomsday freaks, you fight Team Plasma.

Team Plasma, much like PETA, are just a bunch of retards because they apparently think the best way to free Pokémon is to enslave more of them and kill anyone who disagrees. Fucking genius. And instead of playing for fun DISREGARD THAT, POKÉMON IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE ABOUT GRINDING AND EV TRAINING SO THAT YOUR CHARIZARD MAY BE 1337, you're playing this shit out of religious vows to Game Freak's staff.

This game is also programmed by enemies of the lulz, and possibly Jews. You can't name any of your Pokémon 9/11 or Hitler unless you use the AR code, or anything lulz-y for that matter such as being unable to name your Pokémon "Death" in Japanese (Shinu). Want more? Hack the game's ROM and look up its shittily written text data and see for yourself. Oh, and you can't swear or use any sexual references. Further proof that this game is fucked up as hell.

The shitfaces at Game Freak and Nintendo have fucked it up enough to the point where you can't even trade Pokémon like Froslass and Cofagrigus because they're fucking manchildren in the society who dub the No Cussing Club legit. Oh Game Freak and Nintendo, you unfunny band of pussies.

Black 2 and White 2

The most pointless sequel ever. Black 2 and White 2 were just placeholders so that Game Freak could work on their next abomination, Pokémon X and Y. This is almost the same shit, no srsly, even the two Legendary Pokémon in the game are recolors, the music has shitty, unnecessary remixes and you might as well kill yourself for having purchased this.

Generation VI

X and Y

Pokémon in 3D... yep.

The same boring routine of beat up eight Gym Leaders and take on the Elite Four, except this time there is little to do in the post-game besides capture Mewtwo, which Game Freak only put in the game to please Red and Blue fags.

The games are far easier compared to previous Pokémon games, with the new and improved Exp. Share and Mega Stones that you're given very early in the game making it so easy and casual that even a brain dead 3-year-old kid could beat this crappy game blindfolded.

Everything is also rendered in 3D; not good 3D, not brick-shittingly amazing 3D, just plain old laggy 3D you'd find when playing an N64 game. Now you have only seventy new Pokémon and some shit called Mega Evolution which enables certain Pokémon to go Super Saiyan. The world of X and Y is based off the exciting country of France, proving even Game Freak has given up at this point.

As a first, you can now finally customise your character by changing their skin colour and clothes, but not body type, resulting in many whales blowing up a storm on the internet. However, you can't take off your hat for some reason because Game Freak hates you and only wants your money so they can fund the next half arsed Pokémon game.

Because of Nintendo's shitty region lock on the 3DS, and all the potential money that Nintendo of not-Japan lost by weeaboos and other Japanfags buying the Japanese version instead of their own region's version, this generation of Pokémon was the first to be released worldwide and in multiple languages at the same time. Now you can enjoy playing the same fucking game for the 26th time in one of either six of the world's worst languages, like Korean and English for example.

Lastly, the No Cussing Club inspired censor from the previous games came back in X and Y, and will probably be that way for the rest of the series. Nyo ho!!!

Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire

This latest remake has the same ugly graphics as the previous 3D games. This game introduces Primal Groudon and Primal Kyogre, who both, along with Mega Rayquaza, make Arceus and Mewtwo look like complete trash. Despite being the worst games in theory, they are on track to becoming some of the best-selling Pokémon games of all time.

Nope, no Battle Frontier because it r b too hard 4 kiddies. Suck it, losers.

Generation VII

Sun and Moon

Seriously, it's the same fucking game all over again.
Fuck off!
The big bad of this new generation happens to be a Slav.

The first generation to come translated in both Simplified and Mandarin Chinese. Sun and Moon are Game Freak's latest games, exclusively on the New 3DS and are based on Hawaii.

In these games, taking a page from X and Y, you can now change into more clothes and now have the option to take off your hat. Taking another page from the past generation is that now you have the chance to finally play as a nigger going around and raping Alolan prostitutes in the game's largest city...or you can dress as a skimpy Caucasian tramp if you chose to play as a female (which you will undoubtfully do).

Sun and Moon also introduces Alolan variants of the first generation Pokémon, Samson Oak and Red and Green coming out as a gay couple, because Game Freak is now following the trend of banking on nostalgia to maximize profits from Millenials working at their local Walmart or McDonald's instead of creating more new monsters to catch for the younger generation. It worked with X and Y, so why not play it safe like every single entertainment company nowadays?

Despite being toted as "something new," Sun and Moon retains the same formula as its predecessors. Instead of badges, you get Z-Crystals and instead of beating the champion, you become the champion and still have to fight specialized Trainers. Gee, how original.

These games are also plagued by long, boring, unskippable cutscenes and general shortness. Many tout the games as significantly harder, but this is false, as anyone with a double-digit IQ can train a Primarina and a Lurantis and beat the game with those bitches alone. The only positive aspect to this horrendous game is that HMs are now replaced by Poké Rides, meaning that you no longer need HM slaves to fill up your six slots.

The storyline's also subpar and it's rife with clichés and reeks of "Ohana" or whatever these coconut niggers say. Also, Lusamine, the main antagonist, turns into an abomination that you later beat since the story is not worth building up for. Too bad you can't kill her though, since it will make this game much more enjoyable.

And to top it all off, in Pokémon Sun and Moon you get to encounter Ultra Beasts, which are basically ripoffs of the Angels from Neon Genesis Evangelion. In fact, these motherfuckers break the damn game since they're all overpowered as all hell. Sooner or later though they will be someone's furry waifu; as seen in Nihilego, a loli jellyfish, Buzzwole, a mosquito on steroids, Pheromosa, a cockroach that can sexually attract any Pokémon and human, Xurkitree, a tree made out of wires who apparently has too many seizures, or even Celesteela, a shuttle who appears to have big racks, Kartana, a katana made out of origami begging everyone to be weeaboos, or possibly Guzzlord too, a crab who has a giant fucking mouth meaning it loves vore, and finally for our mythical Pokémon, Marshadow, a midget who appears to suck up souls when people stare at it.

You also now have to pay real world money just to transfer Pokémon from past games, with an annual fee, no less. Fantards defend this blatant scam by saying, "at least it's so cheap!" Five dollars annually to host KBs of data on their server. Totally worth it.

Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon

Pokémon Ultra Cash and Pokémon Ultra Grab are nothing more than an alternate reality of Sun and Moon for the the now flat-lined 3DS. Not the New 3DS, but the same old 3DS released back in 2011. By a whole extension with the Ultra Beasts, which sooner or later will become someone's furry waifu; as literally seen in Naganadel, a pregnant dragon, Stakataka, an angry fortress who is angry enough to become The Donald's wall, Blacephalon, a clown who apparently loves balls, and finally Zeraora, who is having a threesome with Lucario and Zoroark as you're reading this.

Since Sun/Moon had so little content, Game Freak decided to dump tons more into this game to scam more off the idiot fanbase who fail to see this as an blatant quick cash grab to waste more money on.

Also had some weird, shitty after game time travel sideplot with Team Rocket boss and all the other pokemon villains now calling themselves "Rainbow Rocket". Blah blah blah wanting to try again to rule the world and use time travel to make it so or some shit like that.

Generation VIII

Let's Go, Pikachu! and Let's Go, Eevee!

File:RidingonaFUCKINGonix.png
At least you can ride on Pokémon now.

Pokémon: Let's Go, Pikachu! and Pokémon: Let's Go, Eevee! is another shitty rehash of Generation I, but this time in 3D and for the Nintendo Switch. It's specifically designed for normies who play Pokémon GO, overly-nostalgic Millennial faggots, and 9-year-old aspie children who want to play Pokémon for the first time.

Due to this reason, it only includes the first 151 Pokémons, a bunch of features were removed so even the lowest functioning autist can play it, and trading can only be done between Pokémon GO.

Catching Pokémon is done via motion controls (aka. shaking the console or the Joy-Con), which will more than likely cause a lot of broken Switches and television sets. It also comes with a worthless plastic Poké Ball, which is good for breaking your TV after accidentally throwing it at the screen to catch another Rattata.

The game also adds two new Pokémon. Meltan, who is a spot of sentient jizz with a gear for its head, and its evolution Melmetal, who basically looks like a mentally retarded Transformer, with the exact same fucking gear as its head.

Also, knowing how much greedy fucks at Nintendo are, they making people pay $50 for dlc to just unlock and get Mew. GG Nintendo.

Spinoffs

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon

Moar info: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Series.

The Pokémon Mystery Dungeon series is a Pokémon spinoff series of games, the original pair having been released in Japan in 2005.

These games have been praised by otherkin and furfags, because they allow the player to become a human-turned-Pokémon. In the games you have a partner who forces you to join a rescue team, or something similar, and explore dungeons to rescue Pokémon. You go around, beat up other Pokémon up and steal their money to buy mushrooms in the colorful world while interacting with others in the Pokémon-only world.

Pokémon GO

Moar info: Pokémon GO.

Your mom will be really proud of you.

Pokémon GO is a mobile "game" and cultural phenomenom for iOS and Android (Windows Phone users get fucked) that came out last Thursday, 2016. The "game" is a copy-carbon of Ingress, so the company spent 11 years coding some Pokéman figures.

In Pokémon GO you walk around meat space with your phone in front of your face using the GPS and the camera to look for Pokémons in an augmented reality setting (or a boring field if you don't want to look like a spazzing autist waving your phone around in public, which is what 90% of "players" do). It uses a Google Maps-type interface to lead you to different Pokémon, "PokéStops," and "Gyms" based on landmarks, parks, statues etc. Already, this autism-tier "game" has surpassed the Tinder app and is soon to surpass the Twitter app in daily users, so thank Arceus for that.

Encouraged by the hope of catching a Dratini, former shut-ins are walking into the sunlight for the first time in years and attempting to hold actual conversations with others. This has sparked an unfolding lollercaust on multiple levels all in the name of enslaving imaginary beasts then making them battle.

Pokémon types

Pokémon each have their own types and abilities. This sections lists all the single types. Pokémans can have two types; if you want serious information in finding out what's weak to what then look here, work it out for yourself and fuck off.

  • Normal: The basic non-elemental type for all Pokémon too generic and/or boring for Game Freak to bother with placing into a better category. Normal-types hold no advantage over any other types and can get knuckled over by Fighting attacks and can't damage Ghost-types unless you negate its Ghost typing or use literally any other type attack. Most Normal-types don't sit well with being just a Normal-type so are able to wield other typed attacks such as Electric, Water, or Fire in an attempt to make up for their lack of any real use.
  • Fire: If you have a favorite Pokémon, chances are it is a Fire-type. Despite the fact a Fire-type can get knuckled over by Water, Rock and Ground Pokémon, they are loved by all and feared by many. Fire-types generally dish out ridiculous amounts of Special Attack damage and generally have high HP and Speed, thus are even able to be competitive against their weaknesses in case you didn't see that coming.
  • Water: The type with the highest number of Pokémon in the games, with at least 15 being introduced each Generation. Water-types are based off of marine creatures and sealife. Water-types are for JRPG fans who enjoyed sitting around fishing for pixels all day rather than going out and exploring the actual game. You only really use one so it can be a HM Slave for your Water-typed HM moves or for clearing caves full of Geodudes. Water-types are effective against Rock, Ground and Fire-types. Pretty much any Water-type that can learn TMs can try to be a failed Ice-type by learning at least one Ice TM move, the usual one being Ice Beam.
  • Ice: Ice-types normally come dual-typed, with the other type normally being Water. They became increasingly unoriginal with each inbred Generation, until all Nintendo could come up with were several scoops of ice cream and a snowflake with eyes and facial hair. You only catch and train an Ice-type in order to defeat the mandatory Dragon Trainer of that game, only to find that their Pokémon know Fighting and/or Fire type moves that can easily knuckle it over.
  • Electric: The only real reason you'd want an Electric-type is because most Electric attacks can cause paralysis one way or another. The type itself is effective against both Water and Flying-types so could easily dispatch of those fucking Zubats and Tentacools that seem to appear in the thousands. An Electric-type's only weakness is the Ground-type, which can be temporarily nullified with Magnet Rise. Electric Pokémans weren't based on irl creatures that could actually shoot electricity at shit until the invention of Eelektross. Some argue that Lanturn was based on an irl creature but Anglerfish don't shoot electricity, they emit light from their antenna.
    • As of Generation VI, Electric-type Pokémon can no longer be paralyzed, which, when coupled with their already high Speed, make them somewhat useful.
  • Rock: Rock-types have shitloads of HP and high Defense, but next to no Special Defense and are normally slow as hell. These are what you spend most of your early gameplay struggling against if you pick the Fire starter, and almost never use in any game playthrough unless you actively decide to use one to shake things up a bit.
  • Ground: Often accompanied with Rock-typing, Ground is a shitty mix of Rock and Normal, which means it performs poorly at being either of them. It is the only thing Electric-types are weak to, but anything that shoots out a lightning bolt from its bell-end is piss-weak anyway.
  • Fighting: Fighting-types have muscles where their brains should be and sport a nigger cock. They have lots of physical strength, but are easily mindfucked by Psychics and Fairies and birds for some reason. They can beat up on Normal, Dark, Rock, Steel and Ice Pokémon.
  • Psychic: Known as the Esper-type in the Japanese version, Psychic-types have powerful Special Attack and Special Defense, but low physical Defense and Health; basically every "mage" character in any RPG in existence. Psychic-types are shit-scared of Ghosts, Dark-types and Bugs for some reason. Went from easily the best type in Generation I to one of the worst types in the most recent core games.
  • Ghost: Ghosts are completely immune to Normal and Fighting attacks, weak to other Ghosts and largely resistant to Ground-based moves in the later games thanks to the introduction of the Levitate Ability. Your only chance in hell to beat one of these is to train up a Dark-type, a Normal-type wielding anything but Normal attacks, or something else. Ghosts have the ability to naturally learn and use a move called "Curse" which makes the user die alone. Ghosts also wield and other lulzy moves like Destiny Bond and Perish Song.
    • Side note: Nintendo trolled followers of the original Pokémon anime series, claiming that Ghosts were strong against Psychics. Fanboys would find out only after they trained their Haunter for three days that it was generally useless against Sabrina, because in Generation I Psychic Pokémon were actually immune to Ghost-types when they shouldn't have been, so that shitty move Lick did nothing. If that wasn't bad enough, Haunter was also in fact weak against Psychic Pokémon due to its dual Poison-typing. O Nintendo, u so funneh.
  • Poison: Either has fucking high Defense and HP, as well as having somewhat overpowered Poison attacks, or pathetically weak with lame Poison attacks, or were strong but had no Poison attacks at all. Until Generation VI, Poison moves were arguably the worst damage-dealing attacks, and generally avoided unless getting a STAB, but their strength against Fairies changed that somewhat. Get poisoned by one and you have to put up with the irritating long lasting poison effects which made these things a bitch to fight. Poison-types are often employed by the pathetic grunts of Team Rocket, and after a battle ended, the infected Pokémon would cause your screen to have a fucking seizure every four steps you took. Until Generation V.
  • Steel: Designed to appeal to HARDCORE Pokémon fans and metalfags. Basically just the same as Rock, but with even MOAR Defense and HP, and in an almost cruel twist of irony it now gets shat on by Fire, and Grass Pokémon now suck its ten-foot cock. The only reason you'd ever want one is because they're completely immune to Poison and the fact that they resist pretty much everything until Generation VI, when their resistances to Dark and Ghost attacks were removed.
  • Dark: Dark (or in Japseye land, Evil) was invented because Ghost just wasn't enough for the legions of faggot fanfiction writers that make up most of the Pokémon fanbase. All of the creatures in the Dark-typing are either deep and mysterious, appear at night or are natural cunts. They are one of the few types to be able to use a Psychic and Ghost-type as toilet paper with no real problems, but all Dark types have a crippling phobia of Bugs, and Fairies and Fighting types can wear them like gloves through their arseholes.
  • Bug: Anything based off of bugs IRL which is kind of fitting since the entire franchise was based on bug catching. As you'd expect of bugs, rocks can crush them, Flying types eat them for lunch, and Fire types cook them for the Flying types. To make up for that, they usually have an oddly good Special Attack, and many seem to be failed Psychic-typesas they usually wield Psychic-type attacks.
  • Flying: Various winged creatures that can fly. That is, unless they're insects, mostly anything modeled after bats and Gyarados. They are usually weak but fast and sport rather nice physical strength, but are only really useful when fully evolved. Rock-types can crush them to pieces, Ice-types can serve them frozen and Electric-types can serve them fried. Only one Pokémon is a pure Flying-type without hax, and it's a fucking genie.
  • Dragon: Probably the only type in the game worth a damn, at least until the introduction of the Fairy-type. Overpowered, huge amount of HP, fast, could take a lot of rape and most of them could learn at least one move of every other type in existence. They're mainly used by whiny-ass little bastards who think the world of Pokémon is real. Nearly impossible to kill and even MOAR impossible to level-up, Dragon's only weaknesses are Ice-types, Dragons and Fairies.
  • Fairy: The manliest type which was introduced with the released of X and Y with Sylveon as the figurehead for the type which has since become a waifu Pokémon for furries. A bunch of previous Pokémon have since been reclassed as Fairies, including Clefairy, Pikablu and Mr. Mime for some godawful reason. It was introduced in VI because the fucktards at Game Freak realized Dragons were overpowered and Spiritomb needed a weakness to stop people cheating in a Wondertomb.

Status conditions

During the awesome Pokéman battles which start, either when you step on a Pachirisu, a fat faggot with nothing better to do challenges you to a fight for no real reason at all, or your imaginary friend from irl challenges you and you hook up your Game Boys together so you can start fightin' your Pokémans, Status conditions are one of the things Pokéman can do to each other to piss each other off. They are as follows:

  • Paralysis: A condition inflicted most commonly by Electric attacks, Body Slam, Stun Spore and Glare. Annoyingly the most common status condition you can ever fucking get. Paralysis slows the sufferer down to 25% and gives them a chance of being unable to attack on any given turn, and your Pokéman will never attack, whereas the enemy will without a problem. You can recover from paralysis with status condition healing items. Combine with Attract and Confuse Ray for EXTREME TROLLING. Any Pokéman with the Limber Ability is immune to paralysis, just Saiyan.
  • Poison: A less common but equally stupid condition wherein the poisoned Pokémon gradually loses HP even when you are out of battle, shown when your game has a fucking seizure every four steps. Can be cured with an Antidote. Pokémans with the Immunity Ability, Poison-types and Steel-types are immune to it. In the first three Generations, your Pokémon could faint from being poisoned outside of battle. In Generation IV, they magically recover from poison while on the verge of death at 1HP and in Generation V they stay poisoned but don't cause the screen to seizure or lose health by walking four steps, essentially making it no different to being burned, minus shitting on the Attack stat. As of Generation VI, poisoning no longer harms Pokémon after a battle.
  • Badly poisoned: Copy/paste of being poisoned, but does more damage as more turns are taken in battle. Totally fair.
  • Sleep: Sleep stops your Pokémon from doing anything at all, unless you use Snore or Sleep Talk. It can either last a long time or not very long at all, essentially mind-fucking you into choosing whether to use an Awakening or not. If you're really unlucky, it could last five full turns. Any Pokémon with Dream Eater, usually the one that put you to sleep in the first place, can rape your health while healing themselves at the same time. Any Pokéman with Insomnia or Vital Spirit is immune to sleep, even if it tries to cause it on itself by using a move such as Rest.
  • Burn: Burns are most often inflicted by 90% of Fire attacks. When affected by a burn, the Attack stat is shat all over similar to how paralysis shits on Speed, and you lose HP every turn. It doesn't make your game screen have a seizure every four steps outside of battle though, and can be cured with a Burn Heal. Pokémon that are Fire-types, or have the Water Veil Ability, cannot be inflicted with the burn status.
  • Freeze: Caused by at least 50% of Ice attacks and works pretty much the same way as sleep, by making your Pokémon useless in that it can't fight back. It rarely lasts more than one turn though and has no attacks that instantly causes it. The Pokéman in question can be defrosted in one of five ways; It can defrost randomly on its own, can be cured with an Ice Heal, can be defrosted when Fire attacks are used against it, is immune to being frozen with the Magma Armor Ability and it can defrost itself using Flame Wheel, Sacred Fire, Flare Blitz, Fusion Flare, or Scald. A pure fail.
  • Curse: A lulzy condition inflicted by Ghost-types. The user becomes emo and sticks needles in itself using some odd voodoo shit, taking half its health to lay a curse on your Pokémon. Every turn, just less than 1/4 of your Pokémon's health will be taken until it dies of severe depression. Massive trolling and butthurt ensues from its use. Use it often and use it against real people to piss them off.

The anime

Professor Oak learned Ash's secret.
What? You thought they couldn't out-gay the maid?
The NEW and PROGRESSIVE Ass Ketchup
Screenshot from the 9th season

The Pokémon cartoon (compulsively referred to as the anniemay by fanfaggots) tells the story of hermaphrodite Ash Ketchum, whose hollow life is devoted entirely to being a Pokémon fanboy. Therefore, he teams up with his best buddy and partner, the electrified rat Pikachu, and sets out to catch 'em all.

Ash is soon accompanied by Misty O'IttyBittyTitties, former underage fetish model. He is also joined by Brock Statue Tory, all around horn dog and charter member of the Nurse Joy appreciation club. A running joke involves Brock cumming in his pants whenever he sees anything with breasts, which happens with amazing frequency considering his eyes are permanently closed. However, the reason behind Brock's weird-ass behavior is his homosexuality. This is the only explanation why he has never had a girlfriend, and why he loves to cook. As the rest of the gang are major gay-bashers, he hides this with his girl "obsession."

Ash is chased around the world by Team Rocket members Jessie, James, and their annoying retarded cat Meowth. They supply 95% of this show's lulz in the form of endless attempts to steal Pikachu so that their boss would appreciate them again, not that he did anyway. They are also the subject of many shipping wars among Pokéfans who are just too dumb to realize James is gay.

Misty later leaves the show after getting knocked up and is promptly replaced by May, a jailbait whore with breasts that more than make up for Misty's lack thereof. May brings along her brother Max, an incestuous little fuckface, who seems to know more about Pokémon than Ash. In order to boost ratings, Dawn is then introduced to the show, and considering that she's a 10-year-old, is an even bigger whore than the other girls mainly due to her extremely short skirt. Having the smallest chest, Dawn is clearly fanservice for many of the show's viewers.

The series has continued for far more years as well as seasons than it ever should have, showcasing Ash and some traveling partners going throughout the region of the games currently being promoted. We have seen Ash paired up with Iris and Cilan as they explored the Amerifat Unova region. Then the show on Kalos, where Ash was now accompanied by Clemont, his fuckface little sister Bonnie, and an even larger than Dawn whore Serena. Now, he's accompanied by Sophocles, Kiawe, Lille, even worse than Serena jailbait whore Mallow, and Lana, a legit harem of girls in the Alola Region. Sadly, Ash will never, ever see himself win an official championship as long as the show keeps going. Nor will he get any pussy, while Team Rocket will continue to be failures who stalk a kid for a rat for thousands of more episodes to come.

The cartoon is solely enjoyed by people who play the games. Compulsive, autistic, fat, basement-dwelling freaks whom don't receive any love from their mommies and daddies. Watching the Pokémon cartoon is considered by many to be even lower than enjoying a Nickelodeon shitcom. That is fucking low.

4Kids and drama in the U.S.

Pokémon do not like you, it's a fact.

The Pokémon anime was originally dubbed for U.S. distribution by 4Kids. Some episodes were banhammered by 4Kids for reasons varying from James showing off his new boobs, to Porygon-induced subliminal messages that would cause seizures and the buying of more Pokémon merchandise. This topic can cause fanboys to rant for hours on the Internet.

Eventually, The Pokémon Company International stepped in and took the anime away from 4Kids to save costs on production and money. All the "fans" who had previously bitched about how 4Kids was sodomizing the series now acted like it was the apocalypse that the voice actors had been replaced. They set up at least 100 online petitions to reinstate the old voices. Pokémon is clearly serious business. To make the lulz even better, two of the current voice actors, James Carter Cathcart (who does James and Meowth) and Bill Rogers (who does Brock) posted about the voice actor changeover on the Serebii and Bulbagarden Forums, whining like 13-year-old boys and spamming the forums out of angst that their Brock, Bonsly, Meowth, and James performances as well as the TPCi dub's writing were being criticized, with Cathcart even saying he was better than the previous two voices of James (Ted Lewis & Eric Stuart) under self-perceived anonymity, and Bill Rogers deeming him a reliable source.

In 2018, the Japanese writers and animators of the series continued to choke once more on a filler episode with Ash and Passimian, the 64th episode of the Sun & Moon series, where Lillie painted Ash like a nigger monkey because it was fucking 2018. Yet, TPCi still being completely pussies over political correctness, managed to fuck up, even with no niggers truly offended- TPCi did the pointless, unfunny thing of giving it a permanent banhammer to show that, once again like the internetz, POKÉMON IS SER1OUS BUSINESS!!!

Ways to watch the anime

There are two ways to watch the anime in English:

  • The shitty dub, now managed by TPCi.
  • Even shittier subtitled anime, managed by autistic subber groups.

The TPCi dub is just shit, because the voice actors, musicians, and the sole writer really only put in a minimal amount of effort for a product that automatically generates money for Nintendo and all other parties, meaning the quality is a mere shadow of even the 4Kids dub version of the show from back in the day... which, you can imagine, is pretty pathetic to say the least. But in all honesty, the dub is still infinitely better than shit that subber groups release, because at least the dub is more focused on making shit sound more natural to English speaking people. Y'know, NORMAL people who just want to be entertained by a good (lol) cartoon show.

Example of subber's autism: Everything is in English, except for the names. Because English names is what the dub uses, and is therefore clearly shit.

On the other hand, the shit released by subber groups is just fucking awful, and no level of "hard work" justifies the amount of autism sub fans have for it. Just poke around any thread about the CARTOON on /vp/, and you'll see just how terrible sub fans are, as well as how easily triggered they are. Want to see it in action? Then just try any of the following:

  • Ask for a version of the subs which replace all the Japanese names with English names... y'know, because you speak English, not Japanese.
  • If none are provided, take a subber's release and replace everything yourself, then post the results.
  • Ask why Japanese names are used at all for an English language sub.
  • Point out that it's impossible for Japanese to be exactly translated into English, and thus their attempts for "authenticity" with subs is pointless.
  • Sub-point: constantly bring up Japanese's lack of articles (like "a" and "the") and ask why any subber uses them if authenticity is the goal.
  • Ask why the subs aren't just pulled from the dub.
  • Defend the dub in any way.
  • For example: point out that "Satoshi" is not his real name, but that it's "Ash," as proven by "Ash's Greninja" in the Pokémon Sun/Moon demo.
  • Alternatively, point out that if they don't want to use anything that reminds them of the dub, then why are they using the same language as the dub?
  • Defend the more liberal subs over the more literal subs, then point out how people like the liberal subs better.
  • Redistribute someone's subs on your own website, and if they complain, point out that what they're doing is illegal anyways and say "whaddya gonna do, arrest me?"

Yeah, so, for some reason, subbers think that using Japanese names in the subs is the more superior choice... because apparently the English names for characters is a decision made by the show's dubbers (as opposed to a decision made from the top of Game Freak itself) and is therefore inauthentic to the nature of the original Japanese show. And subfags will defend this as much as possible, despite the fact that no one (apart from the subbers themselves, and that's debatable) actually speaks Japanese and thus needs English subtitles to be written up for them.

But hey, we here at Encyclopedia Dramatica are in it for the lulz, so expect a release of the "best" subs with all of the Japanese names replaced with their English ones soon.

The comic

The world of Pokémon is unforgiving.

As if the world didn't have enough Pokéshit, we now have fucking manga comics about it. The one most fantards give a shit about is Pokémon Adventures, known as Pokémon Special by weebs. This comic is the bastion wet dream of Deviantards, shippers, and 9-year-old children who enjoy bloody violence. Rife with violence, plundering, blood, Pokémon getting killed, people getting killed, evil Gym Leaders, evil Elite Four, Trainers being turned into stone, time travel, drama, hate, and of course nudity. Pokémon Special (or PokéSpe for short) is a fucking dream come true, even being endorsed by the original game's creator Satoshi Tajiri. The main protagonists are swapped around, which would give an air of refreshment with each new story arc - however this is a let down once you realize they are named after the games. We are left with shit like a boy named Gold and a girl named White.

In truth, it's just a shitty overblown Marvel-tier mess that only gets points above the cartoon because it doesn't star that cocksucker Ash Ketchum. Even then, the comic's version of Red (Ash's basis) is just as bad. It's all weak as shit compared to real hardcore series.

Videos

Your average fan

Niggers

Guidos

Retards

Christians

Momma's boys and Misty fappers

Previous Video | Next Video

Galleries

Official manga About missing Pics
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    Page one
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    Page two
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    Page three
  • Page four
    Page four
  • Page five
    Page five
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  • Page six
    Page six
  • Look familiar?
    Look familiar?
  • I think Pokémon is a cool guy, eh, steals penises and doesn't afraid of anything
    I think Pokémon is a cool guy, eh, steals penises and doesn't afraid of anything
  • Brock watches Jessie take a shit
    Brock watches Jessie take a shit


[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


See also

What REALLY happens at the Pokémon Day Care.
If only it were this awesome.

External links

4chan

Pokémon is part of a series on

Anime

Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.

Pokémon is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.


Pokémon
is part of a series on Pokémon

[Gotta catch ’em all!Who’s that Pokémon?]
A FUCKING POKEMON
A FUCKING POKEMON
Abra
Aggron
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Alakazam
Alakazam
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Bidoof
Bidoof
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It's a Kirby, retard
It's a Kirby, retard
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Twitch Plays Pokemon
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FUCK_YEAH_SEAKING
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Pokémon is part of a series on
[Or Get OutGet N]

See {{Pokedex}} and {{Sonic}} for moar faggotry.

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Featured Article November 8 & 9, 2018
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Horizon: Zero Dawn 		Pokémon Succeeded by
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